Okay lets get things straight here, I'm a guy.

No more than that I'm a man, and I've passed puberty, I enjoy RPG games, reading fantasy and science fiction and while I find lesbian couples cute I don't really have a sexual drive like most men.

Apathy is pretty much my level of attention to any subject which some might say is a bad thing for a solider, but for me it just makes killing easier. I have quite a few genetic disorders which made sympathising with the Ardrat Yakshi's in Mass Effect pretty easy.

Now I read fan fiction all the time in fact I archive it on my computer regularly. So I've read the self inserts and a lot of them I like, but I always stop reading when the authors reveal that the characters aren't from the same universe especially if they enter into the 'this is all fiction' explanation, not even trying to consider the alternate dimensions and universe theory.

So I gotta say finding myself not only in the Mass Effect universe but in the 12 year old body of Liara T'Soni was while a rather big shock, not really unexpected considering how many people have theorized the possibility of dimensional bleed.

Of course this could just be the panic talking.

Welcome to my Essence Effect.

Or alternatively what I call Self Effectual Fiction.

Now I can't be sure if I've just had a psychotic break and talking to myself probably isn't helping, though since I'm doing it in my head and nothings answering back I'm not quite out of the peach tree yet. Now waking up and being called "my Little Wing, get ready for the academy" didn't really click things but after looking at my hands to check they were white enough for the day, (Yes I'm very narcissistic and believe in racial purity though I hate all people equally – I'm a hypocrite like that) I discovered my hands were blue and petite.

Some people might have screamed, revealed something to be up early on, a starting point for the fictitious characters around them to notice and draw conclusions that are totally baseless and really couldn't have been realised with the information available to them at the time but hey most fiction is like that. Now being shunted off to an academy I was really glad that for whatever reason I could understand everybody.

Academy. Yeah… seriously. The Asari really like their long official sounding names, what the academy actually appears to be is their version of pre-school. Considering Morinth banged on about being independent at 40 in ME2 I can't say I'm really surprised. Now some dreams can go on for years so I think I'd like to enter the standard denial stage now thank you very much. I noticed lots of little blue things running past me obviously they know where to go. Pity I don't but on the plus side at least I can understand them and speak the same language. Being known as a retarded Asari not how I want this dream to go. On that subject I'm 37 now in any other fanfiction being around characters of fiction and falling in love with them is perfectly okay. Personally I always played as a female in RPG games, made me feel less like a pervert of rapist when you manipulate the dialogue options to get to the pathetic black-out-smut-scene the fastest.

We're being lined up now; mothers (well actually all of them are mothers – I refuse to accept the Asari 'fathers' argument if two lesbians are in a relationship with a kid they are both 'mommies'.) Anyway the collection of adult alien smurfetts are crying or trying to look on proudly or with worried expressions. Now since this is only a dream I can have as much fun with this as I want after all the only fanfiction that has shown the character has some self-awareness and intelligence to not assume they been magically transported to a new universe has been Zute with the 'A Southern Californian in King Cailan's Court' Dragon Age fic. I personally would like to believe that my intelligence at least reaches the level of a woman who passed college. Otherwise I think I might force myself to wake up and escape this hell right now.

Originally I looked forward to the idea of traveling back in time to my younger body and re-completing my school days, but then I realised a few problems. One I would change things and data such as certain fanfictions wouldn't be written and my not appear, two I wouldn't have my delightful daughter any more but three and most important I would probably kill most of them in the first few minutes.

You see, I am fully and readily able to admit I'm a sociopath.

Now in a fictional shoot'em up world like Mass Effect the ability to cause due harm to other fictional characters is really a boon, especially when you've killed before. My main problem is that right now in this lovely dream I'm a fucking kid! Also, no, that wasn't literal.

Classes went pretty well I figure, except history, every time the teacher brought up the glorious Prothenans and their wonderful peaceful society and gifts left behind – I started giggling. I came out in top form for mathematics, though science I was pretty far behind, I knew theories of 20th and 21st century plus dozens of other Sci-Fi style fictions but not what rules applied and didn't in MEU.

I made no friends.

