Pidge kept her eyes on the figurative road, tracking the stars and smaller comets with her eyes to distract herself from the dangerous thoughts growing in the back of her mind and the looming image of her brother on the transponder.
She shook her head feeling the need to hit it against something just to have some quiet but she refrained. Overall the feeling of release was desperately needed.
Pidge stood from the chair, adjusting the controls slightly so not to worry about crashing into something as she distanced herself. Stretching her arms above her head Pidge could hear her bones cracking, letting a soft yawn escape her. she rubbed her eyes.
The small transponder she had obtained was still beeping steadily the signal was weak at best but it was her only shot, the noise drowned out as everything kept a single repeated atmosphere, adding to the comfort and feeling of warm fuzziness. Draping over her like a blanket.
Pidge slapped her cheeks, refusing to nod off.
"Come on, come on you can do this" she recited to the empty lion. The sound echoed, making her feel more alone than ever before.
About an hour back Pidge had gotten her first message from the team, it was a pre-recorded discussion with Shiro and Hunk explaining that 'if she needed backup she could just say so', Pidge supposed the message was sent after they had left the castle, they seemed distracted and lance was in the background picking his nose absentmindedly.
It was a small piece of home she could carry around.
Home?
A frown stretched across her cheeks and she briefly reviewed the pilot's observatory once more. The open window was bright with the universe's personal void.
Speckles of stars and planets littered the blackness, beautiful colors stretched like taffy over sections of sky and circles encircled by rotating lines and discs that dotted the horizon, the earth's sun was not to be seen but there were a million new moons just in this snapshot of the ever-growing universe.
It was beautiful, seeing everything and anything she could ever imagine and Pidge considered taking a picture, before remembering that this was her life now. She could see this any day.
Matt would love it, a voice whispered. She silently agreed, her brother's favorite thing was the universe, he had tried for years to get a couple month out here only for it to turn bad, now look at him.
Now look at her, she was living his dream.
Pidge turned away from the view letting her arms wrap around her shoulders. Pidge wished she was back at the castle, just so she wouldn't feel so alone right now.
It was awful but she couldn't go back now, she was so close. So, so close. The torture of 'he said she said' her adventure had turned out to be was straining and frustrating and Pidge's stomach was still churning from Te-osh and her passing.
But it was the last piece, Matt was right there. He was that signal and she was coming for him.
She couldn't keep him waiting.
Her brother was strong, mentally and physically. His skills could not compare to anyone. 'he's a survivor' Spending countless night in the backyard, building tents and sleeping under the stars which they personally mapped out. Studying the lights and naming them, making stories that evolved into novels and watching the pictures pass day by day.
Pidge wished now that she had something to ground herself.
Her hands flexed nervously at her sides, she switched to gripping the back of the seat very much aware of the fact that her gloves were sticking to her palm. The mantra of 'almost there' was repeating and almost unbearable. The sheer strain of those words made her want to close her eyes and wake up when it was all over.
"You look so much like him…"
Abruptly her back straightened, eyes widened and dilated.
"It's the eyes…"
Pidge was drawn to the small image of her brother. His determined stare facing the camera and his shoulder squared like he was asking the photographer 'who did it?' but this time it was without the cocky smile, the one that spoke volumes of trust and acceptance no matter what the answer was, without that smile it just looked cold.
Her hands trembled and Pidge closed her eyes wishing the times they had together were longer.
Pidge recalled many times that face had been directed to her, normal things like breaking windows or plates and other things like using the last motion sensor lens on the door to her room so that her lights turned on and off over time, someone walked in.
A fond smile stretched across her face. It was a faulty design because the light would flicker off whenever her family would enter her room and was immediately dismantled after Matt realized this and set to lunging from one side of the door to the other just to get the light to flicker while she was reading.
It was the source of two fights and Pidge will never forget how Matt insulted her way of connecting the motion sensor and the electric wiring that ran through the house. She had fired back with a direct attack on his work to get into the garrisons, specifically how he quote, 'would never be like dad' and the argument had ended straight after.
Pidge immediately had regretted her words but didn't apologize until two night later when Pidge had woken up from a dream where Matt had walked out of her door and turned into their father before disappearing altogether.
She had cried into Matt's bedsheets that night. Sobbing and chocking on the words "I don't want you to be like dad 'cause then you'll leave me like he does"
Matt had cried too, whispering his own set of apologies and promises. After they both slept soundly in his bed.
Leaning over the handheld controls she adjusted the transponder and connected it to the mainframe. Taking a step away from the padded chair. Pidge stumbled.
