A/N: I do not own BlazBlue, Black Lagoon or anything associated with them such as the characters. This was made for the fun of it and to write one of my favorite BlazBlue characters in what can be considered as a more darker and realistic way. This also includes some Naruto references regarding said BlazBlue character, and the mentions of one character from Naruto and one character from Soul Eater. Both of which are referred in what you call the 'Past-tense' if you know what I mean.

If by any chance you think there should be a music theme for this fic, well just pick one you find the most fitting, some examples would include (but not limited to) Hazama's BlazBlue themes like Gluttony Fang, Endless Despair, or Nightmare Fiction.

This fic is written in a POV narration type, Hazama's narration to be exact. If you're confused by the dialogue a bit, it's somewhat based on emphasizing the dual sides of Hazama's personality: going from calm and collected one moment to violently psychotic/sociopathic the next and then back to being calm again, all on the drop of a dime. And for the record, just imagine Hazama talking in his English Erik Dave's voice, and you should get the sound of his dialogue perfectly.

Also, the words that are in italics are Hazama's thoughts, he doesn't say them out loud unlike the rest of the regular text just to clear things up.

Oh I have been waiting for this moment to finally get rid of this large waste of space and ruined human DNA. I'm sure Roberta will be much appreciated. Now time to get to work.

Hey there kid, how are we doing so far?

I wonder how your right arm is holding up? Oops my bad, it was me who chopped that off wasn't it?

No answer huh? I'll ask my first question one more time, how are we feeling now? You okay? No?! Ahahahahaha!

Hmm, now why is that I wonder? Oh that's right! I'm sorry, somebody cut off your hand huh? What? Oh that's right, I DID! Awww, don't be sad, I left you one so just switch hands okay? Ehehehe… Ahahahahahaha!

After all, judging by the fact that there is a large amount of blood spilling out of various parts of your body, and the bloody bandaged stump that used to be your right arm I'd say you certainly aren't doing well at all.

It's almost unreal. Watching your very life essence spill all over the floor does have its own charm.

To be honest I never really pegged you as a person who would immediately beg for mercy before we even started. Then again you're such a coward that is shouldn't really be all that surprising.

And neither is the part where you look completely angered because I called you a coward even though we both know it's true. I'm also going guess you are especially ticked off about the fact that Roberta said the same about you as well, and deep down you know we are both correct about you. Am I right? I am aren't I? Are you about to throw another childish temper tantrum? Or better yet, another complete emotional breakdown? I bet you are.

Hehehehehehahahahahaha! I'm finally, finally here. You know how long I've been waiting for this? How could I NOT laugh?! Hahahahahahaha! …Oh, right. I'm sorry. Back to the point at hand.

As I said before you have no idea how long I've waited for this day to come. I've dreamt of this moment, you know?

I'm just really glad you were stupid enough to chase after me so much. And all because of your wounded ego. Otherwise, being able to get you all the way out here in the first place would have been a far more difficult time constraint. Going out of my way to humiliate you like that right in front of your fellow Lagoon company members seemed like a too big a hassle and a waste at first, and I thought you'd never even remember who I was, considering both your memory and intelligence are both highly questionable at best.

But after you went into an uncontrollable psychotic rage and chased after me in that truly unreasonable, expletive spewing, and utterly crass form of yours just like that I knew my persistence and planning had paid off.

Hehehehehe… Once that happened you never realized you were running straight into a trap and that I wasn't one of Roanapur's many two bit thugs that you could easily put a bullet in the head and be done with it.

No I was someone far more formidable and that's not some boast, as you found out when I kicked your sorry scantily clad butt and sliced off your right arm. I never felt like laughing so much as I did at that moment, and THAT was saying something. It was truly almost TOO easy. But, hey, I'm not one to complain- not out loud, at least. Heh.

You opening your mouth in shock, staring wide eyed and then screaming loudly, before doubling over onto the floor after I jammed my other knife into your back immediately after I sliced off your arm and then literally shattered your jaw with my fist was a sight I'll never forget.

Getting you all the way out here was the real challenge, I guess. I had to literally slice and dice my way through your blasted corrupt hellhole of a city until the city itself was in flames and everyone who got in my way was dead before I could drag your unconscious dead weight out of there. It was a very tedious errand to do. You sure did manage to acquire some strong allies to bail you out when you needed it.

Especially this Russian mafia group formed out of Russian ex-military. What did they call themselves, Hotel Moscow or something? Well anyway they apparently got so pissed off at the large number of their 'comrades' dropping dead like flies that their leader Balalaika or otherwise known as Sofiya Pavlovena personally entered the fray and tried to kill me by attempting to pretty much shoot me at long range with her personal Dragunov SVD sniper rifle, and before you ask me something stupid like how on earth I happen to know her real name, let me be clear to you that I am an Intelligence Operative with a capital I and a capital O of an organization that you more than likely never even heard of. It is literally my JOB to know these things.

