A/N: I do not own anything but my Phaedra. The name Amell and all characters belong to bioware. This is the first chapter of the sequel to Fereleden Nights. Please read and review. I have no Beta reader, if you would like to be the Beta please PM me. I hope I have corrected any mistakes. Otherwise, enjoy!
(9:31 Dragon 1st of Haring)
I had survived my first night in Kirkwall. Today, I was to meet with Leandra. I sought a hungover Isabela and returned her throwing knife, she grunted her thanks and went back to bed. I shrugged and headed towards the common room for some breakfast. "Hey Phaedra. Please join me in breaking my fast. The dwarf, Varric said.
I headed into his comfortable room. "Please forgive Hawke and Isabela their behavior last night. Our group is dealing with some tension. Isabela and Hawke, the most." He says. "I assume it has something to do with Hawke's younger sister Bethany." I reply. He nods.
"I think I can understand her feelings. I would be tense too, if Bella was coming after my brother or my betrothed." I said. As soon as I sat down he gestured me to help myself. "But, you, Bela and your betrothed have slept together before." He says.
"It is one thing if my betrothed and I agreed to it. It is a whole other matter if she were after just one of us. As for my brother, he has lived most of his life in the Mage Tower in Ferelden. I am not sure he could handle Bela's booty or her Booty hunting." I said.
He laughs a bit. "Bela Booty… When I first met Isabela, she flirted with me constantly. When I explained, I had no interest in involving myself in any sort of sexual relationship, her flirting became more teasing. I do prefer it that way." He says.
"Anyways, that is only partially the problem. Normally, I would not share such information, but seeing as how you may sticking around with us, I believe it prudent to explain." He served himself, poured us a couple of cups of mead and filled me in on the past year.
"So, the tension is because, she cannot decide whom to take with her in the deep roads. And she worries what may happen if she leaves Bela and her sister here?" I sum it up. He nods. "I do not know if it will put her mind at ease, but I will be here, if all goes well with Leandra." I said. "I honestly do not know. But that is the tension." He says.
"I will keep it to myself and think on it then. I will also guard my words carefully." I said. "Please do, but I would really like to hear about your night with Isabela." He says. "In details?" I asked. He shrugs. "If you want to." He says. I glare at him. "It's not like that. You see I am a writer. I have a romance serial going. But I am stuck." He says.
"I will make an agreement with you. I will leave my betrothed's name out of it. And if you write bits of the scene, I would ask please do not mention my name. At all. My love is on a secret mission and it requires autonomy. I will not allow her to be put at risk." I said. He shakes my hand. "Agreed." We said.
"I do not know how well you know the things women do together during intimate encounters. So, I will mix details from the Siren as well as other things, that did not happen that night." I said. We were interrupted by Hawke. "Come Phaedra, Mother is awake now. I have told her about you. she wishes to see you." She says.
Varric nods in silent agreement to pick up where we left off later. I follow behind Hawke, now that the tension had been mentioned, it became clear as day in her. "Phaedra. You said you have a brother, correct?" she asks. "Yes, his name is Calvin." I said.
"We do not know each other well, but I feel I am, in need of advice. It is my hope, you can shed some light on my situation." She says. "Okay." I said confused she was less than friendly last night. "Merrill says, you are wise and kind, despite you not saying good bye. That, and I know no one outside of my circle of friends to ask." she says. I nod for her to continue.
"I will assume Varric told you about our time here." She says. I do not answer. "Anyways, short version. We have the gold to embark on an expedition, that will hopefully change our lives. But here is my problem. I cannot take all my companions, and mother has begged me not to take Bethany. Her heart would break if anything happened to her baby." She says.
I became pensive. "Before you think it, mother loves us equally. If Bethany and I had switched roles, she would beg Bethany to leave me at home too. Bethany, really wants to go, but everything in me says to refuse it. But I also worry. Templars may come for her, I want to keep her from being taken away. Especially, by this circle." She says.
"You should always follow your instincts, they are usually right." I said. "I know. I have already decided to leave her here. But then I worry, about the circle." She replies. "Okay. My brother is happy in his Circle, and they have more freedom under King Alistair. My apologies continue." I said. She sighs. "I do not know who would best be suited to keep Bethany safe. Fenris hates all mages. Varric has to go with me." She says.
"Anders, has refused to go. He hates the deep roads. Most Grey Warden's do. I do not know if Aveline, would prevent her from being taken. She is a guardsman, and I would not want to put her in that position if I can help it. I worry for Merrill too, she is, well, you know her. So, I would prefer to keep her close. But Isabela, she has desire for my sister, I worry about leaving them alone." She says.
"Why?" I ask. "I would prefer my sister not become another notch on her belt. Isabela, is incapable of the love and fidelity my sister deserves." She says. "I would take Fenris and Merrill. Fenris cannot put your sister at risk for exposure, if he is not here." I said. "As for Isabela, maybe you do not notice how she reacts when your sister's name is spoken." I said.
