A/N: Edited version.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Birthday

"Sakura, get your feet off me," Neji rolled to the other side of the bed, and glared out blindly through the dark. Sakura stubbornly stuck those ice-cubes of appendages back on his stomach.

Neji just barely contained his urge to squeal.

"But they're cold," Sakura whined. She dug her toes in-between his side and the mattress. "Come on Neji, act like a tough guy."

Neji underwent the painful process of freezing your ass off but being too proud to actually say anything. Sakura snuffled a little, having already fallen asleep.

Neji started cussing out fate until its ears bleed. Needless to say, he didn't sleep well.

"Whoa!" Naruto dug his elbow into Neji's ribs and winked atrociously, "Hey hey, Neji, wild night?" he laughed at his own joke. Neji couldn't find the energy to kill him. Naruto continued onwards, "Man, I had no idea Tenten had that much stamina—"

Ah, yes, Tenten. The best marksman in the village, respected kunoichi, talented ninja, and one of his best friends…who was also the woman known to be having sexual affairs with him, Neji Hyuuga.

…There was the small detail that everyone seemed to overlook. Namely, how they weren't doing anything.

Neji gave an un-elucidating cough. Naruto took it as embarrassment, and ploughed onwards. Neji started sing the 'la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you' song in his head.

A gentle breeze was blowing through the village, just as it always did. Strong, healthy leaves clung firmly to their trees, stoically refusing to let go. Neji found himself hypnotized by the varying shades of green.

"—must be a real monster!" Naruto finished with a loud laugh. Neji was not amused. He picked moodily at the bandages on his left arm—damn thing needed to hurry up and heal—

"Oh!" Naruto was pulling on his sleeve insistently, "Look, there's Tenten!"

Oh crap, there's Tenten, Neji realized. He started walking away as quickly as he could. Naruto glanced between the two and grinned slyly, "No need to be shy!" he was positively leering now, "I don't mind!"

Yes, but Tenten might mind considering she's involved with someone right now—don't you see the ring on her finger, you idiot?!

"Hey, Tenten!" Naruto waved her over cheerfully, his grip on Neji's arm like steel. Neji struggled briefly, and then gave up.

Dear Fate: I will be speaking to your direct superior. You won't continue getting away with this, you bastard! I hope you cleaned out your desk!

"So, Tenten," Naruto sent a sly little poke to the shoulder, "I heard you an' Neji are getting pretty serious," he eyed the ring on her finger. Neji wondered how anyone could believe he would buy a ring with 'My Darling' engraved on it.

Tenten looked at Naruto like he was pond scum, "What?!"

"Hello, Tenten," Neji said in a very small voice. Tenten spared him a brief glance, then turned her attention away to Naruto.

"Who told you that?" Tenten snarled, and then looked furiously at Neji, "Did you?!"

Neji shook his head rather violently, and then had a sudden flash of dread. What if Tenten slipped up and told—

Naruto was laughing hysterically in the face of a rabid female. Boy did like to flirt with danger. "You idiot!" Tenten raged, "He's been seeing Sakura for months!"

Naruto's shuddering chest stilled, the laughter abruptly ceasing. Neji sent Tenten a pointed, 'gee, thanks,' look and prepared to meet his doom like a man.

Naruto's arm abruptly spasmed, clenching around Neji's neck. "What?!" the shorter man asked in a very frightening voice. Neji tried to reply, but found it was difficult without any oxygen. Tenten had begun to look concerned.

"Naruto—hey, stop that! He's turning purple!"

"That means there's still some life in him…" Naruto laughed evilly, probably unstable. Tenten backed away, friendship and loyalty be damned.

"I bought you something," Neji gurgled to the love of his life. Who was entirely to blame for the entire series of unfortunate events. Sakura looked up excitedly.

"Really?!" She beamed at him, and flung her arms around his neck. Neji almost threw up from the agony. Sakura didn't notice, but was eyeing his person with ill-concealed excitement. "What'd you get me? Flowers? Chocolate? Jewelry?"

"Socks." Neji said firmly, and thrust the footwear into her hands, "Wear them. They keep your feet warm."

Which means I won't be up all night. Which means Naruto will not jump to conclusions and verbally harass my teammate. Which means said teammate will not have the chance to tattle. Which means I won't have to breath through a tube tomorrow.

Sakura was staring at her socks with an expression of disbelief. "You got me socks?!" she spluttered, face darkening. Neji nodded serenely. Sakura began to fume, "You moronic, anti-romance, socially retarded loser!"

…Okay, so he didn't really have anything to defend himself with on that front.

"You can—just…AUGH. It's my birthday you jerk! You're supposed to be fawning and attentive!"

Neji reflected that she had very, very high hopes for him. Sakura smacked his shoulder furiously, and then stormed into the bedroom. "You can sleep on the couch!" she screamed over her shoulder at him, her eyes flashing and face flushed. The door slammed shut with an air of indisputable finality.

Neji looked down at the soft, inviting, cold-feet-lacking couch.

Thank God, he thought, and dropped down onto it, utterly exhausted.