A/N: This idea just came to me and I couldn't stop thinking about it until I wrote it down. I know I haven't updated my Swan Queen story in a while, but I'm definitely planning to go back to it. It's just that it's been a hectic couple of weeks and as soon as my exams are over, I'll do my best to continue it. In the mean time, I hope you like this Regina/Snow one shot. Reviews are welcome as always.
Regina is sitting on one end of the sofa in her living room, her legs splayed across it, crossed at the ankle. In her hand is a glass of white wine. A half-empty bottle sits on the coffee table in front of her. The soft crackling of the fire in the fireplace the only sound disturbing the silence that surrounds her. The times when her house was perpetually filled with noise Henry would make seem lifetimes away and maybe they really are. The smallest of smiles crosses her face as her thoughts are filled with images of her son, her smart little boy. She takes a deep breath and holds it as she wills herself not to cry. What's the point anyway? Crying never got her anywhere. Oh, how she knows it.
A single tear still manages to escape her eye and she finds herself wondering what is it that she's crying for. Is it for her son that seems lost now? Sure, he believes in her, as he keeps saying, he loves her, but she'll never have him the way she used to. She'll never be the mother he looks up to. No, he has the Savior for that. Is it for everything she's lost? She's lost so much that if she started crying about that, she isn't sure she'd ever be able to stop. Is it for her mother?
Her mother. Cora. It's a strange feeling to finally be free of her. So strange and surprisingly uncomfortable that she finds herself wishing the woman who ruined her life was still here. She quickly shakes the thought away. No. Cora is gone and with her the danger she posed for everyone, mainly Henry. If Regina had to kill her own mother in order to save her son's life, well that was definitely the price she was willing to pay. What's more, the choice was incredibly simple. One look at her son's frightened face was the only confirmation she needed before she let out the fury of her full magical abilities Cora's way. Regina had never felt something like that. Sure, she knew she was powerful, but never had her power manifested in the way it did earlier today. She fueled it with all the anger, disappointment and pain she had in her and simply released it. It was done in the flash of an eye and it left her utterly and completely empty.
That is the very feeling that fills Regina's whole being as she sits and stares at the flames. Emptiness. For the first time in her life, she doesn't feel anything. She just is. It's a strange sensation and one she doesn't know what to do with. She'd always been driven by her feelings, extremely intense feelings and now… Now what?
A knock on the door brings her back from her reverie. A quick glance at her watch tells her it's far too late to have visitors. As if she ever has visitors just for the sake of it. There's always an ulterior motive, someone always needs something from her or comes to threaten her in one way or another. She doesn't even bother to stand up and go to the door, opting for a hoarse 'come in' instead. She can hear the door open and close softly, some shuffling as her mysterious visitor removes their shoes in the foyer and soft tapping of feet on their way to the living room. Well, it definitely isn't the Savior. Henry inherited his stomping around from her, after all.
"Regina?"
The sound of that voice, that particular voice, freezes the former Queen for a moment. Her mortal enemy in her house and, upon a quick evaluation, she realizes she doesn't even care. She would say stranger things have happened, but that would definitely be a lie.
She raises her head slowly and locks her eyes on those of her former stepdaughter. She looks stressed, her eyes glassy as if she's been crying.
That makes two of us, Regina muses internally.
"Snow," she inclines her head.
"I – are you – are you okay?"
Regina has to fight to suppress a chuckle. Not only is the question completely ridiculous, but it's uttered in a way completely unbecoming of a queen. Snow looks more like a lost girl than the Queen she truly is.
"Is Henry all right?" Regina asks, ignoring Snow's fumbling attempt at sympathy. Henry stayed with his biological family after the ordeal with Cora was over, this time at Regina's behest. She simply felt she couldn't and shouldn't be around him. Not today. She could see understanding in his eyes when she asked Emma to take him home and it made her heart clench. When did he grow up so much? When did he start to understand the world of adults on such a terrifyingly accurate level?
