A/N: I've always wanted to do a dialogue!fic, and have been meaning to try some light H/W(established), so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. It's rather fluffy and somewhat OOC, but I think I'm happy with it. Hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere.
"How much longer will you be gone?"
"Couple of years."
"How much longer, House?"
"A decade."
"House!"
"Seventy two."
"Knock it off. My battery's about to die on me and I won't be able to call you back until I get home. So out with it."
"No idea."
"Ballpark it."
"Two days? I don't know. I hate medical conferences."
"Who doesn't?"
"Think you'll make it?"
"I think I can manage to not roam the halls weeping, yeah. You?"
"Me what?"
"I'm curious: just how badly do you miss me?"
"Jesus, Wilson!"
"What? You asked first."
"That is not what I asked you. And when did you turn into such a girl?"
"It's a totally legitimate question."
"It's a stupid question."
"Admit it. You miss me."
"About as much as I miss clinic duty."
"Ouch! My feelings."
"Real men don't have feelings."
"Uh-huh, right. I'll work on that while you're gone. Hold on."
"What are you doing?"
"Hold on. Someone's trying to talk to me."
...
"Okay. House? Hello?"
...
...
"Do you miss me?"
"Oh, so it's fine for you to ask me, but I can't ask you?"
"Those are the rules."
"Since when?"
"Since now."
"Grow up."
"Gotta go."
"I'm the one with the dying battery, not you."
"I know, but I just saw Charlize Theron walk by and I wanna find out what room she's staying in. If I'm lucky, maybe I can get her to autograph my penis. ... Wait. That's not right."
"Gross, House. And no stalking anyone. I mean it."
"It's only stalking if you get caught."
"Whatever. How's your leg?"
"Which one? Be specific."
"The one you have trouble using. Oh, wait."
"Wilson, you grew a sense of humor! Ha ha. Ha."
"I—"
"No, wait, I'm not done yet. I think I might pee my pants."
"—Wouldn't be the first time."
"...Don't you have dying patients to sleep with?"
"Not today."
...
"So. Your leg. How is it?"
"Hurts."
"How much've you taken already?"
"Three. Don't forget to tell Cuddy I hate her, don't let Kutner write on my whiteboard. What was that?
"My phone just beeped. Battery's fading fast. I might be late getting home. I'll call you, okay? Try not to get thrown in jail. Hello?"
...
"House?"
"Wilson?"
"What?"
"I don't not miss you."
"I miss you, too."
"Not what I said!"
"Whatever. I should go now. See you in two days."
"Yeah, okay. Seeya."