Hardly surprising, I was a loner for most of my life and only had a select group I could and would call upon. I just never saw the point of making friends in school after all if you're going to move on to college or university you're not going to have time for your old ones. I didn't either I was right I got in to Peter Symonds College and was offered many others, my friends bar a few only got single offers if that at all. University, I was the only one to make it and I choose Winchester. I also got lots of offers for other universities, sadly not Oxford or Cambridge in fact I was the first in the family not to be accepted to one of those universities in generations – rather disappointing for them really.

To be fair Liara made no friends either from my knowledge of her, and I'm pretty sure she was a sociopath too. Honestly a woman goes out of her way to stay away from everyone and delve into her work around ancient ruins and suddenly after being rescued by a dashing man – or women depending on your character choices. Suddenly has no problem being flown all over the galaxy shooting anything in sight with little to no complaints.

Of course returning, my 'mother' questioned me on making friends, my progress and how I liked it. I don't quite think she appreciated my "Could of gone worse." with a shrug to accompany the particularly apathetic remark.

Oh well there's always tomorrow, I can't wait to see if this dream provides me with the question, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' I am so going to tell them I want to be an Ardat-Yakshi. I mean seriously 'Reave' next to 'Biotic Charge' are the best powers out there. In fact when I was playing RE : ORC I kept pressing the 'Y' button on the keypad and cursing when I didn't jump over the crates and speed to right next to the squad attacking me with my shot gun out and armed.

Oh well, just a few years of this and I can leave, as it's a dream the time ought to fly-by.

The Time did not as I put it bloody fly-by, I even got held back a year when I said I had no interest in politics or history. Though I'm pretty sure I started some awkward rumours for my 'mother' when I said I wanted to be an Ardat-Yakshi when I grow up, just like big sister, Really hope she never finds out I started that rumour. Still the years have been good to me, I'm now in my earlier twenties and quite ready to admit this is not a dream. I still haven't entered puberty yet, and with the dreaded influx of additional hormones really not looking forward to it.

Now I know you're thinking (if you're still reading, and I don't see why you would be) how can I have kept up the pretence of being Liara for so long? Two words, Press 'X'.

Now too those of you that want to play a Bioware game and have it glitch every hour instead of every 5 minutes you will have bought an Xbox and played the game on that instead. Unlike Dragon Age, pressing 'X' not only skips dialogue but entire scene and enters default commands if you're not careful. So I just imagined skipping scenes and ta-da just like Fallout 3 you get a wonderful "Ten Years Later" message and I was able to fast forward my life, cause let's face it I would never even pass Asari pre-school without it.

Now that's not to day I didn't enjoy the occasional plot-device-cutscene involving bullies or a chance to let my paragon points shine through good and moral deeds, that obviously I was performing because it was the right thing to do and not to gain more paragon points for cooler persuasion dialogue scene options later, because that would be wrong.

After a lot of 'Now's' Explaining my continued undiscovered presence here the main story can probably commence again, I could follow the Mass Effect plot and stay out of the way, or I could make major changes to benefit myself by the time the Old Machines arrive. I refuse to call them to Reapers because with that last scene in ME3 calling them 'Reapers' just seems silly. I'm not saying I will make myself all powerful, but I really hope that the level cap is still locked at 60 from the first game and not going to drop to the depressing 30 that greeted Mass Effect 2.

Okay First order of business, find a way to make myself invulnerable. Immortality would be stupid, I'm in an Asari's body and Mass Effect ends sometime in Liara's game future anyway. The kinda invulnerability the Blacklight virus has in Prototype sounds nice, (not Prototype 2 – as far as I'm concerned they never released Prototype 2, it's a myth doesn't exist). I figure I build a suit that can store hundreds of medigel packs into it, because lets face it, give a grunt good shields and the ability to heal themselves with medigel and even against an army they could probably come out on top.

So now, I'm finishing school – coughs 'Asari Institution of Technological and Beneficiary Diplomatic Advancement of Higher Learning' – still think school sounds more accurate, but Asari love their naming conventions, as proved when they re-classified slavery as legal under 'indentured-servitude'. The only reasons its okay for Asari to sell and own slaves but not okay for Batarians is the four-eyed yellow freaks are a bunch of backwater savages in the Asari's eyes.