"Yes, yes he is. He's sleeping. Are you?" The younger woman hasn't moved from her spot in the doorway. The scene is rather comical and Regina would have smiled if she had it in her.
"Why are you here, Snow?" she says in a neutral voice, taking a sip from her glass.
"I – I came to see you. I had to see you." By the end of that sentence, Snow's voice reaches that obnoxious level of passion it perpetually has whenever she talks about anything she deems extremely important.
Regina just furrows her eyebrows in response. She isn't yet sure what the other woman is getting at or why she's in her house.
"Is Cora really gone?" Snow presses when she sees Regina isn't about to take the initiative.
A bitter smile flashes on the former Queen's mouth. "Ah, that's why you're here. Yes, she's – it's done," she finishes, cursing inwardly at the way her throat constricted over that word.
"No, no," Snow hurries. "That's not why I'm here. I mean, it is, but I didn't come just for that."
"Oh?" Regina raises an eyebrow.
"Are you okay?"
"And what is it to you, if I may ask?" Regina's voice retains some of its former mayoral quality.
"I was worried," Snow answers plainly.
This time Regina laughs. Actually laughs. "Oh, in that case, I'm very sorry that I've caused you worry." Her voice is dripping with condescension. She may feel empty, but a chance like this simply cannot be left unused.
Snow's features immediately darken, but she pushes through it. "Can I sit?"
Regina shrugs and points in the direction of the armchairs situated on the other side of the coffee table. Snow takes the hint and goes to sit. Regina can't help but watch her as she moves across the room. She's the very combination of a commoner and a person of noble blood. One could easily mistake her for the girl next door, but there is something distinctly regal in the air around her, in the way she carries herself, in her careful and soft movements. She sits slowly, her back ramrod straight, her hands in her lap. For a moment, Regina has to fight the urge to offer her a drink. The moment passes quickly, however. She doesn't owe the younger woman anything and she simply doesn't care.
"This has to end," Snow starts in a sure voice and fixes her gaze on her former stepmother.
Regina cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow.
"This – this battle. Whatever it is, it's gone on for long enough," the younger woman ends with a nod of her head, as if trying to convince herself in the words she's saying.
Regina's teeth clench involuntarily before she steels herself to speak in a voice as neutral as possible.
"And how did you come to this conclusion, pray tell?"
"I think we've both had enough. Don't you?"
Regina fixes her with a sharp stare. "You think we have had enough? Do you honestly think you've paid your dues?"
"Regina," Snow sighs. "Stop. Just stop. This isn't going anywhere. We can't continue like this."
"Oh, dear, I have nowhere to go anyway," Regina pauses once she realizes the last sentence sounded just a tad too desperate for her liking. "Are you afraid I might take away your happiness?" She can't help but infuse her voice with the sultriness of the Evil Queen, even if the woman seems like an old fuzzy memory to her now.
"Would you?" Snow asks, a sliver of caution and fear in her voice.
"What's the point?" Regina exhales and takes another sip of her wine. She looks at the flames and once again feels that emptiness, that nothing, creeping inside her. "No matter what I do, I'll never be able to hurt you the way you hurt me. You'll always get your happy ending. It's taken me forty years to realize that. Better late than never, I guess," she finishes with a bitter smile.
"Regina, I never wanted –"
"Yes, yes," Regina doesn't allow Snow to finish and fixes her with a stare again. "You never wanted to ruin my life. I've heard that story before, you know? It doesn't change the fact that you did."
Snow's eyes fill with tears that immediately start their descent down her rosy cheeks. Regina can't help but notice that she looks pretty even when she cries. Snow White, always absolutely perfect.
"I am so sorry, Regina. I'll never be able to tell you just how sorry I am," Snow says in a shaky voice.
"Oh, I know." The former Queen can't help but smile in her perfect politician way.
"You know what?" Snow cuts in, her voice sure all of a sudden. "I keep saying how sorry I am, I keep apologizing to you. That's all I've ever done, ever since that day you told me about Daniel. I have never heard the same from you."
