So….

Ya I kinda disappeared there for awhile. I've been working so much it's sickening (and slightly illegal).

But, I've got a chapter written and a fairly okay and colourful outline.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Pay attention. I wrote this differently. You know how I get bored and I try stuff and then Sarah says it's okay and so I post it. And you know that I like you to be confused and pulling out your hair (it's a sign of good writing, I swear).

Basically…. blame Sarah.

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5 years later

Addison poured a tall glass of orange juice and kicked the refrigerator door closed with her heel. What she wanted was coffee. What she was was to lazy to dig the coffee maker out from the back of the cluttered cabinet.

She sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall as she absently scratched the back of her leg with her foot. She was on the verge of being late for work. She took another sip of her juice and mentally rearranged her timeline –– she needed 28 minutes in the shower, there was no getting around that; 25 minutes to towel dry her hair, apply product, blow dry and flat iron; by that time her body would be dry so she could skip straight to 4 minutes of moisturizing and 11 for make up, 3 minutes to brush her teeth and that was exactly 10 minutes over the one hour she had before she needed to leave.

And she hadn't scheduled any time to get dressed. Or answer her phone that was currently ringing. She glanced at the screen 'Laura - Home'.

Wasn't happening.

She tossed her phone back into her purse and glanced up as the bathroom door at the end of the hall swung open and released a cloud of steam.

"I'm going to be late for work!" She whined, remembering as she did that she had forgotten her make up and therefore had an extra minute to spare.

"Then shower at your own house."

Addison huffed and stalked down the hall to the bathroom.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked automatically as she passed, just like he did every time that she showed up at his house like this –– it happened a couple times a year.

She glared. "I hate him."

"I'm sure he deserves it," Alex responded automatically just like he always did when she claimed she hated him.

"He does," she slammed the door to the bathroom.

Alex shook his head as he listened to her angrily rummaging around the bathroom and pulling back the shower curtain.

"Who's been using my shampoo!?"

XXXXX

"'Lo?"

"Morning."

"It's 7:03. AM. It's seven. O. Three. AM. I was just going back to sleep"

"You alone?"

"Yeah," Sydney pushed herself up to lean against the headboard, "Mark wanted to take the girls out for pancakes or waffles or chocolate cake or something before school. I got them ready and just climbed back in bed."

"Can I come over?"

"If you bring muffins," Sydney groaned slightly as she turned and put her feet on the floor, "I'll make some coffee."

"Stay in bed, I'll take care of breakfast." Derek's voice floated through the bedroom from the speakerphone, "I can only stay an hour anyway, and you should stay put."

"So considerate for a man that invites himself over at 7 AM."

"You're up, I drove by half an hour ago."

"Stalker."

"No muffins for you then."

"Derek," she whined, "That's not fair. Withholding muffins when I need my strength the most."

"You can have one muffin," he conceded as he pulled into her driveway –– he'd picked up the muffins before he'd called her, "But you owe me."

Sydney chuckled, "I think we need to have a conversation about who owes who in this relationship, cause if anything, it's the other way around."

"We'll see."

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"Would it have been different if she'd lived?"

"Yes." Derek said without hesitation, but with an edge of sadness.

"We would've been happy, wouldn't we." Meredith traced her fingers along the lettering on the simple grave marker.

"Yes." Derek sighed, "I was a better man when I was her father."

Meredith stood slowly, her eyes locked on the grave, "I'm happier being her mother." She smiled at the grave, not sadly but rather peacefully and serenely. She sighed softly and walked away, not turning back, walking confidently away from him.

Derek watched her leave. Watched her get in her car without looking back. Watched her drive away.

And he felt alone.

Meredith. His Meredith.

Now he was the one that was just a little bit damaged.

And he felt alone.

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"You're back."

Derek stared at her, more uncertainly then usual.

"Come on in. I'll find the scotch," Sydney stepped aside and let Derek pass, "When I saw the list I kinda thought you might be back and I kinda thought you might like a drink. So, I said to myself, 'Sydney, it would be downright irresponsible to let that poor lonely confused man drink alone'. So I got out my trusty pump and I expressed enough milk to feed Lola through to kindergarden, You don't want to know the condition of my nipples. Let's say cracked and sore and leave it at that."

