It was another miserable day for 18-year-old 12th grader Evan Hansen at his High School. Talked to no one, noticed by no one, loved by no one. This was a regular occurrence, so usually Evan would be unalarmed. However, something was different in his psyche today. He was starting to ask a question he never thought of before: Why? Evan thought, "I am kindhearted, musically talented, and, though I hate to be conceited, decently handsome."
Of course, he knew the answer was his crippling social anxiety that caused him to act awkward around literally anyone, preventing him from engaging in any friendly contact. "If only" he continued in his mind "someone was kind enough to give me the attention, so that they can lead, and I can follow." Unfortunately, this was not the way of the average student in the modern school system. You had to be assertive to make friends.
Walking into his room, wearing his usual blue-striped polo, almost high-water khakis, and long, wrinkled white socks, Evan plopped onto his bed, full of melancholy. He wondered "I wish there was someone, ANYONE, who was easy to approach, gentle with conversation, and able to free me from this cocoon known as 'anxiety'. Full of teary-eyed despair, Evan rested his head on his pillow and began to doze off, fully dressed.
Two and a half hours later, after a seemingly dreamless nap, Evan's eyes began to reopen. He felt something strange, however. The bed felt warmer and tighter, as if his personal space had been infiltrated. Wiping the fuzz out of his eyes, Evan tried focusing on the strange distorter of his bed. When his vision was fully clear, Evan squeaked. Right in front of him, on the other side of his not-so-large bed, was an exact duplicate of him, staring right back at him with the same exasperation. It was like looking in a mirror: same clothes, same blue eyes, same light brown hair.
Neither Evan could talk. Both were full of so much shock that words were stuck in their mouths like rats in a cage. "Wh...wh...who are you" both Evans said at the exact same time. They quickly moved away from each other, then moved closer in order place their palms on their counterparts palm. A series of gestures followed, including pointing, gasping, and other strange hand motions. With the initial astonishment wearing off, the Evans finally managed to let one of them speak alone.
"Y... you're me!" The other responded with a faint yet impactful "y... yeah!" The silence broke into hesitant giggling.
"So.. heh... it looks like our wish came true." Both Evans thought back to before their nap, when they wished for someone to talk to. "Yeah... who would've thought that the person I could most easily talk to was myself...!" The giggling evolved into nervous laughter. Even with it being himself, Evan still retained his conversational anxiety.
"So..." one Evan started "What should we do then?" Both Evans began to think, but realized they never had real friends before, so cooperative planning was not their strong suit. "We could play a video game... but I... we... only have one controller." The other Evan nodded and replied "Well, we could do what other people do and hang out somewhere, maybe play some sports?" A momentary pause caused Evan to resume "sorry... yeah terrible idea I know... I just have no idea what people do together for fun..." This depressing statement caused both Evans to sigh in unison. "I guess we could just watch a movie on our laptop." "Sounds good I guess."
One Evan went in the kitchen to get snacks, while the other picked out a movie on Amazon. "Haha nice one" the snack-grabbing Evan said as he reentered his room. "The 6th Day, what a perfect movie." As he went to join the other Evan on the bed, Evan tripped on a toy truck, spilling his snack hoard of popcorn and cookies. "Sorry... sorry... sorry... uhhh..." He began tearing up, realizing that he could not even act normal around himself. "Hey... uhh... its ok dude" the bed Evan said. He hopped to the floor and began aiding in the cleaning of the spilled snacks. There was no talking while this was happening, but at one point the Evans accidentally touched hands, leading both to blush and to quickly whisper "sorry."
After that incident, the doppelgangers climbed onto opposite sides of the bed and turned on the movie, one half of the laptop on each Evan's leg. During the movie, one Evan pondered and spoke "How do you think there are two of us now? Was it magic that caused our wish to come true?" While these words came out of his mouth, he still was mentally embarrassed, as was his double. This whole time, its been nothing but awkwardness between the two shy boys. And it was just himself! His realization came to be that it was truly his fault he could make no friends.
Instead of answering, the other Evan began to sniffle. The other Evan joined in. The sniffling turned into tears, and the tears into ugly crying. Two of the same cries in unison echoed through Evan's tiny room. Needing to relieve the stressful pain caused by their breakdown, the Evans looked for something to squeeze: and each other happened to be the closest object. With the movie still playing, the Evans began to hold each other tightly, which eventually transformed into light hugging and rocking back and forth.
"Why can't we do it?" one Evan spoke, pausing the movie. "It makes me so frustrated... it's not fair...!" Agreeing, the other Evan, whose head currently rest on the other's shoulder, responded "I have no idea... all my life I've seen people talk... form meaningful relationships... do anything that means something to another. I... I just can't seem to do that... and nobody else understands... so nobody else can help..."
"I understand." The other Evan pulled his head back and stared at his reflection with damp, red-ringed eyes. A moment of peace and connection calmed the Evans down, at least for now. "Y... you're right. I think I understand our fulfilled wish now... it gave us a shoulder to cry on... a shoulder that gets why its being cried on." Still looking deeply into each other, their frowns turned into slight grins. After one last embrace, one Evan spoke "I don't care how it happened. I'm just glad it did." The Evans chuckled and in unison said "Thanks."
After learning that their mom was going out of town for a few days, the Evans began to ready for bed. Though they did not have school the next day, nor any plans, they still wanted to experience life with someone they can call "friend." Being the anxious boys they are, the Evans took turns taking showers and used different toothbrushes. They still, however, stripped to their matching underwear: light blue boxer briefs, in order to sleep, as they found pajamas too uncomfortable.
"I like to keep my socks on when I sleep..." one started. "...because your feet get cold? Same." the other ended. "Yeah... sorry... I keep forgetting we are the same person." Awkwardly sitting beside each other on the bed, an Evan asked "So... who gets the bed?" After a tense moment of silence, both Evans spoke "You can have it..." "No you!" "He he... stop..." "I guess..." one interjected "We could share the bed? W... we are the same person... and I... I" He froze. "If you are thinking what I am thinking, t... then I agree." What were they thinking? "I enjoyed our cuddle" were the unspeakable words. Because they both knew what they were thinking, they both got under the covers, and one Evan wrapped his arms around the other. As one Evan's hands touched the other's belly, the uncomfortable face each was making reformed into a half smile.
For the first time in what feels like forever, Evan was eager to wake up the next day. Before cruising to the land of dreams, one Evan relayed something that was on both minds. "I'm glad there is finally somebody who likes me..." A short delay was followed by "I wonder if I'll ever find somebody who loves me." This single thought haunted the slumber of the Evans that night.