R2D2F by: Negativsteve
He had spent what seemed like an eternity in this godforsaken desert, with no end in sight. He was running low on fluids, sand had gotten into every conceivable opening, and worst of all, he was incredibly horny. That's right, this R2 was D2 FUCK.
Sadly, there weren't a lot of carnal opportunities on Tatooine. Sure, Master Luke was kind of cute, but boy did that kid whine, and R2 didn't feel like breaking in such an obvious virgin. On the other hand, the Sand People were out, because it is well known that they always ride single file, to hide their numbers, and the little droid just wasn't built to handle a Tusken Cluster Fuck. R2 didn't have a nose and he could still smell the Jawas from a mile away, so he wanted none of that. That just left C3PO, and R2 wasn't even sure that the shiny golden prude had been made with genitals. Sure, it would be easy to find that out, but even R2's raging metal hard on was not a compelling enough reason to watch The Phantom Menace.
R2's reactor began to reach critical when Master Luke accessed his internal spank bank, and found that hologram of that Rebel tart that R2 kept for special occasions. Things were getting bad. He even tried to hook up with a couple of swinging storm troopers, but he wasn't the droid that they were looking for. Jabba the Hutt was beginning to look like an option, when from across the room he spotted the most beautiful hunk of man meat he had ever seen. He was a tall, rugged bad boy, and best of all, he was completely naked! Well, almost naked, he did have an ammunition belt over one shoulder, but it did nothing to hide his furry splendor. Master Luke introduced him as Chewbacca, and told R2 that he and his partner had been contracted to take them to Alderaan. The little droid was beside himself, and right then and there he swore that, by the end of the trip, he was going to get him some wookie nookie.
There was an air of tension throughout the Millennium Falcon. Sure, it may be because they were constantly being shot at by Imperial tie-fighters, but R2 liked to think that it was because of repressed desire. Chewbacca had a wife back home on Kashyyyk, but he had been in space for a long time, and his growing horniness was evident in every growl. R2 just had to get him alone, but that wasn't easy on a cramped space ship. The other droid hung around so often that R2 began to suspect that the C in his name stood for "cockblock".
Finally, after much planning, R2 arranged to "bump" into Chewbacca in an unused cargo bay. Chewbacca's eyes met R2's visual sensors, and the sparks that flew between them could have powered the Death Star for a year. R2 lowered his third leg seductively, and greeted Chewbacca with his most sensual whistle. Beep Boop! The horny wookie could not stand it any more, threw off his ammo belt, and took the little droid into his massive, hairy arms. Chewbacca lifted R2 up until they were at eye level and held him close. They kissed; Chewbacca's tongue began to explore every crevice of what he assumed was R2's face, looking for an entry. R2 noticed that even the wookie's tongue was covered in fur, but decided not to let it bother him. He extended a periscoping antenna to meet the incoming salivary torpedo, and the two met like a sloppy wet docking procedure. R2 extended his manual probes, and started probing for the wookie's nipples. There they were, under all of that fur: as big as satellite dishes, and just as hard. R2 started to work those fuzzy udders with his pincers, and Chewbacca howled in ecstasy. Then, R2 extruded his oil slick arm, and let the wookie wrap his thick, hairy lips around it. Chewbacca suckled at it like George Lucas sucked up Star Wars merchandising profits, until the pressure was too great and R2 shot a stream of lubricant all over Chewie's hirsute face.
But they weren't done yet. R2 had a new strategy: let the wookie cum. He grabbed Chewbacca's enormous member in his clasping arm, and gently guided it into his 8" disk drive. (Remember, this took place a long time ago.) The engorged wookie growled in pleasure, and started thrusting into the metallic opening like another Star Wars reference that I can't think of at the moment. He plowed the tiny metal cum dumpster for what seemed like hours, until he felt like he was ready to explode. He extracted his giant wookie dick from the droid's port, and shot great wads of hairy cum all over R2's photo-receptor. The ever resourceful R2 extended a wiper unit to clean himself, and used his other manipulator to light a cigarette, which he passed to his towering lover.
"Roar?" cooed Chewbacca, sweaty and exhausted.
"Beep boop beep, " replied R2, with a contented sigh.
Though they shared many more adventures together, they never again enjoyed the pleasure of each others bodies. Eventually, when the war was over, Chewbacca returned to his family on Kashyyyk, but was never quite the same. His wife often complained that he seemed distant and disinterested. It's true what they say, "Once you go droid, all others you avoid."