Okay
Ok, you opened it, now just read it. It's not poisonous.
Disclaimer, I don't own Itachi, I don't own Luna, I don't own the inspiration to this fanficiton, which is a collaborate of a few Beatles songs. If you can find them, you get... I don't know... something.
Oh, and I don't own Monty Python.
I apologize in advance for any confusion or discomfort cause by the slightly bizarre events. And the distasteful opening.
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Itachi Uchiha. Mass murderer supreme, evil brother extraordinaire.
And he was hungry.
Having no will to cook, he went out to go find a suitable eatery.
Possibly sandwiches.
Maybe he'd eat fish, just for the irony. (Kisame had been throwing ping-pong balls at him for unwillingness to play.)
Instead of doing the sensible thing and searching for something he wanted to eat, he walked straight into the first place he found and ordered lasagna. Because he could. (see? lame opening.)
And he sat in silence, watching the scenery. It was a peaceful sort of day. Kind of quiet in the restaurant he had chosen, but then again it was a small place. And quiet was good. Noisy and busy places gave him headaches, awful headaches.
The door opened, and something in the back of the shop chimed dully to show that someone was there. And someone was. Itachi was nearly dismayed to see who.
Large, unblinking eyes. Dirty blonde hair, longer than it should be allowed, held back today in pigtails. Windy smile. A lilting gait that might have been a waltz.
He'd seen her around. She was everywhere at once; he almost suspected she cloned herself. Yesterday she'd been climbing a tree in the forest, dressed in bright red overalls. The week before she'd been on the swings seeing how high she could jump off. And before that it was just her vague expression and noticeable appearance that he remembered.
She sat herself in a seat three tables down. A window seat. He watched her laxly, her face curtained momentarily as the young waiter went over to ask what she wanted.
So odd, the way she dressed. Today it was long stockings, striped in bright orange and blue hues. She had ribbons in her hair to match, and a yellow blazer. Dark purple skirt. Such clashing colors, on such a wistful sort of person. It almost didn't fit; she might look better in pastels.
She sat, humming to herself, watching the ceiling, and Itachi hadn't realized he was so focused until the waiter broke him from his stupor by setting his dish in front of him. Itachi, ignoring the waiter completely, (because that's what evil people do,) simply picked up the fork and waited until he had left.
He looked back up from his plate, after a minute or two, and saw that the mystery girl was crocheting what looked like a very long hat. It might have been a very thin sleeping bag, but no one could have fit inside it.
She looked up.
Itachi, not being the 'look away embarrassedly' type, met her gaze. Unlike other people-who-didn't-know-him, she didn't look elsewhere and pretend he wasn't there. She smiled friendly-ly. (Is that a word...?)
Itachi did nothing, so she went back to crocheting her hat-scarf-sleeping bag thing.
:3
Late that night, (because evil people dislike bedtimes), Itachi was in a beanbag chair in the corner of his room, staring at the ceiling. His thoughts, unlike most days, had wandered. They were, at the moment, lingering upon the girl from earlier. It was odd, he noted, how fresh a smile was every once and a while. When you get used to glares, blank stares and odd looks when you're seen in public, a simple smile can be rather startling. Thinking back, Itachi supposed the polite thing to do would have been to smile back. But then again, he hadn't smiled since last month. (When Kisame had slipped on a thin rug and landed on Hidan, who was playing with pointy objects again.) So he might have been out of practice and therefore scared her.
Then he realized how dumb it was that he was considering smiling to a stranger.
:3
Kakuzu had flooded the lounge.
Itachi had no clue when this had happened, not to mention how, nor what the hell Kakuzu had been thinking. But the lounge was wet all over, and impossible soggy. And Itachi had been up all night thinking and was therefore sick of his cave. So he went outside to find a quiet place, and brought along a book to read. (Sammy keys- don't ask.)
He decided somewhere in the woods would suffice, and so he wandered through the trees looking for a soft looking tree to lean against.
A humming noise started, out of nowhere. And continued. Itachi was just wondering what the hell it was, he came across a sunny sort of clearing.
RANDOM WTF BREAK FOR LIFE OF BRIAN QUOTE!
