A/N: This story was originally posted to AO3 for the Veronica Mars Holiday Fic Grab Bag.
Veronica drives through the vaguely familiar campus to park next to Mac's dorm. She doesn't particularly want to be helping Mac move her stuff home for the break, especially not after doing the same for her own dorm, but this is the trade off. She parks in front of Mac's dorm and enjoys the wind and warmer temperatures that she knows she will miss when she goes back to school. She pauses a moment and looks at the campus where she could have attended. She visited in the spring, and seriously considered staying in Neptune in the wake of so much drama, but Stanford was her goal for years and she couldn't let go of that.
As she enters the dorm and signs in as a guest, she looks forward to seeing her for the first time since this summer. She hasn't been home since leaving in August, not even for Thanksgiving and has missed her friend. The fallout from Cassidy's arrest last spring was dramatic and Mac was heartbroken when she learned what he had done. She spent a lot of the summer with her family, and seems to be doing better based on the phone calls and emails they have exchanged. It's the last day the building will be open and Mac is obviously one of the last to leave since the area looks almost deserted.
She gets off on Mac's floor and sees the RA room door is open, but no one else. Mac has a whiteboard on her door with her and her roommate's name. Parker has been mentioned on occasion, mostly in reference to dragging Mac to parties and from when Mac has convinced her of the joys of occasional nights in. She knows Parker had her last final yesterday and she will be spared introductions to the person who she has only heard in the background of phone calls as a overly perky voice. She knocks and reads some of the messages on their board, including more than she expected on Mac's side. Maybe Mac has come out of her introverted shell some this year and Veronica feels sad that she might be missing this.
She's lost in thought about what Mac's life might be like now, when the door opens and the focus of her thoughts is in front of her. "Bond, I thought you would never get here. Let's get out of here."
Veronica grins at her friend's exasperated tone and looks back at her. "Nice gree… What the hell did you do to your hair?"
Mac grins, her dimples deepening, at her friend's shocked expression. "Nice greeting to you too. I know, it's drastic. Parker found a hip new salon and dragged me in for a makeover."
Veronica truly is shocked at Mac's hair. Mac was obviously known for her vibrant streaks and changing her color, but this is, drastic. It's a short choppy bob, and it's cute, but it's bright blond. "It's awesome Mac, but I wouldn't have recognized you."
"Yep, Parker wanted to go with brown and she said I needed to maintain balance."
"Sounds like she's still pushing the forced bonding."
Mac rolls her eyes and turns around to grab two luggage sets. "It's not as forced as much as it was in the beginning. She's pretty fun, we even went out with Wallace, Piz and Logan before Thanksgiving."
Veronica feels frozen for a moment at the mention of Logan's name, but responds quickly and decides to ignore the mention of Logan since she doesn't trust herself to speak his name. "Piz is Wallace's roommate, right?"
"Yeah, he and Parker are kind of dating now, have been for about a month. Wallace is a good person to commiserate with over finding them together in our rooms now, but thankfully they stay over there more since Wallace is busier with the team. It also means that Logan will hang out with us again now that Parker isn't trying to practically seduce him all the time."
Thankfully Mac is leading her out of the elevator to head to the cars at this point and doesn't see Veronica's grimace at the mention of another woman seducing Logan. Mac continues talking as though what she was saying had no significance. "...tried to talk to her a couple of times and let her down gently, but finally just spelled it out for her that she was too good to be a hookup at a party and that was all he was interested in right now. Only he could be an ego boost for a woman by blatantly turning her down, but she ended up asking out Piz a week or so later."
Veronica heads to Mac's car with both of the luggage sets rolling behind her as Mac sets her boxes down on the ground to open her car. Thankfully, this has stopped the story of Logan's hookups since she doesn't know if she could take that. She helps Mac arrange the luggage in her car, and puts one box that just won't fit in her trunk. "Alright Q, I assume that you want to get your computer equipment home right away."
"Of course, I'll meet you there then we can head to Meg's. Do you want to take my car or yours?"
"Do you know where she lives? I have the address, but it's not in a neighborhood I'm familiar with."
Mac looks at Veronica's phone to see the text from Meg with her address. "Yeah, I know the neighborhood and the street."
"Great, I spent way too much time driving home yesterday."
"Yeah, I'll stick with the RV for the long trips. I'll meet you at my house."
Veronica waves to Mac and starts her car. It's a familiar enough drive through Neptune that her mind wanders to Logan. She can't picture him at Hearst, but where else would Mac, let alone Wallace, run into him. She honestly figured that he left town as soon as graduation was over to surf the world, party in a bigger city, or something in keeping with the lifestyle of a playboy millionaire. She hasn't seen him in the tabloids, but he was never really on the cover unless it had to do with his parents. She knows he's been ok, because Duncan is in touch with him, and he would have said something if something happened, but she hasn't spoken to him since they tracked down the witness that got his charges dropped.
