Just Like Me
Summery: Jamie and Landon try again to go back to North Carolina to visit family and friends. While there they meet a teenager who reminds Jamie of herself. Takes place after Thought it Could Never Happen.
Chapter one: The Arrival:
I put the suit case on floor and looked around my house. Everything looked the same as it always had but something felt different out of place. Then I heard footsteps and looked over to see my father coming out of his study.
"Jamie you made it," my father said. I hugged him long and hard trying to make up for the time Landon and I had been away in Providence, Rhode Island which was our new home. Landon and I had moved there when Landon had started Medical school at Brown. We lived by some really great people The Hansens. Syd, the oldest daughter is a doctor and runs a free clinic called ST. Clairs clinic. Joanie, the middle child owns a bakery called Joanie's Barkery and Robbie is married and just had a baby boy, Luke. Oh and Joanie has a little girl Hannah.
"I've missed you dad," I said. "Come and see your grandaughter she's growing like a weed."
Then Landon came up the steps carrying Jenna in her carseat.
"I thought you were gong to leave us out there," Landon joked. He went into the living room and sat Jenna down on the coffee table. "Hi Rev."
"Hi Landon. I'm so glad you could make it," dad said. I smiled. "Landon I think your mother wants to see you. She's coming to dinner tonight at 6:30."
"Great," Landon said smiling. I could tell he was happy he was geting to see his mother.
"Now Jamie I've got to see this daughter of yours" dad said. He picked up Jenna and sat down with her. "Jamie she looks exactly like you."
"She has Landon's eyes," I said sitting on the couch beside him.
"Hey where should I put the luggage?" Landon asked on his way to the door.
"In my room," I blurted out. I don't know why I said it, I just felt I needed to sleep in that room again to bring back old memories. "Here I'll help." I got up and walked out to the car with Landon. We were both silent as we unloaded the car.
"It feels weird being here again," Landon said. "I feel like everytime I walk up on that porch you're going to slam the door in my face."
I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Now would I do that?"
"You did do that," he said laughing.
I looked down at my feet. I didn't want this trip to be like the last one where I'd ended up in the hospital. "Landon I hope I don't get sick again."
"You won't," Landon said. "Syd told us you have a clean bill of health."
I smiled and followed Landon into the house with our suit cases. Dad was still sitting on the couch with Jenna singing an old church hym. I stood in the doorway listening to him sing and Jenna asleep on his shoulder.
"What? Don't like my singing?" he joked.
"Its lovely," I said with a smile. "She likes it. You're a great grandpa."
"And you're a great mom," Dad said. "Now go help your husband unpack."
I nodded and hurried up the stairs to my room. I stopped in the doorway and looked around. Everything was just how I'd left it except a bigger bed had been moved in when I'd been on chemo and had been so sick to even move. Memories flooded my mind and I tried desperately to hold back tears. Landon came over to me and put an arm around me. He must have sensed my fears but he didn't say anything.
"You OK?" he whispered.
I nodded and walked further into the room. "I was just remembering when I was sick. I almost died in this room Landon. It was over at that window when I passed out. You were making my telescope."
"We don't have to sleep here if you don't want to," Landon said gently.
"No, I want to," I said fermly. I started unpacking my things.
Landon put his arms around my waist and starting kissing my cheek. I pushed him away. "Landon I need to unpack."
"We can unpack later," he whispered. "Let's go explore the town and take Jenna for a walk. She needs to see wnere her parents are from."
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He was right Jenna did need to know about our past. I sighed and walked toward the door. It was time to relive my past in a whole new light.
Landon and I walked around town pushing Jenna in her stroller. People we hadn't seen in a while came up and said hello and told us how cute Jenna was. This went on for about an hour until we reached the high school, the place where everything changed. Landon turned to me.
"Are you sure you want to go in?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes." We went into the school pushing Jenna with us. The halls were empty and I could almost see me walking down the hall in my flowered dress I always wore. I could almost hear the laughter of the other kids around me.
"Well if it isn't miss Jamie Sullivan herself," a very familiar voice said. I turned and saw Landon's friend Eric standing in front of us. "Landon my man good to see you again."
"You too," Landon said.
"So it is true you two really did get married," Eric said. "Sorry I missed the wedding."
"No problem man," Landon said.
"No man I was your best friend," Eric said. "I was supposed to be there."
"Just forget it," Landon said. I could tell he was begining to get frustrated.
"Well whose this?" Eric said bending down to Jenna.
"This is Jenna," I said. "She's six months."
"Congrats," Eric said.
"Thanks," I said.
"Hey man do you and Jamie wonna go grab a bite or something and catch up?" Eric asked.
"We're having dinner at her father's house," Landon replied politely. "So what do you do now anyway?"
"I coach football and basketball," Eric said. "Pretty amazing huh. I'm just fixing to head out I gotta get something first. Do you want to walk with me and see the old place?"
"Sure," Landon said. I could tell he was excited. He turned to me. "Want to come Jamie?"
"I'll stay here," I said.
"I won't be long," Landon said and started walking down the hall with Eric.
I walked around the hall a bit. Walking up and down the rows and rows of lockers. Finally I came to mine and stopped. The same lock was still on it and the outside was still faded with Marker where I'd writeen Jamie and Landon forever on it. I smiled remembering. People had given us looks as we walked down the hall but I hadn't cared I had been happy just to have Landon by my side. Then I heard a door slam and footsepts coming down the hall.
"That's my locker," someone said. I turned around to see a girl about fifteen standing behind me. She had long dark straight hair and was wearing overalls. I stepped back.
"Sorry," I said quietly. I couldn't help but notice that she looked a lot like me when I was that age. I checked my watch. It was almost five. What was the girl doing so late at school on a Friday? Then I heard a thud and realized that she'd dropped all her books on the floor.
"Oh shoot," the girl muttered. she bent down and started picking them up. I bent down and helped.
"Here I'll help," I offered. She smiled at me. "I know how tricky these lockers can be. I had this exact same one."
"Really?" the girl asked wide eyed. "You went here?"
"Yes," I said standing up. "Why are you here so late on a Friday?"
"Play practice," she said casually. "I'm playing one of the leads the girl that comes into this bar and sings."
I nodded. I then realized that she was playing the same part I'd played. "I'm Jamie Sullivan."
"Alex Freeman," Alex said smiling. We shook hands. "Jamie Sullivan. you wrote the song Only Hope."
"Yes" I said. I was surprised someone who hadn't even met me would know that.
"Its an awesome song," Alex said.
Then I heard more voices coming down the hall.
"Alex you forgot your sheet music for Only Hope," the person I only knew as Ms. Garber said. She stopped when she saw me. "Jamie Sullivan is that you?"
I nodded unable to keep the smile off my face. "Yes. How are you? I didn't think you were still here."
"I haven't left yet," Ms. Garber said. We hugged. "Is this your daughter?"
"Yes," I said. "This is Jenna.."
"She's so adorable," Ms. Garber said. "How's Landon?"
"Great!": I said. "He went off with Eric a while ago. I was jsut helping Alex pick up her books."
"Alex is the new Elise," Ms. Garber said.
"I know I heard," I replied. I picked up Jenna who had started to cry.
"I'd better go Ms. Garber I don't want to miss the bus. They hate it when I'm late for dinner," Alex said.
"I could take her home," I offered. "My house is just a couple blocks away."
"No its OK," Alex said and started running down the hall. "Nice meeting you."
I turned to Ms. Garber who had a worried expression on her face.
"Alex doesn't have a home to go to," Ms. Garber explained. "She lives in the orphanage acoss town and has to take the bus. She's been in and out of foster homes since her parents died in a car crash five years ago."
My heart went out to the girl. She was so much like I sued to be that it was almost scary. Even though I'd only known her a few seconds I felt as if I'd just met a younger verson of me.
Chapter two: Verson Of Me
Landon and Eric returned a few minutes later and we walked back toward my house. I was quiet as we walked still thinking about Alex.
"What's on your mind?" Landon asked as we rounded a corner. He was pushing Jenna in her stroller.
"Nothing," I replied quietly. I stopped and turned to face him. "I met this girl while I was waiting for you. Landon she is so much like me. She's using my locker I had as a senior and she's got the same role in the spring play."
"You're kidding," Landon said. "Jamie you don't even know this girl she may be the total opposite of you."
I shook my head. "No, she's not. She was very quiet and Ms. Garber said she lives in the orphanage across town."
"You ran into Ms Garber?" Landon asked. We started walking again.
I nodded. "Yes. She's still there."
"Man," Landon said. "I remember hating that play. But then opening night I realized that I was madly in love with you."
"That's when you realized it?" I asked. Landon had never mentioned a single word to me about it.
"Yes," Landon said. "Anyway it doesn't matter how I realized it."
I smiled. Soon we were back at my house. When we walked in Landon's mother was there talking to my father.
"Jamie, Landon how good to see you," Ms. Carter said standing up. She gave me and Landon both a hug and picked up Jenna out of her stroller. "She's getting so big."
