Bets, Belligerence, & Bliss
By SXS
Disclaimer: I don't own any copyrighted aspects of this story nor did I intend any copyright infringement.
Chapter One: A Chocolate-Craving Chap
Remus Lupin was appalled—more so than he had ever been in his entire life.
Well, perhaps not after the werewolf bite, or the time Sirius had continually attempted to snog him after drinking that Love Potion James slipped into his pumpkin juice, and not quite as much as he was when Peter attempted to sing. But this was definitely up there in Remus John Lupin's List of Most Appalling Things Ever.
He was standing in front of a big sign that read "Honeydukes Best Chocolate – Two Galleons a Slab." He nearly fainted when he read those words—two Galleons?! Surely this was some sort of joke…why on earth would they be pricing chocolate this high? It's not as if the world's chocolate mines were melting under the sun or some nonsense like that. Remus could feel himself going dizzy; as someone who consumed a slab of Honeydukes chocolate a week, his allowance and other gold he scraped up during school would certainly vanish in a matter of months after this price raise.
Maybe the price will go down, he thought to himself hopefully. Maybe this is just a terrible nightmare….
Suddenly, a loud yell and a smacking noise broke him out of his chocolate-lusting reverie. It was James Potter and Lily Evans again. Remus sighed inwardly, looking at James, whose left cheek was beginning to redden due to the slap, and Lily, who was yowling about arrogance, immaturity, that how he constantly messed up his hair. Honestly, Remus mused, if James actually paid attention to her rants, he'd notice how much she paid attention to him. But, as predicted, James stood, rubbing his cheek and gazing thoughtlessly at Lily, a blank expression on his face.
They were meant for each other.
Everyone in Gryffindor knew it—Lily goes to every Gryffindor Quidditch match, even though she doesn't know a thing about Quidditch, and James, well…it was the most obvious thing in the world to see that James Potter was smitten with Lily Evans. But, as all quarreling would-be couples are, they think of each other in an incorrect manner; James thinks that Lily is impressed with lots of talent, so he shows off much too often, and doesn't leave enough time to be himself. Lily thinks James only wants to date her because she's pretty, and will leave her when another good-looking girl comes in the picture, but doesn't take the time to actually listen to why James is so in love with her.
Perhaps the day Lily and James got together would be the day that Remus would be able to afford this insane price rise in the chocolate…it was looking quite bleak—probably only a half-slab every month or so. How would he live? Honeydukes hardly ever dropped their prices, sort of like how Lily would probably never see the real James because James thinks his not-showing-off-mode self isn't impressive enough for her. Honestly, all they needed was someone to tell them—but in a tactful manner, so they could still be in love after they realized each others' feelings.
And just like that, Remus Lupin figured out how he would be able to obtain the Honeydukes chocolates, despite whatever price rise they would endure.
Later that night, Remus found James hunched over on his bed, clutching a suspicious-looking bottle in his hand. His eyes flickered up to Remus, who opened his mouth to speak.
"No," James rasped, his voice deadened. "It's not firewhiskey or anything. Just something that'll make my cheek feel better from the inside…damn, Lily's got a slap…I hope it doesn't bruise."
"She said no again, eh?" Remus inquired, pretending not to know. It was necessary to set the stage for such things before enacting plans; one who seems to know too much is not as likely to be trusted.
"Oh, yeah, hit me even harder than last time," James muttered, sounding downtrodden. "I don't see why she doesn't even give a damn about what I feel, or what I say! Sometimes I just wonder why I love her so much…."
"Giving up?" Remus asked, with a bit of taunting in his voice. That was a must for James to commit to just about anything—something taunting him, saying he couldn't do it. That's what really drove the guy.
"No," he objected bluntly. "Never."
"Then I'll tell you what," Remus proposed, everything going according to plan, "I can ensure you and Lily on several dates together, for a very long time." James made a very skeptical face, but he looked interested. "All you and Lily need is a bit of advice—mainly you, because if you spruce yourself up a bit, she'll come to see it. So, James Potter, I'm going to make you a bet. If you and Lily Evans are not in a relationship or by the end of this year—that means in June—after following my, ah, advice, then I owe you twenty Galleons. But if you are," Remus grinned, almost tasting the chocolate that would soon be his, "Then you owe me twenty Galleons. Deal?"
James's face was bemused, and he shrugged, "Ah, why not? You've got a deal."
"Great," Remus smiled, his eyes glinting. "But here's the thing about my plan—you're going to have to be one hell of an actor, and you're going to have to make another bet…."
As James listened in to Remus's idea, his eyes grew very wide, his mouth dropped open, and he said "You want me to do what?!" several times over. Truly, Remus J. Lupin was an accomplished Marauder to think up such a plot. And that plot, as crazy and far-fetched as it was, might be insane enough to work.