Life had order.

You lived.

You died.

You filled in the gaps with various life events, the luckiest of souls found their other half and lived the journey together. Facing the ups and downs of life together, if you were really lucky you were blessed with children.

These tiny little people that you loved from the second you learned of their existence. You didn't need to see them, or know their gender. It didn't matter, as soon as that little stick read 'pregnant' you were head over heels in love.

It was all consuming.

You'd do anything for that perfect little person. You'd gladly give your life for theirs. You'd do all you could to protect them, you'd chase the nightmares away, kiss the skinned knees, you'd do anything to ease their pain.

There was nothing more terrifying than sending your child out into the world, a world that could be cruel. You spend hours prepping your child on stranger danger and peer pressure. You tell them all the ways the world can hurt them, maybe you even instill a little bit of fear in them.

Scare them straight.

Never once do you think you'd be the reason they're gone.

That you had failed your child.

That you were the one your child needed to be wary of.

Never once did it cross your mind that you'd be the reason your child was gone.

It went against the order of things, a parent wasn't supposed to bury their child.

Yet here you stood, staring at the smallest coffin you had ever laid eyes on. A line of people offering their condolences, their faces distorted. Their voices monotone, and each one indistinguishable from the last.

You want to rage at the world, you want to scream.

You want the one thing you can't have.

You want your baby back.

You want to go back in time and hold on a little tighter, you want to hold your child in your arms just one more time. Kiss their precious face and tell them how much you love them.

You can't.

Instead you hope the ground will open up and swallow you whole.

You want to fix your wife's broken heart, you want to wipe her tears away. You want to comfort your remaining children, tell them it will be okay.

That's a fucking lie.

It will never be okay.

You killed your child

Your innocent child.

He lived for days like this, he had sent his wife out for a day of pampering and he was thrilled to hit the park with the kids. The winter had been long and cold, as a kid he lived for the first sign of spring, it was without a doubt his favorite time of year. He hated the summer, it was far too hot for his liking. The winter was awful, it was always so dreary and the snow was a serious pain in the ass. Sure, the occasional snow day was fun, but it wasn't long before the snow became a slushy brown mess.

He had big plans for today, he had been working some crazy hours as of late and he hadn't seen the kids as much as he would've liked. Today he was going to make up for that, he knew the kids understood that his job was important, but so were they. He was going to make sure they knew that, that despite his crazy hours he would do his best to spend time with them. Meaningful time, time spent making memories.

"Dad," Max sat on the arm of the couch, "Can we go to the park..you know the one with the skate park in it." Max was eleven and he had become obsessed with skate boarding, an activity that made his mother cringe. The kid wasn't what one would call coordinated but damn if he didn't love it.

"Ah, man. I dunno. Mom's not crazy about that park." He had heard it from his wife enough to know she'd rather their son didn't have a skateboard. She had finally given in an allowed him to purchase a board with his birthday money. She made it abundantly clear that he wasn't to go to the skatepark, at least not yet anyway. Though, unbeknownst to his wife Max had a gone a few times already.

"You took me a few weeks ago."

"Yes, I did. Max, but your mom doesn't know that. You know what she's like." He knew it was just a matter of time before it came back and bit him in the ass.

"I won't tell her." Max pleaded, "Please, dad." He dropped to his knees in front of his dad, "I'll do whatever you want. Clean the bathroom. Eat vegetables, anything at all. Come on, please?"

He took a deep breath, "I dunno. Your brother and sister will be bored."

"Nu-Huh, they have the big playset. Caleb loves it. Charlie loves it too." Max wrapped his arms around his dad's waist, "Please!"

"Fine" he sighed, "You've got to promise to be careful, okay? Your mom will kill me if you get hurt. I mean it Max, you've got to be careful.

"Yes!" He pumped his fist in excitement, "I'm always careful. I'll get my board."

"It's mine!" eight year old Caleb snarled as he grabbed the last cookie on the plate.

Charlie's eyes filled with water, her bottom lip quivered just a bit. She was four and the princess of the family, neither of the boys would admit it but Charlotte held a special place in their hearts.

Caleb watched as the tears spilled down his little sister's cheeks, "You can have it. My tummy is kinda full anyway." He handed the cookie to her, "Don't cry."

"Thank you bubby" Charlie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "you want a piece?"

"Sure."

Well if that didn't make his heart swell with pride, he tousled Caleb's hair, "That was nice of you buddy. Makes daddy proud." He kissed his head, "You too Charlie, how about we stop for ice cream on the way home. That sound good?"

