"It's happened," Cloud announced.
Sephiroth looked up from the bread he'd spend the morning baking. It had onions in it.
"What exactly has happened?" he asked Cloud, his voice cold like the chilled ice in a cave beneath Antarctica.
"I have made a breakthrough." Cloud's stormy eyes regaled him with emotions that shivered darkly over his skin. It was like a passing wave of thunder.
"What is this breakthrough?"
Cloud shook his head. He rose to walk out onto the vernada. There, he regarded a statue. His brow knit gravely. Sephiroth followed him, concern flickering through him. This could not portend fine things. In fact, he felt a rather ominous sense of danger, like a black cloud looming just over the horizon. He listened to his heart and heeded it.
Sephiroth stripped off his shirt and bared his abdomen. It rippled with muscles, beady like boards.
Cloud strode forward, placed a manly finger on his abs, traced the line of his muscles.
"What is this breakthrough?
"I cannot tell you."
Sephiroth withdrew his fingers. "Then I will not shower you with my love kisses."
Cloud declared, "Then I will find Zack and I will give him love kisses of my own- on his hard erection."
Sephiroth screamed, "HOW DARE YOU!" He slapped Cloud! Slapped him in the face!
Cloud hurtled back through the glass wall and shattered it. Blood seeped from gashes in his skin. White subcutaneous tissue bubbled out from the tears in his skin like insulation or foam bursting out of a couch. Internal hemorrhages made more blood fountain out in a glorious spray. It splattered over Sephiroth, the glass, the patio, and Sephiroth found himself screaming and screaming. He couldn't stop. He just couldn't stop. It was horrifying, like waking up in a new world where the sun did not exist and the only thing that lit the sky was the bleak darkness of an endless midnight.
Then he hit the ground.
When he hit the ground, more blood splattered out across the cement in a glorious foutnain of blood, subcutaneous tissue popping out like a cork from a champagne glass, but squisier and more white rather than champagne-colored.
"Oh God, I've killed Cloud!" Sephiroth knew he could never live with himself. His life was over. His hopes, his dreams, everything he longed for, over. over. Over.
But Cloud stood up and brushed himself off. "I'm fine. I'm okay."
"Oh, thank God!" Sephiroth threw himself into Cloud's arm, relieved to see he wasn't so banged up after all. "So what's this breakthrough?"
"I figured out how to make my bread taste less onion-y and more garlic-y."
"Cool."
They decided to get married and then they had two children named Sam and Leia.
THE END