The Meaning of Words Chapter 1: The Words, an alexander fanfic

Title: "The Meaning of Words"

Author: Baliansword

Rating: T for Teen

Pairings: Alexander/Hephaestion

Type: One Shot

Summary: Hephaestion begins to act strangely around Alexander. It's not what they say, but rather something Hephaestion has left unsaid.

Warnings: Sexual Content…oooh….ahhhh

A/N: Another project. It may warp into a few chapters, I am not sure.

H/N: None given.

Dedication: To everyone that read my last work.

He sat solemnly next to the old oak; its branches hanging over the rippling lake. He had pulled his knees up to his chin in contemplation. Things were different now, very different, and he did not know what to make of it. Hence, he sat and waited for an answer, which undoubtedly would not come from these shores. No, there would be no answer here, but it was better to sit instead of worry. Time passed, as she always does when one stops and thinks. In this time, a young man sat down next to Alexander. He was sixteen, still older than Alexander's fifteen, but he was a man none the less even now.

"I came to think," the prince's voice offered, cutting through thick silence. He did not feel like turning to Hephaestion though. He already knew that a great beauty would be sitting at his side, for Hephaestion was in truth the only beautiful thing in Mieza, or the world for the matter.

They were the opposite from one another in almost all ways physical. Hephaestion had chocolate colored hair, longer than many boys' hair, which he took great care of. Alexander on the other hand had hair that rivaled the light of the sun. His eyes were dark, yet Hephaestion's were cerulean and his best trait. They both were strong but Hephaestion was a refined figure, with high cheekbones, and softness seemed to ease over him. Alexander on the other hand desired more in life than philosophy, and a true warrior's pride often blurred his aura. Their moods balanced one another, as if they could only form one man together. Yet, this seemed as of late to be a subtle understanding neither knew how to cope with. If, however, they knew of the sheer importance of the bond they had, perhaps they'd believed it was merely a dream; a reality they could never reach.

"How long have you been here?"

It was hard not to speak with Hephaestion. He asked with a grace unrequited by others. Truly he cared and wished to know Alexander's answer. The young prince had always admired such of his friend. Hephaestion cared, truly, and he did not want to lose it.

"Not long," Alexander replied finally. "I was thinking over things."

"You have been thinking more and more lately. It seems a new hobby."

"Perhaps. Yet just because I sit and think does not mean that I know more."

"Tell me," Hephaestion said as he glanced at Alexander. Alexander always told him his thoughts; however, he was doing this less and less as well. He waited for a moment and then drew in a breath. It appeared that Alexander was not in the mood for discussion. "I wonder, sometimes, what it is you fear in words."

"Sometimes, I believe they are stronger than swords, or an army for that matter. Why? What are you asking?"

"Observing," corrected Hephaestion. "I am just observing."

"You're not a philosopher. Observations mean nothing to you."

"Well," he replied after a moment. There were implications in Alexander's statement. Perhaps he really did wish to be alone if he did not find comfort in him then perhaps he should leave. Yes, words were more dangerous than swords. However, at times, they were kinder and the most for giving of things. "I should leave you to your thoughts."

"No," Alexander said after a sigh. He grabbed Hephaestion's wrist to keep him from leaving. He glanced at him, then back to the lake. Only then did he speak again. "I did not mean you had to leave. I enjoy your company. I just…I don't understand you sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

"Today," he said, using as an example an event that had recently taken place. "I only wanted for Cassander to understand that we are not boys anymore. We are men now. You shouldn't let him question your honor. Fight him if you must, but, I don't understand. Why do you hate me so much?"

"What?"

"You used to be…different. You barely even wish to be seen with me now. It is as if I am some sort of an embarrassment to you. Tell me, why do you hate me now? What did I do? Was my protection of you wrong?"

"Alexander," Hephaestion began, his voice soft and almost faint. "You have no idea how much I enjoy your company. Your protection is not for me though. As prince, you need not concern yourself with me, nor my troubles with Cassander. He can hate me for all eternity and it will not matter. The only thing that I need is to like myself I suppose, as Aristotle has said. Really, Alexander, you do not need to protect me."

"It is deeper than that isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"There is no need to lie; we have known one another too long. Tell me, what it is that you leave unsaid. You are not the only one that can observe things," he added. "You know me better than I do, but I know you as well. Tell me Hephaestion, why do you refuse to look at me as you once did? Why won't you touch me, and if I touch you, you move away as if is never happened? What has changed about me?"

