Lucas:
Unable to move any further, I come to a limping stop. I don't look back. There is no need. They won't be coming after me. She won't be coming after me. My father needs her and she has made her feelings towards me quite clear. She meant to kill me. What thoughts went through her minds as she pulled the trigger, as she saw me fall, and as she realized that I had survived?
I find a rock to sit down on. It's not safe to stop in the open jungle surrounded by winged and four-legged carnivores, but it can't be helped. The bullets have to come out, the wounds have to be closed up, and the pain has to be managed. I can feel myself slipping. There is shaking, aching, nausea; however, this is not the worst. The worst are the thoughts, the never ending thoughts of my father… and of her.
With a knife, I dig out the bullet lodged in my side. I should be screaming with pain. I should be unable to sit up as straight. I am cutting open my flesh and prying out a bullet yet, I make no sound. I don't even flinch. The body can be ruled, controlled. It's my mind that I can't control. First, there was the unlimited love from my mother. Then, there was the unearthly hate for my father. And now… now, there is also her.
She was just supposed to be a pawn; someone to use, someone easily disposed of and easily forgotten. Mira had told me about her and I was immediately interested in meeting this girl who so fearlessly moved among camps and through dinosaur infested territories. I had it all planned out; what to say and how to convince her to do my bidding. Yet, I was so unprepared. It had hit me right away, as soon as I saw her, watching from a shadowy place. Then, I made myself known and her penetrating eyes met mine. She appealed to me instantly like no one else has. I look at this beautiful girl as someone worthy of being by my side, which I'd never thought possible. Perhaps, it is her confidence around me and her apparent lack of admiration in my achievements. Even in the Sixers' camp with her mother held prisoner, she still talked to me with defiance and smirked at my technological accomplishments. She had held her head up high and she had only submitted once I threatened her mother's life.
I don't want to hurt her, yet I have had to so many times; both by words and actions. Her defiance, lack of respect, and betrayal has forced me to hurt her. If only she would have bent to my will, done as I asked, be who I wanted her to be, then I wouldn't have lost this battle with my father, she wouldn't have shot me, and she wouldn't be returning right now to that idiot Shannon boy.
In jealous anger, I pull out the second bullet harder than I had intended and the pain shoots out with such intensity that it almost has me lose consciousness. "Damn it! I did everything right," I yell with conviction even as I know that I am lying.
I didn't do everything right. I allowed myself to be teased, persuaded, and tricked. Even as I knew she was untruthful, I followed along because I didn't want to believe my own reasoning. Years of planning ruined because of her. Yet… she rejects my affection and still I want her, she betrays me and still I want her, she shoots me and still I want her.
"Damn it!" I curse again and birds take off into flight from a nearby tree.
With shaky fingers, I close up the gun wounds, but the wounds go deeper than what I can sew. In one sweep, I empty my cup and the concentrated liquid quickly spreads throughout. I slide off the rock and down to the ground as the organic pain reliever from an indigenous plant begins to work. It's a risk to numb myself. In this state, I can't even lift my knife in defense, take off running, or even stand up. Still, I have no choice. If I am to survive, if I am to reunite with the Sixers, and if I am ever to defeat my father, I have to heal and regain my strength. Besides, the liquid numbs more than just the flesh and I want to be numb once again. I want to be the man I was before I met her; before I heard her confident voice, before I stared into those steadfast eyes, and before I began to have all these desires. Before her, my mission was set and I knew my purpose in life. Now, everything is muddy and distorted. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I had been so close to my goal. Terra nova had been mine. My father was defeated and I had proven to be the strongest. Then, she ruined it all. She had promised me her affection, her companionship, her nearness, and I wanted it so badly that I had risked it all. It had all been a trick. She betrayed me again and even aimed to kill me.
The trees around me start to blend together into a mixture of green shades and my head falls towards the grassy floor. As my mind slips away, one last thought enters and makes perfect sense: The Sixers will go to the Badlands and so will my father. There, away from Terra nova and her, there will be no distractions and I will finally be able to beat him.