Chapter 1: Reddit you doing?

John sat alone in his room, a typical Saturday evening. No notes on tumblr. No retweets on Twitter. Not even a single view on his gangdam style parody video. "Okay...what's popular these days?" John thought aloud, vigorously searching the front page of Reddit for all the hottest memes. As he scrolled he suddenly saw it. His big break.

"R/gonewild. It says it's not safe for work, but it's very safe for eggbert." John heaved as some unidentified slime dripped slowly out of his mouth as his eyes laid rest on the vast sea of womyn.

All of a sudden a knock was heard on John's door, and he quickly zipped up his jorts, in fear of having his two dimensional shlong revealed to the world. In an instant, Rose entered the room, breasts as supple as a summer's eve. "John! What the heck are you looking at?!"

"Nuffin muffin." John snorkeled. He began to feel dizzy after seeing all those perfectly shaped white circles. It's hard to draw in MS Paint. "Hey... Rose. Do you need some money cash?"

"Who don't?" Rose snapped.

"Jesus." John said as he starred deeply at thr bible on his desk. "I need to confess.."

"I did a bad thing..." John continued, "I posted pictures of you to reddit... /r/jailbait... I'm sorry...my friend said it was okay and cool." John tried to conceal what was trying to emerge from his jorts, but he couldn't control it and the semen demon was all over the room.

Rose sighed at the mess, "did you at least get reddit gold? Some mad karma bruhdizzle?" Rose seductively beant over and began to clean up the mess using John's copy of the Fault in our stars written and directed by john green.

John smacked the DVD out of her hand and began to scream, "All the reddit gold in the WORLD isn't worth soiling my Greenie-chan's work!" he jumped onto her, and her bazingas(that means boobs) bounced like cr-cr-crazy.

Rose looked deep into John's black round eyes. She had never seen him like this before. So adult. So animal. So 3-D. "J-john." John didn't respond. "D-daddy?" That's it. "What is it my sweet little princess?" John asked. "I'm ready for cummies now daddy."

John bit his lip and put on sunglasses like that one meme, and then smiled at his little Rosie. "Rosebud" he whispered into her zoink(that means vagina). He started to lick his chops and spit into it.

"DADDY NO!" Rosie yelled as his saliva burned her.

"I'm sorry little Rosie...I promise I won't do it again...I'll switch to my low velocity spit." he smiled tenderly and rubbed against her bongos(boobs) again.

"That's not the problem John," Rose pushed John off her. "I'm a-sexual."

"You're what?!" John's blue balls throbbed.

Rose took out a knife and sliced off her finger. In a matter of seconds it grew into another Rose. John couldn't believe his eyes. Rose appraoched her clone and slit her throat. Blood gushed everywhere. "W-why?!" "Fuck you cunt."

John's rumpled stilt skin(penis) started to tremble with fear as blood splattered into his loopy hole(urethra). "ROSE!? That is kind of sexy...but you are asexual, how can I create my sperms?" John frowned when a shard of glass from the window flew into his eyeball.

"DUH DUH DAHHH!" Karkat the troll entered and licked his horns with his long tongue. Karkat picked up the corpse of the Rose and threw it out the window. "Go back with your other memes!" Karkat laughed and posted a vine of the body going out the window on twitter and got more retweets than John could ever get.

"Damn you Karkat you cock tease." John said in a no-homo way. "How can you even exist in the human world we're not even online in our matrix trilogy rip-off starring keanu rieves as neo."

Karkat shrugged, "iunno." If Andrew wills it, it happens.

Rose prepared to fight. "We're tired of your tranny internet troll!" Karkat liked Shane Dawson's latest video and turned to face Rose. "Why have a kid OC when you can have a troll OC?"

Andrew Hussie overheard this and his penis came from outside and quickly blasted the room with his clear as water jizz. "That's our Andrew!" John laughed.

"Anyways, we need to kill Karkat. He STOLE my OC and my youtube video... I challenge you... TO AN EPIC RAP BATTLE! OF HOMESTUCK!" All of a sudden a rap beat started playing and John spat a verse:

"Was shoppin in the wal-mart pickin out yer drawers, big dolly parton hair like an 80s prom queen, but her ass was lookin good all up in them TROLL jeans!"

KarKat huffed, "noob please."

"I like this girl so much. She's always on my mind.

We have an awesome time. We never crossed the line .

She don't wanna mess-up the friendship.

"Friendsies"

I'm in a frenzy, 'cause my bedrooms' empty.

And I'm gently attempting to win her over by being as good as friend as I can be.

She's tempting but riddled with doubt.

Friend Zone is like the mafia. You'll never get out!

Source: "

John clenched his fist, Karkat made him the maddest! "Fine! You win! Take everything!" John scooped up his collection of MLP figures from under his bed and threw them at him. "I can't beat a beat like that... Rose...he's right...the friendzone IS like the mafia...and because you're asexual...I'll never get out." a tear rolled down his face and down his pants, cleaning up the blood splattered on him.

"What do you want from us?" Rose asked. "So mad. Very angry. Trolled hard." Karkat replied as the internet roared with laughter. Even Andrew and his giant cracked lips.

"Please come off the internet and say that to my face." John demanded.

"Bruh."

"Bruh."

"Bruh."

"Bruh."

It was serious.

Join us next week for more exciting adventures! Chapter 2: Stucky Stucky gets the Ducky