And now back to the main topic: When Miss Pavlovena tried to off me with her little sniper stunt, it soon became the last mistake she had ever made in this life, existence, world…whichever term you would prefer when describing how someone died. And that fancy scope of hers, I bet she got a REAL good view of me killing her.

And just imagine the look on her Boris, her poor second in command's face when he was forced to watch the women he and the rest of his men looked up to as their superior die a truly pathetic and dishonorable death, just immediately before I decapitated him! Hahahahahaha!

But still, having the wonderful opportunity to have fun making the last hours of your existence a living nightmare more than makes up for all of that trouble I had to go through to bring you hear.

Yes… For soon your death will mirror your Pathetic Life!

Oh man this is almost as fun as the time I killed one off one the most useless and I kid you not, most hideous pink haired abominations that had ever came into existence. We're talking about a real unbelievable mistake of nature here. And this pink haired abominations name? Sakura Haruno, but don't let the first name which is named after a type of pink flower tree fool you in any way. The first name of this thankfully now dead pink monstrosity is in insult to all Sakura flower trees everywhere.

If they saw what had become of that pile of corrupted and pathetic excuse of human flesh while I was busy slicing it open, oh boy… Doctors would have to invent new words for what I did to it.

So what did I do to this pink haired atrocity which also happened to be an insult to all other living creatures, beings, and organisms? Well first I tore out every single non vital organ in the Haruno eyesore's body, ripped out both of her eyes and her vocal cords (thank goodness for that), sliced open all other parts of her body to point she… no IT had no skin left, and was just one large bloody mess mutilated beyond all comprehension that even the pink haired monstrosity's own so-called mother couldn't recognize it anymore.

After that I doused the STILL LIVING mockery of human tissue with gasoline and some other types of flammable liquid and then I lit it on fire, AFTER I placed my very own brand of an invisible demonic/ethereal chakra string to the abomination's body (I would have placed the chakra string on its soul under normal circumstances but in this case it pretty much doesn't even have a soul as you may have already guessed) which would grant it a one way trip to the fiery infernal pits of Hell and then be immediately forgotten by all when it finally left this mortal plane for all eternity.

And no one would ever know just how important that event was. It was permanently killing off the most useless pink haired steaming pile of garbage that had ever had the audacity to commit blasphemy against any and all religions simply by existing. But it wasn't just for that reason, but also betraying everyone in her (it's) precious village, known as Konoha. And all for some arrogant self-centered spoiled emo gay-wad who never had any interest that retched pink haired thing. At least both of them are long dead and gone now, along with Konoha which I also rightfully destroyed, back when I was still Naru…

No. Naruto Uzumaki for all intents and purposes never existed in the first place, and there's a reason for that: I hate lies, and he along with his so-called friends and overall life were all nothing but a lie.

My true name is, and always will be Hazama, formally known as Yūki Terumi the Fallen Hero.

Now it's time to resume my 'conversation' with this latest pile of garbage.

You're still squirming, Eh? Didn't know trash could move around… Amazing what people are doing these days…

That reminds me of the time I first met that arrogant and delusional blue haired punk who called himself Black Star who went into a major display of idiocy and, I kid you not, actually thought he could somehow surpass God and all of Heaven almighty. I know that's completely absurd and unbelievable right? Well he didn't seem to think so, or know better for that matter. Needless to say, not only did he fail to surpass God every time but he also only succeeded in making an even bigger idiot out of himself every time as well. And above all: He never learned his lesson, no matter how many times he humiliated himself, EVER.

So what was my solution to this situation? Well I gave him a very well deserved beat down. And then after I broke all of his limbs and several other bones in his body I pulled out one of my trusty blades and then… Well I pretty much castrated him by completely removing what was between his legs and left him wishing he was dead. That kid is now certainly never going to be able to surpass even the most ordinary piece of trash, let alone all of Heaven Almighty in THAT permanent state. I even heard he killed himself afterwards, and no one even bothered attending his funeral, what a sad joke. Ahahahahahaha!

Why am I even telling you these stories you may ask? Well it's because you're just like both of them: arrogant beyond belief, impulsive, delusional in what you think, crude, and because of these four particular traits and possibly more, soon to be deceased.

Oh, don't tell me you weren't paying attention.

Don't just sit back against that chair when I'm talking to you. Oh why am I not surprised? You pretty much never had any good manners whatsoever. Weren't you supposed to some awesome fighter who never gave in to despair to the very end? Come on, Shake it off. Show me just how strong you really are in the face of a long and unimaginably painful death. Oh, right you can't. No seriously you truly are weak and pathetic in the end when it comes down to it. You wouldn't know dignity if it bit you in the rear.

Heeeello? You alive in there?

*Sigh* Gosh, you really are pretty much done aren't you? I still can't believe everyone couldn't see pathetic the coward you really are.

But besides that, you know what I really can't stand about you? Oh What's this? You don't get it? Ooh, this is rich! Come on, give it a shot! Work those brain cells! Nothing? Ahahahaha! Well that's what you get by carelessly throwing your miserable life away by being a heavy smoker AND drinker. This is why you couldn't beat me! C'mon, take a guess. At least try. Okay. Fine. I'll tell you right here and now.