Ah, there she is, Regina musses internally. That's the trademark passion and righteousness that have always adorned Snow's personality.
"Are you sorry?" the younger woman presses on.
Regina raises an amused eyebrow. "Sorry for what, dear?"
Snow's eyes widen in disbelief. "Really? Really, Regina? I'm trying – I'm trying to put this behind us, but you have to meet me halfway."
"I don't have to do anything," Regina hisses through clenched teeth, sitting up, her whole body going into attack mode. "What makes you think I owe you anything? What makes you think I care about your feelings? It's always been about you, hasn't it? Tell me, Snow, have you ever stopped to think there are people in this world or the other whose highest ambition in life isn't to grovel at your feet? Have you?"
Snow opens her mouth to say something, but no sound comes out.
"You can consider yourself lucky I didn't kill you," Regina's voice is dripping with venom now.
"Others weren't that lucky," Snow mutters.
"What?"
"How many lives have you taken in the name of your vendetta against me?" Snow's voice is growing stronger by the second. "How many people had to pay for your –"
"I would stop there if I were you," Regina cuts in, her voice low and steady, the air between two women growing dangerous.
"Or what? You'll kill me?" Snow presses on boldly.
"Are you really willing to play that game?" Regina can feel the magic swirling inside her, begging to be let out. It would be so easy, just a slight flick of her wrist…
"Actually, I am. You know why?" Snow stands up all of a sudden, pointing a finger at the former Queen. "Because you don't have it in you. You never did."
"Excuse me?" Regina exclaims and sets her glass down on the table.
"Oh, come on. You had so many chances, you could have killed me anytime and yet you didn't," Snows voice is almost mocking now. "Why is that?"
A victorious smile flashes on Regina's face. She stands up and slowly walks over to the fireplace. When she turns, the satisfied smirk of the Evil Queen is set firmly on her lips. "Because I wanted you to suffer. Killing you was too easy," her voice is sickeningly sweet.
She revels in the way Snow's body involuntarily flinches and recoils. "No. No," Snow pushes through. "It was more than that. You couldn't. You couldn't do it."
The smirk disappears from Regina's face and is replaced with a set jaw. "You better stop there or so help me, I'll do it now."
Snow's shoulders fall, resignation written on her face. "I never stopped loving you," she says in the softest of voices, her gaze cast down at her feet.
In that moment Regina can swear she looks just like the little girl who looked up to her so many years ago, who adored her and followed her everywhere. The little girl who brought her freshly plucked flowers every morning, the same girl who didn't dare go near a horse if Regina wasn't at her side. It was a truly bitter destiny that had befallen them. In another world, in another life, they could have truly loved each other. They could have been friends, family even. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
"No matter how much I tried, I couldn't bring myself to hate you. And I hoped – I hoped against all hope that we could be family again." Snow stops when a sob escapes her and Regina can clearly see a tear fall from her cheek and land on the carpet by her feet. She looks so small, so vulnerable.
The former Queen turns then and faces the fire, hoping that its heat will evaporate the tears that start pooling in her eyes.
"When did you stop loving me?"
As the soft trembling voice reaches her ears, Regina closes her eyes and lets the tears roll freely down her cheeks. She swallows, making sure her voice is as steady as it can be before she speaks.
"Go home, Snow."
She can practically feel the disappointment rolling off the younger woman's body.
"I won't come after you or anyone else," she continues, her head bowed. "I simply don't have it in me," she pauses. "Not anymore."
Another sob escapes Snow.
"Go home and be happy."
Nothing happens for a long minute, neither woman moves. Finally, Regina hears Snow's feet moving across the floor, the sound growing distant as her former stepdaughter moves towards the front door. A couple of moments later she's gone and Regina is left alone once again.
She swallows again, still facing the fire, the tears burning her face.
"Never," she whispers softly to the fire and her empty house. "I never stopped loving you, you foolish girl."