"Thanks," I said. I sat down on the couch beside her. "She's a handful all right."
Over dinner I tried to tune in to what Landon, my father and his mother were talking about but all I could think about was Alex and how lonely she must have been feeling. I stirred the food around on my plate not feeling very hungry.
"Jamie are you OK?" Landon asked breaking into my thoughts.
"Fine," I said. I stood up. "I need some air." I walked to the front door and sat down on the swing. Landon followed me.
"Jamie what's wrong?" Landon sat down on the swing beside me.
"I can't stop thinking about Alex you know the teen I met today," I said. I looked at him. "Am I being crazy?"
"No, you're being concerned," Landon said. He pulled me into a tight hug. "That's what i love about you."
I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. Memories flooded my mind as I remembered when Landon and I would sit out here after dates and when Landon had brought me a new sweater. Daddy hadn't approved then but now I don't think he can imagine me with anyone else but Landon.
"Come on let's take a walk," Landon said.
"But the baby..." I began. Landon put a finger to my lips.
"Your father and my mother can take care of her," Landon whispered.
I nodded and we quickly told my father and Landon's mother where we were going. I grabbed a light sweater and put it on over my shoulders. I looked around as we walked down the street. The town was practically deserted and it scared me a little. Soon we reached the bridge where we'd first kissed and where he'd told me he loved me.
"Remember this spot?" he asked looking at me his eyes shinning.
I nodded. "Oh yes." I walked along the bridge the wind ripped through my hair. "Its like the wind I can't see it but I can feel it."
Landon put an arm around me and then turned to face me. "I might kiss you."
"I might be bad at it," I whispered back.
"That's not possible," he whispered and then kissed me on the lips.
I smiled remembering the next words that had come out of my mouth. I'd been scared, to scared to get attached to anyone but that was before the graveyard night when everythig chaged. "Landon I know exaclty where we should go to relive our high school days." I looked into his eyes.
"You read my mind," Landon said. He put an arm around me and we started walking off the bridge.
When we got to the cematery the place was deserted as most are at night. Landon and i walked through the gates and to the spot where my telescope had been. I only wished that I had it here tonight so we could look at the stars.
"Maybe your star is up there somethere," Landon said gazing up at the sky. He had named a star for me and ever since then we always try to find it on very bright nights. Then we heard movement and a flashlight was shown in our faces.
"Whose there?" the person asked. It sounded like a child.
"Jamie," I answered.
"Jamie," the person said. "Its Alex." She came over to us."
"What are you doing here at night?" I asked.
"I like to come here at night to look at the stars," Alex said. "I love stars and stuff like that."
"So do I," I said. "I built a telescope when I was 12 and then Landon built one for me right before we were married."
"Wow that is so sweet," Alex said. "The coach at school who coaches football knows you and said you had cancer."
"Yes i did," I said angry at the fact that people still talked about me as if I'd died. "But I'm Ok now."
Alex went over to the telescope and started looking through it. I hadn't even noticed the telescope standing there before. "Did you built this?"
"Yeah," Alex answered. "Last year for a science project in middle school."
"That's great," I said. "I was trying to fnd my star earlier. May I have a look?'
Alex stepped back from the telescope and I peeked through it trying to locate my star. "You have your own star?" she asekd.
"Yes," I answered still pearing through the scope. "Landon named it for me one night. A very special night to be exact."
"Will you tell me about it?' Alex asked hopefully. "If you don't want to that's fine."
"I tell you what since tomorrow is Saturday I'll come by and get you and we'll spend the whole day together."
"That would be so cool," Alex said with delight. She didn't sound like a 15 year old then she sounded like a child who had never had anyone to spend time with her. My heart went out to her and I knew I was doing the right thing.
The next morning Landon and I drove to the orphanage. Alex was ready and waiting when we walked in.
"So where are we going?" I asked as she followed us to the car.
"To where Landon and I had our first date," I replied as I got into the car.
"Awesome," Alex said.
We drove to the restaurant and I saw Alex's face light up.
"Oh wow," she exclaimed. We went over to a table.
"What can I get you to drink?" the Waiter asked.
"Sweet tea please," I said. I smiled at Landon.
"Yeah for me too thanks," Landon said.
"Me too," Alex said.
"OK," the waiter said and walked off.
"This restaurant is really nice," Alex said.
"Its my favorite," I said. I smiled.
Over lunch Alex told us about her family and how they died in the car accident. Landon and I talked about our high school days. After we finished lunch we took Alex to my house.
"Can I see your room?" she asked.
I nodded and we headed upstairs to my room. I watched as she looked around.
"You're lucky to have a family that loves you," she said. Tears came to her eyes. "You know what number one on my list is?"
I had told her about my To Do list for my life when I thought I was going to die. I looked at her, tears were coming down her cheeks. "What?" I asked gently.
She looked at me. "To have a family."
Just like me: Chapter three: The decision:
I hugged her and let her cry into my shoulder. I couldn't even imagine what she was going through. I'd had a father who loved me very much and yes, people didn't like me but I didn't have to worry about them liking me so I could live with them.
"I'm sorry," Alex said wiping tears away.
"Its OK," I said gently. "We all cry sometimes."
Alex nodded. "I'm just really emotional sometimes. I hate being in that orphanage. It sucks so bad."
"Hopefully you'll find a family someday," I said trying to comfort her.
"I doubt it," Alex said. She walked further into my room. I followed her. "I'm fifteen and still in an orphanage. I've been in and out of foster homes for five years now and it sucks."
My heart when out to her. Would she ever find a home? Then I heard someone on the stairs and turned to see Landon coming up.
"Want me to take her?" he asked.
I handed Jenna to Landon. "Thanks. She needs to be fed."
"OK," Landon said and walked back downstairs.
After we got back from taking Alex to the orphanage I sat on the swing holding Jenna who was asleep in my arms. Landon came outside and sat beside me.
"You're awful quiet tonight," he said. His face was full of concern.
I sighed and looked down. "Landon I just can't stop thinking about Alex. She's fifteen and still stuck in that orphanage."
"Are you saying that we should adopt her?" Landon asked.
I nodded. "Yes."
Landon sighed and sank back in the swing. "Jamie that's a huge undertaking."
"I know," I said. I handed Jenna to Landon and walked down the steps. The soft breeze ripped through my hair.
"Jamie can we please talk about this," Landon called.
I turned to Landon tears in my eyes. "Do you know the reason I want to help this teen?"
"Jamie talk to me please," Landon said
"Its because she's just like me," I sobbed and ran into the house. I don't know what came over me but all of the sudden I felt seventeen again. I knew exactly what Alex was going through and I was going to do everything I could to make it stop.
The next day Landon and I walked to the school. Dad offered to keep Jenna so we could be alone. Mrs. Garber had called me the night before asking if I would mind singing Only Hope for her drama classes.
"OK so tell me why we're going here again?" Landon asked as we neared the school.
"Mrs. Garber wants me to sing Only Hope for her drama classes," I told him. "And I said I would with you by my side." I pulled on his arm.
"Jamie come on," Landon said. "I had to do that once I don't want to do it again."
I turned to face him. "Landon we came here to relive our high school days. This is our chance."
Landon sighed and finally gave in.
I smiled.
"That's what I fell in love with," he whispered. He kissed me on the cheek.
"Landon people may be watching," I said laughing. I practically dragged him toward the door. We walked inside and tons of kids scattered the hallways, laughing and talking and slamming lockers. I spotted Alex right away. She was alone like I'd been.
"Where's your sweater Alex?" some girl asked laughing. "In the garbage where it belongs?" two other girls started laughing with her.
Anger boiled up inside me. I remembered the day when Landon had totally cut me off when he was with his friends. I'd been mad but I hadn't let it bother me. I saw now that maybe I should've let it bother me. I saw Alex heading in my direction tears in her eyes and then I saw her go into the place I'd gone many times before.....the girls bathroom. I followed her in there ignoring Landon's shouts of protest not to. Alex was standing at the mirror fixing her ponytail. She was wearing a jean jumper with a plaid shirt underneath.
"Jamie?" she asked turning around obviously surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to sing for Mrs. Garber's drauma class," I replied. I stepped up behind her. "You stole my hide out." I smiled trying to make her feel better. "I know what its like being picked on."
"Why do they have to be so mean?" Alex sobbed. She turned to me. "I shouldn't let it get to me should I? Did you?"
I looked down. "No but I probably should have maybe I could have stopped it. Even Landon teased me until we were seniors in high school."
Alex's eyes went wide. "Landon? But he's so nice and sweet and cute."
I smiled. "Yes, he didn't like me for a long time and neither did any of his stuck up friends."
"Its lunch time," Alex said as we heard a bell ring. "Will you eat with me?"
"I'd love to," I said smiling. "What table to do you sit at?"
"Table seven," Alex said and went out of the room.
