"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" Jacob screamed at the air.
"YOU'RE NAKED AND NOT RESPECTING MY BOUNDARIES!" The air screamed back.
What the hell? To be fair, Jacob was very naked, but he was also very beautiful.
"Okay, first, how are you talking? Secondly... who is the air to tell me I can't be naked? In my own yard!" He heard the air sigh.
"Jacob... I hate to break it to you, but I'm not the air." The air said. Now that the air mentioned it, it was a very familiar voice...
"What?" Jacob questioned.
"It's Edward. You have your naked posterior in my face. I can't move." It was true. The vampire was trapped by the shifter's not inconsiderably-sized buttocks.
"I'd apologize but my ass is great. You should feel blessed. My ass has blessed you."
"I'm married." Edward stated.
"I'm really hot."
"If that was a pun about the temperature of shifters, I'm sorely disappointed."
"Are you saying I'm not pretty?" Jacob cried, hurt.
"No-" Edward began.
"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEE?" Jacob screamed.
Edward sighed. It was going to be a long night.