Chili Dogs & Hope by: Alex Lemoine
Sonic woke up, covered in sweat, and also covered in his lil hedgehog semen. It's his big day, time to make his big apperance at SonicCon, the biggest Sonic the Hedgehog convention this side of, um, the ocean or whatever, and he had just had a wonderful dream about a special someone. "Wowee" he said, "I just had a wonderful dream about a special someone. I hope my biggest fan is there today! Maybe I'll get to ask him what I've been wanting to ask him for sooo long."
Sonic quickly got dressed in his shoes, gloves and um, scarf (I guess?), as he didn't wanna be late for the big panel. He ran all the way to the convention center because he had a good feeling about today and also because, y'know, he's fast.
He had finally arrived, flew through the back door of the convention center, and entered the green room, breaking several refreshment tables with his speed. The guards in the green room were all like "well I guess we gotta clean this shit up now" then they leaned to the camera and said "you ever just have one of those days?".
"Big day, huh?" said Knuckles, the second Sonic blasted through the door at top speed. "Hopefully you'll see that special someone huh?."
"I... I don't know what you're talking about" said Sonic. Amy blushed at this, because, y'know, she wants the Sonic diiicckkk.
"Hey guys, it's time" said the stage manager to the whole Sonic crew. They all shuffled out onto the stage as millions of fans roared in applause at the mere sight of them. They screamed so loud the people next to them went deaf. The screams seemed to go on for eternity and some people had to be escorted out of the building because they got stuck in a perpetual scream that the bouncers could not get them out of. These people were sadly put down at the hospital right next door. RIP.
The panel went smoothly and it was finally time for autographs and fan pictures. It was wave after wave of crazed fan girls screaming and crying at the sight of their hedgehog idols. Many dropped dead before they could reach the front of the line out of sheer excitement. RIP. Then finally, Sonic looked up and saw him, the man he had been waiting for.
"Sonic, it's great to see you again, would you please sign my life size Sonic body pillow for the 7th time? Right there under the nipple if you could" asked Barack Obama in a giddy school girl voice.
"You always ask me to sign it there, B-rock" said Sonic.
"I know, but it's a good place" he said "I love when you call me B-rock" Obama whispered under his breath.
Sonic signed the body pillow "To My Biggest Fan In The Whole Wide World, Sonic" and then gave it a little kiss.
"There ya go ma main man" he said as he handed it back to him. "Hey, B-man, come over here for a second." He led Barack to the corner of the autograph room.
"You wanna maybe meet up after the convention tonight? I have drinks back in my hotel room" said Sonic in a sultry voice.
"S..sounds like a plan" shuddered Obama, barely able to contain his excitement.
"See ya then" whispered Sonic as he handed him the address. He was so excited that he popped a big ol bonger right then and there. Obama saw this and blushed. "Aw shucks" said Sonic, and then a wah wah wah sound played and the scene faded to black.
We open back up on a hotel door marked 2A. Obama walks up in a big trench coat and fedora, real sneaky like, and knocks.
"Come on in," said Sonic, "I've been waiting"
Obama hesitantly opened the door. It was pitch black in there. Then, he heard the snap of hedgehog fingers, and 1,000 candles flicked on simultaneously.
"I didn't know you knew...THE DARK ARTS." said Obama.
"It'll be our little secret," said Sonic. Obama had finally glanced over at the bed, and Sonic was sprawled out naked in a real seductive pose. I'm talking full on risque.
Obama, in one leap, shed his 3 piece suit like a pair of parachute pants, and leaped onto the bed like a tiger about to fuck another tiger. Or, more like the President about to fuck a fictional hedgehog. Y'know, some real hardcore shit.
Obama bent Sonic over the small end table right next to the bed. "Are you ready for me to go full term" said Obama.
"4 MORE YEARS. 4 MORE YEARS" Sonic shouted. Obama pulled out his huge 2 foot long, corkscrew penis, and went to town. He smashed Sonic so rough that they broke through the wall and into the room next to them, where Knuckles and Tails were having themselves a man on man naked mud wrestle. Or, I mean, and echidna on fox naked mud wrestle. Needless to say, Obama and Sonic just had to get down and dirty with them. There was mud and spit and many other bodily fluids flying all over the place. Knuckle's 4-headed, echidna penis was flying in the breeze.
"I got enough heads for all of us!" he screamed as they celebrated his many penis heads.
"Does Michelle ever get the pleasure of your company like this?" Sonic asked Obama "And by your company, I mean your penises company."
"Oh no," said Obama "she's a very dominating personality. Let's just say she likes to 'explore the back door.' She's got her own way of getting into the oval office. And by the oval office, I mean my asshole. Her large collection of strap-ons really gives me the stuff I need."
"Do you want me to do what she does?" said Sonic "do you want me to cast my vote in your favor?"
"I want that more than you want to collect all the chaos emeralds Sonic" he said with love in his eyes, "I really do."
They swiftly switched places. Sonic got right to the punch. He got it in slowly to that oval office, as deep as it could go. And by oval office, I mean his asshole.
"Take it slow I wanna enjoy this moment" said Obama.
"No," whispered Sonic, "gotta go fast" he blazed in and out at lightning speed. It was so fast that a fire started in Obama's colon. He was screaming for Sonic to stop because the internal burning hurt him very severely.
"There's only one way to put this fire out," said Sonic "with a good ol fashioned spray from my lil hedgehog fire hose." Sonic was ready for this. He started peeing harder than he'd ever peed before in his life. Urine was flying all over the place, but especially in Obama's colon
"AHHHH AHHHHHAHHHHHH!" screamed Obama, the burns hurting him more than his FAKE BIRTH CERTIFICATE AMIRITE, WHERE'S THE REAL ONE BARACK?!
Sonic blew his sweet hedgehog pee into Obama's tiny little butt-hole and the fire was extinguished immediately.
They lay there, panting together in the mud pit. Even though Obama was in severe pain a few seconds ago, that was the best sex he had ever had in his life.
"Hey B-rock," Sonic said as he turned to him with lust in his eyes. "can we do this again sometime?"
Obama looked deep into Sonic's eye, took a deep breath and said "Yes We Can."
THE END.