"Alexander, it is not you, believe me."

"What are you hiding from me?"

"It is just…things are different now Alexander. You are…you have been born to privilege…and with that comes a certain amount of…duty. With duty there are certain things that you can do, and there are certain thins that are…unacceptable."

"But, what have I done to offend you, or any other for the matter?"

"Nothing Alexander, but…I have. I have done,…I have had thoughts that I should not have had. I've desired…things that I can never obtain, for, it is unacceptable."

"Tell me, what have you done that would keep you from me. What is it Hephaestion? I feel this void that is close to unbearable."

"I…it does not matter Alexander. It is not you though, I assure you."

"No, I must know. Look at me once more Hephaestion, please. It is as if we barely know one another."

"Oh, Alexander."

Alexander placed his hand over Hephaestion's. He then moved closer. Hephaestion finally was looking at him again. However, he seemed almost frightened; as if the closer that Alexander got the less he was in control. Hephaestion had always liked to be in control. Alexander soon wondered if this was what scared him so. Did he really wish to be in control, and he was denying him such? No, that could not be it.

"Tell me," Alexander begged as he leaned a bit closer. He could not help himself from reaching out once more. He wrapped his leg around Hephaestion's and placed his palm on his cheek. "What is it, my Patroclaus?"

"Alexander, you know not what you do."

"I am seducing you, am I not? It is, I admit, a terrible attempt. However, it is working? Or, do you wish to deny me this."

"It is unacceptable."

"Why," asked Alexander, who kissed him lightly upon the cheek. Instantly he felt his body warm. He needed this. He wanted Hephaestion, all of him, more than he ever had wanted anything. He knew never again could he want something, or someone, as much as he wanted Hephaestion now. Why, why could Hephaestion not see this? What was this secret that was keeping them apart?

"Ale," Hephaestion murmured, almost breathless. "You are a prince. I…it cannot be. It is…you'll need to take a wife, as your mother suggests, soon enough. This…what you or I want no longer matters. We cannot…"

"Say you do not love me," Alexander interjected. "If it is so, tell me that you do not love me."

"Alexander…"

"Say it. Tell me you don't love me."

"It isn't a question of…"

"I-do-not-love-you," Alexander dictated clearly for him. "Say it!"

"No," Hephaestion quickly said. He was angry now that Alexander could not see what was right, and what would be completely wrong and unacceptable for him as a prince. They could not be. This could never have been and they should have known all along. Alexander was a prince and he, he was nothing at all. He was here for Philip's pity, for he had been close with his father. No one would agree with what they both wanted. "I will not say it!"

"Why?"

"Because I swore never to lie to you," he admitted before he could stop himself. Upon realizing he had just said this he froze. Alexander, on the other hand, was not taken aback in the slightest. Hephaestion knew that he needed to say something. The silence was going to kill him.

"I," he began yet had to draw in a breath.

"Say it," Alexander told him. He still was just as close; his fingers were now tracing Hephaestion's body. It was no longer seduction. It was torture. "I already believe I know, Hephaestion. I only need you to say it. It doesn't matter. I don't care what others say. I want to know."

"I…I love you Alexander."

Alexander needed nothing more. He immediately pulled Hephaestion to him. He drew Hephaestion's body against his and pressed his lips passionately to the only one he had ever wanted to kiss in such a way. Hephaestion tried to hold himself back for a moment, but soon enough he too was a creature fallen to the submissions of his passions. He kissed back, softly at first until he too was trying to claim the other as if this were a battle of sorts. Yet, he then stopped, pulling away and in doing so crushing what Alexander had hoped this would become. Hope was too fragile.

"No," Hephaestion finally said. "I cannot do this. It is not fair to you, my lord."

"Phae, do not call me that. You know that I am no lord to you. By the gods, stop believing I am your king. What happened to the days when I was Alexander? I want them back Hephaestion. I want you to forget what duty is. I want only for you to love me so that we may be together. Can you not see this Hephaestion?"

"Alexander," a voice called out. Hephaestion did not look, but instead stood. More than ever Alexander needed him. He needed to understand him. Hephaestion was not going to give him more explanations now. As Hephaestion disappeared he was replaced by Cassander, who was still angry over the earlier flight he'd had with Hephaestion. Alexander sat back and watched his dream slip away.

