Disclaimer: I don't own any characters used in this, not even the assistant narrator.

One Barbarian

It was a lovely day on the open sea. The sun was shining and the tide was calm.

'Ah yes, it is a lovely day in the Grand Line. The sun is shining; the tide is calm and full of life. We now take you to…'

Who the hell are you?

'I am the assistant narrator from the world you are pairing up with One Piece.'

I requested that I narrate.

'Sadly, my description was a LOT better than yours.'

Damn B-

'Now, don't you finish that line or else I'll sue you for racism!'

I hate you…

'I hate you too, but you have to live with me doing a bit of narrating.'

Okay, fine, but you only get to come up in some cases.

'It's a deal.'

Back with the story, we take you to a big ship called the Going Merry. On this ship were the infamous Straw Hat Pirates, with their captain, Monkey D. Luffy.

Other members included Zoro the swordsman, Nami the navigator, Usopp the sniper, Sanji the chef, Chopper the reindeer doctor and Robin the… translator…?

It was a quiet and subtle day. All was calm until…

"SANJI, I'M HUNGRY!"

'Ah, yes, it is time for Luffy's feeding time. He couldn't go an hour without food.'

Sanji grimaced and cursed, "I get no respect for all the work I do for this guy. Can't he ever give me a break?"

While Sanji whipped up a great meal, Usopp shrieked out in terror from atop the nest and shouted, "GUYS, THERE'S A WEIRD BLACK HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA AND IT'S SUCKING THE GOING MERRY INTO ITS EVIL CLUTCHES!"

"What the hell are you talking about? I was having a great dream about Sanji getting his hands burned off by the hotplates," Zoro replied.

Nami's eyes widened as she shouted, "It's true! Quick, Chopper, turn the ship around!"

Chopper nodded and grew to three times his size. He was now in his Heavy Point.

He walked up to the steering lever and pushed it to the side, but no matter what he did, the ship just kept going closer and closer to the black hole.

'The entire Straw Hat crew wails in agony as the black hole sucks them into its evil vortex. What are our heroes to do? What? For the love of heavens, what?'

They couldn't do a thing. They all panicked as they were pulled into the black hole in an instant.

Meanwhile, in the year 800 something or whatever medieval age this took place in, a tough man stood out in the front yard and poured water over a field of plowed dirt. His name was Dave.

He noticed a bud in his little garden and screamed in delight. He pet his little bud and said, "Hello, little bud. Lula, isn't this just great? My flowers are…" sniff, "finally budding."

The enchanted talking female sword strapped to his back gagged and said, "I'd rather stick a rusty nail through my skull than listen to you praise your flower garden."

"But, if they grow big and strong, I'll win the best garden award for sure!" Dave giggled with excitement.

"Wow, I feel so good for you right now," Lula replied sarcastically.

"You're just jealous because you don't have what it takes to make a flower garden," Dave retorted, spitting in the sword's direction.

'Suddenly, out of nowhere, a large black hole opens up in the sky and the Straw Hat Pirates fall out of it… and so does the ship.'

With that, the entire crew fell from the sky in a heap. To make things worse, the Going Merry fell right beside them and suffered some slight damage to the roof.

Luffy came to with his head all shaken up asking, "Oi, anyone know what happened?"

Dave ran up to the nearly unconscious band of pirates and stated, "Whoever they are, I hope they're okay. Wait… why were they riding a ship like that? They don't look like pirates."

Luffy glared and retorted, "We ARE pirates and I plan to be king of the pirates!"

"Wait," Lula started, "If you just dropped from a 10 story height just now, how is it that you're still alive? Can someone please explain that?"

'Well, I don't have ALL the answers.'

But I do.

Luffy grinned and said, "I'm a rubber man."

The two stared as Dave took out a doctor's kit and asked, "Have you suffered any head trauma recently, good sir?"

Luffy stared in disgust and retorted, "That wasn't a very nice thing to say."

With that, Dave shrugged and took the others to the 'guest room', aka, his selfish sister, Candy's room.

Sanji was the first to wake up. As he opened his eyes slowly, he noticed a princess named Candy standing right in front of him checking to see how serious his injuries were.

Actually, she was over by Zoro checking out his fabulous body, so her back was facing Sanji.

He blinked and asked, "Where am I?"

Candy turned around and said, "Good to see that one of you is awake. Too bad you're not the cute one."

Upon noticing the girl's face, a heart filled Sanji's uncovered right eye as he knelt down in front of her and said, "Oh, what a beauty among beauties! How ironic that I wake up in front of an attractive young woman. Can I make you something? I'll make you a fancy meal, calamari or even a simple cheeseburger. You're worth it."

Candy blushed a little bit and asked, "Will you also help me paint my nails and give me my manicure?"

Before Sanji was about to say yes, Nami gained consciousness and bonked him over the head. Without hesitation, she shook Candy's hand and said, "Thank you for your hospitality. We were all unconscious."

Candy sighed and explained, "I didn't bring you back to health. My brother, Dave forced some old untested medical herbs down your throat. I guess they actually work after all."

Meanwhile, they heard a crash come from the kitchen. They sped into the kitchen and found that Luffy had broken a table while having an eating contest with the family's sorcerer, Oswidge.

The old uncle panicked and uttered, "His eating power… is too… strong… ugh…"

Dave stared and commented, "I never thought anyone could out-eat Uncle Oswidge."

Eventually, the entire crew had come back to life and everything had been cleared up.

'Alas, nobody knows how to get the pirates back to their home world, but you have to admit, someone finally out-ate Oswidge. That's a proud accomplishment.