It's that god damned mouth of yours. It just pisses me off. Everyone just sees you looking all epic, brave, and seemingly untouchable, but I can see past all those lies. I know what's really under that entire foul mouthed tough gal exterior.

What's that? Oh, for heaven's sake, can't you just shut up? Hmm? You better watch that attitude of yours, miss. It's liable to earn you a knife in the gut from yours truly!

Yes! YES! Suffer some more!

Oh? You're saying I'm not going to get away with this? Hyahahahahahahaha! Oh… Oh my… Excuse me… I just…I haven't laughed like that in quite a while… Might take me a moment to get my breath back… …Oh, I think I'm crying… He he… Man, you're funny! Almost a regular slapstick genius!

Well as much as I would simply 'hate' to break your delusional mental escape from reality, the truth is that I AM going to get away with all of this. Just a single call from Roberta, and done, problem's all clear. Look, I got my cell-phone all set to go. Ah, good old Roberta! You know, she has been such a help! I really should send her a gift basket or something. Just a little something to say *thank you*! Hahahahaha!

Hmmmm? Confused about what I mean? Don't be coy. You should know. Roberta and I are as thick as thieves. Sure we have our slight differences, both professional wise and on the supposed 'good' and 'evil' spectrum, but as clichéd as it may sound, we're both not all that different. I care for her, as shocking as that may sound and she cares for me. She'll help me out of any mess. Just like I'd help her in return. I don't even think you'll be able to comprehend any of this...

Hey. Look at me. Look at me, damn it. At least try to. I know you can't out see of your left eye now, considering I tore it right out of its socket, but don't try to turn away from me. What's the matter? Are you sad that she prefers me as a rival over you? I can see why that would bother you. Whoa. You look pretty angry now. And it really shows with all those large cuts you now have on your face. This makes it all the better.

Oh, yeah... Time to make some more of those cuts. I almost forgot about those. Good thing I brought my knives with me. I'll be back in a second with them. Maybe I'll start with your stomach first. Open you up like a parcel or give out a couple of quick jabs. Or a nice, long bloody gnash to your wrists and legs.

No.

Your face. Yes. I'll start there!

Oh! Your face! Wonderful! I love it! Ah, yes! Show me more of that! Yes, perfect! The screaming; the exquisite torture of helplessness! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH!

Clean, stylish, lethal, perfect!

I can't wait. This will be fun.

Ahahahahaha! Oh man… this is just too good! We're just gonna shoot right past tragedy, straight into good old COMEDY!

I certainly hope it will be anyway. God knows that Roberta would want to do this for a bit.

Speaking of which, once I am done I will leave you for Roberta to have whatever fun she wants' with you before finishing you off.

Tell me... How does it feel now that you're going be tortured and ultimately killed by the very two people you hate the most in this pathetic excuse of a world, huh?

Tell me now.

Well then Miss, this is good-bye. I don't really wanna see you again, so I think I'm just gonna… 'Entertain' you for a while and then leave you in highly capable hands of my friend Roberta, so she can have her fun and play with you any way she wishes before we both end you once and for all OK?

But hey, thanks for the entertainment miss but now I got other business to take care of… Like for instance waiting for Roberta to get here so the second part of this wonderful show can finally begin.

Hehehehe...hahahahahahaha….AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Thanks for the entertainment indeed… Revy or should I say Two Hands Garbage.

A/N: Well there you have it.

Let's recount the feats/accomplishments Hazama has achieved in this story: (1) Destroying the city of Roanapur, (2) Effectively ruining the Hotel Moscow organization beyond repair by killing Balalaika as well as Boris and a very large portion of Hotel Moscow's elite soldiers, (3) Killing the pink haired eyesore and disgrace of a living being known as Sakura Haruno in a wonderfully bloody and sadistic fashion, (4) Removing the one thing that made Black Star anything remotely close to a man, (5) Defeating Revy by slicing off her arm in combat and then after bringing her out of Roanapur, subsequently begins to torture her mercilessly, (6) And makes an alliance/friendship with Roberta in order for both to have fun taking their respective shots at torturing Revy before they both finish her off once and for all.

All of these with no apparent usage of any of his powers or his Ouroboros chain blade no less! (Just so you know, this is Hazama were talking about, he is MORE than capable of pulling all these feats off, with or without using his powers.)

Yes the fic has an implied Hazama/Roberta paring, I thought it would be fun and no one else came up with it, so I figured I would be the first, and no it's not necessarily a crack paring because both characters are far too dark and serious for that. And yes, a scenario Hazama being Naruto in a past existence (albeit, a far smarter, darker, trolling, and ruthless version of Naruto, who also had absolutely no interest in Sakura in the first place), I couldn't resist giving Hazama a reason for being as Sociopathic as he is now, given how badly Naruto was treated and how much work he had to do just to get a drink of water or something along the lines of that, while Sasuke got everything he wanted on a silver platter. So obviously this also an Evil Naruto fic as well.