I slowly followed her. Lunch table seven had been my table the one that everyone seemed to pass.
"Jamie?" Landon asked making his way through the crowd. "What happened?"
"Alex and had to have a talk," I said. "She invited me to eat lunch with her. Lunch table seven, its the reject table so you probably don't want to sit with us." I walked past him, toward the office to sign in and get a visitors pass.
"Jamie!" Landon said running to catch up with me. "Why are you behavng like this? Are you trying to get back at me?"
"No," I said turning to face him. "I'm trying to do something I should of done a long time ago stand up to the people who hurt me."
"Does that include me?" Landon asked as we walked into the office.
"Jamie I'm so glad you could come," Mrs. Garber said with a warm smile. "Hi Landon."
"Hi Mrs. Garber," Landon asid.
"I'm going to eat lunch with Alex," I told Mrs. Garber.
"She'll love that," Mrs. Garber said. Her face became serious. "She's a lot like you."
I looked down and then at her again. "I know and I'm hoping to help her out a little." I quickly signed in and got a visitors pass and made my way down to the cafeteria leaving Landon behind. Memories flooded my mind as I walked into the cafeteria. It felt like all eyes were on me. I took deep breaths trying to calm myself. I knew this wasn't the same group of kids that had teased me. That had been five years ago.
"Jamie over here," Alex called. I looked over and my heart skipped a beat. There Alex was, at lunch table seven, my lunch table, the table I'd read many books and done my homework. it was the table that no one paid any attention to.
I walked over to the table and sat down beside Alex giving her a shy smile. She was eating the school's lunch and drinking orange juice. "Hi," I said.
"Hi," she said. She looked at me as if trying to read my expression. "Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "No, its just weird being back here afteer so long."
"Where's Landon?" Alex asked.
I looked toward the door and saw Landon coming in. He came over to our table. "There he is."
"Hi," Landon said sitting down beside me. "I got stopped in the hall by Eric."
"Oh," I said. Eric had been one of the ones to tease me and Landon had gone right along with it, before everything changed.
"Man I can't believe we're back again," Landon said looking around the room. "It feels like we've never left."
"Yes, it has," I said. "I'm not sitting alone eating lunch."
Landon looked at me and took my hand under the table. Then I heard someone say my name.
"Well if it isn't miss Jamie Sullivan," the person said. I turned around to see Eddie Zimmerhoff standing behind me. "At the same table she'd always been at."
"Hi Eddie," I said. "What are you doing here? Do you work here too?"
"I work with the computers and I help Mrs. Garber with the plays and such," Eddie said. "Landon."
"Hi, Eddie," Landon said. I could tell Landon was a little nervous about seeing Eddie because Landon and his friends hadn't been very nice to Eddie either.
"So Jamie what are you doing here?" Eddie asked.
"Mrs. Garber wants me to sing Only Hope to the drauma class."
"Well and the old cast is here," Eddie said. "To bad Sally isn't here to annoy you Landon."
Landon laughed but I could tell he was frustrated.
"Well I'd better be going," Eddie said and went out of the room.
I turned to Landon. "It was nice seeing him again. He looked different."
"Better," Landon muttered under his breath. I hit him on the shoulder.
"Landon," I said. Alex started laughing.
"Yeah Landon be nice," she said. "I'll pray for you."
I stopped. "What did you say?"
"i said I'll pray for him," Alex said. "He obviously needs it."
"She prays for me enough," Landon said. "She used to say that to me all the time."
"Really?" Alcx asked. She looked at me.
"Yes," I answered. Then I saw someone heading in our direction but it didn't look like any more old friends.
"Hey Alex reading another book?" the girl asked.
"No," Alex said. She stood up. "Will you just stop bugging me about my sweater and my stupid book."
"OOOOOH," the girl said. "the queen of books getting a little tired huh?"
I stood up. "If you're not going to say something nice then I suggest you leave."
The girls seemed to get the hint. "See you around, book lover."
I sat down and looked at Alex. "Its OK." But it wasn't OK. I could still hear the kids laughing and it sounded like they were laughing at me. My whole insides burned and I couldn't breath. I knew I was having flash backs but they were so real it scard me. I stood up and ran for the door.
"Jamie!" Landon called. I leaned against a row of lockers trying to calm down. "What happened?"
I turned to face him tears glittering on my eyes. "I couldn't take it, the way those girls were treating Alex it brought back so many memories."
"Do you want to go?" Landon asked gently touching my cheek.
I shook my head. "No, I need to face this once and for all."
After lunch Alex took us to the theatre. As soon as I walked in memories filled me once more. I remembered singing Only Hope and I remembered the surprise kiss Landon had given me.
"Jamie," Ms. Garber said coming over to us. "I'm so glad you agreed to come and sing for the class."
"Thank you," I said. Suddenly I felt seventeen again and I smiled over at Landon.
"Alex is going to be our Elise," Mrs. Garber said.
Alex smiled.
I smiled too.
"I've got to take role and then I'll introduce you," Mrs. Garber said. I took a seat in the front row Alex and Landon sat beside me. A few minutes later I heard my name mentined.
"Class I'd like to introduce to you a student of mine. Jamie Sullivan. She is the one who wrote and first sang Only Hope which is going to be featured in the play. She has come here today to sing the song for you. Jamie."
I stood and nervously made my way to the stage. Then I thought of something, the song wouldn't work without Landon. I went back and grabbed Landon by the arm practically dragging him toward the stage. A table had been set up onstage. Landon looked at me and finally seemed to get the hint. He sat down in the chair. I could almost see myself wearing the dress and wearing the cape.
"The dream," Landon said. "Help me remember."
I smiled totally shocked that he'd remembered. Suddenly the music started and I started singing.
There's a song that's inside of my soul.
Its the one that I've tried to write over and over again.
I"m awake in the infinte cold while you sing to me over and over and over again......
Finally the song ended and Landon leaned over for the kiss. I smiled as people started to clap around me.
"Wonderful Jamie simply wonderful," Mrs. Garber said coming onstage.
"Thank you," I said.
"Jamie will be here for the remainder of the class if you have any questions for her," Mrs. Garber said. She turned to me and whispered," Hope you don't mind."
I shook my head. "No." I sat down on the stage my feet dangling on the floor. One person raised her hand. "Yes?"
"Is it true that you had cancer?" the girl asked. I should have figured people would ask that.
"Yes," I said. "But I'm better now." The room was silent. I couldn't believe that the only question was about my cancer. It made me angry. I thought that after five years people would of forgotten but it turned out no one had.
I was silent as Landon and I walked back to the house. I'd spent the entire drauma class just sitting there watching kids do enprov. I was still somewhat angry about the fact that the only thing people wanted to know was that if I still had cancer.
"I know people shouldn't talk about it," Landon said.
I stopped and faced him. "Landon that's all people care about."
"Do you think we shouldn't of come?" Landon asked as we continued walking.
"I neeeded to come Landon," I said. "I want to make it clear to people that my cancer and the teasing was a thing of the past." Tears came to my eyes again. Landon pulled me into a hug.
"You'll get through to them," Landon said. "You got through to me."
"Jamie!" I heard osmeone call. I looked behind us to see Alex running to catch up. She finally cuught up with us. "Hi. You did great in class today."
"Thanks," I said. I felt as if really were back in high school again and that Alex was Sally my only friend, besides Landon of course. "Why aren't you at play practice?"
"Mrs. Garber had to do something after school," Alex said. "Well I'd better go I don't want to miss my bus."
"Alex wait," I called. She turned around.
"Yes," she said.
"Do you want to have dinner with my father, me and Landon tonight?"
"I'd love to," Alex said. She then began to look worried."
"Don't worry I'll call the orphanage," I told her. She seemed to relax.
"Thanks Jamie," Alex said giving me a hug. "I'm sorry about all the stuff at lunch today. I know it must of brought bad memories back for you huh?"
I shrugged not wanting her to worry anymore than she already was. "It was OK I guess I needed to deal with it."
Alex nodded. We continued to walk toward the house and when we got there I heard crying. I immediately ran inside.
"Jamie thank goodness," my father said.
"How long has she been fussy?" I asked taking Jenna from him.
"Only a few minutes," my father said.
"Hey sweet girl," I said. Suddenly everything was back to normal I wasn't in high school anymore I was a woman with a child and a husband and that was more than I could have ever asked for.
Later that night I sat on the swing with Landon. We'd jsut gotten back from the orphanage. Alex had loved every minute she was here and I could tell she felt really comfortable around us, probably because I was just like her.
"What are you thinking about?" Landon asked. I laid my head on his shoulder and he put his arms around me.
"Alex," I whispered. "Landon I really think we should become foster parents."
"You really feel strongly about this don't you?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I do."
Landon kissed the top of my head. "Then we'll do it."
To be continued
Chapter four: the news coming soon!!
