Author's Notes: This is going to be an anthology of fairy tales, folktales, legends, myths and other traditional tales from around the world rewritten to feature Hetalia characters. Traditional tales are a particular field of interest for me and having the opportunity to work on this project is a pleasure. The theme was a writing challenge from Serenity Prime that was supposed to have been written months ago. Well, here is the first chapter.
Warnings: some disturbing themes, violence, genderbending here and there, lots and lots of OCs, the truth behind fairy tales that may ruin your childhood
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia and any of the fairy tales that will be featured
Dedication: For Serenity, from whom the brilliant idea for this came, and Lyssa, my best friend and muse, who probably received the brunt of my childhood-ruining tales.
"Ahem." Somebody cleared his throat. "May I please have your attention?"
The world went on as it usually did, as if nobody had spoken.
Once more, United Nations, or UN, as he was more commonly known, cleared his throat. "Quiet down, everybody," he said. "I have an announcement to make."
Like before, the world continued to ignore him, too wrapped up in their own affairs and arguments to even listen to him.
That's how it usually was, anyway. He was only important as long as he was doing something to help them. Failing that, he was something to be ignored at best and outright mocked at worst. To be fair, he was useful enough most of the time to be noticed. This just so happened to be one of those times that he wasn't.
"Excuse me. This announcement is really important." He attempted to attract their attention once more. "This concerns everybody."
He failed, just as before. If anything did happen, it was the noise in the meeting room getting louder.
"It's mine! It's always been mine and you know it!"
"No, it's mine, you thief! If you actually do a bit of research, you would know that it is, in fact, mine."
"You are a big shame to the world!"
"This again!? For the last time, Calderon dolphins aren't real!"
"Who are you to say that I don't deserve to be in the EU!? You're the one who should be kicked out for being a backward-thinking old man."
"Shouting wouldn't change the fact that what you are doing is dangerous not only for yourself but to your neighbours as well."
"Well? Aren't you going to intervene? Say something!"
"Stop acting like children!"
"Awesome!"
That's it. He'd had enough of this madness.
With as much force as he could manage with his child-like body, he slammed his fists down on the podium. "Just shut up for five minutes!" It would already be a feat to be able to scream over the noise with a microphone, but he somehow managed to accomplish it without one. "It's not like it's going to kill you to actually listen, from time to time," he added more quietly.
At that, the entire room quieted down except for a single brave and foolish soul asking about why UN was throwing a temper tantrum.
"Much better," he muttered. He breathed out slowly to calm himself before addressing the nations of the world. "We are all well aware of how little progress we make during these world meetings," he began. "And, I'm certain you know why that is, exactly." Even without outright saying it with words, everybody already knew that the reason they weren't able to accomplish as much as they wanted to was because they could never all get along. "Which is why I have a proposal to promote understanding between the different nations of the world."
UN paused, more to survey the faces around him than for effect. Nobody seemed to be complaining. So far, this was going much better than he had expected.
"I want you all to go back to your roots," he continued. "Look back on the wealth of culture that you possess. Choose a fairy tale, a folk tale, a legend, a myth, any story of that sort. Rewrite it to feature yourself and nations you have had contact with over the course of history. The purpose of this activity is to both to create a deeper appreciation of each other and to better express yourselves. Be creative. This is your chance to let others get to know you more, so I highly encourage you to take this as seriously as possible. I will set a date and venue for all of us to meet and share what you have written."
An unusual stillness and silence had settled over the room.
UN began to feel a little uncomfortable with this uncharacteristic quietness. "That's it."
Most of the world broke out into thunderous laughter while those who were less inclined to such behaviour were either trying very hard to hide their snickering or just looking down to hide whatever expression was on their face.
"What?" UN loudly asked, failing to understand what was so funny.
Prussia, ever brave yet very foolish, raised his hand, fighting back his laughter as he stood up. "If you wanted a fairy tale, kid, you should've just asked," he said through chuckles. "I would've been glad to tell you the ones I know."
"Despite my physical appearance, I'm not actually a child, you know," UN pointed out, keeping a calm appearance on his face although he was sure everybody could see how red his ears were; getting angry wasn't the solution to this problem.
"Compared to me, you are a child," replied Prussia, still trying to suppress his snickers. "So which story did you want to hear so badly that you had to make this up just to get me to tell it to you?"
"This is not about –"
"Don't be shy about it," Prussia interrupted him before he could finish his sentence. "I know you love it when I tell you stories before you go to bed. So which one is it?"