Hey! If the American people can build their countries code of justice and equality with racism, rape, murder and genocide what's the problem with the Asari doing it, I say – live and let live alright.

For all of you now shocked in horror at the facts before you, look up what happened to the 'native American' population before the colony could fully establish itself. You won't find many of them in the living records, or their descendants. Speaking of descendants I'm not having any kids in this universe – period. The only exception I will make is if I gain control of an army of AI's or the collectors, the only reason I suggestead having 'lots of little blue brats' with Liara was because I wanted to see the ending sex scene between my red-head white Shepard (Who I named 'ArdatYakshia Shepard' – I was being sarcastic when playing) and her blue girlfriend.

Early twenties just flew by until I reached by early thirties, near enough to my own age I just up and left. Most Asari claim leaving at forty is a really mature decision. I don't care how common it is in Asari culture, I refuse to spend the next twenty years or more living with my pseudo mum. The first time I saw Matriarch Benezia in Mass Effect I was creeped out, it wasn't her stupid head gear that did it, no its was her cleavage, it just looked so unnatural. Now I know from experience that creating realistic 3D breasts on a realistic 3D figure is a nightmare, but considering how much they spent on other pointless little extras, they really should have either covered them up or made them more realistic in that line. It completely ruined the effect of Seeing Samara in ME2 because every time I wanted to stare at her breasts I kept thinking back to Benezia on Noveria, I suppose you could say it was really bugging me.

Still I left and headed out into the galaxy, the first thing I did was use the credits I stole, from what amounts to as a security force main building, to start up a Weapons Development & Deployment Company. WDDC I'd have liked to call it something cool but I couldn't risk using a name from earth; that would have been unexplainably stupid. After all while I could probably set up a mercenary team and give it a name from the late 20th Century or early 21st I think it would be far more profitable to think long term and fuck-over a bunch of businessmen who Shepard ends up saving from their own stupidity. Starting up a company and not calling it a human termed variant means that as long as no one else has fallen into this dimension then I can assume the key events in the original timeline will precede as scheduled and they won't be forewarned of my arrival.

Of course the Human-Turian war needs to happen, it helps introduce humanity violently to the galaxy and shake things up a little. Even if I have to engineer the variables to start the war myself I'll bloody do it. After all what's a few million dead compared to the extinction of all galactic life this cycle, eh?

My Weapons based company was up and running with good particle based weaponry within the year, so what did I do you ask. I sold the technology to the Elcor.

That's probably thrown you all a bit (if you've stuck it out and kept reading this dribble,) but why the Elcor do you ask. Well firstly the Elcor are awesome, they always reminded me of HK-47 from the original Knights of the Old Republic game, secondly like HK in the game they speak their mind; better yet they speak it accurately. After all what is the point in having a language if people don't use it properly?

Still an Asari making an alliance with an Elcor, what am I thinking you ask? Simple; the Volus, while a subjugated species of the Turians (The Citadel laws banning slavery in Citadel Space really are about as useful as an encounter suit with sleeves is to a Quarian) the Elcor have close ties to a species well known for their ability in matters of accounting. Why on earth would I possibly want to get on the good side of what amounts to the Mass Effects verse, merchants guild in outer-space?

With the Volus looking on me more valuably it allowed me to boost my sales and have the weapons distributed more effectively, now some of you might be thinking 'won't having this technology fuck over a lot of the plot if certain characters gain access to it early'. Okay two things on that point, 1: Earth still hasn't got involved in galactic events, so there is no real danger of events getting fucked up. 2: Dahlia Dantius.

Now those of you who played ME1 (before it became referred to as Mass Effect 1 and was just Mass Effect, may remember Nassana Dantius before she showed up running a company in ME2. She was the Asari diplomat that warned Command Shepard about slavers who had kidnapped her sister. If you accepted the mission and found that Dantius was in fact a slaver you may have wondered why she took the job in the first place. Throughout the game Asari mercs were reasonably common in positions of Authority but not many of them were slavers, just killers.