Chapter four: The news:
That next Saturday I drove to the orphanage to tell Alex the news, that Landon and I were going to be her foster parents. Landon had been working on it for the past few days and we were almost ready, the only problem was, waiting for all the paperwork to get approved. I walked into the building and went into the back room. Alex was reading to a little girl.
"I used to do that all the time," I said.
Alex looked up, surprised. "Jamie what are you doing here? I thought Landon and you were going back to Providence?"
"We're going to stay a little longer," I said sitting beside her on the floor.
"Ezcuse me are you Jamie Sullivan?" a person asked. I turned around to see a teen around tweleve or thirteen standing behind me.
"Yes," I answered.
"I"m Kylie Smith you visited me here when I was eight," Kylie said.
"Oh my gosh," I said.
"I know what you're thinking and no I"m not still here," Kylie said. "But I do come and visit every weekend and help out. The last time I heard from you you were sick."
"I'm better now," I said. "Its good to see you."
Kylie smiled. "You too." Kylie walked away from us.
"So why are you here again?" Alex asked.
I turned back to her. "How would you like to live with Landon and I, for a short time just to see if you like it?"
Alex's eyes went wide. "Are you serious? Of course I would." Alex hugged me with her free arm.
"Great!" I said. "The paper work should be done in a few days and I'll come and get you. My current home is in Providence but I'll be staying with my father."
"No problem," Alex said. "Your father's awesome."
I smiled. "Thank you that's very sweet."
"So when can I go home with you?" Alex asked.
"Tonight," I said with a smile.
"Great!" Alex said. I smiled glad that she was so happy.
That night I sat on the swing with Landon, and Alex. My father was inside with Jenna putting her to bed. The day had been great. We'd taken Alex to all our favorite spots around town and we had just finished dinner. Now we were sitting on the swing telling Alex about our lives when we were seventeen. I decied to let Landon go first. He told of being the popular one in school, always getting into trouble.
"And then I realized that Jamie was something special and everything changed," he aid putting an arm around me. He turned to me. "OK your turn."
I took a deep breath. I didn't know if I could do this without breaking down. Landon looked at me, concern in his eyes. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said.
"No, I want to," I said. I stood up and walked over to the porch railing. The soft breeze ripped through my hair. I turned back to Alex. "I guess its time you hear my story......"
Chapter five: Jamie's story:
I stood at the dock. It was my first date with Landon and I was quite nervous. I wasn't sure if I should get attached because of my sickness but then the next words that came out of his mouth, they would change my mind forever.
"I love you," he whispered.
I stared at him not sure what to say. Finally I looked at him.
"OK now would be the time to say something," he said.
"I told you not to fall in love with me," I said. He kissed me again and from that moment on I knew that I loved Landon Carter. After a few weeks I decided it was time I told him about my cancer. We were walking down a popular street where a lot of the popular kids hang out. Landon was asking me about college and I was close to tears. I finally turned to him and took a deep breath.
"Landon I'm sick," I blurted out.
"Well I'll take you home you'll be better..." Landon started.
"No, Landon I'm sick. I have Leukemia," I said. Tears came to my eyes. "I found out two years ago, I stopped responding to treatments." Tears rolled down my cheeks. "The doctor raid I should live life as normally as possible. I didn't want people acting weird around me."
Landon looked hurt. "Including me?"
"Especially you," I sobbed. "I was getting along with everything fine, I accepted it and then you happened. I do not need a reason to be angry with God." I ran away. I thought Landon would shy away from me but we only grew closer. Landon stayed by my side everyday even when I was really sick. There were some days when I couldn't even get out of bed.
"How are you feeling?" Landon asked. I was lying in bed in my room. I'd just gotten home from the hospital.
"I'm OK," I replied tiredly. "Do you like the book?"
Landon kissed my forehead. "You don't even have to ask that."
I smiled. "Will you stay awhile?" I asked. For some reason I wanted him near me.
"As long as you need," was his reply.
I smiled. "I love you."
"I love you too," Landon replied kissing me on the lips. "I'm not going anywhere."
"And over the next few months my condition worsened. I thought I was going to die by the end of the year." Alex sat there, tears n her eyes. "But then I started on this new drug and now five years later I'm cancer free."
"Wow," Alex said. "That's so amazing."
"Well now that we got Jamie's story told why don't we decide what we're gonna do," Landon said.
"Are you going to take me back to Providence with you?" Alex asked looking at me.
I looked at Landon. "We haven't really discussed it."
"Its OK," Alex said with a smile. "I don't mind moving."
I patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry we'll work it out."
As Landon and I got ready for bed that night we talked about what Alex had said.
"Landon I think we should move back here," I said. "All our friends are here and I don't want to take Alex away from the only place she's ever known."
"What about the Hansens?" Landon asked. "What about Brown?"
"Landon I'm so sorry I wasn't even thinking," I said. "I just want what is best for Alex."
"Hey there's a perfectly good medical school here," Landon said. "My only goal is to become a good doctor."
I smiled and we kissed. "I love you," I whispered. I climbed into bed and he got in after me. We laid facing each other.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Landon asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I've never been more sure about anything."
Chapter six: the move:
Landon and I headed back to Providence a week later, taking Alex with us. We had to tell the Hansen's that we were moving back to North Carolina where we belonged. We decided to stop by the Barkery so that I could tell Joanie I was quitting and moving. Joanie was behind the counter counting money.
"Wow cool place," Alex said looking around.
Joanie looked up and a smile spread across her face. "Jamie thank God." She looked at me with guilt. "Sorry."
"its OK," I said.
"I thought you were supposed to be back days ago," Joanie said. "I could have used the help."
I smiled but then became serious again. "Joanie I'd like you to meet Alex \. Landon and I are her foster parents now."
"That's great!" Joanie said. "You'll love Providence Alex and I have a little girl you can baby-sit."
"Actually that's what I need to talk to you about," I said. "Landon and I are moving back to North Carolina."
"What?" Joanie asked, shocked.
"Its for the best," Landon said. "We both grew up there and we don't want to take Alex away from her school."
Joanie looked at me. "I'm sorry this is just all so sudden."
"I know and I apologize," I added quickly. "But it's the right thing to do and you can visit anytime."
"I'm going to miss you," Joanie said. She came over and hugged me.
"I'll miss you too," I said starting to get teary eyed myself. "But you can come and visit anytime you want. Landon and I can show you all the sights around Buefort including where he kissed me for the first time."
Joanie smiled. "Now that's something I've got to see."
I laughed. Joanie always knows how to make a serious situation not so serious. "We'll see. What time does Syd get home?"
"Around six," Joanie said.
"Landon and I are going to go sort out all the paperwork and try to put the house on the market," I said. "I'm so sorry I couldn't bring good news."
"Hey look don't worry about it," Joanie said. "Its good you're going back home from what you've told us North Carolina is where you belong."
I smiled through my tears that had gathered. "Thank you." I walked out of thee Barkery with Alex following me.
"This is an awesome town," Alex said. "I've never been out of North Carolina."
I smiled. "Yeah."
Landon and I went to the house and I started getting things organized for putting the house on the market. I knew it would take a while and I still had the task of telling Syd we were moving. I almost didn't want to move but I knew it was for the best, for everyone including myself. I'd forgotten how much I missed Buefort until I wasn't there anymore. It was now seven o'clock that night and I'd just put Jena down. Alex and I were sitting on the swing talking and getting to know each other better.
"My mother didn't care what I did," Alex said smiling. "She liked it just because I was doing it. What about you? What was your mother like?"
I looked down. "I never knew my mother she died when I was born."
"I'm sorry," Alex said. She gave me a hug.
"Thanks," I said. Then I heard my name being called.
"Jamie," the person called. It was Syd. "Joanie said you needed to tell me something."
I looked down. "Yeah, I do. Landon and I are moving back to North Carolina."
"What? Why?" Syd asked.
"Because it's the right thing to do," I said. Tears came to my eyes again. "I'm sorry."
Syd gave me a hug. "Hey don't worry about it. What does Landon think about it?"
"He's all for it," I said. I turned to Alex. "Syd I'd like you to meet Alex our new foster child."
"Hi Dr. Hansen," Alex said smiling.
"Please to meet you," Syd said with a smile. She turned to me. "So when are you moving?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure."
Landon and I were able to move three weeks later. We had to send Alex back home so she wouldn't miss any school and my dad had offered to keep her until we returned. We were staying with Landon's mother until we built are house. We were building our house right next to my father. I had wanted to stay with Daddy but he thought we'd have more room of we stayed at Landon's house. That's where we were now trying to get everything in order. Landon and I were sharing his old room and Alex was sleeping in the room across the hall.
"Jamie where does this go?" Alex asked. She was holding a box of things.
I walked over to her and looked in the box. It was full of books and papers stuff from school five years ago. "Um...here I'll take it." I took the box from Alex.
"OK," Alex said and walked out of the room.
I sat down on the bed and started going through the box. Suddenly I came across the book I'd given Landon, the one from my mother. I closed my eyes remembering that day in the hospital when I'd called Landon my angel.
