Bram Stoker's Alucard
The Casting!
Teleute: Hi guys! What's up?
Hellsing's cast: Oh no, please, anything but HER...
Teleute: I'm feeling some bad vibes, Integra? Alucard?
Integra: As you should, you made me behave like a stupid teenager in your fics!
Teleute: He he, sorry Integra... Please put you gun down, you can't kill Death with a bullet...
Integra: I can't?
Teleute: Nope, I couldn't say I'm sorry...
Integra: Damn...
Teleute: And you, Alucard? The whole 'I kissed Integra' thing, bothered you?
Alucard: Nope, it was the whole, 'Look mummy is here, I'm going to act like a wuss' thing, I didn't like. The snogging was the best part... And I'm eager to make a sequel, eh master... ?
Integra: Maybe silver bullets wont work on Death, but it surely will in a big mouthed vampire...
Teleute: Ok, guys I like it that way... So deal with it! Putting that aside, I have a new idea...
Integra: May God and the Queen help us...
Walter: Lets all give a chance to Lady Teleute, yes? Go on...
Teleute: Bram Stoker's Alucard!!!!!!! The movie from Francis Ford Coppola bassed in the infamous vampire novel! What do you think?
All: ...
Teleute: Fine with me, I want to pissed my annoying purist little brother (Dream)... Awwww, come on guys..., I could be wrost...
Maxwell: How?
Teleute:(evil grin) Del could direct the movie instead of me...
Victoria: Del...?
Teleute: Yup, Delirium...Come here sis'!
Delirium: NiCe, PrEtTy We FlYiNg FiShEs AnD gUm FoR yOur HaIr!!
Incognito: Argh! She put bubblegum in my head!
Delirium: MeAnIe, I dOn'T lIkE yOu, YoU'll SeE tHe SuN fOrEvEr AnD eVeR!
Incognito: Ah! It's the sun I'm burning!, I cannot runaway! Help!
Rest of the cast: We'll do it...
Teleute: He, I knew that my sweet lil' sis will convice you! Del, why don't you play in silence with your new friend here...
Incognito: Help, the sun! I can't stand it anymore!!!
Delirium: OkAy, OkAy, OkAy...
Teleute: That's a good Endless... Now where were we? Oh, I remember I'm going to be the director, Walter the narrator... Now for the roles... Alucard will be Dracula...
Maxwell: No, surprise there...
Alucard: What did you say human?
Maxwell: Nothing, nothing, he he
Teleute: Ok, the roles of Dracula's brides will be played by the vampire slut in episode one, Jessica aka Bonnie and Bubbancy aka Laura Wingates.
Vampire Slut: My name is Morganna, but you can call me Morggy, not slut!
Teleute: Ok, sorry Morggy... Uhmm... Jonathan Harker will be played by Enrico Maxwell
Maxwell: Of, course I have the leading male in the movie...
Integra: Not to mention the annoying and whinning male 'hero', I pity the poor soul who is going to be Mina...
Teleute: He he, funny you said that, Integra... because you have the role of Mina Murray...
Integra: WHAT?????!!!!!!!! I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY WITH THAT DAMN PRIEST NOR HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR WITH A FILTHY VAMPIRE...!!!
Alucard: I love you too, Integra...
Integra: I'M THE BLOODY HELLSING'S HEIR, I SHOULD BE ABRAHAM VAN HELSING!
Teleute: He's an old man, Integra. You're a young woman...
Integra: I DON'T CARE, I DRESSED AS A MAN! WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, THEN?
Teleute: This is *my* fic Integra, it's me or Del you choose... Would you like ended like Incognito?
Integra: Uhmmp, I supossed you're the lesser of two evil... Alright,... but I still don't want to shoot any love scene with Alucard or Maxwell...
Desire: I could make you want it...
Teleute: Epithumia, dear sibling go and play with Mania and Incognito... If I need you to uhmm spice the things I'll call you right the way...
Desire: Ok, big sister, this will be fun...
Integra: Weird family you have... Speaking of kin, who's going to be my great-grandfather?
Teleute: Uhmmm Anderson?
Integra: WHAT???!!! NO FUCKING PRIEST IS GOING TO BE MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER!!!
Teleute: No swearing... Ok, ok I would put Anderson as the annoying priest in the prologue (the one who gave the speech about Elisabeta being damned, yadda, yadda)... And Van Helsing will be played by Peter Ferguson..., better?