It was my theory that Dahlia was an Ardat-Yakshi and that the first person she ever ate – er.. I mean melded with – must have been a Batarian, the Ardat-Yakshi meld power-up seems to be a less efficient version of Alex Mercers consumption power, the Ardat-Yakshi get their victims minds and like the Homunculi in FullMetal Alchemist receive fragments of memories, emotions and preconceptions to the way the world works.

Now I don't know if small factors in the universe were warped upon my arrival, I don't know if I'm the only person in this version of Mass Effect, but I do know some things I thought and had theories on (that were later disproved by Mass Effect Wiki) seem to still be true here.

Dahlia Dantius is an Ardat-Yakshi, and Nassana Dantius is my best friend.

Dahlia's career, instead of being focused merely on slave trading, is focused more on acquiring the crime lords and merc gangs; that I have sold my cheaper end of next generation tech and then stealing the tech back and/or enslaving, culling the crew in possession of it. There's always someone new starting up in the Terminus System's. Which means I always have a new supply of credits coming my way; and dozens of people to send Dahlia after.

When I was a kid-like Asari I needed a plan to consolidate my resources for future plans, making friends with a tight ass like Nassana Dantius wasn't going to be easy but it would give me an in with her sister before they became estranged. I could be subtle in acquiring and alliance, er.. I mean friendship, or I could just bulldoze into it like I'm used to. In the end I tried a partially subtle approach, I can remember it like it was yesterday, I mean how often do kids have an opportunity to use quotes that are from movies that a species that hasn't been discovered yet know.

"You're late again, Liara," my teacher didn't seem particularly happy with me, to be fair I had better things to do with my time, organising a secret Ardat-Yakshi organisation was rather time-consuming, some of them were really paranoid. The Matriarch teaching couldn't do much to me but report me my to my mother, who would probably think the complaint was an attack on her raising of me, as a single mother. Asari politics never really stopped and as gentle and sophisticated as the members like to make it appear on the surface they really were cut-throat. Thus said teachers voice was thick with disappointment and irritation of being unable to do more to curb my more disrespectful tendencies without damaging her own social position; my half shrug probably didn't help matters though. "Liara T'Soni.. you're' excuse."

"Crossed paths with a red-varren, they're bad luck, you know. Had to convince it to retrace its steps."

"And how long did that take you?" The teacher growled, ignoring the fact there aren't really any Varren on Thessia.

"Twenty minutes."

"So what delayed you for the rest of two hours you were late?!"

"I was asleep."

Well I wasn't really but this is just the sort of excuse that I had been dying to use for years.

At the teachers suffering sigh combined with a simultaneous face-palming and a vague gesture to sit, I gave Nassana a conspiratory smirk and sat myself down next to her.

Making friends with Nassana meant I got introduced to Dahlia who I also got along with (her having Psychopathic tendencies already occurring) all I had to do was lay down a key emotional tether to tie Dahlia to Nassana as her sister, then if Nassana had my loyalty then ergo I would have Dahlia's loyalty or allegiance at least through her, and twenty years on it seemed like my plan worked most effectively.

Allying myself with Mirala would be more difficult, I had already shown my tendencies to have a larger tolerance for Ardat-Yakshi's then the majority of my species and thus show me, as a possible sympathizer to those wishing to hide from the furry of the self-righteousness of the Justicars. Yet I had no definitive way for Ardat-Yakshi to contact me. Setting up a helpline for them to talk about their problems was one thing; turning it into a rebellion that I could use to overthrow the current Thessian government would no doubt take a little longer.

Still meeting back up with Nassana after a few years showed that she had matured more, she was now taking a course on diplomatic study and as long as my information network kept the facts of what her sister was really doing quite then she'd be perfectly in place for me to appoint as a replacement to Councillor Tevos after I get her kicked off the Citadel for advancing human interests. Now you're thinking how is this devious little bastard going to accomplish this, is he going to plant some false information about Tevos and Aria? Is he going to threaten the Councillors family of investments? Actually, as it happens none of the above.

