Something about you

There was no problem, really. All that could have been, wasn't, and that was that. A horrid past which could not be erased, an empty present with which nothing could be created… And a pretty dark future judging from all of it.

And that was the reason Sasuke sat staring emptily at his arm-bands, wondering how, oh, how had he allowed all those things to happen to himself and where, oh, where was that so-called god to help him when he really needed it.

And that was the reason he did not feel offended by how pale his skin was or how marvelously the girly looks set him in Kakashi's eye, because it was no use anyway, it was better if it was him using his body.

And those were the reasons Sasuke didn't even bother explaining to anyone what he really felt or what his fantasies and nightmares where, Kakashi included. And why he didn't bother trying to really make friends; because he knew his soul was so torn apart he just couldn't anymore. It was no use.

So he let Kakashi fuck him as hard as he wanted, whatever he liked. He didn't care if it was right or wrong, he didn't care if Kakashi really meant it when he said he loved him. He didn't care if the older man understood what love meant to him, he didn't bother explaining, demanding.

He didn't bother because that empty feeling he experienced while staring at his arm-bands was the most akin thing to peace he had ever experienced, and it was as good as it got, ever since innocence was lost.

Being the uncanny beauty he was, he knew the strong hold of possessing something beautiful could be much stronger than any warm feelings of love. He knew the only thing that could get Kakashi's ass moving was a threat to the fresh body of his lover being stolen away.

And that amused Sasuke slightly, so he toyed with it.

It hurt at times, true, making Kakashi jealous and having to pay for it with being ignored and ill-treated. But the small half-smile in his face would make it obvious to anyone that, for Sasuke, it was worth it.

He did train of course, did he train hard. Of course he wanted to be the strongest, since being the most lusted only left him with the feeling of frustration, the need of being smart and powerful that leaves the knowledge that he could get anything he wanted just out of his good looks.

The problem was that it repulsed him, what he generated on people. He was revolted by what beauty made in other men.

He had seen Kakashi, the oh so great copynin' begging to get off with his body. Sasuke had wanted to see that, true, but after it, he couldn't have the same respect for his teacher. Not after finding out he was just like everyone else, they just wanted to screw him, to come over his ever ice-cold skin, they wanted to look at him, to get him naked and have him suck them all over.

It was all people could think of when they were alone with him, Sasuke had already understood that long since.

He tugged at his right arm-band, the scars under it were only slightly visible now, after some years, but they were still too visible to have them exposed.

Kakashi had kissed his scars.

They all had. Even in the sound. The girls, the boys, the older men. Did they really think they would heal him in some way by kissing him? They looked so ridiculous when they performed those so-called love inspired actions that it revolted him.

The wind changed, and Sasuke's nose perked up.

He was sitting against a tree at the top of a hill, from where he could see the village. There was no much use in concealing himself from view in that spot, since he had to keep his chakra a little high in order for his fellow nins to know he was watching over.

Fulfilling his every responsibility. Paying for the sins he had committed in a past which seemed so distant now, only three years later. Sins which even from this perspective weren't as terrible as other saw them, actions that had been carried out when he was too young to distinguish between the shadows, right from wrong.

Now he could distinguish. Now he knew both things existed.

Now he didn't care.

But the dog-smell made itself more consistent, and so he had to recognize there was that one thing he cared about in life.

It was not Kakashi himself. Kakashi was not much more than his reputation, in fact, he was quite less than that.

No, it was not Kakashi himself. It was something about him.

Something about Kakashi that Sasuke could not quite place.

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Working on the next chapter. There is bittersweet, wet sex, of course.