after my blood is drowning in alcohol A/N: 1.
"You have to stop calling," Ed murmurs again. He murmurs quietly because of reasons Roy doesn't want to think about. His wife and two lovely kids are asleep. And that's why Ed has to speak quietly and why Roy should stop calling.
"Would if I could, I just want to hear your voice… though I'd rather hear your voice whimpering and crying out my name."
"Stop. It's been years, for fuck's sake!"
"No it hasn't. It's been two years, 3 months and… well I haven't counted the days," Roy says and laughs dryly because he wouldn't be surprised if he did. What else there was to do when he was drunk and alone, alone, alone…
"Well maybe it's time you got laid," Ed snorts.
"Oh, I have. There has been plenty of women, lovely, beautiful women… and there has been men, charming and willing…"
"Thanks for the info," Ed says and Roy hears the strain in his voice.
"But none of them has been you."
"Mustang…"
For a while Roy just listens to Ed breathe in, breathe out and he almost wants to cry because he wishes so badly he could be hearing Ed breathing by his side, that he could be watching him sleeping, this time, neither of them about to leave, neither of them heavy with burden.
"I mean it, stop calling."
Ed hangs up and Roy has no other choice but to curl up with the last bottle of whiskey.
2.
Roy's not sure if he would remember his own name at the moment, yet he still remembers Ed's number. And his name, the way he looks, the way he sounds, the way he breathes and whispers and whines and moans and tastes and moves.
"You have a serious drinking problem," Ed sighs.
"I just… didn't it matter? At all."
Ed sighs longer. "Yes, it did. But not anymore because it's in the past now."
Not anymore. Not anymore. Oh, if only it'd be so for Roy as well.
"I can't… I keep on dreaming about you, asleep and awake…"
"In that case, you should probably wake up."
Ed hangs up on him again.
3.
"Let me fuck you again, just once. I'd make it good, I'd make you cum as many times as you'd like, I'd suck you off, I'd fuck you so good you'd be begging for more and more… hell, I'd even let you fuck me."
"Go to hell, Mustang!"
Roy knew he'd get that exact reaction from Ed. Which might be why he chose those words, because everything is so fucking dark and Ed's fury and passion seem to lit up his soul… even if it's just for a moment. Ed hangs up and it's so fucking dark again.
4.
Roy knows that when it's Winry who picks up, Roy shouldn't say a word, he should just hang up. But he doesn't.
"Oh, good evening, Ms. Rockbell. Oh, sorry… I meant Ms. Elric," Roy says, trying to sound sober (but he can't even remember the last time he's been fully sober) and Ms. Elric burns on his throat in a way whiskey hasn't in a long, long time.
"It's pretty late to be saying good evening, General. And it's also pretty late to be calling."
Is there suspicion in her voice? No one knows, but she isn't stupid. And she lives with Ed. And Ed is not exactly good at hiding things, at least if you ask from Roy.
"Ah, yes… I'm sorry to disturb. How are you? Busy being a mother and running a business?"
"General… are you drunk?"
"Well, I have had a few drinks." Or a few bottles, actually.
"Maybe you should go to bed, General."
There's definitely pity in her tone.
"You might be right… I'm sorry and good night."
"Good night. I'll tell Ed you called."
"Ah… perhaps it's for the best you don't say anything?" Yes, finally he says something remotely smart.
"Alright. Bye, General."
Roy stares at his phone long after the call was finished. Then he plugs it off and goes to bed.
5.
It probably says enough about Roy's so-called social life, that he startles when his phone rings.
"Mustang," he says, not being able to imagine who would be calling him and so late.
"I heard you've been talking with Winry."
Edward. Damn it, there goes his decision of staying out of drunken phone calls. But that doesn't count, does it? He hadn't called Ed, it was the other way around. And Roy loathes himself for getting his hopes up from something like that.
"You know your wife's a liar, right? She said she wouldn't tell you."
"Yeah, whatever. You really have to stop this."
"If you might recall, I'm not the one calling right now… but putting that aside, how are you?"
Ed is very quiet for a while, until he says: "What the fuck are you playing at?"
"Nothing. It's called conversation. I ask about you, you reply and in turn, ask about me."
"Right…"
"How are the kids? Growing fast, I'm sure. They always do."
"Mustang… what the fuck?"
"I already told you, conversation… I have been doing some thinking and all things aside, I would love us to have a relationship of some sort. We could be friends again. Have a drink sometime. How about it?"