Summery: Jamie and Landon try again to go back to North Carolina to visit family and friends. While there they meet a teenager who reminds Jamie of herself. Takes place after Thought it Could Never Happen.
Chapter one: The Arrival:
I put the suit case on floor and looked around my house. Everything looked the same as it always had but something felt different out of place. Then I heard footsteps and looked over to see my father coming out of his study.
"Jamie you made it," my father said. I hugged him long and hard trying to make up for the time Landon and I had been away in Providence, Rhode Island which was our new home. Landon and I had moved there when Landon had started Medical school at Brown. We lived by some really great people The Hansens. Syd, the oldest daughter is a doctor and runs a free clinic called ST. Clairs clinic. Joanie, the middle child owns a bakery called Joanie's Barkery and Robbie is married and just had a baby boy, Luke. Oh and Joanie has a little girl Hannah.
"I've missed you dad," I said. "Come and see your grandaughter she's growing like a weed."
Then Landon came up the steps carrying Jenna in her carseat.
"I thought you were gong to leave us out there," Landon joked. He went into the living room and sat Jenna down on the coffee table. "Hi Rev."
"Hi Landon. I'm so glad you could make it," dad said. I smiled. "Landon I think your mother wants to see you. She's coming to dinner tonight at 6:30."
"Great," Landon said smiling. I could tell he was happy he was geting to see his mother.
"Now Jamie I've got to see this daughter of yours" dad said. He picked up Jenna and sat down with her. "Jamie she looks exactly like you."
"She has Landon's eyes," I said sitting on the couch beside him.
"Hey where should I put the luggage?" Landon asked on his way to the door.
"In my room," I blurted out. I don't know why I said it, I just felt I needed to sleep in that room again to bring back old memories. "Here I'll help." I got up and walked out to the car with Landon. We were both silent as we unloaded the car.
"It feels weird being here again," Landon said. "I feel like everytime I walk up on that porch you're going to slam the door in my face."
I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Now would I do that?"
"You did do that," he said laughing.
I looked down at my feet. I didn't want this trip to be like the last one where I'd ended up in the hospital. "Landon I hope I don't get sick again."
"You won't," Landon said. "Syd told us you have a clean bill of health."
I smiled and followed Landon into the house with our suit cases. Dad was still sitting on the couch with Jenna singing an old church hym. I stood in the doorway listening to him sing and Jenna asleep on his shoulder.
"What? Don't like my singing?" he joked.
"Its lovely," I said with a smile. "She likes it. You're a great grandpa."
"And you're a great mom," Dad said. "Now go help your husband unpack."
I nodded and hurried up the stairs to my room. I stopped in the doorway and looked around. Everything was just how I'd left it except a bigger bed had been moved in when I'd been on chemo and had been so sick to even move. Memories flooded my mind and I tried desperately to hold back tears. Landon came over to me and put an arm around me. He must have sensed my fears but he didn't say anything.
"You OK?" he whispered.
I nodded and walked further into the room. "I was just remembering when I was sick. I almost died in this room Landon. It was over at that window when I passed out. You were making my telescope."
"We don't have to sleep here if you don't want to," Landon said gently.
"No, I want to," I said fermly. I started unpacking my things.
Landon put his arms around my waist and starting kissing my cheek. I pushed him away. "Landon I need to unpack."
"We can unpack later," he whispered. "Let's go explore the town and take Jenna for a walk. She needs to see wnere her parents are from."
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He was right Jenna did need to know about our past. I sighed and walked toward the door. It was time to relive my past in a whole new light.
Landon and I walked around town pushing Jenna in her stroller. People we hadn't seen in a while came up and said hello and told us how cute Jenna was. This went on for about an hour until we reached the high school, the place where everything changed. Landon turned to me.
"Are you sure you want to go in?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes." We went into the school pushing Jenna with us. The halls were empty and I could almost see me walking down the hall in my flowered dress I always wore. I could almost hear the laughter of the other kids around me.
"Well if it isn't miss Jamie Sullivan herself," a very familiar voice said. I turned and saw Landon's friend Eric standing in front of us. "Landon my man good to see you again."
"You too," Landon said.
"So it is true you two really did get married," Eric said. "Sorry I missed the wedding."
"No problem man," Landon said.
"No man I was your best friend," Eric said. "I was supposed to be there."
"Just forget it," Landon said. I could tell he was begining to get frustrated.
"Well whose this?" Eric said bending down to Jenna.
"This is Jenna," I said. "She's six months."
"Congrats," Eric said.
"Thanks," I said.
"Hey man do you and Jamie wonna go grab a bite or something and catch up?" Eric asked.
"We're having dinner at her father's house," Landon replied politely. "So what do you do now anyway?"
"I coach football and basketball," Eric said. "Pretty amazing huh. I'm just fixing to head out I gotta get something first. Do you want to walk with me and see the old place?"
"Sure," Landon said. I could tell he was excited. He turned to me. "Want to come Jamie?"
"I'll stay here," I said.
"I won't be long," Landon said and started walking down the hall with Eric.
I walked around the hall a bit. Walking up and down the rows and rows of lockers. Finally I came to mine and stopped. The same lock was still on it and the outside was still faded with Marker where I'd writeen Jamie and Landon forever on it. I smiled remembering. People had given us looks as we walked down the hall but I hadn't cared I had been happy just to have Landon by my side. Then I heard a door slam and footsepts coming down the hall.
"That's my locker," someone said. I turned around to see a girl about fifteen standing behind me. She had long dark straight hair and was wearing overalls. I stepped back.
"Sorry," I said quietly. I couldn't help but notice that she looked a lot like me when I was that age. I checked my watch. It was almost five. What was the girl doing so late at school on a Friday? Then I heard a thud and realized that she'd dropped all her books on the floor.
"Oh shoot," the girl muttered. she bent down and started picking them up. I bent down and helped.
"Here I'll help," I offered. She smiled at me. "I know how tricky these lockers can be. I had this exact same one."
"Really?" the girl asked wide eyed. "You went here?"
"Yes," I said standing up. "Why are you here so late on a Friday?"
"Play practice," she said casually. "I'm playing one of the leads the girl that comes into this bar and sings."
I nodded. I then realized that she was playing the same part I'd played. "I'm Jamie Sullivan."
"Alex Freeman," Alex said smiling. We shook hands. "Jamie Sullivan. you wrote the song Only Hope."
"Yes" I said. I was surprised someone who hadn't even met me would know that.
"Its an awesome song," Alex said.
Then I heard more voices coming down the hall.
"Alex you forgot your sheet music for Only Hope," the person I only knew as Ms. Garber said. She stopped when she saw me. "Jamie Sullivan is that you?"
I nodded unable to keep the smile off my face. "Yes. How are you? I didn't think you were still here."
"I haven't left yet," Ms. Garber said. We hugged. "Is this your daughter?"
"Yes," I said. "This is Jenna.."
"She's so adorable," Ms. Garber said. "How's Landon?"
"Great!": I said. "He went off with Eric a while ago. I was jsut helping Alex pick up her books."
"Alex is the new Elise," Ms. Garber said.
"I know I heard," I replied. I picked up Jenna who had started to cry.
"I'd better go Ms. Garber I don't want to miss the bus. They hate it when I'm late for dinner," Alex said.
"I could take her home," I offered. "My house is just a couple blocks away."
"No its OK," Alex said and started running down the hall. "Nice meeting you."
I turned to Ms. Garber who had a worried expression on her face.
"Alex doesn't have a home to go to," Ms. Garber explained. "She lives in the orphanage acoss town and has to take the bus. She's been in and out of foster homes since her parents died in a car crash five years ago."
My heart went out to the girl. She was so much like I sued to be that it was almost scary. Even though I'd only known her a few seconds I felt as if I'd just met a younger verson of me.
Chapter two: Verson Of Me
Landon and Eric returned a few minutes later and we walked back toward my house. I was quiet as we walked still thinking about Alex.
"What's on your mind?" Landon asked as we rounded a corner. He was pushing Jenna in her stroller.
"Nothing," I replied quietly. I stopped and turned to face him. "I met this girl while I was waiting for you. Landon she is so much like me. She's using my locker I had as a senior and she's got the same role in the spring play."
"You're kidding," Landon said. "Jamie you don't even know this girl she may be the total opposite of you."
I shook my head. "No, she's not. She was very quiet and Ms. Garber said she lives in the orphanage across town."
"You ran into Ms Garber?" Landon asked. We started walking again.
I nodded. "Yes. She's still there."
"Man," Landon said. "I remember hating that play. But then opening night I realized that I was madly in love with you."
"That's when you realized it?" I asked. Landon had never mentioned a single word to me about it.
"Yes," Landon said. "Anyway it doesn't matter how I realized it."
I smiled. Soon we were back at my house. When we walked in Landon's mother was there talking to my father.
"Jamie, Landon how good to see you," Ms. Carter said standing up. She gave me and Landon both a hug and picked up Jenna out of her stroller. "She's getting so big."