Brian: You're all different!
Crowd: We're all different!
Man: I'm not.
AND BACK TO OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION
And sitting in the center of that clearing, was what looked like a very large, brightly colored bird. On double take, it wasn't a bird at all, but a familiar blonde girl wearing a certain long hat, which she had glued such a broad assortment of feathers to that it looked as though she might take off.
She was crouching by a tall stone, which she had propped up rather like a tombstone, humming a melody Itachi was certain he'd heard her hum before. (For those of you who are curious, she is burying a bird she found dead that morning.)
He stayed where he was, the outside of the clearing, and watched as she laid a bizarre shaped, multi-colored daisy chain over the stone. She stayed there, humming, for nearly half an hour, and Itachi stayed where he was, watching. He made no noise, it felt as though she was an animal and the slightest shuffle might send her scampering into the woods.
And she finally seemed to have had her fill of the out-of-place stone in the middle of the clearing, and stood up. She turned away from Itachi, to walk out of the clearing.
"Goodbye, then." She said, once she was almost out of sight, turning back and looking Itachi in the eyes for a brief moment and then continuing on her way.
Itachi didn't move, even still. He was slightly stunned. When Itachi didn't want to be seen, he wasn't seen. That came with the whole super ninja thing. How long had she known he was there? And why hadn't she done anything. These were questions that someday he would make sure he had the answer to.
Which he supposed included seeing her again.
:3
And he did see her again. Over the next few days, he found more and more excuses to go out wandering through town, and sometimes he didn't even have one. He kept thinking he'd seen her, then double back and it would be someone else. And sometimes he would see her. He just watched her, the first time, she was sitting on a roof (no one seemed to have noticed her, so no one had told her to get off) and reading a newspaper article. She had seemed so absorbed in whatever she was reading, so he hadn't done anything. The second time she had been saying hello to a dog on the street, whose owner had tied him to a tree. And the third, outside the bakery. She was sitting on an overgrown bench, eating a scone. If you have to ask what sort of scone it was, you have not read 'without a wand' part three/four. (Lemon. Incase you haven't.)
Itachi had been in the store next door, looking listlessly at a CD display, Bob Dylan. He'd finally exited the store, and there she had been, dressed in the pastels he had wondered about, breaking off a corner of her scone.
Her hand stopped before it reached her mouth, she seemed to be considering something. She looked up, towards him, and motioned that he might join her.
...Well, how else was he going to find out how she had known he was in the woods that day?
So he walked over and sat down beside her.
"You know," she said airily, as though stating the weather, "Some people might call it stalking."
Itachi was confused a moment, before realizing the obvious. He didn't say anything, however, and gave her a 'what are you going to do about it?' look.
She smiled thoughtfully. "It's okay, though," she told him. "You didn't mean anything by it."
Itachi, now with more questions than before, was having trouble finding a way to say anything.
"You stand out, really," The girl beside him was saying. "It's almost as if you are something else entirely."
"I stand out?" Itachi asked her, raising an eyebrow. "And that's how you knew I was there, hm?"
"Yes," she said simply, taking a small bite from her scone.
Itachi, lost for words, watched her in silence.
Seeming to find nothing odd about supplying the conversation, she continued. "And you were there yesterday as well, I think," She said nonchalantly. "Weren't you?" she looked right at him, and it startled him. More than it should have.
"I was," Itachi replied stoutly, staring right back at her. Did she ever blink? Thinking about it made his eyes water, and he had to look away.
She nodded contently, and stood up. "I have to go," she told him. "But I suppose I'll be seeing you again sometime."
Itachi just watched her go, and she was humming the same melody from the day in the forest. He remembered it quite distinctly.
He supposed he'd ask about it. after all, he would see her again, for she had told him before she'd gone.
:3
Itachi was in the confines of his room, lying on the couch, listening to the radio.
'I just can't quit now, you've really got a hold on me...'
But he wasn't really paying attention to the music, because at the moment it seemed the only thing he could think of was how he had no clue what her name was. Her, the eccentric girl he'd seen around. He hadn't caught her name. He hadn't caught anything about her, really. She was a complete mystery. How was he expected to carry on like this? Aught. What a fix.