Her lion sent vibrations through the floor a tentative sound which seemed more likely a statement of concern than a normal 'are you okay?' She responded with a firm pat on the interior walls that ended up being more of a hand reaching for a stable surface than intended.
Pidge took a shaky breath. It felt like someone was stepping on her chest.
Swallowing Pidge leaned against the cold metal walls, putting her cheek against the smooth surface. It was delightfully cold and soothed her hot head.
Her grip tightened uselessly on the flat surface, her breath heated the wall in large puffs. Screaming words and crashing doubts, adding more of her weight to the metal. Pidge slid to her knees, arms pulled flush against the cold, her breath ragged and coming in short pants.
A small memory, small soft words pounded in her head.
"Where is he?" Her brother, sad smiled and reassuring hands hugging her so tightly, he was scared, why was he scared.
"I need him…" Matt nodded.
"I know," He said "But he had to leave, for now"
Pidge felt her hands start to shake. Moving them to grip her neck Pidge rocked on her heels to alleviate some pressure. The continued motion helping to soothe her tremors.
"Is he going to come back?" She had asked.
"Stop oh god please stop" Pidge muttered as she felt her world sink shaking and breaking like stones on tile.
There was a silence that sounded so loud. "I don't know" Matt's voice had cracked.
Pidge didn't cry, not that time. Not even when her dad came back.
A week later, Matt had cried then, great chest heaving gasped for air. Things she wasn't supposed to see but her dad, her dad just smiled and said-
A choking screamed ripped itself from Pidge's throat, screaming her pleas to the nothingness of space. She truly was alone with her thoughts, for the first time in so long, so long that she had forgotten how dangerous it was.
"Is he going to come back?" The memory called out, repeating over and over and over again. "Is he dead?"
"STOP" Her voice cracked with emotion, tears streaming down her face as she whipped her head from side to side. Denying the words choking her. Her arms shook dangerously, straining for feeling.
"Stop thinking, stop it all I need it all to stop please, please, please" The world continued undeterred by her words.
"He can't be dead, I- I need him. Please please please oh please I can't" Pidge gulped in a breath only to steal it away in another scream that felt like knives tearing her throat. But it wasn't enough. Her hands scrambled for a distraction, raking at her neck.
Pidge jerked backward, pushing further into the wall. It was as if she didn't feel it, the unexpected surface hit the back of her skull. She gasped squeezing her eyes shut as the throb briefly silenced the bad thoughts.
It was quiet, deep breaths.
The world seemed to blue and she tried her best to remember how to breathe. In and out, to breath and to breathe in and out.
Tears burned on her cheeks, Pidge felt them flow and quiet pinpricks of drops hit the ground.
Pidge breathed in as deep as she could, moving her gloved hands to touch the ground, entering herself. Holding her breath Pidge lowered herself until her side graced the metal ground only then did she release the air in her lungs, Pidge turned to face the interior metal as if the rest of the universe could not see her crying.
Hiccups and small sobs that made her body jerk, curling into herself.
She wanted her bed.
She wanted Matt
She was so tired.
Everything eventually melted into the first hours of sleep Pidge had gotten in days the lights beneath her eyelids dimmed and her breaths evened.
The final thoughts before sleep overturned her, a simple plea for her only brother.
—
Pidge woke with a muddled mind, feeling more tired than before she fell asleep. Feeling the vibrations and rumbles of her lion in their heed to wake their pilot.
Why was she on the floor? Pidge rolled onto her back with a groan opening her eyes to the painfully bright lighting. She screwed up her face and brought a hand up to her eyes to clear the gunk away. Feeling swollen and heavy.
A slightly louder noise came from her companion urging her to get up, Pidge groaned but stood anyway. Putting her weight on her lion's interior walls. Her foot felt tingly and hurt to stand on but Pidge swallowed thickly before lunging for the pilot seat.
Inhaling sharply Pidge put a hand on her forehead, applying pressure to will the headache away as she sat down in front of the controls, a sigh turned into a gasp as her eyes laid onto the surroundings.
It was a planet, or what was left of one.
A planet that appeared to have a chunk missing like a giant had decided to take a bite out of it. Pidge held her head in her hands, rubbing them up and down. Looking up again to make sure what she saw was correct.
"This cant be right" She murmured but the transponder on the control panel said differently, now beeping harder and the triangle was on the second closest line to the middle. Pidge felt like she might be sick, but couldn't remember when she last ate.