She decided once his case was over that she couldn't have him in her life. It was too hard and they couldn't be in the same room without arguing, so she just stopped. He called her a few times after finals and before graduation, but didn't leave a message. He wasn't at graduation, but his name was in the program as graduating so she knew he at least had finished. As she thinks of him, hanging out with her friends, she realizes that she misses him. She actually already knew that, but she has never thought of him in the sense that she could have him as a friend, that he would fit in with her friends or her life.
She hadn't thought that she could potentially run into him while in Neptune, so she isn't sure what she would do. Maybe she could see him, talk to him, and still maintain the stability in her life. If he's in college, maybe he is stable as well. She isn't sure what to do with that thought. The main reason she has stayed with Duncan is because he's stable. She long ago realized that her feelings were stronger for Logan, but dismissed it as a result of the drama surrounding them. They had no outlet but each other, and even now, no one in her life knows how intense that relationship was for her. Going down this train of thought will get her nowhere. He may not even want to see her, so there's no point in wondering.
She is almost to Mac's and refocuses on the day ahead. Meg has convinced her to come bake cookies ahead of Lilly's Christmas celebration. Duncan is heading to Napa in a week to be with his parents for Christmas, so Meg has decided to have a family Christmas party early. She would have preferred to just come for the party itself, but Meg guilt tripped her into this get together, and she blackmailed Mac to go with her.
She pulls in front of the Mackenzie house and gets out. She manages to grab Mac's box of gadgets that she wasn't willing to leave at the dorm over the break and uses it as an excuse to avoid the effusive greeting that Mac's parents were waiting to give them. She gently sets the box on Mac's bed before looking around her room. It looks the same, even down to the framed picture of Mac and Cassidy on her desk, and she pauses in front of it.
She misses the steps coming through the open door behind her until Mac comments from next to her. "Surprising, I know, but I couldn't get rid of it. Just because I found out what he was capable of doesn't change the fact that we had some good times together."
"That's either really mature, or amazingly naive."
"Could be either, but it lets me deal."
Veronica looks over at her then and sees a sense of peace and calm in Mac's eyes. She recognizes her own envy, that despite all efforts to gain this peace, it has escaped her. She's been steady and stable. Laid back in her personal relationships but ambitious in school. Sticking to her long held goals and standing by her single father of a boyfriend. Everything she was supposed to do. "I wish I could just focus on the good like that."
"You do, when it won't get you hurt, but I get it, you have to protect yourself. Cass can't hurt me now, and I know I'm lucky that my dad isn't sheriff so I don't have to deal with that everyday."
It was true, Veronica had always grown up seeing the worst of society no matter what job her dad held, but her dad was there and steady, consistent, hard working. It's what she wants in her life, but when she has it, it's not really what she expected. She deflects to something easy, self-deprecating, today isn't the day for big life reflections. "That's me, reliably pessimistic."
"Not pessimistic, considering what you've dealt with, maybe realistic."
"Yep, everyone loves a realist."
"I do." Mac puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently. "Come on, let's get out of here before my mom sees us staring at this and sends me back to therapy."
"Therapy huh, sounds thrilling."
"Highlight of my summer."
Veronica laughs and Mac grins. "No really, objective outsider or overprotective mother in an RV for a month. Trust me, the therapist has nothing on my mom. If I didn't go to Hearst I think she would have moved with me."
Mac moves her hand from her shoulder to wrap it around her and lead her out of the house. She yells out to her mom that they were leaving and pauses for her mom to tell them both goodbye.
They get in the car quietly, allowing the weight of their conversation to drift away. It's nice to be able to just talk without tension. Too many of her conversations at Stanford, both with new people, and even with Duncan, feels like she's playing a part. She was hoping to catch a break on this trip home, but she has to get through this first. She comes back to the moment when Mac stops the car in front of a brick two story home in a fairly modern neighborhood. She missed paying attention to how to get here, but doesn't expect to be here often. It's a quiet residential street with several houses decorated with Christmas lights and even one ambitious home has an inflatable Santa. The house they are in front of has a wreath and icicle lights on the top of the front porch.
It just looks like Meg and Veronica is surprised at the feelings stirred in her by the sight of what seems to be a warm family home that Meg has created. The last time Veronica saw her, at graduation, Meg was still recovering and in a wheelchair. She didn't keep in touch, a little awkward to stay close to her boyfriend's baby mama, for lack of better title.
Meg called her a week ago and wouldn't let up until she agreed to this, talking about how much she missed last year since she was in a coma. Veronica agreed and regretted it ever since, but now she's not so sure. Maybe it won't be a huge mistake. She knocks on the front door with Mac beside her. She doesn't know what to expect when Meg opens the door, but wasn't prepared for what greeted her.
