The Time Before The Universe
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Doctor Who.
Terminate torment
Of love unsatisfied
The greater torment
Of love satisfied
End of the endless
Journey to no end
Conclusion of all that
Is inconclusible
Speech without word and
Word of no speech
Grace to the Mother
For the Garden
Where all love ends.
- from Ash Wednesday, by T.S. Eliot
They decide that they're going for an adventure. Theta knows that Koschei always feels better after they get out of the Academy for a little while. This time Theta decides they should explore some of the mountain caves.
It's nearing the coldest season, and Theta feels like something new is approaching. He's very excited because newness is exciting, but he also feels melancholy, and he doesn't know why.
They clamber up the mountainside in inadequate clothing for it, and Koschei grumbles as usual. Theta kisses him fondly in response. Koschei, predictably, grabs Theta's collar and pulls him in for a much deeper different kind of kiss before he can get away.
Soon, the original purpose of the expedition is forgotten. Theta pushes Koschei on his back and Koschei fumbles with Theta's buttons. Unfortunately, Koschei realizes that if they remove much of their clothing, they will both freeze to death. In fact, the entire situation is a bit ridiculous. Here they are, unable to control their refined Time Lord hormones on the precarious slope of a freezing mountain.
They laugh about it together before continuing the difficult walk.
It's exactly something they would do, because together, you couldn't tell a difference between them.
The Doctor is not surprised to see the Master stroking the Optare device admiringly, standing confidently on the dais in the middle of the control room. So. Here they are again. This time it's some kind of machine that grants the user a wish that creates the mess. Some alien race created it after years and years of time travel and material manifestation research. What a colossally stupid idea.
The Master reaches into his suit jacket and suddenly pulls out some kind of fancy laser with multiple barrels. It's all for show anyway. The Master would never kill the Doctor and the Doctor would never do what the Master tells him to, even if he is threatened.
"What do you think, Doctor? Now I don't even need to go get what I want, I can just wish for what I want. In fact, you're just in time for a private demonstration. I'm going to show you what I really want, more than anything in the universe. I know you've always wanted to see the inside of my head. Just consider this me being generous."
The Master presses in a cylindrical button on the side of the Optare device. A voice recorder slides out of the top. While the Doctor tries desperately to think of something, anything, that will get out of this, the Master, accommodating as always, gives him time to plan by continuing to talk.
"…You know, the Master says amiably, "I bet you'd just love to get your hands on this. Tell me, Doctor, what would you wish for? Giving all your companions long fulfilling lives? Making me a good boy? Saving the entire universe?"
The Master asks mockingly, but also with a hint of bitterness. "How predictable and boring."
The Doctor doesn't realize the question's not rhetorical until the Master lashes out and hits him in the chest with the gun.
He lets himself lie on the cold tiles, coughing up blood.
It takes the stun of the blow and the question itself to stop himself from automatically concocting another conventional rescue mission for another conventional scheme.
This is what is mundane for them; this absurd tug of war from planet to planet, around and around the cosmos, but especially on Earth. It's a loop, a pattern, a cycle that only ends when they will, and they've got years and years left. The only way to end it all, besides dying forever, would be… would be to what?
And suddenly, the Doctor feels calmness sweep over him, and he laughs at the sheer ridiculousness of the problem when the answer is so simple.
"What?" The Master demands. "What could you possibly find funny about this situation?"
"No."
"No, what?" The Master snaps.
"No, I wouldn't wish for any of those things."
The Master's face folds into an entirely different expression; an ancient expression of weariness and hope that is already gone.
"Then", he says quietly, "What would you wish for?"
And it occurs to the Doctor that maybe the Master didn't ask him only to hurt and mock. Maybe what he really wants is the answer.
The Doctor swallows and looks at him.
"I'd wish for us to be back. Back before this was me and you. When we were at the academy and we were… happy, and everything was so simple, remember? Do you remember it? And we could stay that way. We were supposed to. No drums, no running away, just us, in that time before the universe. Master. I want to go home."
It is possibly both the most selfish and unselfish wish he will ever make.
There is a pause where the Doctor can see the Master's face twisting as if he is trying to recover some of his original lines and fails. He is stricken, then, he seems to slacken entirely.
"Yes," The Master says brokenly, as he comes crashing down inside of himself,
"..I remember."
It's getting even colder as the light dims, so they find a cave quickly and go inside. Koschei scrounges up some materials to light a fire. As the flames flicker and grow, Theta says "Look!" in his usual excited way, and Koschei goes over to see what it is.
It's a picture on the wall, obviously created a long time ago; ages and ages probably. The paint is rudimentary, and old, but still strong enough for Koschei and Theta to make out what it shows.
The picture tells a story. In the beginning, there are some figures standing together, and then, connected by a trail of red paint lower down on the wall, the figures are hunting. Theta's fingers trace trace the lines to where the story continues. In one, the figures are making thatched roofs out of cut red grass. In another, they group in a circle under the sky. Then the line they've been following breaks off.
"What happened?" Koschei says.
"I think, " Theta says, pointing to the picture where the figures are standing, which is connected to the last one by a very light but still visible paint line,
(and now he no longer feels that bittersweet feeling)
"..that it ends where it begins."
Forgetting themselves and each other, united
In the quiet of the desert. This is the land which ye
Shall divide by lot. And neither division nor unity
Matters. This is the land. We have our inheritance.
-from Ash Wednesday, by T.S Eliot