A/N: Hey there! This story will contain a bit of Hermione and Ron banishing, so you have been warned. This is one of my fist fics so , again, you have been warned. Um, oh yeah and review pleeeasee so I know what I did good or what I need to change. Thank you!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
Muse:ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary
ACCUSE-a lesson in maturity
„To accuse- To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him." Whispered a voice in the dark . A guilty blush painted his cheeks. That had hit too close to home. In five seconds the irreversible had happened: the doubt had settled in. His mind flashed with fragments of rants against Snape and Malfoy. Was he really doing that? Did he do it just because in some dark part of his conscience he felt guilty? Yeah, he probably did and he probably had known it from the very beginning. Knowing it and acknowledging it, Harry decided, were two very different things. He sighted. Shutting the book rather forcefully and violently ripping his glasses off his face he tried to forget the new and very much unwanted realization. With considerable greater care he placed the precious lenses on his bedside table and settled in to sleep. So what if he was doing it just as a justification for his less than saint-like behavior? A sigh. It mattered. It mattered a lot even… Sure, he didn't think he was perfect, but it was rather disturbing and difficult to ignore such errors in judgment once he realized he was making them. As he guiltily shifted in his bed an idea patiently floated in his thoughts. Maybe the quote didn't really refer to him; surely there was no reason for it to apply to him. He would ask Hermione the next day, she was bound to have an explanation why it didn't apply. And so, ruthlessly shoving away the fact that he himself knew that it was the truth, that he did not need anybody to tell him that he was wrong when he was sure he was right, he fell into a blissfully ignorant sleep.
The morning brought more peace for Harry's conscience. The moment he saw his intelligent friend waiting for the both of them he felt even more at ease. He will have his explanation, and then everything would be alright. Although, he realized with a start, he was not very comfortable with the thought of accusing either Slytherin again. Harry smiled his greeting and contently followed his friends to the Great Hall.
"How can you be so chipper in the morning?"
Harry raised his head and watched his friends. Compared to Hermione's blinding smile Ron's straight face made him look gloomy. Chipper indeed.
"If you start the day smiling you will finish it-"
"Banging your head against the walls?"
" Ron! " she rolled her eyes "…laughing!"
" That's a bit too much philosophy for my taste. Why don't you do what you feel?"
Harry saw his opportunity:
"Hey guys, talking about philosophy: do you think people accuse other people just to justify their own bad behavior towards them?"
Ron blinked. Hermione blinked. Ron blinked again. Okay, so maybe that hadn't been a good idea…
" I mean, maybe we just accuse, hmmmm Malfoy for example 'cause we feel guilty for what we did to him and want to find fault in him."
Hermione's eyes sparkled. Ron blinked.
" Oh, that's it then. But Harry, we don't accuse him unjustly. He actually did all those things we accuse him of…well at least 80 of it."
Now both his best friends were wearing blinding smiles.
"Oh joy! Now you're both chipper!" grunted the redhead.
There! The perfect explanation! Harry was content during Transfiguration. Harry was content during Charms. Harry was content during lunch. Harry wasn't so content during History of Magic.
Damn.
Somehow in the desert of boredom an idea tore through his resolution. The problem was that nothing said he was unjustly accusing anybody, it wasn't the point; it was all about why he was doing it. To defend himself? That was a lame reason even for his "in denial" state. Nothing good could ever come from throwing accusations at them, at the most, some teacher would hear them and then Malfoy would be in a whole world of trouble and that could only lead to revenge thoughts from the blonde, which could only lead in more arguments, then again the accusations…it was all a never-ending circle of anger and revenge… more precisely of anger, revenge and guilt. So really it was the truth. That concluded, there was still a question left unanswered: what to do now? Such an easy answer: nothing. He will do nothing. Just observe.
.Oooo.oooO.
The three friends returned that Friday from Herbology amidst pouring rain and were now quite happily leaving big sloppy prints of mud in their wake.
" Hey Mudblood, don't tell me! You have so much mud in your blood that it started to leak on the floor. "
" Look who is talking, the feet-kissing weakblood." Threw back Hermione.
" The living kind of blood." Was all Malfoy sneered.
" The marked kind of person" shot Ron.
Harry felt a strong pull to lean against the wall and just sit there. Actually seeing for once. It suddenly seemed obvious that Hermione with all her wits and all her books failed to make a much more intelligent remark in the lines of 'I'm not telling you anything, you are making a fool of yourself without my help ' or ' What I am doing is recommending you to read my timetable and I can even wait patiently until you realize that in order to attend Herbology you must exit the castle' of even ' Some of us are aware that outside is raining'. Instead, she accused which in turn made it possible for them to accuse again and again. A circle. By definition, never-ending.