Meg is standing strongly in front of her like the last year and a half doesn't exist. She barely has time to register that she is wearing a Christmas tree tank top before her slender arms wrap around her in a surprisingly strong hug.
"Veronica, I'm so happy you came." Meg releases her and gives Mac a more reserved greeting and is off talking before Veronica has a chance to respond. She is pulled into the kitchen and accepts Meg's offer of a drink, accepting some water and standing at the kitchen island.
"Meg, can I help get anything out or anything?"
"No, no. I got everything organized already. The pantry ingredients are over there and I just need to get the rest out of the fridge. I also found what you needed for the vegan cookies, Mac." Mac looks slightly overwhelmed by the friendly greeting from the person she almost never interacted with in school but smiles in return.
It's soon that they each start mixing dough for their respective cookie recipes and Meg's double ovens are pre-heating. Meg has mostly been talking about, nothing really, since they arrived, but has now slowed down. Veronica has never been one to sit with silence with others and feels the need to say something.
"So, this is fun." Sarcasm probably wasn't the way to start, but she stops herself from actually cringing. Thankfully Meg is still smiling.
"Actually, it reminds me of freshman year for the bake sale. Remember when it was just down to us."
Veronica actually smiles at that memory and comments "Yeah, teen cheerleaders were not the best ones to try to make baked goods." She sees Mac looking at them curiously and so she starts to explain. "Lilly ditched as soon as she realized that we had to cook the baked goods, but she was great at selling them later. Then Madison and Shelley freaked out that we were using things like real milk and butter that had calories."
"Yeah, remember Madison practically gagging over Celeste's sink over us using 2% milk."
Mac grins at the visual. "I have to say, it might make me gag too. Were you cooking at the Kane's"
Veronica says, "Yeah, we were split into teams to make things to sell, but only me and Meg did anything for our cooking. We actually made the most money though."
"I think that might have been more from Lilly selling everything in her year old pep squad uniform than from our food."
"We did sell a lot to teenage boys, and some dads." She cringes at that, just as she does at every realization of Lilly's obvious issues. They get quiet for a moment and Veronica realizes that both Mac and Meg are looking at her. She brushes a tear from the corner of her eye. She refocuses in her cookies and starts rolling her dough into the cinnamon and sugar mixture. They're quiet again, but she doesn't feel the same tension.
It starts to smell like baking cookies, the sweet smells of cinnamon and sugar mixing with Meg's chocolate and Mac's oatmeal and cherry mixture fill the kitchen. She finishes her second set as the first are done and Mac puts hers in the oven just behind hers. The ovens are full and there are batches on cooling racks on the counters. She feels like she has finally relaxed and takes the time to look around.
"Meg, do you always have this many cookie sheets and mixers?"
"No, I borrowed the extra mixers and some cookie sheets from a couple of neighbors."
"You could have just asked us to bring things with us, especially since you already got everything else together."
Meg blushes slightly and turns to start washing the bowls and utensils they used. "Oh, I just wanted to… make sure you were able to get here… you know, with both of you having to move and traveling home."
Veronica starts to help clean and realizes that Meg was worried that she wouldn't show up. She'd like to say that she was worried for nothing, but she can't. As she is drying the items that Meg just watched, she hears what sounds almost like a chirping noise. Meg pauses and walks over to a baby monitor that Veronica hadn't even realized was there.
"Looks like she's right on schedule today. I'll go get her real quick. She grabs an already made bottle from the fridge and puts a thimble sized thing of water in the bottom of what she thinks is a bottle warmer and sets it to warm the bottle while she goes upstairs. Her feeling of wanting to escape returns and she looks at Mac with wide eyes.
"No, you can't leave. This is your boyfriend's daughter and while you didn't say anything, I know this day is about trying to find a way to co-exist with her. She's a part of your life now and you can't escape it."
Mac holds her gaze with stern eyes and she feels her panic subside and as the rushing noise disappears from inside her head, she hears Meg through the baby monitor, talking to baby Lilly. Little Lilly was at graduation and she remembers Meg taking a picture of Duncan with Lilly before excusing himself back to her and then to his parents. He has truly been balancing his time with everyone and she feels sad that he has been through so much. She commits herself to figuring this out.
She hears the door close through the monitor and Meg comes back down the stairs with the little one in tow. She has white blond hair and a fair complexion and looks so much like Meg it's amazing. She thinks she sees a hint of Duncan in her eyes, but that's it.
"This is Faith. I know it's been a while and she's grown a ton since you've seen her."
"You call her Faith?"
"Well that's her name." Meg gets the bottle out of the warmer and gestures them to come with her into the living room. "I feed her in here, it's easier with the glider, especially now that she is so much bigger."
"Duncan always calls her Lilly."
