Sorry I haven't updated soon on my What If? story. I just can't think of any good ideas. So here's a one-shot to hold every-one over
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
As we meet our favorite Kaze-Kage working into the night on paper work, relieved that he was almost done, finished signing what he thought was the last document he had to read tonight. But he was wrong.
"Kaze-Kage-Sama ,"said a rather scared secretary. "The elder's told me to give you these" Gaara looks up to see that behind her is a small wagon full of papers stacked up about five feet. Gaara's jaw mentally dropped. "They want them finished by morning," she said hastily and ran as fast as she could to avoid Gaara's wrath.
Gaara stared at his seemingly never ending work and couldn't help but yell: "DAMN YOU TREES FOR CURSING ME LIKE THIS!" Figuring that was all he could do he decided to just get started.
Early next morning…
"Done," Gaara said with fatigue in his voice. Now done with his work he rushes home to sleep. Since Shukaku was removed he had come to adore his new-found "profession." He laid down in bed and just as he was about to fall asleep…
RIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
His alarm clock went off, blaring in his ear. He had come to believe that Shukaku didn't want him to sleep mainly so they wouldn't hear this over his early life. Knowing what he had to do he groggily turned it off and headed down stairs.
With the new need of sleep and endless work as a Kage gave him his first love, coffee. He rushed to get it in the kitchen but ,alas, they were out.
Being as desperate as he was, he decide to just find a coffee shop not knowing how difficult that would be.
As soon as he walk out the door he was over swarmed by fan-girls, and surprisingly Lee? 0.o Running into the streets of Sunakagure he heard random things like "We Love You Gaara" and "You're the Greatest." All Lee said was "I WANT TO HAVE YOUR MAN-BABIES!!"
Quickly escaping the girls/Lee/Haku-like bi's, or is it bi's like Haku? Well, whatever it is, it wasn't funny. Well, maybe just a little. Any ways, while hiding in an alley he is stalked by some-one. And that's…
"GAARA-SAN, mum." Oh, it was Sasori in his true form, musta picked up a speech inpedamental from Deidara. Gaara turned as Sasori uses his new ultimate technique, Glompage no Jutsu!!! Oh No! Our hero has been attacked!!! As Gaara tries not to twitch to violently, he was licked.
Now, there was a reason why Gaara was never hugged or had any human contact. If such a think would happen the Devil would unleash the APOCALYSP!!! But, lucky for them, I was reading crack-fics and didn't notice.
Anyway, Gaara couldn't help but ask "Sasori?"
"Yes, mum"
"WTF ARE YOU DOING!!!"
"Well, you know how we kinda look alike, mum"
"yeeeaaaa," said a slightly confused Kaze-Kage.
"and we're both from the sand village, muuuummmm" He continued.
"yea," said an even more confused Gaara.
"we have a lot in common, don't we, mum"
"sure…"
"so, I figured me and you are perfect to be… BROTHERS, mum"
"That's impossible," said a relieved Gaara.
"Why, mum?"
"cause I'm 15 and your about 40ish"
"Your dad must have been pretty kinky then, mum"
"He would have been 10" said an annoyed jinchuuriki.
"ok, really kinky, mum"
"Or, we're not related"
"In that case wanna make out, mum?
"sure" (A/N: what, people pair Gaara with Lee, I pair him wit Sasori)
After a few minutes they were attack by an angry an jealous akatsuki member.
It was Deidara.
"Sasori-Danna how could you, un!?"
"umm, easily, mum" said a scared puppet master.
"WWAAAAHHHHH!!!!! un"
"I'm gonna go now, mum"
"ok den by-by," said Gaara.
"See ya non-brother, mum"
"Yes, Sasori-kun?" omg it's Sasori's Mom!!
"I thought you were either dead or a puppet," asked Gaara.
"Ummm, TA-DAAAAAAAAA!!" She screamed. "Now, Sasori-kun?"
"yea mom, mum"
"Wanna get some ice-cream?"
"YAY, mum"
"k then by Gaara," and they were gone.