Hephaestion had made sure to avoid him during dinner. He sat next to him, as he always did, but still kept away from him. He made sure not to reach over him. He then made sure not to stare at him as he wanted to. He even made sure that their legs did not touch underneath the table. If there was anything he could do to keep himself away from Alexander, he was doing it. Now, however, he was sitting alone in his room. Silently, he stared up at his ceiling, trying to think of absolutely nothing.

"Why do you fear their glances," Alexander said sometime later, pulling Hephaestion from his thoughts. He had managed to come into the room without being heard. Only now did Hephaestion look over at him. He pushed himself up and then shook his head slowly.

"I do not fear them for myself Alexander. I fear them for you."

"I am a prince, if you must look at it that way. They are all beneath me. I do not care what they say."

"Your father is still king. Give him a reason and he will prove your mother true. He will not leave you the throne, but will give it to another of his bastards if he has to. Alexander, please; do not make this harder on us both."

"What would you want, if you could have anything in the world?"

"Alexander, I cannot have anything in the world."

"I would have you," Alexander said, tears burning his eyes. He then came further into the room, which was not large at all compared to his own. He stopped just before the end of the bed. Hephaestion had lain back down and was staring at the roof once more as if he were dead. "I would have you Hephaestion! I would have you, and it would be all I ever asked for."

"I know," answered Hephaestion despondently. He spoke his next words slowly, and sadly, as if he were in a trance. "It can never be though, what we want. You someday shall be king, and you will have a Queen. I cannot be in the way of such, Alexander."

"But I only want you!"

"You will need an heir."

"Damn some wife I do not even have yet Hephaestion! I want you!"

"Yes," he replied. There were now tears flowing down his cheeks as well. Alexander on the other hand was angry and frustrated now, and tears had ceased to flow from his eyes. "But I cannot be something that comes and goes. I'm jealous, Alexander, you know this. If you someday have a wife…I will hate her, and you will crush my heart in having her. Just…let it end now before it begins."

"What do I have to do to show you that there is only room for you in my heart? Hephaestion, you are all that I have ever wanted. You are all that I have, all that keeps me here in this world. Tell me, what must I do?"

"I can't take your life from you Alexander. I don't want to be the reason that your father does not give you a throne, or the reason that later in life you are old, heirless, and disappointed with me."

"You don't want me disappointed?"

"No, I do not wish you to be disappointed."

"Then tell me that you love me again," he whispered as he crawled onto the bed. He even crawled upon Hephaestion and stared down at the godly body beneath him. "Don't stop Hephaestion; don't stop unless it is because you want to. Tell me, what do you want?"

"You," Hephaestion whispered back as Alexander placed his lips against his. Hephaestion felt himself melt into the bed as Alexander kissed him. He sunk lower and lower until Alexander was the only thing holding him to the earth. Otherwise, he would be floating to the heavens to that Aphrodite for this. As Alexander kissed him, his hands roamed over Hephaestion's arms, and then confidently moved to his chest. Neither of them knew anything about this, about what physical lovemaking truly was, but it did not matter. It felt so right.

Alexander pushed himself up on an arm and pulled Hephaestion's chiton away from him. Hephaestion desperately pulled at Alexander's clothing as well, and after a few moments of frantically tearing clothes away from one another, they both were wearing nothing at all. Skin touched skin, sending shivers up their spines, but at the same time it caused a fire to ignite in their loins. Hephaestion let out a soft moan, which he had been holding in the back of his throat. As he did, Alexander placed his lips over his once more, and they savagely kissed one another.

When it came down to it, Hephaestion shifted so that he was behind Alexander. Drawing in a slightly worried breath, for he could not mess the moment up, he placed his hands at Alexander's waist. He then pushed himself into a crevice, and Alexander let out a deep breath and began to breathe heavily from pain and pleasure. Hephaestion worried at first, asking if he had hurt him. Alexander told him that he had not, that he could never hurt him. Moments later, enfolded in one another's arms, they slept.

"I love you," Hephaestion whispered in his sleep. Words truly did mean more than anything else. Alexander, upon hearing these words, smiled in his sleep. Then, he drifted away, and dreamed of Hephaestion and this night all over again.

A/N: I have not decided if I am going to continue with this. Go ahead and review, and I will see what I get. If there is a desire to read more of this …I'll write more of it. Let me know!