Integra:... Yes... Ferguson?
Ferguson: Yes, Sir Integra?
Integra: Don't dissapointed me or I fired you...
Ferguson: I won't..., trusted me...
Teleute: Well, Seras you'll be Lucy Westenra, is that ok with you?
Seras: Uhmmm, who?
Teleute: Mina's best friend and Dracula's victim
Seras: Uhmmm...???
Teleute: The red-haired woman!
Seras: Oh, I know who she is...
Teleute: Thank God..., Pickman you will be Dr. John Seward; Stetra you'll be Quincey Morris and Luke Valentine you have the role of Sir Arthur Holmwood... Uhmm let's see..., oh Yan you'll be Renfield!
Yan: Why I have to be that fucking freak!?
Teleute: I said not swearing... And you're a freak yourself and it's suits you, that's why...
Yan: You bitch!
Teleute: Uhmm, I think I finish... Oh! I forgot! The child/victim of Lucy will be play by Helena...
Helena: What is a little time lost in the emptyness of the existence...
Teleute: You go girl! Sooo, better to start now so, I can finish and start real good stories...
Integra: You have any good stories?
Teleute: Shut up, or else...
Integra: Else, what? You're so pathetic...
Teleute: Is that so? Well, for that I'll make you wear a big pink dress in my fics...
Integra: Please don't, I'll shut up
Teleute: And behave...?
Integra: ...I...will
Teleute: And the rest?
All: okay
Teleute: I can't hear yoouuuuuu...
All: OK!
Teleute: See, it wasn't so hard, was it?
All: ...
Incognito: HELP! HELP! The sun, must hide...
Teleute: Sis' stop that, please. It's giving me a headache...
Delirium: OkAy, BuT jUsT yOu AsKeD mE... i ThInK... nOt SuRe...
Incognito: THE SUN! The sun? What in the name of Loki Setho I'm doing? I, Incognito, a true undead, bla,bla, bla, hell on Earth, bla, bla, bla, world conquest, bla, bla, bla...
Teluete: I've changed my mind sister, you could take him in to your realm, I don't need him here, If I did I'll call you, don't worry...
Delirium: OkAy, CoMe NiTo...
Incognito: Who dare to call me...? Oh, it's you get out and leave me be! What's that, a portal? NOOO I don't want go, HEEEEEEEEELP
Teleute: Now guys... everyone has a script, right?
Seras: Uhmm Miss Teleute, uhmm your caligraphy is terrible... We don't understand a word...
Teleute: Uhmm, well then you have to wait that I finished tying so we could get started....
All: Yay!
Teleute: Don't open the champagne, yet... I have more time to write another fic, he he... (grins)
The Cast:
Alucard as........................................................................................................................................ Count Dracula
Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing as..................................................................................................... Mina Murray/Elisabeta
Enrico Maxwell as........................................................................................................................... Jonathan Harker
Seras Victoria as.............................................................................................................................. Lucy Westenra
Peter Ferguson as...................................................................................................................... Dr. Abraham Van Helsing
Stetra as............................................................................................................................................ Quincey Morris
Pickman as....................................................................................................................................... Dr. John Seward
Luke Valentine as............................................................................................................................. Sir Arthur Holmwood
Yan Valentine as.................................................................................................................................... Renfield
Alexander Anderson as................................................................................................................... Annoying talking priest
The Vampire Minister as................................................................................................................... Random Priest
Vampire Sl..., I mean Morggy as........................................................................................................ Bride # 1
Jessica as............................................................................................................................................ Bride # 2
Bubbancy as........................................................................................................................................ Bride # 3
Helena as............................................................................................................................................. Child Victim
Reifu as................................................................................................................................................ Gypsy servant # 1
Andy Costibaliti as............................................................................................................................... Gypsy servant # 2
Harry Anders as .................................................................................................................................. Captain of the ship
Men who wanted to kill young Integra................................................................................................ Turks soldiers
Walter Kum Dorne as................................................................................................................................... Narrator
Teleute as...................................................................................................................................................... Director
Disclamer: Nothing of this belong to me! Hellsing's characters belong to Studio Gonzo and Kouta Hirano; Dracula and his characters belong to Bram Stoker (and the love story to Coppola). And The Sandman belong to Neil Gaiman and Vertigo.
Again, I apologize for my bad english, I hope everything is
quite legible... Please review, flames are welcome...