Meg looks at her with a sad look in her face. "I know. Lilly is actually her middle name, but I can't call her that. I know that Duncan loved his sister, and she would have been an amazing aunt, but that legacy is a heavy burden for a little kid to bear."
"I get it." Veronica stays quiet for a moment, watching Lilly, Faith, holding her bottle and sitting in Meg's lap. It's crazy that in May she was barely holding her head up, and now she's feeding herself, looking at her mother's face while she cuddles her. She's amazed at the transformation. "I can't believe how much she's changed, she can even feed herself now."
"I know, it's gone by so fast. She actually can feed herself in her chair with her bottle, but I missed so much early on and was so limited, that I don't waste the opportunity to hold her like this."
Veronica realizes that when she was a baby, Meg was barely out of a coma and was still in the hospital for a few weeks after her birth. "I'm so sorry, I never realized how hard that must have been."
"It's ok, you had so many other things going on, and the Kane's have made sure we were taken care of."
Veronica realizes that obviously she has had a lot of support financially and remembers that her family doesn't stay in touch with her any more. This must be from the Kane's. While impressed at their support, she doesn't miss that they are not actually involved in their grandchild's life. She watches as Meg holds her baby on her shoulder and Faith lets out the biggest burp she has ever heard from someone so small, but honestly, she's never been around anyone so small.
She smiles and is about to comment, but a rattling noise comes from the kitchen and both Meg and Faith look in that direction and smile. Faith starts making incomprehensible sounds and strains to get down, while Meg says in what Veronica considers her Faith voice " He's home!"
Meg sets Faith on the floor making sure she has her feet under her before she lets her hands slide up to hold her hands. Faith takes a step before falling forward. Veronica's breath catches a moment but realizes that Meg isn't worried. Faith just launched herself forward only to crawl and moved much faster.
Veronica looks at Mac as Meg holds the kitchen door open and follows Faith towards what must be the door to the garage. She whispers "Is Meg seeing someone?"
Mac whispers back "I don't know, if either of us would know that it would be you."
She wants to follow, but knows she shouldn't, so she stays there. She tries not to stare at the area where Meg would return from the kitchen and ends up focusing on the back yard that is visible through the French doors in the living room. She is steadfastly refusing to look behind her, but is straining her ears for voices. She hears a door shut and voices get louder.
"So I see your friends are still here, god it smells amazing in here."
Veronica is paralyzed by the familiar voice and can't look at Mac while the conversation gets louder and closer.
" Hey, none of that!" Meg scolds Logan.
"Sorry, Sorry, but it's true. So do I get to meet your friends or can I hide out in here and steal cookies?"
"No stealing cookies, you can have some if you stick around for presents tomorrow. And no introductions should be necessary." Logan started talking over what Meg was saying and when he commented Veronica can almost see him leaning over the counter to get closer to the cookies. "These may have convinced me. Are those snickerdoodles?"
They're coming through the door to the kitchen now and the rushing in her ears and tension in her head is back to where she doesn't hear anything else, but she has to look now, she has to see for herself. She stands and thank god Mac is there. Mac seems happy, if surprised, to see her friend and heads over to greet him with a hug. Veronica sees red for a moment before she starts some breathing skills to get a grip.
Logan is startled but greets Mac warmly with a hug with one arm. He has Faith in the other and she seems at home, holding on to the shoulder of his shirt with her little hands. When Mac steps back he sees Veronica standing behind her, but doesn't move. "Hey Veronica." Logan greets her softly but doesn't move any closer. He runs his hand that's not holding Faith, through his hair and keeps it on the back of his neck briefly.
Veronica finds it in her to greet him with what she hopes is more of a smile than a grimace and a brief "Hi". They can't look any longer and Veronica sticks her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and stares at the ground in front of her, while Logan turns to Meg. He hands her Faith and takes a moment to gently extricate her hands from his shoulder. "So, I'll let you get back to… whatever it was you were doing and I'll just be upstairs,"
Surprisingly neither Mac nor Meg comment as he takes the stairs two at a time to get out of there, away from her. Meg looks from where he just disappeared and says "I don't know, didn't think that would happen, maybe I should go…" She starts to look like she's going to hand off Faith, and Veronica stops her.
"No, let me. I'm the problem, I need to be the one to talk to him." Veronica starts towards the stairs and ignores the looks she knows she is getting from them both.
At the top of the stairs, she sees one door is closed and figures that must be his. She knocks, but doesn't wait for him to open the door, she is scared that he wouldn't let her in if she did. She looks at him across the room and he has yet to look up. He is standing with his hands braced on the top of a dresser, his head hung low and is tense enough that she can see the muscles of his back straining under his shirt.
"I'm sorry Logan, I can leave if you want me to. I had no idea you lived here." Veronica has realized now that Logan must be a roommate. It's only his things in here and on some level she just knows that he wouldn't be with Meg romantically.