The night went by, Itachi dozed on and off. His dreams were filled with oddly shaped flower chains and orange-blue stockings, and the simple melody he had heard wove it's way in and out. It was morning before he realized- it didn't matter what she was called. He would feel the same anyway.
The next morning, he went out for a walk in the woods just to be outside. It was very green today, almost creepily so. It must have rained last night.
He considered what it would be like if the woods had sprinklers and were therefore like this all the time. What a weird world this could be. (When did he start thinking like this? Maybe there was an influence, eh?)
His walk led him eventually to a running brook in the depths of the forest, and it was strangely peaceful. It was very quiet, the silence broken by the constant trickling babble of running water, and the occasional bird song. Itachi sat down on a dead log (the only good log...) and picked up a stone to throw into the creek.
Okay, if I make this shot...
He tossed the pebble into the shallow waters, where it was lost among the other stones littering the bottom of the creek. He stooped slightly to pick up another. Aimed carefully, and it skipped all the way across the stream, skidding to a stop on the opposite bank. (Insert inward smirk here)
He picked up another.
Plunk.
He looked up from where he had been fingering the third stone. Across the brook, bent over picking up the wet stone he had skipped a minute ago, was a bobbing blonde head, and a sundress of greens that blended in with the mossy background.
Itachi's rock slipped from his hand, and she looked up at him, smiling. "You skip stones well." She took his skipped stone and threw it across the creek, where it skipped once and sank into the clear water.
"You don't."
He hadn't meant to be rude, but she didn't seem to mind. "I don't, do I," she said thoughtfully. "I suppose I could ask you to teach me."
"I could decline..."
"You could."
She smiled anyway, and he knew he would not. However, she did not ask to be taught. She simply lifted her skirt to reveal bare feet, and waded lightly through the shallow stream to join him on the other side. "May I?" she asked, sitting down on a large stone next to him.
"You just did."
"Yes, I expect so."
Itachi sighed. "Well, it's okay, you can sit there."
"Thank you." She grinned in a carefree manner over the jabbering stream. "I do love this creek," she said after a second or two.
"It's nice." Itachi said shortly.
There was an awkward silence. (For the record, only Itachi thought it was awkward.)
Then Rachel (1) ran by on the opposite side of the river, with a creepily happy smile, yelling, "GAY BABY PREVENTION!!" and disappeared again.
"Oh," The girl whose name Itachi still did not have said, "A gay baby preventor. I've heard of them."
"A gay what?" Itachi said in disbelief. This was a weirder forest by far than he had thought.
"It's a religious group," she assured him. "They believe that every time there is an awkward silence, a gay baby is born. So they give people topics by grinning madly. It's really quite a delusive religion, most people don't think it even exists."
"What have they got against gay people?" Itachi said, thinking of Sasori.
"They say the queers are building landing strips for gay Martians." (2)
Itachi was left speechless.
"Sometimes I'm suspicious, though."
Itachi shook himself back to reality from imagination-induced images of gay aliens.
"Wouldn't they be more likely to build landing strips for all aliens, not just the ones from mars?"
"Are there aliens on mars?"
"Oh, yes."
There was another silence. When Itachi realized that it might become awkward, he struck up a conversation because he really didn't want to ever see another gay baby preventor.
"Come have lunch with me?"
"Alright." The blonde girl stood. "That sounds lovely."
Itachi stood up beside her. "You know what?" he asked her. "I don't know your name."
"Luna," was the reply. "Luna Lovegood."
Lunch was pleasant. The food was good, and the company wasn't half bad either. Finally, in the mid-afternoon, Luna said she had to go.
"Can I see you again?" Itachi asked as she stood up from the table.
"Of course," Luna replied.
"Say, tomorrow?"
"I'm going with my father to see a very old waterfall. Is the day after alright?"
"It's fine." Itachi said. "Where can I meet you?"
"Anywhere is fine with me," Luna told him, so he suggested the park across from the record shop.
"That sounds lovely," she told him. "I'll see you day after tomorrow, then!"
As she was halfway to the door, he called after her. "You best show, alright?"