"How does she react?" she asks. "Well, how do you react when Merrill's name is spoken?" I asked and noticed the same reaction. "But, Isabela doesn't do love." She says. "That doesn't mean she never will. She already has the first signs of love, true love. But she doesn't recognize it." I said.
"Still…" she says. "Also, Bethany, I assume is an adult by standards." I said. "She is 19." Hawke replies. "It should be up to her to decide. But does Bethany even like women romantically?" I asked. "She likes Isabela. That is all I know." She says.
"Then look at it this way, reverse roles. You are Isabela. Merrill is Bethany. Merrill is considered an apostate. If Templars came for her, what would you do?" I asked. "Everything possible to keep them from taking her. But again, this is Isabela." She says.
"I was told by my love, whom knew of you in Lothering, that you were very much in and out of other people's beds. Married or otherwise." I said. "Now, you have made me even more curious about your betrothed." She says. "I will not tell you her name. It is for her safety, that I keep it close to my heart." I said. "Ugh, fine. I will figure it out though. So, what is the point in my past?" she asks.
"Are you the same as before, or completely devoted to Merrill?" I counter with another question. "Devoted. You are saying Isabela, would be devoted to my sister?" she asks. "If that is what the terms of their relationship were, yes. My point is also, whom do you leave to protect your sister? The woman who loves her and would be devoted to her or someone whom does not cherish her as much as either of you do?" I ask.
We stop in front of the place she is staying. "I will consider your words. But for now, let us see how the family reunion goes." She says ending the conversation. She opens the door and once again I am met with a Mabari. It peers at me, teeth bared at first, low growls become quiet. The Mabari walks over to me. Plops on its butt, then flops on its back tongue lulled out, tail wagging fiercely.
I knelt and begin scratching his belly. "Demos likes you, that is a very good sign." Bethany, I assume says. "Wow, you do look very much like Calvin, but I can see your Mother's features clearly. I was your mother's midwife. How are your birthmarks?" she asks. I show her them. "It would seem they stayed with you." Leandra says and embraces me.
I was stiff at first. "Your perfume, it is familiar." I stated. "Yes, your mother and I made that perfume. I always wear it, and remake it when I run out." She says. I begin to relax. "Girls, meet your cousin. Welcome back to our family Phaedra. I was heartbroken at hearing about their deaths. How is Calvin? I have not been able to write him or visit him in some time." she asks.
"He is well, thinks he may be falling for a couple of the women in the tower. One a templar, the other a senior enchanter like himself. The Tower is rebuilding, it is a slow process, but the King and Queen are steadily getting it back to rights." I said.
"You know, Calvin saved Bethany and my life once. I had gotten sick. Rilia and Carver were away with the soldiers. Bethany, fell ill too. A kind woman from the chantry, Sister Leliana, she paid for a mage healer to come. It was a surprise that it had been Calvin." She said. I tried not tense at my love's name. I had hoped I succeeded or Rilia was not paying attention.
"That same sister, kept it secret that Calvin was my nephew. She gave us time to reconnect. She managed to persuade the Templar escorting him to take a respite from duty. She had quite the silver tongue. I wonder how she is, did she survive Lothering?" Leandra innocently asks.
"If it was the same Leliana who joined the Hero of Ferelden in the blight, then she survived Lothering. Anything else, I do not know. Maybe Phaedra knows, she fought in the blight at the Grey Warden's side." Hawke says. They look at me expectantly.
"As far as I know she is. We have not spoken in some time. And yes, she is the same Sister Leliana you met Mistress Hawke." I said looking at Leandra. "Please dear, we are family Aunty is fine, or Leandra if it is more comfortable for you." She says.
"Thank you, Leandra, we are not there yet, but I hope to be able to call you Aunty soon." I reply. "You fought in the blight?" Bethany asks. "Yes sister, were you not listening?" Hawke says. "Hush you. Phaedra please tell us about your journey?" She pleads. She really did love stories. "Bethany, we have the book. Go read it. Maybe she does not want to relive it." Hawke says.
"But, reading it is not the same. It wasn't even written by anyone in The Hero's camp. Stories are best told." She says. "I was at Ostagar, Bethany. I would prefer not to go into those horrific memories. That is why I have never told you about it." Hawke object.
"Girls! Stop this bickering immediately. I am sure Phaedra did not come her to watch this daily occurrence between you two." Leandra says. I chuckle. "It's alright Leandra. I grew up in a Dalish clan, there was always bickering. It also reminds me of Sasha, and our camp. We bickered often enough. Hawke, I do not mind telling her." I said.
I told them about my time with Sasha, leaving out things that were not important, or should not be said. Such as the relationships and especially not my relationship with Leliana. They were family, but still, I did not trust Gamlen completely. "Really? You saved some wolf cubs, they were not in the book." Hawke says fully into the story.