"I don't want you to tell me bedtime stories!" UN said, beginning to get irritated with Prussia, who wasn't supposed to be here anyway.
"Of course, he doesn't want to hear your stories, Prussia," said another, more feminine voice from the other side of the room.
UN looked at the speaker, the West African nation of Ghana, with long strings of colourful beads around her neck. She was looking at Prussia, but she turned towards UN and smiled at him.
"You don't want to listen to his stories, right?" she asked.
He nodded; finally, someone with some sense in this room.
"You want to listen to my anansesem," she said, her smile widening. Then, she turned back towards Prussia. "Why would he want to listen to your fairy tales that have been told and retold over and over again, when he could listen to my Anansi stories?"
UN could only groan.
"What makes your stories so much better than mine?" Prussia demanded, crossing his arms.
"What makes you think they aren't better than yours?" was Ghana's simple reply.
"He might want to listen to the tales collected by Asbjørnsen and Moe," Norway joined in. "Those are relatively obscure. He would enjoy them."
"Don't be foolish, Norway," Denmark said, slinging an arm over his fellow Nordic's shoulders. "All your stories suck. Everybody knows that the best fairy tales were written by Hans Christian Andersen, a Dane, I remind you. What child hasn't heard of The Ugly Duckling, The Little Match Girl, and The Little Mermaid?"
"Fairy tales are born from oral tradition," Norway said, shrugging off Denmark's arm. "Those are Andersen's original stories. They don't count."
"They do, too. You're just jealous that mine are the best." A mischievous smile appeared on Denmark's face. "How about we have a bet? If I can prove that Andersen's stories count as fairy tales, you'll have to pay for the beer for an entire month. If I lose, then I'll buy the beer."
Norway stared impassively at Denmark. "Prepare to lose money, then."
"My fairy tales are still the best!" Prussia announced loudly, probably feeling left out by this point.
"Fairy tales originated from Korea, da-ze!"
From there, it devolved into everybody arguing over whose stories were the best and whose were the most horrible. Many had stood up and, in some parts of the room, the arguments had become quite physical and everybody was shouting just so they could be heard. At this rate, they would never get anything done, as was often the case anyway, in UN's opinion. That was why he felt the need to have this activity in the first place.
"Enough of this!" Germany, forever the voice of reason and keeper of order, shouted.
Everybody suddenly became quiet and headed back to their chairs sheepishly.
"Thank you, Germany," UN said with a nod.
"When will this 'storytelling session' be?" Germany asked, taking out his planner. "You neglected to announce the date."
This was what UN liked about Germany: He was always so efficient.
"I am giving you fourteen days to finish writing your stories," he said. "It will be held in this meeting room and would start at exactly 5:00 pm. Be here an hour before. Bring sleeping bags, mats or mattresses and pillows, toiletries, pyjamas or whatever you prefer to wear, at least three changes of clothes, snacks and drinks, and other such necessities, such as medicine, if you need them. All other things will be provided for you. Everybody is invited, even those who are not registered members of the UN, so I expect you to inform them. Any questions?"
Poland raised his hand.
"Yes, Poland," UN said.
"So you mean we're, like, having a giant slumber party?" he asked, girlishly twirling a lock of his hair around his pointer.
"No, we are not having a slumber party," UN said, punctuating his sentence with a sigh. "Any other questions?"
Prussia and Denmark raised their hands at the same time.
"No. Alcohol is not allowed."
The two lowered their hands slowly.
"Any other relevant questions," he asked again.
"If I may?" France asked, raising his hand.
At least, this seemed to be a seriously question. "Please do."
"I was just wondering about the stories we are supposed to be writing," France said. "Are there any guidelines we need to follow?"
UN hadn't really thought about the guidelines yet. In fact, it hadn't even crossed his mind that they would need guidelines. It was a good thing France brought it up or they would probably end up with a lot of strange creations that would possibly scar him for life.
"First off," he said, pretending that he hadn't just thought about the rules now. "You are to keep your stories relatively clean. I am not hindering you from including some mature content if the story requires it, but, please, keep everything in good taste."
There were murmurs of assent and protest throughout the room.
"Second: You are not to use each other's names in the stories," he continued. "Make some names up."
"But why?" Italy asked, raising his hand.
"Have you ever heard of a character named Italy?" Prussia answered.
Italy thought for a while. "No."
"Then, you have your answer."