"I figured, I'm sure you wouldn't have come if you did, but don't leave. Meg has been really excited about today and I don't want to get in the way of that."
He isn't angry, but seems almost resigned, and she can't decide if she's more angry or hurt. "I can't stay if you're going to be stuck in your room. Can you at least come down stairs and hangout." He has yet to turn around and she tilts towards heartbroken.
Between Mac's comments earlier that day, seeing him with Meg and Faith and being so close to him now, but feeling him so emotionally closed off to her hurts more than anything. He's never been distant with her. It's always intense between them. Intensely happy, passionate fighting, physically close and loving and then back to fighting, but always engaging.
"Do you really hate me so much that you can't even be in the same room as me?" She can hear the hurt in her words but is unprepared for his response.
He whips around and angrily stalks towards her several steps before he stops, still several feet away and swinging one hand to the side while the other lands on his hip. "Hate you, are you fucking crazy."
She never flinched, never scared and somehow, his quiet yelling and cursing reassure her and she feels more confident, like sliding into herself. "Crazy is hiding out here to get away from me, sorry for assuming that was significant."
"Yeah, significant that I'm doing what you obviously wanted. You cut me out of your life, not the other way around so I'm sorry that doing what you wanted means I'm crazy now. You never made any effort to be in touch, not even return a phone call, so forgive me for assuming that nothing has changed. You didn't even say goodbye." Logan's arm stops gesturing long enough and drops to his side and he looks to the window like he can see through the blinds. He looks exhausted as he goes to sit on the edge of his bed and puts his head in his hands. It all clicks for her in that moment.
As much as she misses him, he doesn't know that. She goes to sit next to him on the bed, but doesn't touch him. She remembers now why this is so hard with him, she just feels so much more with him. It takes a minute for her to know where to start, but she knows it has to be her. "I miss you. I've missed you for a long time, but it was too hard to be around you and we were always fighting. I know I didn't call you back, I didn't know what you wanted. I didn't want to say goodbye, it felt like closing a door on something and I couldn't deal with that either."
She pauses a moment to wipe a tear that had slipped down her cheek, thankful that she was looking at the floor and not at him. "What did you want, when you called me?"
Logan sits up and moves his hands behind him to lean back slightly and keeps his gaze ahead of him, still not looking at her. "I had a speech planned, this whole thing to convince you that we could be friends. You weren't talking to me already, but I knew that after school I wouldn't have an opportunity to see you again, that not losing each other would require effort. I didn't want to regret not trying. I didn't want to leave and only be some old acquaintance you see at reunions."
She knows that this is his effort to open himself up, and at some point during his speech, she turned to look at him. "Good speech." She catches him off guard and he turns to look at her. She could get lost in his eyes, in their warmth, and it's tempting to just let it stop there, but she knows he deserves more. "I'm sorry Logan. I'm sorry I didn't call you back, I'm sorry I couldn't deal with being your friend, couldn't deal with so much then. Things seem to be better now, for both if us, so maybe we can try again, be friends, be around each other without killing each other."
She goes for a smile but his face doesn't light up the way she hoped. He seems guarded, almost offended.
"I don't want our friendship to be something you 'deal' with, I just want a friend." He sits up straight and starts pulling on his sleeves and she can see him pulling away. She reaches out and puts her hand on the back of his to stop his nervous habit.
"I want that too. That's how I felt then, but I was too overwhelmed and just needed to escape it all."
"I'm sorry too. I hate that I became a case to you, I wish I could have just been able to support you like a friend should."
"It's ok, your type of support would have been too overwhelming for me at the time." She smiles at him to let him know that it's ok.
He returns her smile and turns his hand over to intertwine their fingers.
She sets her head on his shoulder and leans against him. She can feel him tense momentarily before he relaxes. Her hairs shifts as he kisses the top of her head and then sets his cheek against her. She doesn't want to let this moment end yet, but she knows they'll have to go back downstairs soon.
"So you were going to leave town too?"
"Yeah, right after graduation."
"You weren't there."
"I was, just watched."
"Why did you stay?"
"Meg"
She tenses briefly, but he squeezes her hand and kisses her head again, and she can feel him smiling. She relaxes as he continues to explain.
"I was at the Grand, probably two days later, and I was packing my stuff to go into storage except what I would need to have with me. I hadn't decided where to go yet, thought about going to visit Dick in France, but figured I would decide at the airport. Duncan had said goodbye and left to go to Napa for a few weeks and I didn't have anything left here. The phone rang and I figured it was the front desk so I answered to make sure there wasn't a problem, but it was actually Meg. Faith was sick and Meg needed to take her to the doctor, but couldn't drive yet and her normal ride was out of town. She had tried Duncan's cell, but it was off and she just needed someone. I picked her up and got an emergency lesson in car seat installation, which is no fucking joke, and took them. Faith had an ear infection and bronchitis or something, but her oxygen was low and they put her in the hospital for a couple of days. Meg didn't have any support here, so I stayed, started helping her with Faith, let her focus more on her recovery so she could get better, faster. I ended up moving in with them since I had already packed to clear out of the Grand. She was living in a nice apartment and didn't have to worry about money, but she wanted a yard. She could only find houses to rent near Hearst and didn't want to raise Faith near a bunch of college kids, but by the end of summer I had found this place. She couldn't buy a house on her own yet, but with my inheritance I could. She fought me on it at first, but I sold her on it with the yard."