Pidge's lion rumbled in a way that neither reassured or shot down her hopes, instead made her heart clench. Too many unknown variables for such a simple rescue mission; except it wasn't simple.
It never was simple
Pidge tried to think what Matt would do. She thought of the time she skinned her knee testing what was supposed to be a 'simple' motorized scooter. The scooter had jerked roughly the minuted it was activated and she had failed off, landing harshly on the concrete. After patching up her knee Matt had taken it upon himself to show her the flaws.
Taking apart the machine he put the engine and the triggers into the same area, aligning them the same way they worked on the scooter.
"You see here," He gestured to the cogs that connected the wheels and power source, "The moving rims for each cog is made of nondurable metal and every time you start and stop the metal grinds against the engine, making it lurch to move."
It really was a simple machine, too simple. With her small minded view, she tried to make an easy working-minimal effort-moving moped but she had failed and hurt herself in the process. Despite that, Matt had smiled at her, ruffled her hair and helped her up.
"You'll get it next time, don't worry Pidge."
Wiping her nose on her sleeve she didn't think to protest the nickname.
She remember his word now.
"If something is simple you aren't doing it right" Matt had said.
Too simple…
She wished it was simple.
Pidge began tying commands, pressing down on the controls to bring up a hologram of the structure of the planet, The stats showed signs of past force with standard battlefield wreckage. The planet was obviously hit with something purposefully but it was long enough ago that the mountains of rock left behind had started to crumble as well.
"I'm coming, Matt" She breathed, trying to ignore the feeling of dread as the numbers in her head began to dwindle down, the probability of survival-
Pidge breathed out sharply. Flexing her fingers on the steering controls she increased the speed and took her lion's strength into her own hands.
As she neared the surface destruction became more apparent. Chasms of past damage and war lined the ground like a storm had begun to break apart the ground, making the ground unstable in most places for her lion to land.
Erosion and the planets natural atmosphere had done its work, there were remnants of the barest buildings. But what concerned Pidge the most was the vaguely circular objet lodged into one of the more shallow chasms, she didn't get close enough to read the purpose but based on what Pidge had seen before.
It had a part in destroying the planet.
Pidge shivered.
"Scan the area for somewhere stable to land." More statistics lined her view, highlighting the small areas that she passed in green that were suitable for landing and Pidge waited until she found a piece large enough to offer no second chances of falling into one of the cracks.
An identifiable structure lay ahead, markings and drawings lined the piece of rock in a semi-resemblance to an old-fashioned shrine for gods and important elders, "Prepare for landing, add in the stabilizers for caution" Flicking switches and translating her message into actions, Pidge was able to safely land her lion several meters in front of the structure.
Pidge stood taking the transponder and hooking it to her belt, her helmet balanced in her hands. She rubbed her eyes one final time and took a deep breath. A mantra repeating in her head, she put her helmet over her head twisting slightly to fix the airlock.
A small message appeared on the glass, a confirmation that oxygen was being actively supplied to her suit before the doors opened, the hiss of air.
She hesitated before stepping out, her lion gave a soft rumble and Pidge shook herself, feeling the reassuring weight of her bayard by her side and the beeping of the transponder, keeping her back straight and adjusting to the sudden change in gravity. Launching herself across the ground. She didn't register the multitude of broken rock around her or the depressing vista, she didn't want to look at it. Don't look at it.
The planet had long since been abandoned no houses or building of any kinds besides the massive structure ahead, there were no signs of life as her hud informs her.
Pidge ignored everything, keeping focused on the thought of Matt and her father waiting for her behind that looming structure.
A sudden message lit up her screen obscuring her vision. Pig skid to a stop, kicking up dust. The message came from the team specifically Hunk, Pidge looked down, feeling guilt ball in her stomach and silently flicking her wrist to the left, the message was deleted.
Another took its place, her eyes burned, another messaged and another, one after the other. A lump solidified in her throat and it became suddenly harder to breathe.
She wished it would stop. All of it, every last thing.
She kept moving.
The structure ahead was huge, bigger than her lion and deathly still. It was mainly a rocky metal that wasn't in her vocabulary. The giant rock on the edges showed forms of erosion and it seemed to extend from two walls. Intimidation stemmed from this structure.
Pidge let her eyes follow the structures main foundations up and above her until she got to the top, it seemed awfully powerful to just be abandoned so it seemed likely it was once part of a bigger piece of had some religious value to the past inhabitants of this world.