"I did. They wouldn't be in the story. Only the camp knew of them. I had them always try and stay on the outskirts of towns." I said. "Did they come with you?" Bethany asks. "Boats do not agree with wolves, nor do passengers agree with wolves. Banal'ras and Elgara are back in Ferelden, roaming the woods as wolves are meant to. They were not pets, but companions." I said.
"But, don't you miss them?" Leandra asks. "I do, but I know if I ever return to Ferelden, they will find me again." I said. "You do not want to return?" Gamlen asks, I could sense he is worried I would want to stay with them. "Maybe one day. But worry not, I will not be staying in your home. I have room at the Hanged Man." I said. He breathed in relief. The Hawkes rolled their eyes at him.
"Maybe, you could stay with your clan? They made camp on Sundermount." Hawke suggests. "Once banished from a clan, you cannot return." I said. "They let Merrill." Hawke says. "You are always with her are you not? Besides, Merrill wasn't banished, she chose to leave. But, if she were to go alone, they would not be kind. They wouldn't harm her. They would just be rude." I said.
"But, it will cost too much to continually stay at Hangedman, and jobs for elves are very few." Hawke says. "I do have gold saved up. It is just temporary until I can find my own place to purchase. I assume, I will need Varric's help." I said. They nodded sullenly. "Sadly, yes. Even here in the Free Marches, elves are not trusted, and barely welcome." Leandra says.
"But, gold runs out quickly for elves. They get charged double, sometimes triple for everything." Hawke says angrily. "That is nothing unusual, but I have many skills and can find odd jobs." I said. "Oh please, do not think you will get many opportunities here. You may as well, join a mercenary band, or smugglers." Gamlen says rudely. Demos barks and growls at him. I hide the smile as he shrinks into himself.
I bid them good day, and said I would find Varric and see about purchasing a more permanent residence. "I need to meet up with Fenris, Aveline, and Merrill. We are going to the Wounded Coast, I heard there were some bandits that needed to be removed." Hawke says.
Halfway to the Hanged Man, Bethany catches up with me. "Does it bother you, when she doesn't take you along?" I asked. "Not really. I tend to visit with Varric if he stays back too. He tells amazing stories." She got close to my ears and whispered her next sentence. "Much like your betrothed. But I honestly I can say I love her voice more." She says. This stops me in my tracks.
"I saw. How you reacted to her name. It was the same as Rilia and Merrill's. Do not worry. I will guard her name with my life. I never told my family that she had caught me using magic once. She smiled at me, and walked with me. I was terrified at first. Then she reassured me, she would not say anything." Bethany replies.
"Thank you." I said relieved. "Forgive my presumption. But I also noticed when you talk about her, there is sadness." She says. "Maker, you are observant." I said. "That is what I love about being in my sister's shadow. No one notices me, but I notice everyone and almost everything. Sometimes, I even share what I notice with Rilia, if I feel she needs to know it." She says.
We entered the tavern, and I didn't see Varric on my way to my rented room. I closed the door and put a ward up to muffle sounds. "So, a few things. One I will tell you, because I would prefer you hear it from me. My betrothed and I once spent a night with Isabela, I will not lie and say we just slept." I said. She shrugs her shoulders. "Okay. No, it does not upset me. It was in the past, and I do not let it cloud my feelings for her." she says.
"I am glad. It will not happen again. Even if it is just me." I said. "Fair enough. Please feel free to continue." She says. "We were betrothed, this you know. We went to visit a friend of hers. A revered mother. The revered Mother gave us her blessing to wed. We were happy, for six months. Then, one night she slipped out of bed. She told me she would be right back. She was getting a snack." I said.
I poured some weak wine, and added elf root to improve the taste. "When I woke up the next day, she was gone. A servant, gave me a sealed envelope, with the seal of the same mother whom had blessed us to wed. It contained the engagement ring I had made for her, and nothing else." I said.
"But where did she go?" She asks. "I do not know. I stormed into the Revered Mother's chamber and demanded to know where she had gone." I said. She gasped. "She had dismissed the guards. When she spoke to me it was as herself, Dorothea. She explained that Leli had gone on a mission for her. But that she would need to become as she were to complete it. An Orlesian Bard. As a hero of the Blight, autonomy would be hard enough." I said sipping the wine.
"Why would her having to become a bard, require your separation?" she asks. "How much do you know about Orlesian Bards?" I asked. She told me what she knew. "That is just the surface. At times, a bard may have to seduce and/or lay with her target. Leli knew she could not do that, if we were in a relationship. That had been Leli's choice. Dorothea, just needed her to be able to fade away. But even with my exceptional shadow abilities, two is harder to hide to one whom is very observant." I said.
