"February 14th

Dear Diary,

It is another day in our siege of earth. Those earthlings are strong and not budging an inch, thanks to some quick thinking. While I am sure now that no real protectors of earth exist as of now (aside from the ones we are facing), I cannot be completely sure of what other dangers this alien planet may hold.

Could it be that this, the 14th of February (according to Earthling time) will be a foreboding day of danger and mystique? It has yet to be seen. Regardless I shall spend the day constructing the next stage of our battle with earth. The other crew members have gone on surveillance, leaving me time to plot in silence, but we'll just keep that a secret between you and me.

1st Grand Galactic General of the Bazue Empire,

Cassiel"

The day was happy, full of light and looked promising. It always looked that way to Aster, except this day for some reason looked particularly special. He was on his regular reconnaissance mission in the city to document earthling behavior and noted that there was an overwhelming amount of couples today, all bunched together and bustling.

Aster walked down the street in disguise, jostling and jumping out of the way as smitten pedestrians traipsed along. They seemed so enveloped in their bliss they could have walked off a cliff and not noticed. It was unsettling for Aster, certainly because he kept almost running into them. The sheer mass went on as far as he could see.

He might have thought they could have been forming an army if he didn't know better. And he didn't, so he ducked into a nearby shop as he noted a frighteningly large stream of them coming his way. These earthlings were tricky and his ship hadn't yet pinpointed where the resistance fighters were located, so he couldn't be sure that they wouldn't launch a vigilante effort.

Aster just then noticed the "shelter" he'd entered and looked around the store. It was a small convenience type locale stocked with snacks, postcards, trinkets, souvenirs, a few odd looking stuffed animals, and other similar doo-dads suited for such a store. A calendar he noticed near the door said February 14th.

A bright looking middle-aged woman saluted him as she noticed he'd come into the store.

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

Aster turned and smiled, having averted the dangerous battalions of couples outside.

"Happy…Valentine's Day?"

The woman nodded.

"Yep. Tell me young man, do you have a valentine today?"

"…What's a Valentine?"

The woman looked a bit surprised and moved in her seat. She then unloaded her best saleswoman face, but only managed to look more helpful in the process.

"A Valentine is a little gift like…"

She reached over the counter to grab a pink and red patterned card.

"This."

She showed it to him. Aster walked over and took it from her hand. The woman continued as she watched him marveling over the colorful piece of cardboard.

"Then you give it to someone you like and then, in a way, they become your Valentine! Isn't that sweet?"

Aster nodded, contemplating the curious statement on the inside of the card. He wondered how vital a tradition it was on earth to ask "Will you be my Valentine?" The lady smiled and leaned back in her chair, resetting her hands in her lap.

"So do you have anyone in mind that you'd like to give it to?"

Aster looked up.

"It has to be someone I like right?"

"That's right."

Aster thought for a moment trying to sort through all the people he liked (friends, people back on his home planet, space-ship mates, crew members) before deciding on the person he thought would like the Valentine most. The thought made him immensely cheery, even more so than he already was.

"I do have someone I like!"

"Great! So do you want to buy it?"

"Buy?"

Aster looked distraught, realizing that he hadn't brought any human money with him because this had only been a surveillance mission (why did the currency have to be so complex?). The woman noticed.

"Short today?"

Aster wasn't sure what that question meant, so he just nodded. He hoped it wasn't referring to his height. The woman leaned across the counter again and patted his hand with a warm smile.

"Don't worry. You can have that one for free."

Aster lit up.

"Really?"

"Sure, go on now and give your Valentine while there's still time. The day won't last forever you know."

Aster was jubilant and shouted "thank you" as he ran out of the store. The woman chuckled to herself. She hadn't seen anyone quite as excited about Valentine's Day for a long time. She wished other young people would be more enthusiastic.

Aster raced back to the landing point where he knew Cassiel would still be on the ship. Usually he was gone on his own surveillance missions, but today he wasn't because of a large pile of galactic paperwork he had to fill out, or so he said.

When Aster entered the ship he noted it to be very quiet. It should have been considering everyone had left or was working in other parts of the spacecraft. He walked into the main room and found Cassiel pacing the length of the center table.

Aster said, "Cassiel? Why are you here? I thought you had paperwork to fill out."

Cassiel looked up and then looked back down at the ground and continued pacing.

"Finished."

"Oh? Great! It's nice that you're so efficient. Anyway, since you're done, here, I wanted to—"

"Ssh! I'm formulating our next attack strategy."

"But, I went into this little store and found –"

"I told you I can't talk! And why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be on surveillance?"

"I was but—"

"Oh never mind, just get back to your route. You could be missing valuable information as we speak!"

Aster slumped a little, and took small, slower steps as he walked to the table beside Cassiel. He put the card on the table.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Cassiel stopped and Aster paused before walking out. He heard Cassiel muttering.

"Wait…what?"

He heard an enormous flump and turned to see Cassiel analyzing the card, half splayed out on the table.

"I knew I'd heard of this!"

Aster waited, wondering. Cassiel jumped up and ran over, gripping Aster's shoulders and breathing heavily.

"I knew I'd heard of Valentine's Day before. When I was watching—um, I mean, researching this planet, the name of Valentine's Day would come up from time to time."

