-- Almost Lover --
by: dreams-of-mist
Summary: What do you do when the man you love doesn't know you? When the memories of what used to be are but a bitter reminder? Mamoru has no recollection of who Usagi is to him, and she bears the knowledge of their love alone. How much heartache can one take?
Author's Note: Hi everyone, this is a new story that I've been thinking about writing for a while. I still plan on completing "Bittersweet Goodbye", but I was itching to get started on this new fanfic.
The inspiration for it was a song called "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. It's an absolutely gorgeous song, and it reminded me of Usagi and Mamoru, specifically the part in the Sailor Moon R story arc where Mamoru had no recollection of his previous life, or even his incarnation as Tuxedo Kamen, and Usagi was the only one who remembered their love. I thought this chapter of the Usagi/Mamoru saga had been tackled one too many times by other fanfic writers, and I wasn't planning to add myself to that long queue, but I just couldn't resist trying my hand at it and exploring the emotions of Usagi and Mamoru during this time.
This fanfic will be a bit like a songfic; I'll be writing the story based on the lyrics of the song, and using the verses to shape each chapter. Hopefully I do the song and one of my favourite love stories justice.
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the song "Almost Lover", Sailor Moon, or any of the characters in the anime/manga. The story below, however, is mine, and please don't use it without my permission.
'…' – thoughts
"…" – spoken
-- CHAPTER 1 --
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
His long, callused fingers moved slowly down her arm, playing across her skin like a pianist's fingers dancing along the keys. Each brush, each touch, sent a shiver down her spine, as if she was receiving true love's first kiss, time and time again.
"Cold?" He pulled her closer still, and wrapped her more securely in his arms. He drew the blanket up and tucked it around her waist. "You've got goosebumps on your arm. I should've brought an extra blanket…"
"Mmm, no, I'm fine. You worry too much," she said laughingly, a teasing glint in her eyes.
"I admit it's a constant affliction where you're concerned, Princess. All the more reason for you to stay here, so I can keep my eyes on you."
Soft lips pressed kisses along her bare shoulder, travelling up the side of her neck, his warm breath tickling her ear.
"And let's not forget my lips and hands. They like keeping on you, too." He grinned against the delicate skin at her nape, his poet's mouth turned up with devilish glee.
She practically purred under his touch, his knowing hands stirring up memories of heated gasps, of moonlight, of captured sighs and long caresses.
"The chambermaids in your palace are going to be very happy while I'm off performing my ambassadorial duties on Mars for the next few days. In my absence, they'll all be vying for those very eyes, hands, and lips," she joked lightly.
One moment she was staring out at the glittering blue ocean, watching the fiery sun fade into twilight, the deep hues of red, orange, and gold blazing across the horizon. The next, she was staring up at the still-blue sky, the wispy white clouds playing peek-a-boo between the furls of the palm tree leaves. Her back, which was just a second ago warm against the hard planes of her lover's chest, was now flat against the soft sand, her legs tangled within the worn blanket. An unmovable weight perched above her and she was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze.
"There's no one, but you. Haven't I proved that to you by now? The only woman I want is you. For now. Forever."
With her heart in her throat, she reached up and caressed his brow. She brushed away the stern lines on his face and watched the tension ease out of his arms and shoulders. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him downwards; he lowered his body towards her without hesitation. When she felt his lips touch hers, she poured her heart into the kiss, telling him without words that she trusted him, that she loved him, that she was sorry, and that she meant to have his forgiveness, as well.
When they finally drew apart, her lips were bruised, her cheeks flushed from passion. His cobalt eyes were dark with passion, with lust, with love.
"I love you, Endymion."
"I love you, Serenity."
She awoke with a start, the vestiges of the dream still playing over in her mind. For a moment she didn't know where she was, the room more foreign to her than the sandy beaches of her dream. A beach she had never been to as Usagi, but was oh-so familiar to Serenity.
Usagi rubbed her hands over her face, willing away the fogginess of sleep. She glanced over at the clock, and the digital red numbers read out 6:23 am.
On most days, she slept through the jarring noise of the alarm, until someone, usually her mom, came to physically force her out of bed and off to school.
This was the fourth day in a row she had woken up before the sun even rose.