"Thanks," I said. I sat down on the couch beside her. "She's a handful all right."
Over dinner I tried to tune in to what Landon, my father and his mother were talking about but all I could think about was Alex and how lonely she must have been feeling. I stirred the food around on my plate not feeling very hungry.
"Jamie are you OK?" Landon asked breaking into my thoughts.
"Fine," I said. I stood up. "I need some air." I walked to the front door and sat down on the swing. Landon followed me.
"Jamie what's wrong?" Landon sat down on the swing beside me.
"I can't stop thinking about Alex you know the teen I met today," I said. I looked at him. "Am I being crazy?"
"No, you're being concerned," Landon said. He pulled me into a tight hug. "That's what i love about you."
I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. Memories flooded my mind as I remembered when Landon and I would sit out here after dates and when Landon had brought me a new sweater. Daddy hadn't approved then but now I don't think he can imagine me with anyone else but Landon.
"Come on let's take a walk," Landon said.
"But the baby..." I began. Landon put a finger to my lips.
"Your father and my mother can take care of her," Landon whispered.
I nodded and we quickly told my father and Landon's mother where we were going. I grabbed a light sweater and put it on over my shoulders. I looked around as we walked down the street. The town was practically deserted and it scared me a little. Soon we reached the bridge where we'd first kissed and where he'd told me he loved me.
"Remember this spot?" he asked looking at me his eyes shinning.
I nodded. "Oh yes." I walked along the bridge the wind ripped through my hair. "Its like the wind I can't see it but I can feel it."
Landon put an arm around me and then turned to face me. "I might kiss you."
"I might be bad at it," I whispered back.
"That's not possible," he whispered and then kissed me on the lips.
I smiled remembering the next words that had come out of my mouth. I'd been scared, to scared to get attached to anyone but that was before the graveyard night when everythig chaged. "Landon I know exaclty where we should go to relive our high school days." I looked into his eyes.
"You read my mind," Landon said. He put an arm around me and we started walking off the bridge.
When we got to the cematery the place was deserted as most are at night. Landon and i walked through the gates and to the spot where my telescope had been. I only wished that I had it here tonight so we could look at the stars.
"Maybe your star is up there somethere," Landon said gazing up at the sky. He had named a star for me and ever since then we always try to find it on very bright nights. Then we heard movement and a flashlight was shown in our faces.
"Whose there?" the person asked. It sounded like a child.
"Jamie," I answered.
"Jamie," the person said. "Its Alex." She came over to us."
"What are you doing here at night?" I asked.
"I like to come here at night to look at the stars," Alex said. "I love stars and stuff like that."
"So do I," I said. "I built a telescope when I was 12 and then Landon built one for me right before we were married."
"Wow that is so sweet," Alex said. "The coach at school who coaches football knows you and said you had cancer."
"Yes i did," I said angry at the fact that people still talked about me as if I'd died. "But I'm Ok now."
Alex went over to the telescope and started looking through it. I hadn't even noticed the telescope standing there before. "Did you built this?"
"Yeah," Alex answered. "Last year for a science project in middle school."
"That's great," I said. "I was trying to fnd my star earlier. May I have a look?'
Alex stepped back from the telescope and I peeked through it trying to locate my star. "You have your own star?" she asekd.
"Yes," I answered still pearing through the scope. "Landon named it for me one night. A very special night to be exact."
"Will you tell me about it?' Alex asked hopefully. "If you don't want to that's fine."
"I tell you what since tomorrow is Saturday I'll come by and get you and we'll spend the whole day together."
"That would be so cool," Alex said with delight. She didn't sound like a 15 year old then she sounded like a child who had never had anyone to spend time with her. My heart went out to her and I knew I was doing the right thing.
The next morning Landon and I drove to the orphanage. Alex was ready and waiting when we walked in.
"So where are we going?" I asked as she followed us to the car.
"To where Landon and I had our first date," I replied as I got into the car.
"Awesome," Alex said.
We drove to the restaurant and I saw Alex's face light up.
"Oh wow," she exclaimed. We went over to a table.
"What can I get you to drink?" the Waiter asked.
"Sweet tea please," I said. I smiled at Landon.
"Yeah for me too thanks," Landon said.
"Me too," Alex said.
"OK," the waiter said and walked off.
"This restaurant is really nice," Alex said.
"Its my favorite," I said. I smiled.
Over lunch Alex told us about her family and how they died in the car accident. Landon and I talked about our high school days. After we finished lunch we took Alex to my house.
"Can I see your room?" she asked.
I nodded and we headed upstairs to my room. I watched as she looked around.
"You're lucky to have a family that loves you," she said. Tears came to her eyes. "You know what number one on my list is?"
I had told her about my To Do list for my life when I thought I was going to die. I looked at her, tears were coming down her cheeks. "What?" I asked gently.
She looked at me. "To have a family."
Just like me: Chapter three: The decision:
I hugged her and let her cry into my shoulder. I couldn't even imagine what she was going through. I'd had a father who loved me very much and yes, people didn't like me but I didn't have to worry about them liking me so I could live with them.
"I'm sorry," Alex said wiping tears away.
"Its OK," I said gently. "We all cry sometimes."
Alex nodded. "I'm just really emotional sometimes. I hate being in that orphanage. It sucks so bad."
"Hopefully you'll find a family someday," I said trying to comfort her.
"I doubt it," Alex said. She walked further into my room. I followed her. "I'm fifteen and still in an orphanage. I've been in and out of foster homes for five years now and it sucks."
My heart when out to her. Would she ever find a home? Then I heard someone on the stairs and turned to see Landon coming up.
"Want me to take her?" he asked.
I handed Jenna to Landon. "Thanks. She needs to be fed."
"OK," Landon said and walked back downstairs.
After we got back from taking Alex to the orphanage I sat on the swing holding Jenna who was asleep in my arms. Landon came outside and sat beside me.
"You're awful quiet tonight," he said. His face was full of concern.
I sighed and looked down. "Landon I just can't stop thinking about Alex. She's fifteen and still stuck in that orphanage."
"Are you saying that we should adopt her?" Landon asked.
I nodded. "Yes."
Landon sighed and sank back in the swing. "Jamie that's a huge undertaking."
"I know," I said. I handed Jenna to Landon and walked down the steps. The soft breeze ripped through my hair.
"Jamie can we please talk about this," Landon called.
I turned to Landon tears in my eyes. "Do you know the reason I want to help this teen?"
"Jamie talk to me please," Landon said
"Its because she's just like me," I sobbed and ran into the house. I don't know what came over me but all of the sudden I felt seventeen again. I knew exactly what Alex was going through and I was going to do everything I could to make it stop.
The next day Landon and I walked to the school. Dad offered to keep Jenna so we could be alone. Mrs. Garber had called me the night before asking if I would mind singing Only Hope for her drama classes.
"OK so tell me why we're going here again?" Landon asked as we neared the school.
"Mrs. Garber wants me to sing Only Hope for her drama classes," I told him. "And I said I would with you by my side." I pulled on his arm.
"Jamie come on," Landon said. "I had to do that once I don't want to do it again."
I turned to face him. "Landon we came here to relive our high school days. This is our chance."
Landon sighed and finally gave in.
I smiled.
"That's what I fell in love with," he whispered. He kissed me on the cheek.
"Landon people may be watching," I said laughing. I practically dragged him toward the door. We walked inside and tons of kids scattered the hallways, laughing and talking and slamming lockers. I spotted Alex right away. She was alone like I'd been.
"Where's your sweater Alex?" some girl asked laughing. "In the garbage where it belongs?" two other girls started laughing with her.
Anger boiled up inside me. I remembered the day when Landon had totally cut me off when he was with his friends. I'd been mad but I hadn't let it bother me. I saw now that maybe I should've let it bother me. I saw Alex heading in my direction tears in her eyes and then I saw her go into the place I'd gone many times before.....the girls bathroom. I followed her in there ignoring Landon's shouts of protest not to. Alex was standing at the mirror fixing her ponytail. She was wearing a jean jumper with a plaid shirt underneath.
"Jamie?" she asked turning around obviously surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to sing for Mrs. Garber's drauma class," I replied. I stepped up behind her. "You stole my hide out." I smiled trying to make her feel better. "I know what its like being picked on."
"Why do they have to be so mean?" Alex sobbed. She turned to me. "I shouldn't let it get to me should I? Did you?"
I looked down. "No but I probably should have maybe I could have stopped it. Even Landon teased me until we were seniors in high school."
Alex's eyes went wide. "Landon? But he's so nice and sweet and cute."
I smiled. "Yes, he didn't like me for a long time and neither did any of his stuck up friends."
"Its lunch time," Alex said as we heard a bell ring. "Will you eat with me?"
"I'd love to," I said smiling. "What table to do you sit at?"
"Table seven," Alex said and went out of the room.
