Epiphany
Epiphany
by Shegos454
Know what? I just had an *incredible* idea. It's genius. It's perfect. It's the stuff dreams are made of.
Allow me to demonstrate.
"James, are you gay?" I ask, in the presence of both Meowth and the brats.
He gets this extremely confused look on his face, as if to say, 'I thought you knew!'
Oh, but James-- I *do* know.
"Yeah," Brock puts in. "You tend to cross dress a lot." His eyes have always bugged me. Are they even qualified as eyes? Or are they just lines? The world may never know.
"I hadn't thought about it that way…" Misty comments, rubbing her chin in thought.
And Ash, the scariest one of them all, simply declares, "Well, I always thought it was kinda obvious."
I don't really think I *need* to say this, but Meowth is rolling on the ground and howling in laughter.
My expression is carefully trained into seriousness, though it's hard not to crack a smile or snicker a bit.
Finally, James manages to choke out a weak "No!" with a small amount of aggression directed towards everyone but me. Of *course* he's not mad at me. In all the time I've known him, I could count on one hand the number of times he's been angry with me.
"Are you sure, James? Sometimes, I just don't know…"
'HOW COULD YOU *NOT* KNOW?!' his eyes are screaming at me.
Pikachu, who has been eyeing me strangely the entire time, looks like it's waging an internal debate on whether or not to shock me back to sanity.
Then there's that stupid Toge-thing. It's just sickening. Excessively cute. I almost wish Meowth had won it instead of whichever one of the twerps did-- James would've eaten it for breakfast before Meowth woke up the next morning.
"Togé! Togé!"
I involuntarily shudder.
"I'm not gay!"
"Prove it," Ash over-confidently remarks. For once, he's actually voicing a relatively smart intent.
"Yeah," Misty grins. I'm not positive, but I think she just winked at me. Like she understands my plan. That's a little frightening, if you think about it, considering how ditzy she is.
"How am I supposed to prove it?"
"Here," Brock offers as he pulls a teacup from nowhere. "Drink this."
James suspiciously steps up and takes it, holding the cup in his trademark pinky-out way. "Why?"
"It's tea!" Brock good-naturedly chuckles, stating the painfully obvious like he tends to do much too often. "Just drink it."
Still sticking his pinky out, James takes a tiny little sip.
A moment or two pass while he processes the taste, rolling the hot liquid around on his tongue.
"Earl gray with mint and honey is *definitely* not a good combination. I always take a cinnamon stick in mine, or else maybe a drop or two more of honey, but mint leaves are out of the question. It needs something sweet more than anything else, since the tea itself is so bitter."
Now Ash is rolling on the ground, busting his gut laughing, just like Meowth. "He's… so… gay!" he wheezes.
"I most certainly am not!" The cup disappears just as quickly as it came into existence so that James can take both hands and plant them on his hips.
Meowth, Pikachu and Ash are getting on my nerves… not to mention Toge-freak over there. I snatch it out of Misty's arms, throw it down onto Meowth and then kick the four into oblivion.
"Togepi!" Misty calls in a pained voice, regretting not stopping me. Some people have a knack for delayed reactions; especially her and her companions.
I proudly dust my hands off and smirk.
Brock gets over this rather quickly and comes up with another test. "Who's hotter: Barbra Streisand or Rachael Lillis?"
Pathetic ignorance finds James' features again. "Who is Rachael Lillis?"
::THWAP!::
Personally, I believe that anyone who isn't aware of who Rachael Lillis is deserves that.
"Yep, Jesse," Brock says, turning to me. "He's gay."
Quickly recovering, James shouts, "I don't have to listen to this! I am *not* gay!"
"I'm afraid he is," the annoying boy tells me, trying to ignore James' looks of scorn.
"Why thank you, Brock. I always *was* curious."
Uh oh. Should *not* have said that. Brock is…
"At your service, gorgeous."
… blushing at me.
So James kicks him into the beautiful sunset.
"You kicked Togepi!" Misty shrieks suddenly. I told you she had that delayed reaction thing going on. I'm no psychologist, but it probably has something to do with spending too much time with Ash. Which makes it even *more* frightening to think about how she winked at me.
I'm slightly worried as to what she'll do with that information, but manage a calm expression. "Yes. I did. Don't worry-- I'm sure that imbecile you're always following will take care of it."
Pure terror slaps her in the face. "Ash… Togepi… NO!" And she's *about* to run off, but doesn't. She glances up at James and says, "*I* know how to see if you're gay." Her gaze shifts to me and she glares like there's no tomorrow. "Kiss me, James."
I roll my eyes. Like *James* is going to kiss *that* little thing.
"No! Why would I kiss a *girl?*"
Misty was all puckered up and ready to go, but now she appears… surprised. Of course, I see *exactly* what James meant-- Misty's a little *kid,* for crying out loud. Not to mention a pest.
"Wow. You really *are* gay."
"I AM NOT GAY!"
"Mmm-hmm. And I'm the Queen of England."
I've been watching James for pretty much this whole time (except for my kicking spree), and now he's turning to look at me again. I feel that it would be appropriate to push him *one* more time. He's anticipating my support, but… that's not what he's going to get. "James, it's perfectly alright if you're gay. You shouldn't be ashamed of your preferences. I like men, too, you know."
Without another word, he slams our lips together.
*Finally.*
Now, didn't I tell you this was a great idea?
Yes. Very nice kiss. Very nice, indeed.
"That still doesn't prove it!" Misty interrupts.
I break the kiss off. Smiling at a very happy James, I pat his cheek affectionately and then kick Misty to a land far, far away.
"That's better."
"Not bad… So, do you believe me, Jesse? That I'm not gay?"
"No way! Come on, James, you know that doesn't prove anything. Just that *one little kiss?* I don't think so."
Frowning, he nods and mouths the word 'one.'
And passionately forces his lips onto mine again.
Well, now I know *exactly* how to get him to kiss me.