"It's those damn dreams…why am I remembering now, especially when…"
Usagi could barely finish the thought; she couldn't ignore the squeezing pain in her heart. Careful not to wake Luna, who was still curled up at the foot of the bed and fast asleep, she slipped out of bed, and out into the hallway.
The house was still quiet and the sun's rays were only starting to peek through the windows, casting pale oranges and yellows into the darkness, forcing the shadows back. Even Ikuko wouldn't be up for another thirty minutes. Usagi found the silence both strange and comforting.
Tiptoeing into the bathroom, she silently shut the door and turned on the lights. The instant glare of the fluorescent lights forced her to cringe and close her eyes. When the stinging sensation passed, she gazed at the girl in the mirror. She looked paler than usual. There were bruised purple shadows under the eyes that didn't use to be there. And a sadness that couldn't be completely concealed behind the cornflower blue.
On a sigh, she looked away. Her gaze was becoming more and more haunted these last few days. If the dreams kept up, pretty soon her friends would start to worry. They had plenty of problems to deal with already…they didn't need to be concerned about her on top of everything else.
'Stupid dreams,' she thought tiredly. Why was she having them now? Was this a new form of torture the Dark Kingdom had cooked up? Wasn't it bad enough right now? But on top of it, to show her what used to be…?
"…and may never be again," she whispered aloud.
Resigned, she went through her usual morning ritual when getting ready for school. By the time she left the bathroom, the sun was up, and Ikuko was just emerging from the bedroom.
"Usagi, you're up early," she said with much surprise in her voice.
"I didn't sleep well."
"Did you have a bad dream?"
"No, I actually had a beautiful dream…I just wish I didn't have to wake up."
"Oh, Usagi, my little dreamer. Don't be sad, dreams can always come true, right?" Ikuko teased.
"Right," Usagi replied, though there was little optimism in her voice.
"Are you sure you're okay, honey? You don't seem like you're usual self…" Ikuko looked worriedly at her daughter. This was the second day in the row she had found her daughter up before her, and Usagi's spirit was unusually down lately.
"I'm fine. Just a little tired. Nothing a nap after school can't fix."
"Well, okay, if you're sure. Come down for breakfast when you're ready. I'll make your favourite – pancakes with strawberries."
"Thanks, Mum. I'll be down after I get dressed."
Twenty-five minutes later, Usagi was seated at the kitchen table, a plate of hot pancakes and freshly sliced strawberries sitting enticingly before her. Ikuko became more concerned as she watched her normally ravenous daughter slowly pick at her meal.
"Good morning, everyone," Kenji Tsukino announced, strolling into the kitchen already dressed for work. "Why, Usagi, you're up already! This is twice in a row now – I hope you're making a habit of this so Haruna-sensei won't be able to give you any more detention slips for being late!" He winked at his daughter as he crossed the room to give a morning kiss to his wife.
"Kenji, I think something's wrong with Usagi," Ikuko whispered. "Look at her plate. She's still on her second pancake. And it's already been 10 minutes."
"What? Our Usagi without an appetite? That is strange." Turning back to his daughter, he looked at her more critically. She looked fine to him…but just as Ikuko said, she was only halfheartedly eating her breakfast.
"Usagi-chan, are you okay? It's not like you to eat so little, especially when it comes to your favourites."
"I'm just not hungry, Dad," Usagi got up from the table and brought her dishes over to the sink. "I think I'll head out for school now."
"But, school doesn't start for another forty-five minutes." Ikuko was shocked; Usagi arriving on time for classes was one thing. Getting there early was quite another. "Are you sure, you're alright, honey?"
"I'm fine, really Mom, you don't need to worry. I'm going to get my bag upstairs."
Usagi dashed up the steps quickly, eager to get away from her parents' concerned and prying eyes. When she got back to her bedroom, Luna was finally up and waiting for her, her yellow eyes watchful and piercing as she stared at her young charge.
"Good morning, Usagi-chan. You're up early again today."
"Yeah, lots of people pointing that out to me today. I noticed already, thanks."
Sarcasm was a rarity from Usagi, and Luna felt troubled.
"It's the dreams isn't it? Usagi-chan, is everything al-"
"STOP IT! Everyone needs to stop asking me if I'm alright! GOD! Just leave me alone, I'M FINE!" Usagi's voice broke towards the end, her eyes desperate and pleading. She fell back alongside her door, sliding down until she was sitting down, her head buried in her arms against her knees.