She ran her hand over the wall, the stone crumbled under her touch and her translator tool picked up a message broadcasted throughout the infrastructure. Waiting a moment for the dialect to be translated to English Pidge listened to the automated voice.
War, death, fighting, soldiers. The structure was a memorial place. Moving around the main centerpiece Pidge felt her heart stop, on the sides of the walls a thousand separated lines of dialogue, the story told was written on these walls.
Pidge ran, picking up speed while the message spoke in her ear, speaking of the fallen people who sacrificed their lives for the war against invading people, the people who would move on in life with the greatest achievement under their arms and the people who watched as their home turned to battle.
The people would be remembered.
Pidge remembered too.
A million moments, Her eyes moving up a wall to trace the ceiling while the familiar presence of her brother worked at his desk, it was dark outside and it had long since been her bedtime but she had snuck out of her room just to watch her brother work his hardest to graduate from the garrisons and be eligible for an outer world mission.
The biometrics of the ships were to be mesmerized and Matt was going at the end of the week to relay all information and go through what must be a hundred or more physical tests.
Matt sighed long and hard, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes and forehead. Pidge gripped the door's handle before speaking.
"Matt?" Pidge asked a small voice that sent her brother reeling. He tripped and jerked forward, hands braced on the table.
"Katie? What are you doing up its-" He checked the clock, his shoulder slumping and eyes drooping "two in the morning, it's late…"
Pidge shrugged silently, moving away from the door and walking to her brother. Matt smiled but the reassuring smile was failing, it looked like it hurt to move his cheeks. She took her brothers arms and weighted it over her shoulder.
Pidge frowned. Her hands guided up to his face smoothing circles into his skin, her fingers curled and covered his eyes. Matt closed his eyes basking in the gentle pressure of her digits.
"You need a break, Matt."
Matt kept his eyes closed but Pidge felt his eyelashes flutter against her digits, she leaned into him. moving hands to circle his neck and he moved to circle her body with his arms. "I'm almost done here" He persisted.
Pidge smiled slightly at her stubborn nature, "Come on, you can pick this up tomorrow."
Pidge burrowed into his neck maneuvering around the slightly awkward position that would be uncomfortable if they both weren't so exhausted. Matt sighed grumbling excuses. With Pidge's help, he stood and walked over to his bed.
Matt fell into his bed settling with a content sigh. Pidge pulled the sheets over her brother and turned to leave.
She only turned when he mumbled her name "Katie... Come 'ere"
Pidge shook her head at his antics and joined him, curling into his warm body.
They fell asleep in Matt's bed, together.
Pidge remembered so much.
The tracker beeped on her side, reminding her of its presence and she unfastened it. She turned in a circle before following the direction of the triangle.
It steadily beeped. Approximately half a mile ahead and it's sound urged Pidge forward.
She just wanted her brother. Pidge imagined him stuck in a battlefield, unfamiliar people around him waging violence against others using explosives and weapons that shook the foundations like miniature earthquakes.
Pidge imagined him huddling in a corner where two buildings met with another humanoid figure on the ground, bleeding from the chest as they weakly looked up at Matt with an expression of terror. Matt wouldn't take his eyes off the figure, desperately trying to sleep while others did the same. Harder and harder when the burning of flesh swept over the land almost daily.
Screaming, oh god, she could hear them screaming. Calling out her name for help she could hear Matt pleading for her and her father and her mother and-
Was she screaming or was it in her head she can't seem to remember. Everything seems out of focus, distanced and strange.
The beeping steady increased and Pidge jerked back into reality, her past was shredded. Tripping over her feet she landed on her knees. Pain flowed over her legs but Pidge ignored it, her attention captivated by the sight around her.
A choked sound crawled up her throat, unheard by everyone except for the miles and miles of stone graves. Each with a name engraved and a thousand memories to spare.
Pidge activated her landing pads on the bottom of her feet with a quick input of a command and she was running again. Lunging from side to side, avoiding and jumping over each henge. The list ran further as the automated voice sped and overlapped each message of people that died, how they fought, how brave they were.
'Were' being the keyword.
It made her sick and her head pounded painfully with the thought that all these people will stay here forever.
Hugin Junn, An outstanding uncle that the world didn't deserve.
Asgard Padis, The best soldier that spent her life on the line.
Qynkit Safage, Unknown to everyone but the seven they saved.
Pidge tripped over a grave marker, her helmet crashed painfully into the ground kicking up dusk and making the pressure on her feet disappear bringing in another wave of soreness on the bottom of her feet. The voice caught up with her. As if she could escape this.
Isitope Ri, Mother of four.