"I promise!" She called back. "I'll be there!"
And it was apparent in her tone that she wasn't lying.
:3
Itachi spent almost he entirety of the tomorrow playing chess with himself (one can't play checkers all the time, and no one else could match his talent) and his thoughts were constantly wandering. He was anxious, he wouldn't deny himself that, and part of him was content. Excited, even. But if he thought about it too much he began wondering what the hell he was doing, so he focused again on the moves he was making.
Deidara stormed suddenly into the room, with what looked like a box, only you couldn't tell because it was wrapped in newspaper. The funnies. Hidan and Konan were chasing after him, calling to share. Itachi supposed it was one of the 'care packages' his mother had begun to send him about a month ago.
And that was the most pointless scene I've ever written.
:3
The night passed, and Itachi got up earlier than was necessary. But he couldn't have gone back to sleep anyway. He wasn't tired. (And Itachi's not a morning person either.) So he put a record onto an old record player he'd found in an antique shop, and played it very loudly so as to wake everyone else up too. (This was a habit he'd formed, when he couldn't sleep, no one could.)
After much pacing, foot-tapping and thumb-twiddling, and quite a few complaints about the music, Itachi decided to jut leave early. He'd go across the street and look at music, or listen to it at least. Pass the time.
And so he left.
Once in the record shop, time passed a little faster, but he still found himself looking out the window at the park every ten minutes. And eventually he decided he could go sit and wait. He'd seen the whole shop anyway...
He sat down on a bench underneath a shady willow- it was rather warm out- and waited.
And waited.
And waited a little longer. Glancing up at the community clock to his left, she was a little late. But that was okay, he could wait a little longer.
And that he did.
It was an hour and a half past when they were going to meet. Itachi had begun to worry she wasn't coming, possibly she hadn't wanted to in the first place. He thought back to when she'd promised she'd be there, and shook the thought out of his head. Of this he was sure, she had meant what she'd said. She had wanted to show. So he stayed where he was.
And there he stayed through the afternoon, watching as small children ran up and down the grass field, their parents watching them fondly from benches not unlike the one he was on. He watched the birds fly in dull circles, and the vendors selling popsicles and hot dogs. He watched the couples sitting together, holding hands and whispering softly to each other.
When the sun began to descend, he wondered if he could possible wait any longer. If she hadn't come yet...
A horrible thought struck him.
She had meant to come, that much was certain. What if she had tried to come, and been stopped, what if she had been mugged, or murdered or any of a number of things. (Murder is there along with the rest because in Itachi's life it is not a rare occurrence.) He got up swiftly and walked quickly down the street.
He searched nearly the whole town. It was nearly dark now, and getting hard to see. He had called her name countless times. He had turned down road after road, and then another. He saw many different people, but had yet to see the one he wanted to.
The streets began to clear, no one seemed to want to be out when it got darker. Itachi ducked into a small side street, it didn't look like it was commonly used. There were very few houses, they were spaced out and small and looked rather like no one lived in them.
And stopped.
There was a quiet tune, barely audible. But familiar.
"Luna?" He called into the dark street, starting his feet again. And there, her foot caught in the roots of a tangled tree, was Luna, humming her recognizable ditty to herself.
She stopped humming when she caught sight of him. She broke into a relieved sort of smile (why she didn't have her wand with her I don't know, make up something.). "Itachi-" she began, but it was no good, as he collapsed beside her and flung his arms around her, so tightly it seemed he would never let go.
"Itachi?" Luna said again, quieter this time.
"Just...don't move." Itachi said in a strangled sort of voice. "Stay there."
So she did, and he stayed there with his arms around her for what may as well have been all eternity.
It may have been the first time Itachi had ever really embraced someone. Sure, his parents had hugged him when he was a boy, and his brother had grabbed onto his leg and made him drag him everywhere, but he'd never hugged his parents in earnest, and he'd always shoved his brother off. (Seriously, if you're reading this, go right now and hug your parents. NOW. You don't need an excuse. Just hug them.)