"Sundaes?" Caleb asked.

"You know it."

The park was on the other side of town, but it was a favorite. On a good day it was about a thirty minute drive, but it was well worth it. All of the equipment had been updated a few months back, and it had a fitness track on the outskirts of the play area. The skatepark was on the outside of the track, it was a nice setup. He had a strong line of vision to the play set in one direction and the skate park the other. He'd be able to get a little cardio in as the kids played.

He sat the younger two at a park bench as he filled out paperwork for Max to start skating, "Max, take it easy okay? No big jumps, not yet. Stick to what you've been practicing. You've got an hour."

"Okay. Thanks dad." He smiled, dodging his father's hug, "c'mon..the big kids are watching."

"Alright" he held his hands up, "No hug. Fist bump?"

Max rolled his eyes, "You're weird."

"So are you" Adam knocked on his helmet, "Don't be a wild man, okay?"

"Bye dad." Max shook his head and took off, finding a group of friends by the half pipe.

He watched his boy for a few minutes, his son was so much like him it was uncanny. It never ceased to amaze him, wether it was the way he walked or the sly smirk he often wore. He just hoped that his boy wouldn't cause him the same stress that he had put his parents through.

"This is lovely.." she had her eyes closed and was throughly enjoying the massage she was receiving, "amazing actually."

"You seem really tense.." the masseuse noted, "you've got quite a few knots in your shoulders"

She chuckled a bit, "Yes. I like to call those Max and Caleb. My boys. They're a handful and a half..still not as bad as their daddy though" she sighed, "he's a bigger kid than them sometimes."

"I know all about that. My husband is the same. I tell everyone I have three kids. My twins and my husband."

He watched as Caleb helped Charlie across the suspension bridge, it was pretty sweet watching them together, despite their propensity for fighting they really did love each other.

"Your phone is ringing" the masseuse pointed to the iPhone on the small table. She picked it up and handed it to her client, "Here."

After a quick glance at the caller ID she put it on silent and handed it over, "No interruptions. It's my day." She smiled, "No phone calls, no texts. Just relaxation." It wasn't often they splurged on spa days, so she was determined to make every minute of it count.

"Watch daddy!" Charlie called out, "I can pump my legs so fast." Her sandy blonde hair whipping around as the wind blew.

"Great job, baby. You're doing great." He replied.

"Caleb showed me. I can go so high. It tickles my tummy. I love it. It's fun" she rambled.

Max watched as one of the boys perfected a jump, he had spent most of the hour with an older group of boys and was feeling a bit adventurous and some peer pressure. The last thing he wanted to do in front of the older boys was wuss out. He grabbed his board and climbed the flight of stairs, perching himself on the edge of the half pipe. He adjusted the straps on his helmet, pulling it tighter against his chin.

He closed his eyes briefly, as he opened them he took off down the pipe.

There was no turning back, he just hoped he wouldn't wipe out.

"Caleb, Charlie!" He called out, "Ten more minutes okay"

"Sure dad." Caleb replied, "I'm gonna swing, you coming Charlie?" His little sister sat on the side of the sandbox.

She dropped the shovel, "Yes. Will you help me start? It takes too long to go high."

His phone buzzed on the table, "Careful you two." He kept an eye on them as he answered "Ruzek"

"Hi , its Zack from the skate park, I'm calling about Max."

Adam felt his stomach drop, "What's wrong?"

"He fell."

Adam was fucked, "I will be right there, I'm still in the park" he didn't allow for the kid's reply he ended the call and jogged off to the swings, "Alright you two, we need to go."

"Why?" Caleb whined, "You said we had more time."

Adam groaned, "I know I did. I'm sorry, Caleb. Your brother fell. We need to go see if he's okay."

"I can stay here." Caleb announced, "on the swings. Me and Charlie can stay while you get Max." He was certainly his mother's child, he was stubborn as could be and always trying to get a few more minutes out of an activity.

Adam glanced over his shoulder, the skate park wasn't that far away and he had a clear shot of the swings the kids were playing on, he kneeled down in front of his son, "Okay. You can stay. I need you to stay right here, you and Charlie both. Do you understand?"

"I do." Caleb replied, "I promise I won't go anywhere."

Adam moved to Charlie, "What about you princess, you'll listen to Caleb and wait for me, right?"

"Yes Daddy."

He took one last glance at his younger kids, "Alright. I will be right back. Stay here."

So much for a break, here's the first of a two parter.