Fig Risage, Risked everything for mission #42 codename: Infection
Sobs and tears clouded her vision, her head felt light and she desperately wanted to tear off her helmet and visor to relieve herself of the voice. To breath finally.
She didn't, holding on to the whatever she could Pidge clenched the ground, coughing and gasping as wet tears ran down her face and landed on her screen.
Wand Pola, Was not meant to be here.
Pidge attempted to wipe her screen but just smeared dirt on the outside. Her eyes burned more, like applying fuel to a fire.
Mansoon Minikotoko, The seventh child in her litter but not loved any less.
Rain Cora, Had someone waiting for him.
She scanned the area, finding the tracker again and shaking it helplessly to dislodge the dirt. A few more meters. Pidge looked up only seeing level ground with the unearthly amount of graves. It hurt so much.
"MATT!" Pidge screamed, "MATT! PLEASE," Clutching the beeping machine to her chest protectively she continued at a slower pace just calling out for her lost loved one and listening to the names pass.
Ganga Badir, Couldn't find his brother.
Another step and twenty more graves lined up in perfect rows to her right and to her left. Everything was still so quiet.
Nick Gift, Medical nurse who caught a bomb.
Hang Brift, A uncle and a loving husband that was trapped in the collision of shelter #357
Sobs, screams, it felt like picking at the inside of her chest it relieved the growing pressure and made room to breathe, until you realized you were chipping away at foundations.
Everyone knew that without the foundations, the rest would crumble.
Huo Dismu, Embraced a blade during operation codename: Dive.
Dilk Nandostiko, Killed himself before safety could come.
Pidge wished she didn't ignore Hunk's messages, she wished he would come get her and hold her close and tell her it was okay but it wasn't and he wasn't here and Matt needed her, he was out there waiting for her. She just wanted to be home. Pidge just wanted her family.
Faddish Cove, #982 personel involved in rescue operation 1203 codename: Beta.
Jordan Tyko, Did everything but save himself.
Pidge placed her hands on a grave, leaning down and putting pressure on her aching knees, eyes physically swollen and red she coughed and rested her eyes, imagining tiny hands covering them.
Sven Midas, Cried for those too numb.
Mariska Freer, Nursed the doomed newborns.
Matt opened the door to her bedroom and Pidge scoffs at him, distracted with the newest school project on molecular development. Her hands struggled to make two models of the same molecular structure, it certainly didn't help that she was sitting on the ground, her back aching as she adjusted the DNA algorithm model.
"Learn to knock" She mutters, she doesn't see as Matt smiles fondly at her hunched form.
Matt was smiling softly "I was just thinking-"
"That sure is weird-" She interrupted.
Grig Lio, Had no fear.
Hamas Ky, Gave no excuse.
"Shush you, anyway I was thinking" He chuckled and Pidge smiled down at her project "If I went on the mission, I would be away for quite a while…"
Her smile faltered and she nodded silently, recalling the nights spent running over the idea for hours. "I know-"
"Maybe even a year, two years, three even…"
"I know" She felt numb.
Rea Omig, Killed without choice.
Head Widner, Lost in the collapse of medical bay #149.
"Right, I just," He took a deep breath, Pidge watched him calm himself. Shifting his feet and keeping the ground smile on his face "I want you to know. I am never truly gone"
Pidge smiled, cocking her head to the side "If you don't come back for my 16th birthday I swear I'm going to hunt you down" She leveled a screwdriver at his head.
Matt laughed, looking at her with a sparkle in his eyes "You better not take over my room!" Pidge grinned, feeling sick.
"No promises." And with that, he left, clicking the door closed behind him. Pidge smiled. Eyes welling with tears, She didn't want him to go.
But he was so excited.
Tybalt Sween, Pleaded for life.
The tracker beeped in an almost endless streamed like sounding alarms before finally falling silent.
Sween Hunga, Mother of 14, not in blood
Matt Holt, Killed in the collision of shelter #109, codename: Mother.
Pidge found him.
A chunk of rock that wasn't even cut evenly. His name written in a language she couldn't even understand. Her eyes widened and she fell silent like the rest of the planet. Heart beating in her ears. She was so tired and she found him.
Matt, her brother. He was right here all along.
She let her arms fall to curl around her bent knees, head bowed and mouth opening letting out a silent scream. A whimper escaped her and then her chest touched her knees.
Staring at the name, Matt Holt.
As if wounded, Pidge laid hunched at the grave.
Pidge finally slept once more in her brother's bed.