"Thank you, Prussia," UN said. In truth, his reason was to create a degree of distance between the character and the nation since he didn't think everybody would be mature enough to be trusted not to make a scene when they get cast in a role they do not like, but Prussia's explanation was probably better. "Third and last," he said. "Although I encourage you to be creative and express yourself, you are not to use this activity as an excuse to provoke other nations. I remind you that this activity is for the promotion of peace and understanding, not for the creation of war."
"That seems reasonable," France said. "Anything else?"
"As for the presentations," UN continued, taking an authoritative tone. "You are not allowed to interrupt while somebody is telling their story. You are only allowed to say something after the story is finished. Everybody is expected to be civil when doing such. Understood? Other questions? Speak up if you want to say anything."
France raised his hand again. "Are we allowed to change the genders of the characters as the story requires?"
"Do you mean changing the wicked stepmother into a man?" UN asked, confused by the question.
"Oui," France said. "And, changing, for example, England into a woman for the purpose of the story."
"Yes, that would be allowed," UN said before anybody could comment on France's choice of example.
"Are we allowed to use the same nation twice in the story?" asked Spain.
"If you really must. Okay, last question."
America raised his hand, slow and almost timid, unlike his usual self-confident, energetic self; it was actually kind of odd how he hadn't spoken up ever since the announcement was made.
"Yes, America?"
"Does Disney count as part of my country's traditional stories and 'wealth of culture' you were talking about?" he asked in a mumbling voice.
"No."
They were not having this discussion.
"But, I don't –'
"No. End of discussion."
Presentation day came and America continued to stare at the blank first page of the composition notebook he bought specifically for this activity. In less than an hour, they would be reading their stories aloud and he had written absolutely nothing. He had to think fast.
It wasn't that he didn't try to do the activity. In fact, he spent two weeks trying to think up a really cool idea for a story. He had to know at least one story that he could share and, when he wrote it, it was going to be the best story ever. For endless hours, he thought of all the exciting stories he knew, but Disney kept popping up and he couldn't think of much else. Even when he thought of something that wasn't Disney-related, it was some story another country had told him.
He just didn't have any stories of his own. It was so unfair.
"We'll be starting in fifteen minutes," UN announced loudly. "There are refreshments at the buffet table near the door. Feel free to help yourselves."
America scratched his head. Only fifteen more minutes and he still hadn't come up with even a single sentence.
"I can't be the only one without my own stories," he thought. "There has to be someone else. Like…like Canada!"
He ran to find Canada, jumping over sleeping bags and mats and nearly knocking over China's little house in the corner. This would have been a lot easier if Canada wasn't so invisible. Finally, he found Canada sitting on his sleeping bag and reading something in a notebook with Kumajiro on his lap.
"Hey, bro!" America said a little too loudly, plopping down next to him. "How's your story?"
Canada nearly jumped in surprise when America popped up beside him.
"It's okay," he said, snapping his notebook shut.
"Let me see it," America said, reaching for the notebook that Canada struggled to keep away from him.
"No!" Canada fell backwards and lied down on the notebook. "You can't see it!"
"Come on, man…" America pleaded. "I haven't written anything yet. How'd you come up with a story anyway?"
"You better get writing, then," Canada said, still not letting him see what he had written.
"But –"
"Okay, let us start," UN said, taking his place at the head of the meeting room that had been turned into a giant bedroom. "America, you will tell the first story."
America looked down at the blank first page of his notebook.
More Author's Notes: I know that it is not much right now, but I needed to get the frame story out of the way first.
Yes, I am aware that America has a wealth of Native American folk tales which are very interesting.
Featured here are two of my OCs, United Nations and Ghana.
Regarding UN: I purposefully left out UN's description because of the racism comments that are sure to pop up if I came up with any description of him. Originally, he was meant to not look human at all, but it seemed more likely that he would be personified the same way the nations were personified. Imagine him however way you wish. However, I did make him a child because the goals of the UN can be considered idealistic and, therefore, child-like and it is quite young in comparison to the nations.
Regarding Ghana: I really wanted to include Ghana because of the anansesem, or Anansi stories, which are some of the better-known stories of Africa. I made her female because the dominant ethnic group of Ghana, the Akan, are matrilineal. Ghanaians are known for and stereotyped as answering questions with questions, which is basically what she did with Prussia.
If you have any suggestions for OCs or fairy tales, I would be very happy if you share them. You could share them through reviews, PMs or through this forum: topic/121744/80343373/1/Tell-Me-A-Story-Suggestions