Title: The Art of Letting Go
Author: ichise
Series: Prince of Tennis
Characters/Pairings: Tezuka Kunimitsu and Fuji Syuusuke
Summary: Because the hardest art would be letting go of the masterpiece you dearly hold.
Warning: shounen-ai
Status: In progress
Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis, just my fascination for it
Author's note: Another one of my firsts, as a humble writer, this would be my first Prince of Tennis fic. I first decided on writing on another pair but this just flowed comfortably I couldn't write anything else… so here it goes
The Art of Letting Go
Chapter I: Let It Go
-Of the Past.-
You walk happily into his office, nine years of your lives fading, two lives converging – the line between two separate entities blurring into one even more.
It all started in a game of tennis, back in your junior days together as a team. He – as your captain, and you as his genius hitter.
It all started in a game of tennis, facing against each other for the nth time, nobody ever did won, nobody ever did lose. You never took him seriously, he tells you, your smile fades – eyes of eternal blue emerging. You never did, he tells you again as he walks closer, crossing over the net you both have broken. Then finally, in one swift movement, he closes the gap between your faces. You are startled, but it didn't matter, you didn't find yourself resisting. Your eyes slipped closed as his calloused hand reaches your neck, the other resting by your waist, you smile against the touch. You can't say you expected this – more like, this is what you hoped for, dreamed for. He finally pulls away and your eyes drown in his, three words were said, escaping from your lips, your captain finds himself smiling.
"Tezuka, you dork."
And you smile against his smile, not believing to have said such words, so different, so weird, so… out of place. Words escape from his at that moment.
"I don't hear you complaining, though."
You smile genuinely and playfully slap his chest. He returns it with an embrace saying
"Yeah, I love you too."
You smile upon the recollection of your first touch, your firs kiss – your first love. And you fondly recall that for every precious moment, it was him all along. He was your first touch. He was your first kiss. He was and is your one and only love.
You walk in happily into his office, nine years of your lives fading, two lives converging – the line between two separate entities blurring into one even more.
Your birthdays have been most special. Not that they were never special, you refute your own words. It was, more like, your birthdays were the happiest since Tezuka came around. Oh! You knock your head silly, Kunimitsu, you correct, since technically – you too, would soon be a Tezuka.
And you see his surprised eyes, unexpecting but looking forward somewhere there. And you walk closer to him, smiling. And all the years of your lives together rushing in once more. And in another kiss reliving your memories, you tell yourself how happy you are in this life you built with him.
-Of the Present-
You run struggling out of the doctor's office, nine years of your lives fading, two lives falling apart – the line holding yours thinning out lighter and lighter and –
You snap your eyes open trying to fight the tears blurring your eyes. You don't want to see that line, you can not lose that line. For all the years of your lives together, you cannot imagine how things would follow through should your hearts derail.
But no, this is true. What you heard was true. They wouldn't tell you these, Yuushi – of all people, your confidante, your doctor, your friend of how many years, he wouldn't tell you these if you didn't need immediate attention. Highly unlikely that you would walk out of that room with a hearty 'congratulations' – rearing a baby, you are not a woman after all.
What were you expecting?
Bitter tears. You feel them streaming down your face. You refuse to believe this reality you are facing, you are forced to face. Yuushi must be lying. That must be it. But he wouldn't lie to you, this is too much of a joke if it ever was one. Yuushi must have made a mistake somewhere, you convince yourself. But no, Yuushi is beyond mistakes. Then the results must be lying, yes, that might be it – your final resolution. But no, it is real; you underwent more than a couple of those before having it confirmed. But you can't believe it. You wish not to. You are young, too young, in fact. You have a great life ahead of you. Kunimitsu and you. And you stop. And you realize… Yes. Kunimitsu is young. And he still has a great life ahead of him.
You run struggling out of the office, nine years of your lives fading, two lives falling apart – the line holding yours thinning out lighter and lighter and –
And gone. And you decide to yourself that Kunimitsu did not deserve the pain of losing. And if you were in fact going, you were to go alone.
But still.
You don't want to die.
-Of the Future.-
You walk in crying into your room, nine years of your lives fading, far from forgotten but you try. You cannot begin to describe the two lives joining as one as you had them crumble in your own hands.
You hear him right outside the door, voice broken, unmasked desperation. Syuusuke, Syuusuke – he calls out to you. At least tell me something, anything, Lie to me, tell me you never loved me, tell me that you hate me just so I can do as you wish – he tells you, he pleads to you once more. You laugh to yourself mocking; you say the same things in your head, Syuusuke, Syuusuke, at least say something so you both can let go. Suffering is your own trade; let him be happy on his own. But you choke, words not forming, thoughts scattering into places you can never reach. And you felt the world spinning about, your medicine, you forgot them this morning. And now you regret it, don't get careless, you can almost hear him say but you still cannot figure out where the drawer is – or where you are right now for that matter. All you know is that it has become awfully silent, when you have already heard voices before, stern, pleading voices that had already gone. And you wonder, where had it all gone.
Syuusuke. You hear that voice again, stern, but no longer pleading. But still as broken, no even more, than before. Syuusuke. He calls you again, voice even more like a whisper. I… I never thought about anything like this, I never… I never… he loses his voice, you feel losing your heart at that moment. But you wouldn't tell me anything, so I will never know. And finally, he tells you, and you hear him… walking away.
You choke, once more, and you think. The silence had broken into pieces yet you sternly hold your ground. You hear no more of his pleas and you hear more of footsteps faintly treading away. And you lose yourself in the moment, yet you remember he never said good-bye and you never wanted to say good-bye either. And you realize that you can and will, in fact, let him go since you feel it is the best way to spare him of the pain. You will, in fact, let him go. By sitting here and just sitting here, rooting yourself to the ground. This wild and beautiful art of letting go, you, dramatically holding your ground, even if tears stream down your eyes and your voice growing staler in your mouth. Yes, this is the most beautiful way to let go.
And yet your heart says other wise and your eyes still sting, following the reasoning of your heart.
Your heart says no.
And you stand up, rather, you try standing up. You hold a firm grasp against the head boards, and the drawers, and anything else that were sturdier than you. And you finally reach the door yanking it open with all the strength you have and start running. With every step you take, with every heaving sound you make, you remember that your heart is with him and that you can never let him go. And you finally see him, his retreating back not too far, within reach – but the world is still spinning and your steps trying not to stumble. And now you call out to him, with the loudest voice you can muster but you come up husky with only a pathetic whisper, yet you still try, and try, and try. But you know he can never hear you with that small whisper and still…
He spun around; eyes still fresh with his own salty tears. He stares back at you and you smile at him. He smiles back, and you feel everything brighten – but the world is really getting dim and the darkness is eating you up, but you don't care because you are running to him and he is running back for you. And no matter how dark everything is getting and no matter how hard the world trembles under your feet, you do not care – because his arms are waiting for you to be caught on.
And when you finally take that last step, and you finally fall into his arms, the darkness finally claims you as tears fall and you finally manage to whisper –
I love you.
And you finally rest.
Yet… and still – you never let go.
-To be continued.-
Author's Notes: My first chapter, I'm still working on the second one. I'm not planning to end the story like this... More of Fuji and Tezuka coming soon Oh, and thank you for reading!