"I saw Meredith."

"No. You ran out on Meredith. I don't think you had time to actually see her." Sydney walked a ahead of him, her voice void of her usual high pitched trill due to her brood of napping children.

"No. No, I saw her. After. At the graveyard."

"Oh for…" she sat down on the couch and started pouring scotch, "No. No, you don't want to be Meredith. Ok? That ship has sailed. It's far faaaar away. That ship is in China now. The ship is… you know, I don't understand why we even have to have this conversation," she paused momentarily to take a sip of her scotch, "You and I both know that you have no choice but to go back to Addison. I don't get why Addison even had to make that list –– don't worry I won't tell her I saw it, but, oh my god, what the hell."

"Sydney––

"I do understand why I'm going to have to be your confidant thought. Because you, Derek Shepherd, are an idiot."

Derek was silent, "You saw the list..." he spoke slowly.

"You forgot the list, It's hilarious –– by the way –– I don't know if Addison was being completely serious, but she's funny. And I'd be honoured to be your confidant, I'm assuming thats why you're here, to ask me to accept this esteemed position."

Derek smirked.

"I thought so," Sydney grinned, then contorted her face into a mask of seriousness, "So I made a list too."

"What kind of list?" Derek asked, wavering between confusion and amusement.

"A list of reason's why you should be with Addison. I figured that's why you chose me as your confidant –– I know Derek-and-Addison better then Derek-and-Meredith. Actually, I don't know Derek-and-Meredith at all, but I'm best friends with Derek-and-Addison, so draw your own conclusions from that –– if you wanted Meredith you'd be talking to… well, you wouldn't be talking to anyone cause frankly you and Meredith don't have any of the same friends. Which is sad when you consider how long you were with her. Okay." Sydney took a sip of her scotch and picked up a piece of paper, "'The Sydney List of Love Evidence for Derek and Addison' . Number one –– and these are other then the fact that you came to me, someone who has always been a total sap about you and Addison and actively lied to Meredith so I'm clearly not impartial, these are other reasons –– Number one: They both like coffee ––that's an important one ––Number 2: they bring each other coffee. It's a caring gesture. It says 'hey, here is something you like that also keeps you alert so you can do your job and not kill people and get sued for malpractice and fired 'cause I know you like your job and I want you to be happy'. Number 3: 'His and Her's' sense of humour. He has none, she has enough for both. Also, the 'his and her's' towel's look stupid separated."

"How many of these points do you have?"

"Only 2 more. Number four: They like each other reasonably well. They are friends with more then the usual allotment of benefits." Sydney glanced up, "Face it, you love Meredith, but you never liked each other. You weren't friends, not really. You hated the people closest to her, her best friends, and you didn't make any real effort to include her in your life or social circle. You led very separate lives, but as a couple. It was weird. I mean you took Addison to a swingers party. When's the last time you took Meredith to even a vanilla party –– one without bowls full of lubes and condoms?"

Derek's face remained neutral. "If thats the case then I could be with you just as easily as be with Addison."

"We aren't dead yet," Sydney winked,"A reasonable amount of like was enough for me to marry Mark. For now we are reasonably happy. Last one. Number 4: Love. It's been 4 years and they are still willing to figure out if they can figure it out." Sydney put her feet up on the coffee table and crossed her ankles, "That's my list. What do you think?"

Derek smiled wearily and took a long drink of his scotch. His demeanor, ironically, sobered, "I like her more then reasonably well."

"I know," Sydney grinned, "Now we just need a grand gesture to tell her know."

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"I have no idea why you're surprised by this," Sydney munched on her muffin and shifted her shoulders more comfortably against the pillows piled against her headboard and brushed off the pillow across her lap, "This is what? The millionth time this has happened?"

"It's never been this bad."

"You always say that."

"It's different this time. It's not just petty adultry. This is so beyond… everything.."

"Uh huh."