I slowly followed her. Lunch table seven had been my table the one that everyone seemed to pass.
"Jamie?" Landon asked making his way through the crowd. "What happened?"
"Alex and had to have a talk," I said. "She invited me to eat lunch with her. Lunch table seven, its the reject table so you probably don't want to sit with us." I walked past him, toward the office to sign in and get a visitors pass.
"Jamie!" Landon said running to catch up with me. "Why are you behavng like this? Are you trying to get back at me?"
"No," I said turning to face him. "I'm trying to do something I should of done a long time ago stand up to the people who hurt me."
"Does that include me?" Landon asked as we walked into the office.
"Jamie I'm so glad you could come," Mrs. Garber said with a warm smile. "Hi Landon."
"Hi Mrs. Garber," Landon asid.
"I'm going to eat lunch with Alex," I told Mrs. Garber.
"She'll love that," Mrs. Garber said. Her face became serious. "She's a lot like you."
I looked down and then at her again. "I know and I'm hoping to help her out a little." I quickly signed in and got a visitors pass and made my way down to the cafeteria leaving Landon behind. Memories flooded my mind as I walked into the cafeteria. It felt like all eyes were on me. I took deep breaths trying to calm myself. I knew this wasn't the same group of kids that had teased me. That had been five years ago.
"Jamie over here," Alex called. I looked over and my heart skipped a beat. There Alex was, at lunch table seven, my lunch table, the table I'd read many books and done my homework. it was the table that no one paid any attention to.
I walked over to the table and sat down beside Alex giving her a shy smile. She was eating the school's lunch and drinking orange juice. "Hi," I said.
"Hi," she said. She looked at me as if trying to read my expression. "Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "No, its just weird being back here afteer so long."
"Where's Landon?" Alex asked.
I looked toward the door and saw Landon coming in. He came over to our table. "There he is."
"Hi," Landon said sitting down beside me. "I got stopped in the hall by Eric."
"Oh," I said. Eric had been one of the ones to tease me and Landon had gone right along with it, before everything changed.
"Man I can't believe we're back again," Landon said looking around the room. "It feels like we've never left."
"Yes, it has," I said. "I'm not sitting alone eating lunch."
Landon looked at me and took my hand under the table. Then I heard someone say my name.
"Well if it isn't miss Jamie Sullivan," the person said. I turned around to see Eddie Zimmerhoff standing behind me. "At the same table she'd always been at."
"Hi Eddie," I said. "What are you doing here? Do you work here too?"
"I work with the computers and I help Mrs. Garber with the plays and such," Eddie said. "Landon."
"Hi, Eddie," Landon said. I could tell Landon was a little nervous about seeing Eddie because Landon and his friends hadn't been very nice to Eddie either.
"So Jamie what are you doing here?" Eddie asked.
"Mrs. Garber wants me to sing Only Hope to the drauma class."
"Well and the old cast is here," Eddie said. "To bad Sally isn't here to annoy you Landon."
Landon laughed but I could tell he was frustrated.
"Well I'd better be going," Eddie said and went out of the room.
I turned to Landon. "It was nice seeing him again. He looked different."
"Better," Landon muttered under his breath. I hit him on the shoulder.
"Landon," I said. Alex started laughing.
"Yeah Landon be nice," she said. "I'll pray for you."
I stopped. "What did you say?"
"i said I'll pray for him," Alex said. "He obviously needs it."
"She prays for me enough," Landon said. "She used to say that to me all the time."
"Really?" Alcx asked. She looked at me.
"Yes," I answered. Then I saw someone heading in our direction but it didn't look like any more old friends.
"Hey Alex reading another book?" the girl asked.
"No," Alex said. She stood up. "Will you just stop bugging me about my sweater and my stupid book."
"OOOOOH," the girl said. "the queen of books getting a little tired huh?"
I stood up. "If you're not going to say something nice then I suggest you leave."
The girls seemed to get the hint. "See you around, book lover."
I sat down and looked at Alex. "Its OK." But it wasn't OK. I could still hear the kids laughing and it sounded like they were laughing at me. My whole insides burned and I couldn't breath. I knew I was having flash backs but they were so real it scard me. I stood up and ran for the door.
"Jamie!" Landon called. I leaned against a row of lockers trying to calm down. "What happened?"
I turned to face him tears glittering on my eyes. "I couldn't take it, the way those girls were treating Alex it brought back so many memories."
"Do you want to go?" Landon asked gently touching my cheek.
I shook my head. "No, I need to face this once and for all."
After lunch Alex took us to the theatre. As soon as I walked in memories filled me once more. I remembered singing Only Hope and I remembered the surprise kiss Landon had given me.
"Jamie," Ms. Garber said coming over to us. "I'm so glad you agreed to come and sing for the class."
"Thank you," I said. Suddenly I felt seventeen again and I smiled over at Landon.
"Alex is going to be our Elise," Mrs. Garber said.
Alex smiled.
I smiled too.
"I've got to take role and then I'll introduce you," Mrs. Garber said. I took a seat in the front row Alex and Landon sat beside me. A few minutes later I heard my name mentined.
"Class I'd like to introduce to you a student of mine. Jamie Sullivan. She is the one who wrote and first sang Only Hope which is going to be featured in the play. She has come here today to sing the song for you. Jamie."
I stood and nervously made my way to the stage. Then I thought of something, the song wouldn't work without Landon. I went back and grabbed Landon by the arm practically dragging him toward the stage. A table had been set up onstage. Landon looked at me and finally seemed to get the hint. He sat down in the chair. I could almost see myself wearing the dress and wearing the cape.
"The dream," Landon said. "Help me remember."
I smiled totally shocked that he'd remembered. Suddenly the music started and I started singing.
There's a song that's inside of my soul.
Its the one that I've tried to write over and over again.
I"m awake in the infinte cold while you sing to me over and over and over again......
Finally the song ended and Landon leaned over for the kiss. I smiled as people started to clap around me.
"Wonderful Jamie simply wonderful," Mrs. Garber said coming onstage.
"Thank you," I said.
"Jamie will be here for the remainder of the class if you have any questions for her," Mrs. Garber said. She turned to me and whispered," Hope you don't mind."
I shook my head. "No." I sat down on the stage my feet dangling on the floor. One person raised her hand. "Yes?"
"Is it true that you had cancer?" the girl asked. I should have figured people would ask that.
"Yes," I said. "But I'm better now." The room was silent. I couldn't believe that the only question was about my cancer. It made me angry. I thought that after five years people would of forgotten but it turned out no one had.
I was silent as Landon and I walked back to the house. I'd spent the entire drauma class just sitting there watching kids do enprov. I was still somewhat angry about the fact that the only thing people wanted to know was that if I still had cancer.
"I know people shouldn't talk about it," Landon said.
I stopped and faced him. "Landon that's all people care about."
"Do you think we shouldn't of come?" Landon asked as we continued walking.
"I neeeded to come Landon," I said. "I want to make it clear to people that my cancer and the teasing was a thing of the past." Tears came to my eyes again. Landon pulled me into a hug.
"You'll get through to them," Landon said. "You got through to me."
"Jamie!" I heard osmeone call. I looked behind us to see Alex running to catch up. She finally cuught up with us. "Hi. You did great in class today."
"Thanks," I said. I felt as if really were back in high school again and that Alex was Sally my only friend, besides Landon of course. "Why aren't you at play practice?"
"Mrs. Garber had to do something after school," Alex said. "Well I'd better go I don't want to miss my bus."
"Alex wait," I called. She turned around.
"Yes," she said.
"Do you want to have dinner with my father, me and Landon tonight?"
"I'd love to," Alex said. She then began to look worried."
"Don't worry I'll call the orphanage," I told her. She seemed to relax.
"Thanks Jamie," Alex said giving me a hug. "I'm sorry about all the stuff at lunch today. I know it must of brought bad memories back for you huh?"
I shrugged not wanting her to worry anymore than she already was. "It was OK I guess I needed to deal with it."
Alex nodded. We continued to walk toward the house and when we got there I heard crying. I immediately ran inside.
"Jamie thank goodness," my father said.
"How long has she been fussy?" I asked taking Jenna from him.
"Only a few minutes," my father said.
"Hey sweet girl," I said. Suddenly everything was back to normal I wasn't in high school anymore I was a woman with a child and a husband and that was more than I could have ever asked for.
Later that night I sat on the swing with Landon. We'd jsut gotten back from the orphanage. Alex had loved every minute she was here and I could tell she felt really comfortable around us, probably because I was just like her.
"What are you thinking about?" Landon asked. I laid my head on his shoulder and he put his arms around me.
"Alex," I whispered. "Landon I really think we should become foster parents."
"You really feel strongly about this don't you?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I do."
Landon kissed the top of my head. "Then we'll do it."
To be continued
Chapter four: the news coming soon!!
Chapter four: The news:
That next Saturday I drove to the orphanage to tell Alex the news, that Landon and I were going to be her foster parents. Landon had been working on it for the past few days and we were almost ready, the only problem was, waiting for all the paperwork to get approved. I walked into the building and went into the back room. Alex was reading to a little girl.