The whole time he never moved his head away from hers and spoke softly. It took the sting out of her feeling jealous that he also found this without her being a part of it. He seems to be waiting so she prompts him. "And Hearst? How did you end up there?"
She can feel him lift his head as he questions her. "Mac or Wallace?"
She lifts her head to return his look "Mac, earlier today. She told me about bowling and parties with Parker, so I figured you were going there."
He grins back at her. "Yeah, it actually happened because of Wallace, make sure you ask him about the sociology class we had when you talk to him. I actually got accepted there and to a few other places so it wasn't hard to register over the summer once I knew I was staying."
He squeezes her hand one last time before he stands and pulls her up with him. Before she knows what is happening he is pulling her into a hug and she wraps her arms around his waist and tucks her head under his chin. She hasn't been in this position since before they broke up, and god he feels like coming home. She realizes this as she gains awareness of his hands on her back and him whispering "I missed you too."
Despite the tender moment, Veronica looks behind him at a framed artistic photo of the coast on his wall and questions, "Is that my photo?"
He laughs and they both pull back but he keeps his hand on her back as he leads her to the door and back downstairs as he responds. "Yeah, it lets me think of you without seeing you."
She puts her arm around his waist and gives him another hug, unable to verbalize what that means to her, but she pulls back as they get down stairs. They've been there awhile and she never gave a thought to Meg, Mac or Faith, but now she has to face them. They find them outside sitting on the deck with Faith playing on a mat in front of the seats. The only seats left are on a loveseat, and as they sit Logan puts his arm on the seat behind her and crosses his legs so he is still turned slightly towards her. Mac and Meg smile at them, but don't comment as they continue talking and Veronica catches up that they are discussing Meg's plans for a swing set for when Faith is older.
Logan settles into the conversation easily, making comments and quips as usual and he eventually asks how the baking went. Veronica asks him if he recognized her cookies and when she looks at him he has laughter in his eyes and smirks and she catches on to where his mind is going fast enough to clamp her hand over his mouth before he comments.
He pulls her hand away and chastises her in the most sarcastic manner, "What was that for? I, for one, did not think anything inappropriate about your cookies."
Veronica rolls her eyes and turns back to Mac and Meg who are both grinning at them. Meg breaks the moment to continue telling Logan about their baking day including their previous experience baking. The mention of Lilly makes her nostalgic for her best friend. Logan must sense her mood and moves his arm down to be across her back and rubs her shoulder but leaves his hand there.
The conversation has paused and Faith starts to babble and starts to make grabby motions with her hands at Logan. He tells her to "come here" but doesn't reach for her and waits for her to crawl over to him. When she starts to try to pull herself up he moves his hand and helps her stand.
"Good job baby girl." He lifts her up to sit on his lap and he asks Veronica. "Do you want to hold her? She's ready for dinner so it's your last chance while she's clean for a bit."
Veronica hesitates and looks at Meg terrified.
"Go ahead and hold her, she won't break. Just keep your arm around her back in case she tries to launch herself off your lap. I'll go get her food ready."
Meg heads inside as Logan sets Faith in her lap and keeps a hand on her while Veronica gets her arm around her. She feels solid, and squirmy as this little cherub face looks up at her with guileless blue eyes.
"Lilly's eyes were never so innocent, Faith fits better."
"Yeah, it does."
Logan looks nervous for a minute before he asks. "So, do you… both of you… have somewhere to be, or can you stay for dinner?" He may have remembered to include Mac, but he was looking at her. She is tempted to say yes, but knows she can't.
"I actually have dinner with my dad planned. I just got back yesterday and have barely seen him. Mac has dinner with her family too. But I'll be here tomorrow for Faith's Christmas, you'll be here, right?"
"Yeah, I'll be here."
She feels a slimy hand on her cheek and sees that Faith wants her attention, but has been chewing on her hand. "Do you want to go inside for food?"
She manages to avoid using a baby voice, despite wanting to and picks her up under her arms to where she feels stable enough with her to stand and sit her on her hip. She and Mac follow Logan inside and into the kitchen where there is a small round table that has a high chair in one of the spots instead of a chair.
Logan takes the baby from her arms and is a natural at getting her set up to eat. Meg hands him the food and tells her guests, "Logan tends to feed her, it's like he charms her into keeping more of it her mouth."