"This is actually life changing Syd."

"Right."

"You mock," Derek glowered at her, "But may I remind you about the 'slutty sweetheart' fiasco. You weren't so insouciant when your relationship crashed and burned."

"Different."

"Still stressful."

"You weren't left alone with a houseful of girls and the promise of a hellish decade while they all go through puberty."

"I brought you breakfast," Derek changed the subject quickly, "In bed."

"It's 7AM and you invited yourself into my bed with only a dried out muffin as a peace offering. The only reason I put up with you is because I am your only friend and I feel sorry for you."

"I have friends. At Mercy. People like me."

"Like who? Waverly? She likes you because she has to and if you weren't friends with her your living situation would be awkward," she paused, "––er, awkwarder."

"This is all her fault."

"It's all your fault," Sydney corrected, "Her heart is broken."

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"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Derek."

"I don't know. Are you not over him yet?"

"I love him."

Adrienne laughed, "Admitting you have a problem is the first step. 11 more to go. You should add the '12 steps' to your anti-sex list. Are you home?"

"I haven't slept in 2 days. Where is he?"

"'Admit you have a problem','recognize a greater power', 'examine past errors', make amends' what are the others?––"

"I didn't think he'd say no! Oh my God, Rienne, is he saying he's not interested? I can't stand this. I'm going to work. Or the gym. The gym then work. I'll paint the living room."

"There is something about a code of behavior I think… Addison, I think you should go to meetings for this," Adrienne spoke over her sisters nonsensical ramblings, "Could we consider this a gambling addiction? I'm in your driveway. I have cheeseburgers and ice cream."

"I can't eat. I'm to humiliated," Addison opened her front door and sat down on the front stoop while her sister climbed out of her car, her phone still pressed to her ear, "I thought he loved me."

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"Hello."

"Hi."

"Umm, hi," Derek shifted awkwardly and turned away from Sydney who raised an eyebrow but made no move to give him privacy.

There was a short pause, "How are you… you know…"

"Fine," Derek spoke quickly, "How is… everything?"

Addison didn't reply, "I have a thing this afternoon, not a thing thing," she quickly corrected, "A work thing. A surgery. So, could you, I mean if you aren't busy…"

"I can. Yeah," Derek ran his hand awkwardly through his hair, "I can go around two and… if that would…"

"That's fine," Addison broke in, "Her stuff is by the back door and her…"

"I know where her things are Addison," Derek spoke a bit harsher then he meant too.

"Fine," Addison matched his tone, "I'll be home by supper so don't worry about feeding her."

"Why don't I just take her with me tonight?"

Addison was silent, "You're staying at the cabin then?" she asked hesitantly.

Derek processed this slowly, "I just thought … No. I'm not. I can ––"

"Fine. If you are going to stay at the cabin, take her with you. She loves the cabin."

"I'm not going to stay at the cabin. I thought that's what you..."

"I want you to stay at the cabin."

"Really?"

"Really." Addison spoke firmly, "Sadie's stuff is at the back door, if you need any of your stuff pick it up while you're there."

"Addison––" Derek sighed into his phone and disconnected as the dial tone rang in his ear.

"That seemed like a friendly call." Sydney smiled as she poured a mug of coffee for Derek and a glass of apple juice for herself.

"Joint custody," Derek said dryly, "I have to go pick her up this afternoon. Addison wants me to get my stuff out."

Sydney eased herself into a stool at the kitchen counter, "Really? Now?"

"Really. Now."

"You'd think you'd be cutting each other a little slack right now."

Derek chuckled, "We'll work it out by Saturday. She's just over reacting. Don't worry."

"The wedding is in 4 days."

"I said don't worry."

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"All the blood is rushing to my head."

"You're drunk."

"No. I'm upside down."

"Why?"

"Because I'm drunk?" Sydney asked, her head lolling over the edge of the couch so her upper body was upside-down.

"Very." Derek, soberly, sighed, "I don't have a choice do I."

"Addison or bust," Sydney agreed.

"We are reasonably happy together."

"Yes."

"We like each other."

"Almost most of the time."

