WARNING: This story IS Yaoi Guys with other guys If you don't like/approve then do not read!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters.
Blood. The lifeline. Guilty by association of death. The sight makes some sick, and others giddy. Makes some faint and others think. Blood…. Is memories. How long has it been since I've cut?? Three months now? It's incredible how hard it is to live without the feeling of pain….. People wish for the world to be perfect….. To exclude pain. But is that what they truly want? What if pain was nonexistent? Would people learn? Would people make this world better or worse? I think too much……
I slowly opened my eyes, gazing at the white wall. How many times have I woken up to this wall?? Too many. The sight is starting to make me sick. I think I'll paint it red. I slid out of bed, making my way to the closet, sliding open the door. What to wear? Let's see…. Black…. Black… or black? I think I'll take black, thanks. Back into my casual clothes, black everything. Why black?? Because it looks good on me? I enter the bathroom, flipping on the light and blinding myself for a moment before I went to brushing out my hair, knowing it would take me at least fifteen minutes to braid my hair again. I hate how tangled sleep makes it. Rat….. Rat….. More rats. How many damn tangles are in my hair this morning?! Oh… ok…. On with the braiding. I hum a tune as I do this, actually having a good day so far….. But it has only been a few minutes since I woke up. The day is bound to crash soon. Well… you don't learn if you don't crash and burn sometimes, right? On with brushing of the teeth and of course….. Making it down the stairs safely. As usual I make it halfway down, slip, tumble and land on my face. Oh well, one more rug burn won't hurt. I stand up slowly, rubbing at the sore spot on my cheek, knowing it's going to be red for awhile. I make my way to the kitchen and pour a bowl of cereal, sloshing in some milk before I sit at the table to eat my pathetic breakfast. When did the house become so quiet? Oh… that's right. It was that one night…. I shake my head to help push the thoughts to the back of my mind. How much longer am I going to avoid thinking about it? I don't feel like going to school today. But at least I'm surrounded by people there and not stuck at home with just my memories for company.
School. When did that word start leaving a bitter taste in my mouth? "Hey! Duo!" I turn to find Hilde running towards me. A grin comes to my face. Okay, so at least there's still one thing in this world that makes me happy.
"Hey Hilde! What's up Babe?" I call out to her. Wow… she really is pretty. She's finally caught up to me, her breathing slightly labored from her run.
"Hey… I called for you five times Duo. Is everything all right?" She looks worried as she gazes at me with those deep blue eyes.
"Of course Doll! Why wouldn't everything be okay?" I answer cheerfully, hoping she won't doubt my goofy grin. I don't want her to know. I don't want to hurt her…. She doesn't deserve this pain.
I toss my stuff down next to the door, kicking off my shoes before I head to my room. I live in a little apartment with just five rooms: A kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, and what I consider the entrance hallway. I plop down on my bed, burying my face in my pillow. I can smell his aftershave, or at least I think I can. It's been months since I've seen him… since he's rested in my bed. 'I love you, Duo' "NO! YOU DON'T!!!" I grip the pillow, screaming into it. I just want his voice to go away. I wish it would leave me in peace. Why must it torment me like this? He's gone… and it's my fault. There's nothing left to do.