AN: I don't really know where this came from but let's go with it anyway.
Have you ever had a secret- not a trivial secret like an embarrassing memory or a common secret like a PIN number- but a secret which could ruin everything and everyone you hold near and dear to you? Those kinds of secrets almost seem to manifest themselves; they grow and gain weight and the knowledge of them affects everything that you say and do.
I have a secret. One which can and does affect everything I say and do. It controls my entire life, I'm constantly on my guard in case I let it slip and it's driving me completely insane. However this secret is one I've been carrying with me my whole life and it's not exactly secret. My six best friends including my brother share my secret because they carry a similar secret with them. We're connected by this shared secrecy and when I'm with them; it doesn't matter. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal even though it obviously is.
My secret never offered me that much hassle before; I was able to live like a Normal.(A Normal is what me and the guys call someone who isn't like us.) I've been to school, I've had my friends and I'm currently at university studying midwifery. A mostly normal childhood, six amazing best friends, a bright future all of which are unaffected by my secret because I was never alone. But now everything's changed; my secret is becoming more and more of a problem for me; because of my newfound bane of my existence.
Arthur Pendragon.
Yes, smart, funny, cute, cool, kind, generous, loving, treats-me-like-a-princess Arthur Pendragon. He's a Normal and he's also my boyfriend.
I guess you're wondering why my boyfriend is the newfound bane of my existence?
Because I cannot tell him. I know I can't tell him about my secret because if I do that, the implications are massive. Firstly Arthur will know I've been lying to him from the day we met. Secondly if I reveal myself I'll have to reveal Elyan, Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Lancelot and Merlin's secrets too and I can't do that. Thirdly it could put him in danger and the last thing I would ever want to see is Arthur hurt or in danger and I would die before I betrayed my brother and our friends. I love him and I love them so much to risk anything happening to them but it's getting harder every single day to do what's right. I'm dying to tell him the truth when we're together. when he stares at me with those blue eyes and that slightly cheeky grin as he hugs me and tells me that he'll always love me no matter what I'm faced with a huge test of self-control as I smile back and kiss him and tell him that I'll always love him when my treacherous mind is screaming my secret as loudly as I can. Thankfully my mouth is loyal and my secret remains safe. But for how long?
I suppose I'm rambling but what I'm trying to tell you is that some secrets are supposed to stay secret but it's not as simple as keeping your mouth shut. Some secrets are too big to remain secret and it's inevitable that someday the truth will be revealed; it's only a matter of time before it happens. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that-
"Gwen what are you doing?" Merlin asked as he and Elyan joined her. Gwen hurriedly slammed the journal on her lap shut and turned to the men, shrugging her shoulders.
"Nothing, hey give that back!" Gwen shouted as Merlin swiped the journal and he and Elyan read over the entry as Gwen tried to steal her journal back. Elyan handed the journal back over and looked at her sister seriously.
"You can't tell him. I know it's hard and I know you want to but like you wrote here, it's all our necks on the line if you tell him the truth." Elyan stated.
"I'm not stupid Elyan; I know I can't tell Arthur about me, about any of us but at the same time I need to tell him. I love him but our relationship is basically built on lies." Gwen argued.
"What's all this?" Lancelot asked as he walked into the room.
"Gwen wants to tell Arthur the truth." Merlin explained and Gwen groaned inwardly as Lancelot looked at her. While the others had accepted her relationship with Arthur after heavy duty warning about keeping their secrets safe, Lancelot however wasn't exactly pleased about Gwen dating what they dubbed as a Normal; three guesses why.
"You know you can't. He's a Normal and I know you trust him but I don't think you can trust him with this. We know because we're not Normal's, we're like you. He isn't. " Lancelot warned.
"I know and now that you've finished invading my privacy, can you leave me alone?" Gwen asked and the men left the room. As the door shut behind Merlin, Gwen picked up her pen and reopened her journal to finish her entry.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, having superpowers really sucks.