Firstly I don't know if any of the fanfics I've read about Tevos and Aria in a relationship are true, and secondly I don't have any dirt from my time on Mass Effect wiki or in the game regarding Tevos's background or history to use as blackmail – or should I say bluemail to be more politically correct?

Tevos is going to do it for me; in ME2 from the 'Lair of the Shadow Broker' Downloadable Content you can, after completing the mission, return to the room and look at photo-clips taken from the Shadow Brokers spy network. One of these clips shows the reporter Khalisah 'Bint' Sinan al-Jilani being beaten up by other species presumably after insulting them, one clip is rather different however and shows Councillor Tevos and Khalisah embracing before kissing passionately. If that doesn't but down all those Aria/Tevos rumours to you all nothing will.

Still as long as things continue correctly I can think of a lot of ways to spin that into something along the lines of 'Councillor Tevos giving exclusive information to lover' or 'Councillor Tevos exploring putting human interests before Asari' all of these ironic since the Asari cultural prefer to fuc- er.. mate with other species rather than their own, it's the only culture where the ideology of bestiality is not only approved on but excepted as a good idea to further cultural evolution.

In fact now I think about it, its probably the Asari's fault that Scale-Itch is so common in the galaxy. That's a pretty hot thought, er.. I mean creepy, yes creepy like Asari/Hanar porn, mmm Tentacles.

Now I think about it that would be a good business side venture, I don't think Vaenia came out in the galaxy till Liara was around 70, which means I could start the movies earlier and making a killing in the market area for it. Yep that's something to look into, Besides Asari melding looks boring to those not experiencing it so there's no reason that I couldn't get Mirala or some other Ardat-Yakshi to star in it as they can still have sex normally without out the mind-fuck component too it. Might even make them more relaxed.

Still I'm getting a bit off topic, I was about to reminisce about meeting up with Nassana after a few years from our good old Academy days.

Nassana agreed to meet me on Ilium, she didn't know I hadn't chosen the location because of the planets lax laws regarding the sales of near complete illicit material, but because my/Liara's father worked at the bar here and I wanted to endear her more to Liara/me early on than later. We hadn't seen each other in several years (to Asari a couple of years can seem like a month sometimes, to me a few minutes thanks to 'X') but we had kept in contact via short emails. Contrary to popular belief humanity didn't introduce the idea of email to the galaxy, video mailing yes, cheap and easy to send text no.

Still we sat in the bar and I ordered water, I still only drink that, since I refuse to get drunk and accidently reveal my presence or years of work and planning because of one idiotic 'one isn't going to do me any harm' that phrase is almost as stupid as 'I'm a local I'm okay because I know the road'.

Heh, morons.

Still after meeting up, we got into a familiar discussion, Nassana believed that the genophage had gone on long enough and we should cure them (more accurately she believed we should milk as much cash out of them as possible pretending to cure the genophage. Her company had owned a subsidiary company that made a deal to do just this in ME1 where you hear in the lift the company is getting sued, still this topic gave me a chance to spread more damaging rumours around about the Salarians, though a number of spies reporting back to different agencies all with representatives hidden around the bar.

"Krogan aren't real," I insisted.

Taking another drink of Asari wine and with an indulgent smile that was obviously humouring some of my quirks Nassana replied "Then where do the bloodpack recruit from?"

"Sur' kesh, and their not Krogan their deformed Yargh. The STG are breeding them as their own personal army."

Arching a light brow, Nassana chuckled shaking her head, "you really haven't change since the Academy have you?"

"I plan to be immortal (lie; I want invulnerability but best to throw off all the listeners), all I need to do now is find an Ardat-Yakshi willing to teach me their techniques." I am lying to her about that though I've already had Nassana's sister teach me before she ran off to play mercenary crime boss (with my directional leadership of course).

"You are sooo lucky none of the others thought you were serious about that, you were kinda asking to have a Justicar sent after you." Nassana is kind of like my conscience, which is funny considering I know what she ended up doing in ME2. The cracking of a glass that Aethyta was cleaning implied that she hadn't heard the rumours about my ideas concerning the more genetically temperate beings of our society.