He turned and Aster watched him curiously. Cassiel continued muttering.

"Only the most diabolical creatures emerged on Valentine's Day. These evil incarnations of Eros wished to enslave the forces of good with their very feelings! Imagine that!"

He flipped around.

"Aster! We might be in grave danger! Look at this!"

He pointed to the phrase on the card.

"'Will you be my Valentine?' No doubt that this is a message from the monster itself, taunting us with its threats. This means we have to work quickly. It could begin its assault any moment."

Aster frowned. Although he would usually have bought into Cassiel's panic, he wasn't so sure this time.

"But the lady—"

"Lady?"

"Yeah, the lady who gave me the card—"

"Someone gave it to you? Of course! They were using you to send the message! Quick! Aster, take me to this woman! She'll be the clue to defeating this beast! What a miscalculation it's made! This will mean its demise!"

With that, Cassiel rushed into the entry way, only half waiting for Aster to follow. Aster sighed and walked after him. This really hadn't gone as he'd hoped.

After reminding Cassiel to change into civilian clothes (Captain's garments plus cape aren't that conspicuous), the pair proceeded into the city and back to the small shop where Aster had gotten the card.

As they entered the same woman was at the counter. She recognized Aster.

"Hello again? Did you manage to…what's wrong?"

Aster looked gloomy and the fact that a very agitated Cassiel came in after him keyed the woman into the situation.

"Ah…he didn't like your Valentine, did he?"

Aster shook his head as Cassiel strutted to the check-out counter.

"Are you the person who solicited this piece of merchandise?"

Cassiel was holding the card up in front of the woman's face. She nodded as she pushed his arm out of the way.

"Yeah I did."

"Then I demand that you reveal what your purpose was in doing so."

The woman stared at him for a moment.

"Pardon?"

Cassiel breathed in and continued what he thought a valiant interrogation.

"Was there some reason you gave him…"

Cassiel pointed to Aster with the hand that was still holding the card.

"…This message? Some ulterior motive?"

The woman looked incredulous and she shifted her gaze to Aster. He gave an apologetic look. She seemed to come out of the fog after that.

"Let me get this straight…you didn't like this boy's Valentine so you came here to complain to me for giving it to him?"

Cassiel stepped back.

"Didn't like? No, I just want to know what the purpose of it is."

The woman's eyes almost bulged. She stood and leaned her impressive, albeit somewhat short stature over the counter towards Cassiel.

"The point of a Valentine is for the giver to acknowledge his or her feelings to the one receiving it! There's no ulterior purpose! Where on earth did you grow up, another planet?"

Cassiel and Aster both looked shocked. The woman simmered and sat back down.

"Listen. The whole point of Valentine's Day is to strengthen relationships, start new ones, or clarify ones that weren't completely clear."

Cassiel sounded like he would choke.

"That's all?"

"That's all."

"But…but, what about the monsters and giant love-sucking machines and dire peril?"

"Dire peril? You mean like on children's TV shows?"

Cassiel nodded. The woman burst out laughing.

"Those things don't exist!"

It was nearly visible how Cassiel shattered. He pulled himself away from the counter and trudged out the door, pieces of pride dragging behind him. The woman looked at Aster who was still surprised at the whole spectacle.

"See, this is the exact reason I didn't let my kids watch TV growing up. They should be reading or out exploring the world…"

Aster lessened his grim expression some.

"Sorry about all this…"

"No, don't apologize. These things happen…actually no, they don't. This was pretty out of the ordinary, but I guess I don't mind too much."

She smiled and Aster felt better. She remembered.

"Oh…but he didn't seem to react well to your Valentine did he?"

Aster shifted his weight to another foot.

"He…gets distracted sometimes."

The woman chuckled lightheartedly, making Aster want to laugh too. The air of the shop began to diffuse from the storm that had occupied it.

"Don't worry. Anyone growing up watching those shows as a kid can't be all bad."

"Thanks."

Aster turned to leave, but the woman stopped him.

"Oh, and by the way, there's another holiday a month from now called White's Day where if your Valentine likes you back, he'll give you something white."

Aster blinked. The woman continued smiling in a knowing way.

"Would you mind explaining that to your friend so we don't repeat what happened today?"

"Oh, yes, I will, thanks!"

And Aster left the store. The woman hummed to herself, thinking on the events of the day. She reached her conclusion.

"This world needs more weird people like that."

A/N:

"You Nitwit! Heroes Are Extinct!" is an obscure, marvelous, Power Ranger's referencing, 3-volume series that I happen to love. It would be great if I could meet other people who have read it (currently I know one person) or if FF could potentially make a designation for it…please?

Anyway, I love this series. It's so wonderful and funny and full of pairing potential. The main pair ends up heterosexual, but the author herself claims that she's a yaoi fan (she's also a doujinshi artist, but that's another story). (So, hint, hint)

I also haven't read the series in years so this story, particularly the dialogue is based off my memory of the characters. So…for any of you recent readers of the series, sorry if I threw the compass needle off track for anyone. It all seemed perfectly reasonable at the time.

Anyway, thanks for reading, please review and if you haven't, please, please read Heroes Are Extinct! It really deserves more fans.