And now he sat by the roots of a gnarled old tree in a side street no one knew, dressed in the robes of a traitor, holding Luna as tightly as if he could make up for the years he'd lost. She didn't object. She didn't run, she didn't lie. She knew he wanted just to hold her.
And because time isn't Hidan, he had to let go. He heaved himself off of the ground, and went to break the roots imprisoning her. He didn't apologize. He didn't think he'd done anything wrong. She didn't ask for an apology.
He helped her up; she was slightly shaky from sitting so uncomfortably all day. Her ankle was red and slightly swollen.
They walked together, late as it was, to a nearby teashop (that one) for something to warm her up. (Other than Itachi- heheh.)
Sitting in silence, Luna sipping her warm tea, Itachi just watching her and being glad she was safe.
Luna set down her tea. "Thank you." She said. "And I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I tripped on the roots, you see, and the-"
Itachi held up his hand for her to stop. "It's okay." He said. "It's all fine. Everything's fine now." He smiled a bit.
She was quiet a moment.
"Yes." She said. "It is, isn't it."
Luna sipped her tea again, and seemed deep in thought. But sometimes, Itachi thought, you can't tell if she's deep in thought or simply daydreaming. He stood up suddenly, his chair scraping against the floor. Luna looked up.
"Is it getting late?" she asked. He shook his head.
"May I?" he asked, sitting down on the bench beside her.
"You just did," She told him.
"Yes," he agreed, "I suppose I did."
Her eyes met his, and once again she didn't look away. Once again she smiled. And it was even prettier a smile than last time, he was sure of it.
Luna hadn't realized how tired she was until now. It was getting late, these days it didn't get dark until. She stifled a yawn, but it did not go as unnoticed as she'd hoped.
"You ought to get some rest."
"It's alright, I'll be fine."
"Yes, once you get some rest."
Luna shook her head. "No, really, I..." she trailed off. Itachi had reached up to push a lock of her straggly hair behind her ears. "I'm...fine..." She whispered, having lost the ability to speak loudly.
"Mmm." Itachi replied. "You still look tired to me."
"...I'm a little tired."
"It's late." Itachi said, running his hand through her hair. She didn't do anything, he could tell if she minded or not. As long as she didn't object however, he wasn't going to worry about it. "You could lean on me." He suggested.
She didn't say anything.
"I don't bite." (So he says.)
Without looked at him, she laid her head hesitantly against him.
He smiled, satisfied.
He didn't move her, and she didn't move. Itachi couldn't tell if she was asleep or not. However, she was as unresponsive as if she were asleep. He put his arm around her- she moved slightly. Turned her face up to look at him.
He looked back at her, asking silently if he could stay there.
She gave him a small, sleepy smile and wormed her arms around him. He took that as a yes, and held her closer.
:3
Eventually the shop they were sitting in had to close, and they walked out together, hand in hand. They strolled through the nearly deserted streets together, path lit by flickering streetlights and stars. However late Itachi could stay out, Luna needed to get home. And so they stopped to rest together a last time, underneath the willow in the park.
Luna was leaning against him. "Itachi?" she asked quietly, as quiet voices seemed appropriate at this hour.
"Yes?"
"How did you find me?"
Itachi didn't say anything a minute. "I...looked." He answered finally.
"You must have looked an awful lot."
"A fair amount."
"Why?"
"Why?" Itachi echoed.
"Yes, why were you looking so much?"
"I guess I cared about what had happened to you." Itachi muttered, and her hand tightened in his.
"Thank you." She whispered to him, and reached up to kiss him on the cheek.
"That makes it worth it." Itachi murmured, looking over to her wide eyes.
He was silent for a moment, just watched her. "Luna?" he asked.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Can I kiss you?"
She didn't say anything at first. "You...would?" she said quietly.
"If you want me to, I will."
Luna watched his eyes. Eyes often told her more about someone than what they said or did, they told what people felt.
"Okay."
:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F:F
And there you are.
(1) Rachel is not an OC, or some weird extra character from some show you've never heard of. She's a friend of mine. Sorry if you were confused or maddened.
(2) Stuart, by the Dead Milkmen. Weird, weird song…
(3) Yes, ok, there was no #3.
Nothing else.
Except
Please drop me a review. :D