Perhaps my meddling in Nassana's personal life has had a more positive effect than I realised.

Smiling nostalgically my best friend beckoned Aethyta for a refill or her glass, "Can you remember when we were asked about what we wanted to do when we left:"

- Flash back, Remission -

"I will be helping you assess your future career options, now Liara have you thought about following your mothers steps and assisting the Matriarchs council?"

"Nah, I don't think I'm cut out for politics."

"Why?"

"Too honest," I had lied through my teeth.

"I see, yes, that would be a very strong disadvantage to entering politics," my tutor had noted, before telling me how glad she was to see me maturing. Pity for her that my interests lay more towards conquering Thessia; than actually gaining political support from an antiquated notion of playing fair in the game of Asari political machinations – oh well these things happen. Besides she was more instrumental in removing me as a threat from the other Matriarchs eyes.

After all who would be interested in assassinating a socially crippled Asari 'pureblood' child who commonly implied she wanted to be an Ardat-Yakshi when she grew up. There is such a thing as overkill in political sabotage.

- Flash back, End -

The snort from Liara's father as my best friend finished recounting a tale from our past, was quickly stifled as the half Krogan-Asari quickly turned away from prying eyes and fixed her gaze stubbornly on the back of the bars storage shelves. I could still hear quite chuckles coming from her direction though. Nassana and I chatted for a while longer, before I got up and headed on my way I had a meeting with Tela Vasir.

Tela Vasir for those of you who don't remember one of the more green tinted Asari from the game was the Spectre with the vanguard charge and the self-righteous attitude, it's okay to give the Shadow Broker information that will help him slaughter millions if it saves the lives of a few thousand on the Citadel – because that makes perfect sense.

Vasir is one of the few Asari Spectre's not under Benezia's influential control, thus she makes the perfect tool to pass on embarrassing rumours about my mothers' activities. When I first started up my information network 'Backdoor' many people laughed at me, after all it sounds like the name of a porn show or stripper bar (which is ironic because I set up a company to make video's like Vaenia once I thought about it). Still I got a lot of publicity for what I'd done but not much respect which strangely enough is what I wanted.

The Shadow Broker network is huge, there are spies everywhere and nearly every bit of information that occurs in the Mass Effect verse is traded back and forth but always seems to cross the palms of our favourite Yarg at least once. Thing is Liara was born around the time of the previous Shadow Broker. The backdoor network allowed me to sneak off to the Yarg's home world, arrive at the very settlement that the new Shadow Broker had come from and beat the crap out of him, before implanting a control chip in his neck.

What!?

I'm not a moron, negotiating with a Yarg would never work; their like Krogan on speed. I don't have Varren shit for brains, and the Batarians have been using mind influencing slave collars for years ever since they found their first bit of Old Machine tech and based their entire civilizations structure on it. So I just had my pet Ardat-Yakshi steal one for me. Dahlia really is good at getting me rare items I ask for and in return whenever we catch up I give her not only credits but a sympathetic hug. Demons have feelings too you know.

Still with the Yarg under my influence when the current Shadow Broker went to retrieve his new pet he would carry on like normal events would continue according to my plan and when the time was right my new Shadow Broker would inherit the information empire before subtly being enslaved to my will. I have more tact than Cerberus in this case, no much, but just enough to get the job done without anyone suspecting foul play.

As far as Vasir is aware, I'm just a very open Asari maiden who is a bit ditzy and has a lot of friends far more intelligent running my affairs for me. Instead of asking her to take care of little irritations and slowly making Vasir question her morals and ethics instead she gets a mission to play big-sister to the lonely daughter of a well-known Asari Matriarch; and if this relationship happens to let Vasir access the personal secrets and communications between a nearly estranged mother and her daughter then who could blame her if she shared this information with interested parties on her day off?

Now some of you may be wondering where I'm going with all this; surely he's not going to go on and on about his achievements in triplicate right? Correct I'm just setting you up with a bit of the background, to understand how elements in the timeline will change along with humanities introduction to the galaxy. After all you still haven't heard the chaos I'm going to cause with the making changes to the Geth, right?