Now that this was over he remembered his original quest, to find him some coffee. Where to go first, Dunken Doughnuts or Sandbucks. Umm, enie meanie minie moe. Dunken Doughnuts it is.
As he entered the shop he didn't remember the paper he signed approving for Konoha-nin to train in Sunakagure. So, he was slightly confused when he saw team 10 inside there, but he didn't really care. Ashe ordered his coffee their conversation went like this…
"Choji, you've gotta stop eating and train," said a peeved Ino. Since they got there Choji's eaten out 10 different restaurants.
"Ino's right, you've gotta train," their sensei agreed. "Even Shikimaru agrees don't you?"
"Zzzzzz," was his reply.
"SEE!!" Ino screamed so loudly that all the other blondes thought it was a mating call and took her away.
"Choji," Asuma said. "Just use 2 jutsu and then we'll leave you alone, ok?"
"Munch," Choji translation: Fine.
Right as Gaara got his coffee he heard..
"Baika no Jutsu" Choji inflates to about 3 times his own size. And then: "Meat Tank!" And he started rolling and rolling and just as Gaara got his precious coffee, Choji flattened it, along with Dunken Doughnuts.
Gaara's really pissed now. But, he decided to just go to Sandbucks. Once he got there, and got his coffee, everything seemed good. But when he tried it…
"PHHHFFTTT!" Gaara spits the coffee across the floor. He went to complain to the cashier. "What's in this coffee sand?!"
"OH-NO, he found out the secret recipe!" the cashier screamed and went into a mental breakdown. So Gaara just left.
"I'll just buy some from the store," he said to himself and started off to the store. On his way to the store he saw other Konoha-nin training in the streets. He used to do that when he was little. His sand would grab people with his sand and then slowly make them go to sleep. But now he knows he was wrong, after what he did they were supposed to sleep inside. After he obtained his new-found knowledge he went to all of his friends houses in Suna and helped them sleep. But, for some reason, they won't play with him anymore.
Anyways, just as he got to the store he saw Naruto, bathing in a tub of ramen. Now, the reason why,
(Naruto: not another one of these again! Me: common, it has ramen… Naruto: Naruto is a good boy Me die you Tobi-Basher Naruto: but I thought Naruto was a good boy, AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH)
Back to the story: the reason why Gaara was beaten by Naruto is because Gaara is allergic to the smell of ramen. So when Naruto went to head butt him, he inhaled the smell. But if the leftover ramen was bad, how will a ramen bathed Naruto do, lets find out.
"Hey Gaara," Naruto runs up to his old friend. "Whatcha doin'?"
"barf, getting barf coffee." He replied as quickly as he could.
"Cool, I'll come with you, Dattebayo." Naruto says happily not knowing of the doom he was bringing Gaara.
On the way to the store they acted like this:
"Ramen's awesome isn't it Gaara?"
"barf"
"I could eat it all day to."
"barf"
"It's the greatest food ever invented, DATTEBAYO!!"
"barf"
Then a random person screamed:
"Who wants clam chowder?"
"barf"
"barf"
They weren't even halfway to the store when Gaara said:
"I give up, no cup of coffee is worth all this," he says weepingly. "Naruto, don't you half to train?"
"Omg your right, see you later!" Naruto disappears and Gaara starts heading home. When he gets there it was after dark and just wanted to go to sleep. His siblings were in the living room.
"So Gaara, did you like the coffee I got you?" He heard Temari say.
"What coffee," he asked, slightly confused.
"The new kind I told Kankuro to give you," she said
"Kankuro's a dead man." He said with a dark tone.
"Well, anyways, here it is," she throws a can of coffee mix at him.
Gaara stares at it like it's the holy grail. "I'll be in my room."
"Gaara you've gotta finish your paperwork first though," she says.
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Me: so how was that. It was the first time I wrote like this (not in script format) so tell me what you think, better or worse? Don't just say it sucked though say what was wrong or what I could correct in the future thank you R&R
p.s. inazuma-kage-sama didn't help me write my story, he just told me to write conveniently placed tree in the first chapter that's it