Carter tossed and turned in his bunk, while memories of the past mission played and replayed inside his head. This had been one of the rare times that they had had to admit defeat. They had been too late, too late to save the life of one of the most highly respected Underground leaders in the Hammelburg area.
Carter recalled the pale face of Colonel Hogan as he had emerged from the secret tunnel entrance, clutching a note from the local Underground. Fritz Kortner, better known as Little Rabbit was reported missing.
Hogans voice had mirrored his anger as he read the message aloud.
Little Rabbit out alone. Most likely at hands of chef preparing Christmas dinner. Probably already Hasenpfeffer.
"Or in normal language, he´s gone, probably captured, probably already dead. Nobody knows.".
With these words, Hogan had begun pacing up and down the room, until Kinch had come up and brought another message.
Little Rabbit alive, but caged. Christmas dinner is tomorrow.
Hogan had turned towards the men. "Gentlemen. Little Rabbit is very important to us. We can´t afford to leave him there alone, not because of his value for the Underground and not, because off humanity. I do not ask anyone to come with me.".
Half an hour later, Hogan, Carter and Newkirk headed out of the tunnel, while Kinch and LeBeau stayed at the radio. It had taken them a lot of time to pursue LeBeau, that three of them were enough and that taking him with them as well, would only higher the risk of being captured.
Everything had gone fine. The Gestapo uniforms they wore had given them entrance to the Gestapo Headquarters and the fake orders from Berlin had given them access to Little Rabbit´s cell. When they arrived there, Hogan motioned the Gestapo guards to go away and entered together with Newkirk and Carter.
They had been too late. The man in the cell was barely recognisable under the numerous bruises and the blood, that swept down his face from a wound above the right eye.
Carter had never seen his Commander this upset. They had remained there, for what seemed hours, but it were only ten minutes. Little Rabbit recognised his friends and died.
After an additional ten minutes, Newkirk had approached the Colonel and softly patted him on the shoulder.
"Guv´nor, we can´t do anything for him, we have to leave.".
Hogan had nodded and followed them outside. In a cold and sneering voice, he reported the death of the prisoner and left. On the way back in the truck, he had looked as always, calm and under control.
But later that evening, when he had walked into his office and looked back at the table, with his men, Carter could have sworn that there were tears in his eyes.
Turning once more in his bunk, Carter finally found the sleep, he had been searching. But it was not the preferred dreamless sleep, that locks all memories away.
Carter found himself on a field. There was nothing but grass, sky and sun. For once, the world seemed beautiful again and he caressed this little moment of peacefulness, before the clouds seemed to crash down onto the earth and enclosed him.
Suddenly, a voice, strong and confident spoke.
"Andrew Carter. You are afraid at this moment, afraid about what might happen to you, afraid about what might happen to your friends. And you are sad, about what happened tonight, but I ask you, what do you really fear?".
Carter blinked against a sudden burst of light that shone through the clouds and circled around him.
"I am afraid of evil.".
Th clouds changed and formed figures, cars, buildings. All wore the red, white and black flag. Carter heard screams and he knew, whose screams they were. It were the people, who were tortured at the hands of the Gestapo.
From between the clouds stepped a figure, but the light was so bright, that Carter could only see the shape of the figure. There was something familiar about this shape, but he could not place it.
The voice continued. "Carter. There has always been evil, and there will always be evil, as long as human kind exists. But there is more to evil than meets the eye. There is no black and white in our world, or maybe a tiny little stripe on each end of the great mass that human kind is. Most of us are grey and hover somewhere between the undefined borders of right and wrong.".
"But-".
"No Carter, there is no but. You do not need to be afraid of evil and do not need to be to content about good. What you should worry and think about is the grey mass, because this contains the majority of people. They can be pushed in either direction by the influence of their time and so they are the main danger to justice and peace.".
"But, the Gestapo, they-"
"I will not justify anything the Gestapo does, maybe their members belong to the bad side, but then again, what do you consider the good side?".
"Our side, I mean, we want to help people, we really try.".
"Yes, Carter, but have you ever thought about the people that die in your missions? Even the filthiest traitor will have a family and this family will cry.".
"But it is war, people die in wars, we can not always rescue everybody, we can not warn everybody, we can not bring everybody to safety.".
It seemed that the voice chuckled, before it continued.
"So you think that peace will solve everything?".
Carter nodded.
"What do you define as peace?".
Carter did not hesitate. "Peace is when there is no war, when people can live happily and in freedom, like it was before.".
The shape before him shook his head. "Before did not bring peace for everybody and the future will not. Maybe your life was happy, but people in Europe suffered the consequences of the First World War. Peace is the good end of the chocolate bar, war the bad end, but in between there are all shades of grey and only those shades of grey coexist in this world. There is no ultimate war, there is no ultimate peace. There is only grey, in everything we do.".
"But Little Rabbit, he did not want the war, yet he did suffer the consequences of both the war and his own opinion. He was murdered for who he was and what he thought.".
"And he was one of the grey shades as well. He fought for what he considered right, but right and wrong are not God made words. They are shaped by the opinion of mankind. What he considered right, was wrong for others. Therefore, he will remain white in your view, but black in that of others. People will never be entirely white or black, because no human being is one thing. We are all hundreds of different people at a time, loved and hated by those among us.".
Carter shook his head, to put away the grief that came up once again, before he asked. "Why are you telling me all this?".
"Because I want you to know, that although you are fighting for those who say that they fight for freedom, you should never forget, that there are mothers and fathers on both side of the war. And that death, means the same grief in all languages.".
The shape moved away. Carter woke up.
He watched the sleeping men around him, knowing that it must be still very early. A sound in the nearby room made him get up and walk over to Hogans office. When he silently opened the door, he saw the Colonel standing in front of the window, his back turned towards the door.
Carter blinked against the sunlight that fell through the window and for a brief moment, the details of the figure in front of him washed away and nothing was left but the contours. Carter smiled, he now recognised the shape in his dream.