Veronica grins at her and agrees, "He does have a way with the ladies." He glances to the side briefly so she knows he's listening, but is he focused on getting Faith to open her mouth.
Meg distracts her by saying "umm, so", in an I have something serious to say kind of way and Veronica looks at her.
"So today seemed to go well, right?"
"Of course Meg, it's been great."
"Well, I thought, if maybe you felt more comfortable over here, that maybe you could come with Duncan when he visits."
"I could come down sometimes, but not every week. I know my dad would love to see me too."
She feels better if that was all that Meg was asking. She's glad she can honestly say that she would like to visit them again, even if she can't come with him every weekend, especially since he likes to fly down. She misses the confusion on Meg's face as she has been looking at Faith again.
"Every week? He's only here once a month, and just for a few hours. I know it's a long drive, but he's always talking about how he needs to get back to you and school."
It's Veronica's turn to be confused. "That's crazy, he comes down here every weekend almost and he flies. I take him to the airport every time and he is here for two nights. He even shows me pictures of her."
"Yeah, he'll take pictures of her in four or five outfits that his mom got for her, but it's like he comes in and puts on a fashion show to show Celeste and makes an excuse to leave right after. I just thought he might be more comfortable if he had help from you. I know his parents won't be any help."
They look at each other in confusion, not knowing what to say and Veronica says, "There must be some other reason."
Logan's become more tense as the conversation has gone on, and stands up to get a washcloth for Faith. He looks at them both and keeps calm while commenting in the voice he uses for Faith, "The explanation, is that Duncan is a liar." Meg and Veronica look at him and he goes further in his normal voice. "Don't look surprised, he always has been, just like he's a selfish jerk."
Veronica starts to get angry at what he's saying and when he sees her face he holds up one finger. "Not here."
He hands the washcloth and food to Meg and takes Veronica's hand and takes her out of the room. "You can let me have it now, I just didn't want you to yell in front of the baby. She's sensitive to mood changes."
"How can you say that Duncan is selfish. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, but that doesn't make him a jerk."
"Oh come on Veronica, are you ever going to see him for who he is? I mean I owe him a lot and he took me in, but he's not a saint."
"Of course he's not a saint, but you're making it sound like he's never around, but that can't be right. He flies down here almost every weekend. Maybe once a month he'll go to Napa, but the others, he flies here."
"Yeah, he may fly here, but he doesn't come to see Faith. I'm here every weekend except for the few hours he comes by. So if he's in town, it's not for the reason he's giving you."
"Then why is he here. You must have talked to him about it."
"No, I haven't even tried to talk to Duncan since Faith was in the hospital. We both called him so many times that day, but he never answered. After that, I just didn't bother."
Veronica leans against the wall because it can't make any sense. Why else would he come to Neptune every weekend. She's never doubted Duncan's faithfulness to her and to his friends, but is that really true. She did confront him once and he proved to her that he was good. He was there last summer, he stood by Meg, he's put so much effort into being a good dad, hasn't he?
Logan touches her shoulder and she feels this between them now. It feels like it did last year and she hates this tension. She doesn't know where to start, but then she remembers something from last fall, a moment that she so easily dismissed. "Last year, you made a comment about Kendall bothering Duncan. What did you mean by that?"
He leans on the wall next to her before he responds. "Just, she was fishing for money and I made a comment, being an asshole of course, that maybe she should try the richest guy in the suite. I stopped seeing her after that, but a couple of weeks later she came out of his room, a little disheveled, and he had been in there with her. I didn't, still don't know anything for sure, but it seemed suspicious so I said something. I thought you would look into it and either find out nothing, or maybe catch him in the act. I figured since nothing happened, maybe it was nothing, or you just dismissed what I said."
"I just dismissed what you said. We were always being mean to each other, so when Duncan said that she just asked for help, I believed him."
"I get that you need evidence of something, but why is it that you need evidence of my innocence, but with him you want evidence if his guilt?"
She looks directly at him. "You can hurt me more" she realizes how that sounds and raises her hand to stop his come back before he can comment "as in, what you do means more to me."
"That's fucked up, you know."
"I know"
"Look, let me pick you up tomorrow for the party. Does Duncan know you're coming?"
"No, he came back early this week before this was scheduled so I haven't told him. It was going to be a surprise."
"Ok, well we'll keep it a surprise and maybe you will hear him for yourself."
"Ok, I guess so, I just still can't believe he would do that. He always seems so happy about seeing Faith and shows off the pictures of her."
"Just to you, or does he tell others about her too?"
"Just me I guess, I haven't even paid attention but I was just looking at it as my boyfriend's ex had his kid, not like my old friend Meg has a baby."