"I used to do that all the time," I said.
Alex looked up, surprised. "Jamie what are you doing here? I thought Landon and you were going back to Providence?"
"We're going to stay a little longer," I said sitting beside her on the floor.
"Ezcuse me are you Jamie Sullivan?" a person asked. I turned around to see a teen around tweleve or thirteen standing behind me.
"Yes," I answered.
"I"m Kylie Smith you visited me here when I was eight," Kylie said.
"Oh my gosh," I said.
"I know what you're thinking and no I"m not still here," Kylie said. "But I do come and visit every weekend and help out. The last time I heard from you you were sick."
"I'm better now," I said. "Its good to see you."
Kylie smiled. "You too." Kylie walked away from us.
"So why are you here again?" Alex asked.
I turned back to her. "How would you like to live with Landon and I, for a short time just to see if you like it?"
Alex's eyes went wide. "Are you serious? Of course I would." Alex hugged me with her free arm.
"Great!" I said. "The paper work should be done in a few days and I'll come and get you. My current home is in Providence but I'll be staying with my father."
"No problem," Alex said. "Your father's awesome."
I smiled. "Thank you that's very sweet."
"So when can I go home with you?" Alex asked.
"Tonight," I said with a smile.
"Great!" Alex said. I smiled glad that she was so happy.
That night I sat on the swing with Landon, and Alex. My father was inside with Jenna putting her to bed. The day had been great. We'd taken Alex to all our favorite spots around town and we had just finished dinner. Now we were sitting on the swing telling Alex about our lives when we were seventeen. I decied to let Landon go first. He told of being the popular one in school, always getting into trouble.
"And then I realized that Jamie was something special and everything changed," he aid putting an arm around me. He turned to me. "OK your turn."
I took a deep breath. I didn't know if I could do this without breaking down. Landon looked at me, concern in his eyes. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said.
"No, I want to," I said. I stood up and walked over to the porch railing. The soft breeze ripped through my hair. I turned back to Alex. "I guess its time you hear my story......"
Chapter five: Jamie's story:
I stood at the dock. It was my first date with Landon and I was quite nervous. I wasn't sure if I should get attached because of my sickness but then the next words that came out of his mouth, they would change my mind forever.
"I love you," he whispered.
I stared at him not sure what to say. Finally I looked at him.
"OK now would be the time to say something," he said.
"I told you not to fall in love with me," I said. He kissed me again and from that moment on I knew that I loved Landon Carter. After a few weeks I decided it was time I told him about my cancer. We were walking down a popular street where a lot of the popular kids hang out. Landon was asking me about college and I was close to tears. I finally turned to him and took a deep breath.
"Landon I'm sick," I blurted out.
"Well I'll take you home you'll be better..." Landon started.
"No, Landon I'm sick. I have Leukemia," I said. Tears came to my eyes. "I found out two years ago, I stopped responding to treatments." Tears rolled down my cheeks. "The doctor raid I should live life as normally as possible. I didn't want people acting weird around me."
Landon looked hurt. "Including me?"
"Especially you," I sobbed. "I was getting along with everything fine, I accepted it and then you happened. I do not need a reason to be angry with God." I ran away. I thought Landon would shy away from me but we only grew closer. Landon stayed by my side everyday even when I was really sick. There were some days when I couldn't even get out of bed.
"How are you feeling?" Landon asked. I was lying in bed in my room. I'd just gotten home from the hospital.
"I'm OK," I replied tiredly. "Do you like the book?"
Landon kissed my forehead. "You don't even have to ask that."
I smiled. "Will you stay awhile?" I asked. For some reason I wanted him near me.
"As long as you need," was his reply.
I smiled. "I love you."
"I love you too," Landon replied kissing me on the lips. "I'm not going anywhere."
"And over the next few months my condition worsened. I thought I was going to die by the end of the year." Alex sat there, tears n her eyes. "But then I started on this new drug and now five years later I'm cancer free."
"Wow," Alex said. "That's so amazing."
"Well now that we got Jamie's story told why don't we decide what we're gonna do," Landon said.
"Are you going to take me back to Providence with you?" Alex asked looking at me.
I looked at Landon. "We haven't really discussed it."
"Its OK," Alex said with a smile. "I don't mind moving."
I patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry we'll work it out."
As Landon and I got ready for bed that night we talked about what Alex had said.
"Landon I think we should move back here," I said. "All our friends are here and I don't want to take Alex away from the only place she's ever known."
"What about the Hansens?" Landon asked. "What about Brown?"
"Landon I'm so sorry I wasn't even thinking," I said. "I just want what is best for Alex."
"Hey there's a perfectly good medical school here," Landon said. "My only goal is to become a good doctor."
I smiled and we kissed. "I love you," I whispered. I climbed into bed and he got in after me. We laid facing each other.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Landon asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I've never been more sure about anything."
Chapter six: the move:
Landon and I headed back to Providence a week later, taking Alex with us. We had to tell the Hansen's that we were moving back to North Carolina where we belonged. We decided to stop by the Barkery so that I could tell Joanie I was quitting and moving. Joanie was behind the counter counting money.
"Wow cool place," Alex said looking around.
Joanie looked up and a smile spread across her face. "Jamie thank God." She looked at me with guilt. "Sorry."
"its OK," I said.
"I thought you were supposed to be back days ago," Joanie said. "I could have used the help."
I smiled but then became serious again. "Joanie I'd like you to meet Alex \. Landon and I are her foster parents now."
"That's great!" Joanie said. "You'll love Providence Alex and I have a little girl you can baby-sit."
"Actually that's what I need to talk to you about," I said. "Landon and I are moving back to North Carolina."
"What?" Joanie asked, shocked.
"Its for the best," Landon said. "We both grew up there and we don't want to take Alex away from her school."
Joanie looked at me. "I'm sorry this is just all so sudden."
"I know and I apologize," I added quickly. "But it's the right thing to do and you can visit anytime."
"I'm going to miss you," Joanie said. She came over and hugged me.
"I'll miss you too," I said starting to get teary eyed myself. "But you can come and visit anytime you want. Landon and I can show you all the sights around Buefort including where he kissed me for the first time."
Joanie smiled. "Now that's something I've got to see."
I laughed. Joanie always knows how to make a serious situation not so serious. "We'll see. What time does Syd get home?"
"Around six," Joanie said.
"Landon and I are going to go sort out all the paperwork and try to put the house on the market," I said. "I'm so sorry I couldn't bring good news."
"Hey look don't worry about it," Joanie said. "Its good you're going back home from what you've told us North Carolina is where you belong."
I smiled through my tears that had gathered. "Thank you." I walked out of thee Barkery with Alex following me.
"This is an awesome town," Alex said. "I've never been out of North Carolina."
I smiled. "Yeah."
Landon and I went to the house and I started getting things organized for putting the house on the market. I knew it would take a while and I still had the task of telling Syd we were moving. I almost didn't want to move but I knew it was for the best, for everyone including myself. I'd forgotten how much I missed Buefort until I wasn't there anymore. It was now seven o'clock that night and I'd just put Jena down. Alex and I were sitting on the swing talking and getting to know each other better.
"My mother didn't care what I did," Alex said smiling. "She liked it just because I was doing it. What about you? What was your mother like?"
I looked down. "I never knew my mother she died when I was born."
"I'm sorry," Alex said. She gave me a hug.
"Thanks," I said. Then I heard my name being called.
"Jamie," the person called. It was Syd. "Joanie said you needed to tell me something."
I looked down. "Yeah, I do. Landon and I are moving back to North Carolina."
"What? Why?" Syd asked.
"Because it's the right thing to do," I said. Tears came to my eyes again. "I'm sorry."
Syd gave me a hug. "Hey don't worry about it. What does Landon think about it?"
"He's all for it," I said. I turned to Alex. "Syd I'd like you to meet Alex our new foster child."
"Hi Dr. Hansen," Alex said smiling.
"Please to meet you," Syd said with a smile. She turned to me. "So when are you moving?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure."
Landon and I were able to move three weeks later. We had to send Alex back home so she wouldn't miss any school and my dad had offered to keep her until we returned. We were staying with Landon's mother until we built are house. We were building our house right next to my father. I had wanted to stay with Daddy but he thought we'd have more room of we stayed at Landon's house. That's where we were now trying to get everything in order. Landon and I were sharing his old room and Alex was sleeping in the room across the hall.
"Jamie where does this go?" Alex asked. She was holding a box of things.
I walked over to her and looked in the box. It was full of books and papers stuff from school five years ago. "Um...here I'll take it." I took the box from Alex.
"OK," Alex said and walked out of the room.
I sat down on the bed and started going through the box. Suddenly I came across the book I'd given Landon, the one from my mother. I closed my eyes remembering that day in the hospital when I'd called Landon my angel.