Luna hopped down from the bed, winding her body around Usagi's leg, doing what she could to comfort her princess. "I didn't realize just how sad the dreams were making you, Usagi-chan," she murmured. "I'm sorry."
Tiredly, Usagi lifted her head and stared out into her room, not really seeing anything.
"It's sad, Luna, so sad to dream about the past." Usagi closed her eyes, and instantly she was transported to the world she saw every night in her dreams for the last four days. "I can see it so clearly, these dreams which are not dreams. I can remember what his hands feel like when they're clasping mine tightly. I can feel the softness of his lips when he leans in to kiss me. I can hear every word he whispers in my ear, as if he spoke them to me yesterday." Usagi shook her head, as if trying to dispel these images.
"Why, Luna, why am I remembering now? When it's so hard…when he doesn't even see me!"
Luna had no answer for her, and Usagi knew this. It was a question she had already asked many times.
The two of them sat there silently, the ticking of the clock the only sound in the room. Eventually Usagi got up, picked up her school bag, and headed for the door.
"Usagi-chan?"
She paused. "Yes, Luna?"
"It'll be okay, you'll see."
Usagi had no response for that. "Bye, Luna."
Luna waited until she heard the front door open and close. Once she was sure Usagi had left, she immediately messaged the other girls.
"ANOTHER DREAM LAST NIGHT. IT HIT HER HARD. TRY TO CHEER HER UP TODAY, OK?"
Convinced that the other four senshi would take care of Usagi while at school, Luna sat on the windowsill, a feline sentinel, waiting for her princess to return home.
Outside, the birds were chirping and singing, but Usagi could find no joy in their song. This last dream had affected her more than the other ones.
This was the first dream where he said "I love you."
The echo of his voice rang is her head, and she couldn't clear it.
"OHH!"
Usagi fell backwards, already bracing herself for impact against the cement sidewalk. A pair of warm hands grabbed her shoulders at the last minute, and she managed to stumble forward, finding her face pressed up against a familiar chest…
"Watch where you're going, Odango-Atama! You're going to seriously injure some poor helpless pedestrian, one day!"
She knew that voice, knew the lilt and tone of it, how it could become commanding and strong when leading an army, and soft and husky when murmuring sweet nothings in her ear. She looked up at him, and her heart stirred as it always did at the sight of him. He looked like a fallen angel, a beautiful sculpted face framed by jet black hair. His poet's mouth was quirked into a grin as he teased her mercilessly.
"You're really going to have to learn how to stay upright on your own two feet, Odango. There's not going to be a knight in shining armour to save you all the time, you know?"
Usagi gasped, and forcibly pushed herself away from him. She stared at him, wide-eyed and trembling.
"Mamoru…how could you say that?" she whispered.
Mamoru was at a total lost as to what to do. One moment he was teasing the young, blonde-haired girl for her klutziness, as per their usual ritual, and the next she was staring at him as if he had singlehandedly ripped out her heart.
He didn't know why, but the sight of Usagi Tsukino nearly in tears was a sharp blow to his system. He could barely stand it…and he had no idea why. The urge to comfort her was overwhelming; it was almost a physical need that bordered on painful.
"Usagi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I thought we were just doing our usual bickering. Are you okay?" He reached out for her, unthinking, his hand involuntarily moving to brush away her tears, as if it was the most natural thing in the world…
Abruptly Usagi pushed his hand away and stepped back. Her eyes were dry, but they were filled with a heavy sorrow he couldn't understand.
"I'm fine, Mamoru-san. Sorry, I completely overreacted. Just forget about it."
"Usagi-"
"I have to go now." The words came out in a rush. All she could think about was getting away before she broke down completely. "I'm going to be late for class if I don't hurry. Take care, Mamoru-san."
And then she was gone.
She had run six blocks before she stopped. Without turning, she knew he hadn't followed. Nearly blinded by the tears threatening to fall, she collapsed on a bench, and obscured by the plants and bushes, she wept.
He was Prince Endymion, Tuxedo Kamen, and Mamoru Chiba. He was the love of her life.
And he didn't even know it.
-- end of chapter 1 --
Hello readers! Hope you enjoyed chapter 1. Thank you for taking the time to read "Almost Lover" and please review – it's always wonderful to hear from you guys! If you have time, I hope you check out my other two fanfics. Thanks again!