Title: Current
Author: Jessamyn (ladymagi@aol.com)
Summary: Buffy envies the bot.
Notes: Although I don't think it's necessary seeing 'After Life', particularly the ending, would probably be a good idea before you read this.
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Electricity, eye to eye
Hey, don't I know you? I can't speak
Stripped my senses on the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
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A mess of wires, computer chips, and synthetic flesh lying there cold and lifeless with my face. She was my replacement. She was me. The me that dealt with the world with a perpetually cheerful smile and, from what I've heard, some really weird post-slaying banter. And she was gone. Im here and now she's gone. Too far gone to ever be repaired again.
Or so I thought.
"How..." I asked. How is this possible? How did that pile of spare parts suddenly reappear whole and intact, as if they'd never been in the first place? How could she go on like this after all she'd been through? I tried to ask but my voice wouldn't work, and I'm sure I looked like a goldfish with my mouth opening and closing like that so finally I stopped.
She just stood there with that blazingly happy smile on her face, blonde hair perfectly in place, and looking like some goddess in her dress all back lit by the sun. I wanted to hit her. I wanted to hate her for being that happy when I could not. But it wasn't her fault.
Instead I stepped closer, and the current of joy emanating from her grew stronger, passing through me like a continuous electric buzz that pained me with its intensity. "Why are you here?" I managed to choke out through the welling of tears.
"This is my home. I reside here." she informed me, as if I should know these things. Of course, I had known. Somewhere in the back of my head it made sense. But that wasn't what I'd meant.
"What are you doing here now?" I clarified.
She looked confused as she repeated "This is my home." I felt like I'd kicked a puppy. "Am I needed elsewhere? I could pick Dawn up from school!" she said earnestly.
"No, I... " I sighed and stepped aside. "Come in."
"You're crying..." she said softly, reaching out a hand to touch an errant drop as it fell. "Why are you crying?" she asked. More fell to replace the one she had taken away and I couldn't answer her. Didn't even know the answer myself except that this was just so hard, this... *life*.
And then she hugged me and whoever had programed her for this should get an award or something because it felt just right. I stood for a while, crying on her shoulder as I had been unable to do with anyone else, and the irony of finding solace in my own image wasn't entirely lost on me. But right then I didn't care whither this was virtue or sin. Closing my eyes I let the buzz and whirl of electronics and magic recreate a world in which I was warm, and loved, and ... complete.
Author: Jessamyn (ladymagi@aol.com)
Summary: Buffy envies the bot.
Notes: Although I don't think it's necessary seeing 'After Life', particularly the ending, would probably be a good idea before you read this.
--------------------------------------
Electricity, eye to eye
Hey, don't I know you? I can't speak
Stripped my senses on the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
--------------------------------------
A mess of wires, computer chips, and synthetic flesh lying there cold and lifeless with my face. She was my replacement. She was me. The me that dealt with the world with a perpetually cheerful smile and, from what I've heard, some really weird post-slaying banter. And she was gone. Im here and now she's gone. Too far gone to ever be repaired again.
Or so I thought.
"How..." I asked. How is this possible? How did that pile of spare parts suddenly reappear whole and intact, as if they'd never been in the first place? How could she go on like this after all she'd been through? I tried to ask but my voice wouldn't work, and I'm sure I looked like a goldfish with my mouth opening and closing like that so finally I stopped.
She just stood there with that blazingly happy smile on her face, blonde hair perfectly in place, and looking like some goddess in her dress all back lit by the sun. I wanted to hit her. I wanted to hate her for being that happy when I could not. But it wasn't her fault.
Instead I stepped closer, and the current of joy emanating from her grew stronger, passing through me like a continuous electric buzz that pained me with its intensity. "Why are you here?" I managed to choke out through the welling of tears.
"This is my home. I reside here." she informed me, as if I should know these things. Of course, I had known. Somewhere in the back of my head it made sense. But that wasn't what I'd meant.
"What are you doing here now?" I clarified.
She looked confused as she repeated "This is my home." I felt like I'd kicked a puppy. "Am I needed elsewhere? I could pick Dawn up from school!" she said earnestly.
"No, I... " I sighed and stepped aside. "Come in."
"You're crying..." she said softly, reaching out a hand to touch an errant drop as it fell. "Why are you crying?" she asked. More fell to replace the one she had taken away and I couldn't answer her. Didn't even know the answer myself except that this was just so hard, this... *life*.
And then she hugged me and whoever had programed her for this should get an award or something because it felt just right. I stood for a while, crying on her shoulder as I had been unable to do with anyone else, and the irony of finding solace in my own image wasn't entirely lost on me. But right then I didn't care whither this was virtue or sin. Closing my eyes I let the buzz and whirl of electronics and magic recreate a world in which I was warm, and loved, and ... complete.