Ed groans. "Okay, first of all, we were never friends. Second, you think I don't know what happens when we have a drink?"
Alright, Ed has a point. The last time they decided to 'have a drink'? They had probably 20 and ended up fucking in every place and every position in Roy's apartment. But oh god, he just wants to be a part of Ed's life so much… even though he knows watching Ed, not being able to touch him would be torture but it would be better than nothing at all.
"Alright then, I take that as a 'no'."
"It is a no. It's a hell no. And don't call again."
Ed hangs up once again and telling Roy not to call is somehow funny when he was the one calling. Roy unplugs his phone and puts it on his drawer.
6.
A week. Roy hasn't talked to Ed in a week. He also hasn't been drunk in a week. Alright, he hasn't been exactly sober either, but it's development either way. Maybe it's for the best, Roy thinks. Ed has a family now and he doesn't want Roy to interrupt. And Roy shouldn't interrupt, he should stay out of Ed's life and be happy for him but the both of them have been impossible. Maybe now he can do it, at least the first one… maybe in time, he can even be happy for him.
So it's alright if he has just one glass, right? Or… five. Just to celebrate his decision. And tomorrow he will get rid of every single bottle he has. For the first time in a long time, he feels proud of himself. He can even put up the photo of Maes he has on his shelf, he couldn't remember when he put it down, because he couldn't bear looking at Maes, knowing his best friend would be incredibly disappointed if he was alive.
There's a knock on the door and for a while Roy stops moving, he almost stops breathing. Is there actually someone knocking his door? The answer is yes because then the knocking begins again, but that time it's loud and doesn't stop. Roy puts his glass down and goes to the door, not knowing what to think because he already knows who it is. There's only one person who would knock like that.
Even though Roy knew he'd open the door for Ed, he's still shocked when he sees the young man, standing there. Ed doesn't wait to for an invitation, he pushed through Roy and comes in.
"What… what are you doing here?"
Ed turns around, his golden eyes burning and Roy finds it suddenly very hard to breathe, because Ed is there, in his apartment. It almost feels like he let in a hurricane instead of a person because for a moment he was so calm, almost content but now Ed is there, and everything is the same shattered mess again.
"I don't fucking know… I – I just… I don't know, alright!"
Roy looks at Ed for a while, sees the flushed cheeks and the glow in the golden eyes, hears the slur in his voice.
"You're drunk," he says.
"Whoa, gee, Mustang. Your observation skills are pretty fucking amazing."
Roy doesn't say anything, he just looks at Ed, waiting to hear some sort of explanation to why Ed is drunk and there, in Roy's apartment.
"You haven't called in a while…"
Roy officially doesn't understand anything. Surely that couldn't be the reason Ed suddenly felt the need to get smashed and burst in Roy's home?
"You told me not to."
"I know I did, you bastard! I just… I can't fucking stand it… I can't."
Suddenly Ed is so close, suddenly he's grabbing Roy's collar, suddenly his lips are on Roy's. Roy should be the reasonable one. He's not sober, but he's not smashed like Ed is. He should push Ed away and call him a cab so he could go home and fall asleep next to his wife, like he's supposed to. But Roy's not that strong. As a matter of fact, he's not strong at all. Instead of pushing Ed away, he pulls him closer, pushes him against the wall and kisses the man like he's the air Roy has needed for so long. Kisses him like he's everything. And besides, even Ed's presence makes Roy feel like there's nothing but alcohol running through his veins.
There's a taste of desperation in the kiss, mixed with alcohol. And Roy could live for it. He kisses Ed's neck, strips his shirt off while looking in the golden eyes, Ed turns his eyes away and just shivers, his hands nearly ripping Roy's shirt off. Roy's shaking when he presses kisses on Ed's torso, on his stomach, he's shaking because he's longed for it all for so long. Roy takes off Ed's pants slowly and keeps on pressing kisses on his thighs, feeling oh so satisfied to see the state Ed's in. And finally, Ed is there, in his hallway, naked and so beautiful. Roy takes him to his mouth and Ed whimpers.
"No… you bastard, just fuck me, not this…"
"I will… in a while."
If they were really doing this, Roy definitely wouldn't settle just with having a quick fuck. He wanted, no, needed everything he could get. Even if that means he's nothing but a bastard.