"…ou're future corps!" was the vicious replay Harry heard when he turned his attention to the three teenagers, or five if you counted Crabbe and Goyle, but they said nothing so the two presented little interest. As it was, it seemed that things were going way too far. It was quite understandable for Malfoy to act like that because be was verbally cornered, alone against Hermione and Ron. Fearing himself incapable of forgiving his friends' replay, in case it was delivered with as much venom, he spoke in a dry sarcastic voice:
"Then it will be my pleasure to greet you in twenty years' time and remind you that you are speaking with zombies. I will also take a picture of your bewildered face. Your wit-free face will surely make a zombie's day" he continued to his friends " we'd better go before we turn the corridor into a swamp." He turned on his heels and walked away not allowing the Slytherin to respond.
As he was throwing his wet socks into the laundry bin fifteen minutes later, he couldn't help but feel that it went alright and he silently congratulated himself on his new discovery and on how he handled the situation. A satisfied grin glittered on his face.
"Mate, there's no need to look so satisfied for getting rid of those, I mean don't get me wrong I am relieved too, but that's just taking it too far. They're your socks you know!"
Harry blinked. Huh? Then he understood. He chuckled.
"I am just a happy wet-socks-free man, Ron! Can you blame me for that?" he asked, jokingly widening his eyes.
He chuckled again at Ron's amused snort.
.Oooo.oooO.
The days passed by and Harry found himself buffering countless fights. He tried and succeeded to defuse the arguments faster, making them no more than a couple of exchanged lines. However, Ron and Hermione were growing progressively more annoyed.
"Harry, what is the matter?"
"Huh?" was the brunet's eloquent answer.
"When have you grown so…well, overprotective and …a-and egoistical? Or are you scared? Is that it, Harry? You're scared?"
"What are you talking about Hermione?"
"Of Malfoy, Harry!"
"What?! No! Why would I be scared of him?"
" The way you are acting around him …oh, and around professor Snape too. It's not very much like you to keep your mouth shut after Potions, but I can understand that, he is a professor and you are probably right. But what about Malfoy? You always brush aside his cruel comments and you hardly say something in your defense, just giving pitiful remarks then running away. You don't even let us say anything!"
"Hey, I find my remarks quite intelligent and appropriate thank-you-very-much and-"
"They're not!" ah, finally Ron decided to join the fun "It's like you're scared and you're running away. So what if you make some people laugh when you say them? Malfoy is not hurting and so, they are pointless."
"I think that making somebody laugh at him rather hurts his pride.", the other boy replied coolly.
"It's not enough!"
"What?!" All that Harry could do was watch wide eyed as his friends continued:
" You have to attack him where it hurts the most!"
"Ron's right. There is no place for childish exchange of words. His threats are serious. Ours should be the same!"
"You don't make people choose the right side, the light side if you don't openly show his faults."
"We have to go against him with everything we've got! Don't you see the hateful creature that he is? He needs to be dealt with."
He finally couldn't stand it anymore:
" What the hellare you talking about? Attack him where it hurts the most?! Our threats should be serious?! We have to go against him?! He needs to be dealt with?! We're NOT attacking, threatening, going against or dealing with anyone! Where do you think you are? On the battle field? Leave that to soldiers, to Aurors, to me even! But this is not a battle field! This is a school! A school. No murders, no murderers. And if a person is not convinced to join the light side, you sure as hell won't convince him by going at it like a madman against your enemy. WE shouldn't even be having this conversation. YOU better open you eyes before it's too late and I will keep doing what I know is best."
With that an ice cube was dropped into their friendship but it will only serve to chill for a while their warm relationship.
.Oooo.oooO.
After leaving his friends, the dark-haired Gryffindor tore through the hallways rapidly making his way outside.
"Be careful Scarhead! I wouldn't want you to slip!"
"Thanks for the concern blondie!" shouted Harry over his shoulder jumping over the last few steps as he went. After a perfect landing he half turned, flashed Malfoy a cocky grin then carried on.
Maybe if he had seen the scowl on the Slytherin's face disappearing only after a few seconds to be replaced by a roll of his eyes and a phantom of a smile he would have felt better about himself. But as it was, he continued running until his lungs burned too much to allow him to breathe. He plopped down and heavily breathing he tried to gather his thoughts together. The whole 'to accuse' incident was weird. Was it really worth the trouble? He hated to fight with his friends and at the same time he was horrified that he had thought just like them. In a bitter way, it was quite funny that it had all started with a quote, but maybe that was all it took to take the veil off his eyes.
He was not able to understand why he couldn't shake the feeling that something very important had happened to him. And why was it that he felt accomplished? An idea occurred to him. The young man smiled. Maybe that was it; maybe he was just growing up. Maybe, just maybe this was a lesson in maturity; one step in the long journey that made him was he was meant to be. As a person and as a fighter.
Harry felt himself at ease again. Everything was going well. All he had to do was carry on.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review!