"It probably didn't help that you are Elven." She says. "No, it doesn't. When people see elves, they automatically become suspicious. If people had knowledge of our relationship, they may have used us against each other. Which puts us in a less then desirable circumstance. There is not much we would not do to keep the other from harm." I said.
"You know, I asked about you, fighting with the Hero, because there is almost no mention of you in the book. It is just your first name, that you were a Dalish Ranger, and that you fought with Sasha. Nothing else. Everyone else, there was more about." She says.
"I know. I honestly, like you, I prefer that." I said. "Then, how do you put her at risk of being found out?" she asks. "People would connect the dots eventually, not to mention, traders, merchants and others who travel, but were there during the blight. It is not like, I am all that inconspicuous." I said.
"Well, I cannot argue with you there. You definitely stand out in a crowd." She says giggling. "I don't even understand why? I am a half elf. My ears are pointed. I look like just about every other elf." I said. "Really? Do you not know how gorgeous you are?" she asks. "I'm not." I said. "When was the last time you saw yourself in a mirror?" I shrugged. I honestly didn't know.
"Come here." She says. She empties a silver platter. Buffing it with a clean rag, she had on her. "Look." She says. I looked and gasped. "This is me? No wonder Merrill didn't recognize me. Since when has my hair been this color? My hair was black, like yours and Rilia's?" I asked. Gaping at my Silver locks. "Since, you got here. It is the reason Aveline questioned your claim of family so much." She says.
"But, my hair was Black when I cut it before boarding the ship to come here. No one noticed my hair changing? Oh, right, I was wearing a cowl and veil, to hide and protect my ears from the sun. They burn quickly, and it is very painful." I said. My eyes were the same, yet different, they had a glow to it. They were a brighter green, like an emerald.
"All I know is what I can see. You are gorgeous." She says. "Thank you, Bethany. I am confused then how it was Isabela recognized me. Merrill and I were in a steady relationship for years. And she barely recognized me." I ponder.
"Knowing Isabela, she probably remembers your body better than your face. That is my only idea." She says. "Wow, you and Merrill too. No wonder Rilia was in a mood." She adds. "We were young and lived in the same clan." I said.
"I did love her. Almost as much as I love my betrothed. But, time and distance, changes people and feelings." I said. She nods her agreement. We leave my room and I get the dirtiest glare from Isabela. "She is not happy you left my room with me." I stated. "She can get over it. I am not happy with how she flirts with almost anything with two legs." Bethany counters.
"But you still might love her?" I asked. "Indeed. I wonder if Varric is back." She says heading to his room. "Hey Sunshine. How are we doing today?" he asks. "I am well Varric, you?" She asks. "Just another day in Kirkwall." He says.
We get to talking. "Hmm… I would love to help you out. But there aren't any places available. Perhaps, you could stay with Merrill for the time being." He says. "If Rilia won't kill me. I would not object." I said. He shrugs. "Ask Daisy. She will get Rilia to agree to it." He suggests. "Daisy? Why Daisy?" I ask. "It just fits her." he says.
A few hours pass with Varric telling stories. Mostly exaggerated feats Hawke has accomplished. Bethany, makes sure to tell me what really happened afterwards. The whole time I swear, I can feel Isabela's angry glare. She was probably plotting my demise.
I walked Bethany back home as it got darker. "Isabela, sure is possessive even though you two aren't together." I said to her. "I know. It can be very irritating. She can be possessive over me, but I am not allowed to be the same for her." She says. We talk a bit more about the sometimes, infuriating infatuation she has with Isabela.
By the time we have reached her home, night time is about 30 minutes away. She had urged me to be back in the tavern by then. "Gangs, come out more. I am sure you could handle yourself. But you are just one person." She says. I agreed to making haste back to The Hanged Man.
After a tense drink with Isabela and Varric, I retire for the evening. Before I can close my door, Isabela has pushed me into my room, slammed me against a wall and is pressing a dagger to my throat. "Why was Bethany in your room?" She asks.
I stare into her eyes and answer. "We were just talking. About Leliana and then you. Nothing more, nothing less." I said. She hears the truth and sheathes her dagger. She turns to leave the room. "It isn't right Isabela. That you can be miss jealous, about Bethany. Yet, she just has to accept your wandering eyes and hands." I stated.
"I know that Phaedra. I am just trying to process it all. I am not used to this feeling." She says. She then leaves, closing the door. I longed for Wynne's words of wisdom. I sat down and wrote a few letters to my former companions. I wanted to let them know I was alright and how my first day went. I hoped and prayed to the Maker, that things would improve.
Additional ADD A/N: So. I had tried to do like a journal thing, but not. Hasn't anyone ever wondered when all the events took place. I will not say that it is accurate. The Age, and months can be found on Dragon Age Wiki. "Time line" for the age. And Calendar for the months. Their is a method to my madness, but it shall be revealed later in the story.