He loves the way Ed grabs his hair, and Roy is sure that Ed would just push him away but then, he pulls Roy closer. It only takes a few moments of sucking, licking to make Ed a shivering, whimpering mess. Roy tries his best to keep his eyes open, he never wants his gaze to leave Ed, he wants to imprint the look of pleasure on the young man's face to his brain. Ed's eyes flutter open every now and then and Roy loves those moments, he takes Ed even deeper to his mouth and looks at him. It makes Ed hit his head against the wall and causes him to moan even loudly. Roy could do it the whole night, in spite of the fact that his pants are getting very tight and uncomfortable. Ed obviously couldn't, because he grip on Roy's hair tightens, it's almost painful.
"I, fuck, I'm –"
And then Roy's mouth is filled with sperm, which he swallows. Ed slides down the wall, breathing heavily. Roy pushes himself up and kisses Ed, but slowly and gently this time.
I really might love you… Once again, Roy's lips start to trace down Ed's chin, his neck, he reaches out to take off his hair band and something in him nearly shatters, when he sees Ed nearly lying there, his golden hair down, eyes glowing with a fascinating combination, satisfaction and hunger. Something… something deeper. And the burning, that has always been there, that has always fascinated Roy, pulling him closer to the young man like moths to flame.
Roy kisses the scars near the port and Ed's languid body tenses again, his breathing tenses again. He just wants to kiss every inch in Ed's body, to worship it. He takes the automail hand on his and kisses the palm of it. Ed turns his head away, just like he has done every other time too, when Roy has kissed the automail. What kind of expression Ed is wearing right now and why doesn't he want Roy to see it?
Roy returns to kiss the scars, licking them. Suddenly, Ed turns his gaze at him and grabs Roy's belt.
"Get out of these. Now."
Roy doesn't need to be told twice, his pants are extremely uncomfortable by now. He gets out of his pants, letting Ed's hungry eyes stare, enjoying it. Ed pulls Roy in for another kiss that is full of want and teeth and tongue. Roy squeezes Ed's hips when he grabs Roy's erection. They are grinding against each other and Roy somehow manages to start stretching Ed.
"Fuck this, just fuck me now!"
Roy simply smirks, pushes in another finger and kisses Ed's neck.
"What's the rush?" He has to bit his lip to not add another word, such as 'love'.
"Fuck you! I fucking hate you!"
Roy doesn't reply, he focuses on moving his fingers, letting them find the way to that spot… ah, there it is. It makes Ed's whole body spring up, making Ed moan and grasp Roy's arm almost painfully.
"Come on, fuck me already!"
"Maybe… if you ask nicely," Roy says, giving Ed's neck a long lick.
Ed breathes in and out, glares at Roy, and Roy finds it amazing how he could find Ed so very attractive and desirable but also adorable with his pouting. Maybe Ed thought 'fuck no', but when Roy continues to caress the spot, Ed finally whimpers out the word Roy has been fishing for. "Please…"
Roy lifts himself and opens his drawer, hoping for the best. Ah, yes, it's still there. He grabs the bottle of lotion and soon he's all prepared. He pushes himself in slowly, looking at Ed, looking for signs of displeasure. But even if there's a slight strain on Ed's face, he's not in pain. So Roy pushes himself in with the steady, slow pace and holds on, shaking, breathing heavily. How has he been able to live without that feeling for such a long time? He has no idea.
"Move."
Roy does as he's told, with a slow pace, his eyes never leaving Ed's face. He wishes he could tease Ed more, he wishes he could make it slow, he wishes he could make it last forever. But he can't, he's already at his limit. So soon enough, his pace gets quick and desperate, his grip on Ed's hips is hard and Ed is nothing but a mass of pleasure under him, never stopping with the moaning and whining. He needs those golden eyes on him. So he forces himself to slow down, making Ed finally open his eyes and look at him with confusion in his eyes. When Ed catches Roy's gaze, he turns away. No, no… Roy reaches down to whisper in Ed's ear: "Look at me."
Ed takes in a shaky breath, swallows a few times but still turns his gaze back to Roy's. Roy quickens the pace again, their burning gazes never leaving each other until the pleasure gets too intense, until Roy feels the climax getting too close, he grabs Ed's erection and makes them cum. All spend, Roy falls down on Ed, breathing heavily, lovinglovingloving the feeling of their warm, languid bodies fitting together.
I love you.
Roy's warm body gets suddenly very cold, when Ed mutters: "I have to go."
He pushes Roy away and gets up and Roy can do nothing but stare helplessly as Ed gets dressed and out of the door, without saying a word, without even glancing at Roy.
Roy lays there, naked on his floor for a long time, until he gets up, pushes down the picture of Maes and then he opens a bottle of whiskey.