"And if it doesn't work… I mean there is nothing to lose."

"You'll just try again in a few years."

"We're comfortable with each other."

"You love her."

Derek smiled weakly, "Almost most of the time."

Sydney shook her head making things spin and making her laugh, "You looooooove her."

Derek just laughed.

"Your love, can move mountains. Your love, knows no bounds. Your love, is magic. Your love… I am really drunk. But you love her, in a weird complicated twistly way. But it's love. So you should go to her with a grand romantic gesture. And candy. But no flowers. You save the flowers for the apologizing. You, so far, haven't done anything wrong. Other then making her wait. Which is mean. You are a mean man Derek Shepherd. God. I'm DRUNK." Sydney frowned, mentally calculating how long she had to sober up before her brood of energetic girls awoke. "I'm sober. I'm sober. I'm sober." She took a few calming breaths and struggled to sit up, "Apparently a couple fingers of single malt scotch hits you hard when you've given birth in the last 2 weeks. It will pass. It will pass."

"You can't will yourself into sobrity Mrs. Sloan."

Sydney fixed Derek with an intensely passionate look, "You must go to her."

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"Addison."

Addison groaned and considered hanging up, "I should start checking my caller ID."

"This isn't about you. I'm calling about Laura," Kathleen tapped a pencil on her mahogany desk, "Do you know where the hell she is?"

"Local bar?" Addison replied dryly, looking around her own local bar.

"You're a funny girl. Seriously. Where is she?"

"I haven't spoken to Laura in weeks. It might be a month. I don't think Derek really has either. Which is slowly killing him." Addison pressed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands.

"Addison," Kathleen spoke softly.

"I haven't spoken to her. Okay? It's been… awhile. And Derek is torn, but he hasn't spoken to her either. I don't think they've spoken in months."

"Months? She never…"

"Sydney is … special to Derek," Addison could feel the migraine starting, "And you know how Derek feels about vows and loyalty and family. He can't believe that Laura would… she's his sister and he holds her to a certain standard and––"

"I know I know. Worst sister, sister-in-law ever. But we need a place to stay and I'm not taking all these kids to a hotel. Seattle hotels have done nothing to deserve that."

"I thought you were staying with us."

"No," Kathleen corrected slowly, "Your place is tiny and you have the girls and it will just generally be a mad house. We are staying in a hotel. Mom and I decided."

"But Nancy said…"

"Nancy is an impulsive neurotic romantic. It's bad enough that we are bring 9 kids to a wedding that only the adults were invited too. I don't care if it's family, there isn't enough space in Seattle for family time. Half the family isn't speaking to each other anyway."

"I always said that Nancy's spacial reasoning was off."

"There you go with the funny again. Where is Laura?"

"I don't know. I'd call but she won't answer."

"Well she's not answering my calls either. Use your connections. Call me back," Kathleen ordered, abruptly disconnecting.

Addison stabbed her fork into her shepherds pie, noting the irony, and eyed her phone. Rolling her eyes she dialed and sighed heavily as she listened to it ring.

"Al's phone."

Addison raised an eyebrow, "Is Alison there?"

"Yeah. Who's this."

"Her mother," Addison fibbed.

"Like her real one?"

"Can't I speak with her?" Addison requested sharply, then waited patiently trying to decipher the grumbled voices one the other end.

"Probably my step-mother. Hello?"

"Ali. Who was that charming young man that answered your phone at 9am?"

"Addy," Ali turned away from the phone, "It's Ruby's aunt dumbass. That's Jane's boyfriend. He spent the night last Thursday and hasn't left yet. What's up?"

"Has Anna mentioned anything about where her mom's been lately?"

"I don't know. Anna is in Spain for the semester. I haven't spoken to her mom."

"Who's feeding the cats?"

"Her mom."

"So she's at Anna's place a couple times a day?"

"She's staying there I think. I think she let her place go and Anna says she might move here."

"To New York?"

"I guess."

"Okay. I'll run over to Anna's when I'm done work." Addison smiled and leaned back in her chair, "How's NYU?"

"Great," Ali replied enthusiastically, "But my thesis is raping me. Grad School is hard."

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"Hi," Derek said sheepishly as the door opened.

"Do you always knock so incessantly when people are trying to sleep? You woke me up."

"Sorry," Derek apologized, "Where's Addison."

"She's asleep," Adrienne spoke slowly as if explaining something to a small child or a really stupid dog, "She hasn't really done that in a few days so––"

Derek stepped around her and headed towards the stairs.

Adrienne immediately stopped him. "Umm. No. What do you want? Cause if you're going to break her heart you can do it after her nap."

"I brought her something." Derek held out a rectangular package wrapped all in white. "It's not flowers."

"I can see that. Give it to me. Wait here."

Adrienne entered Addison's bedroom and crawled back into bed beside her. She pulled the covers over her head so she was face to face with her burrowing sister. "Derek's here."

"I know," Addison whispered, "What does he want?"

"I don't know. He brought you this. I think it's good news." Adrienne slid the package towards her. Addison didn't even glance at it.

"Do you think I'm weak?"

"No." Adrienne assured her, "You aren't weak, and you aren't Mom."

"I'm in bed pining over a guy who left me for another woman. It's so pathetic. I'm pathetic. Why do I keep doing this to myself. I should know better. I––"

"Addison," Adrienne interrupted, resting her palm on her sister's cheek, "He's downstairs. You aren't hanging on to some one-sided crush. He's downstairs." Adrienne smiled, "And he brought you a present and I really want to know what it is."

Addison smiled timidly and sat up, pushing the blankets off of them and picking up the gift. "I think it's a book," she mused as she carefully tore the paper off one end, "Why would he––" she paused in confusion, "It's a date book," she flipped it open and her eyes filled with tears, "He's filled it in," she turned the book around, "He's taking me out tomorrow. And Saturday." she flipped ahead, "He's filled in weeks."

"Hey," Adrienne grinned, "He claimed our birthday. That's against the rules."

"No it's not," Addison laughed tearfully.

"It's against my rules. He can't have you for a whole long weekend. Who am I suppose to celebrate with?"

"He wants us to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family visited to be decided." Addison closed the book, "That's 6 months away."

Adrienne reopened the date book and flipped through a few pages. "'August 17th. 'Rounding Home'" She snickered, "'Home'? As in 'Home Run"? The man scheduled intercourse."

Addison sighed and leaned back against the pillows, "We won't make it that long anyway," she grinned, "He really wants to do this."

"Yeah," Adrienne agreed, "He's downstairs waiting."

"For me."

"Well if it's for me we have a problem."

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He was snoring.

Loudly.

On her couch. When she was ready to have a serious conversation that may or may not –– her rules said not, her heart said may –– lead to other things. He seemed sure of himself –– sleeping calmly without a care in the world when she had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for 2 whole days.

She curled into the corner of the couch opposite him and poked him lightly in the side with her toe, "Derek. Derek!"

He started, then smiled and rested his hand on her ankle, "Hey."

"I don't think this is going to work," she held up the date book.

Derek pulled his hand away from her foot and sat up slowly –– confusion evident on his face, this was her idea after all.

"You want to go out tomorrow at 6, but I'm going to be at the hospital until at least 8. And Adrienne has issues with you claiming out birthday, especially since we apparently don't have 'intercourse' scheduled for 3 weeks after that."

Derek sank back against the couch cushions as a huge smile broke across Addison's face. "That was mean," he informed her weakly.

"So was leaving me hanging for 2 days," she teased.

"So I should have brought flowers?"

"Always bring flowers."

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So… what did you think?

Are you confused?

In case someone didn't figure it out (and I'm betting that at least a few didn't), the present is the future and the past is the present. MEANING, that the flashbacks continue the storyline from the last section, and then 'five years later' is… well… 5 years in the future from where we left off at the end of the last section. So there are two separate but connected storylines.

How annoying is that. You are getting the beginning and the end of the story and waiting on the middle.

I'm a bitch. Leave me reviews and tell me how huge a bitch I am :P.