"No, you haven't paid attention. He was more supportive of Meg when she was in a coma, but he originally denied the baby when she told him and his family only helps because she had him listed on the birth certificate before they could try to intervene. They even told her that she can't tell anyone else who Faith's father is if they don't already know. Thankfully, Meg doesn't mind. Not yet at least."
Veronica isn't surprised at the Kane's cold response to their grandchild and suspects it's all about appearances. "Does Duncan know that?"
"Of course, he's the one who encouraged Meg to sign the agreement in exchange for generous child support when she got out of the hospital."
"I should go." Veronica is startled that Duncan would go with that and returns to the kitchen. Meg and Mac are standing next to the sink as Faith gets cleaned off after throwing what looks like a green vegetable on the wall and smearing it in her hair. Meg glares at Logan, "One day Echolls, she is going to do this to you."
"Meg, thanks for today, it was great, but we should go. Are you ready Mac?"
"Sure V, lets go. Bye Meg, Logan. Thanks for the cookies." She smirks at Logan's look and heads to the door ahead of Veronica. Veronica puts her arm around Meg and doesn't expect a hug back with her hands caked with puréed vegetables, but she and Logan hug and say goodbye.
She joins Mac on the front porch and as they walk to the car she hears Mac say quietly, "So all this time, it was Logan?"
She realizes that this was the first time Mac has spent any time with her and Logan without there being issues. It was the first time she ever hung out with Logan and others as friends without there being Duncan it Lilly as buffers and her feelings weren't hidden as well as she thought. "Yeah, it was always Logan."
She lays in bed at night and realizes that tomorrow is going to change everything, but maybe it will make some things right. She has a hard time seeing Duncan as anything but good, but that's her error and speaks more to her desire to return to a time when things were easy. But things were never easy, not really. All of the same issues were there, she just didn't deal with them. What did she say to Duncan, he stands idly by, maybe she should take a lesson from that Veronica. She gets up to rummage through a box of old stuff in her closet and makes a plan for tomorrow.
He's 45 minutes late when he shows up at Meg and Logan's the next day and Veronica has done well to not be on edge all morning . When they hear his car door close, she and Logan head to the kitchen where the door blocks them from the view from the front hallway. They stand at the door to listen in as Meg opens the front door with Faith in her arms. "Hey my baby is so much bigger." Duncan steps loudly and they hear the rustling of a gift bag.
Veronica thinks he sounds happy and she feels like maybe this was all crazy, but Logan puts up a finger and she knows that she has to wait.
"Hey, I'm glad you could come."
"Me too Meg. Sorry I'm late, I know you said 10, but Veronica and I just got into town last night and we were exhausted after the drive."
"Oh yeah, I understand. It works out fine though. Lunch will be ready in about 30 minutes so we should go ahead and open presents. I got the ones your parents sent and figured we could open those as well as the ones you got her."
"Yeah, that's great, but I really can't stay for lunch. I have plans with Veronica and her dad today since I won't be in town for Christmas."
Veronica had heard enough, really, more than enough and went into the living room behind the family. "You know, I don't remember having plans today, other than you spending the day with Faith. So what were you planning to do?"
Duncan looks shocked and just stares at her. "I was going to surprise you today."
"Ok, and what about all the other times you used me as an excuse to avoid being a dad?"
She pauses a moment but knows that this will go nowhere. She'll never have a satisfying fight and will never get a straight answer from him. She shakes her head and just says "I'm done with you."
She heads over to Meg and gives her a hug. I'll be here on Christmas for Santa's presents but I can't stay here right now. I'll talk to you soon. She kisses Faith's head and leaves through the kitchen where Logan has been waiting, not wanting to become a part of this. "Ready to go?"
Logan drives her home but she tells him to stop at the beach on the way. She asks him if they can sit a little bit and he agrees and gets a blanket out of the back of his Range Rover. She is already walking towards a spot to sit when he catches up to her so she doesn't see the wrapped gift box until he spreads out the blanket and they sit. They both have presents and realize that they both planned on the same thing.
Logan tells her that she pulled him out here so she gets to go first. "Well, I wasn't sure when you would want to see me again, and I hope it's soon, but I just didn't know. I wanted to give you this. I actually got it for you while we were dating, but we never celebrated your birthday or holiday and it's just been sitting in my room. I wanted to make sure I got it to you now."
She hands him the small box and he quickly unwraps it to find a set of silver cufflinks and he sees a lily engraved on the smooth surface. He takes one out to get a closer look and sees writing on the other side, and he sees where it says greatest love. They are beautiful, but he realizes that she never really realized just how much she meant to him. "Thank you Veronica, they're great, but you have to know my greatest love was you."
She blushes at the intensity of his look and can't bring herself to roll her eyes and dismiss the statement. "Really? Because I mean, it's just Lilly, she was everything to everyone."
"Yeah, she was everything to you, but not to me. Being with her gave me more of a family than I had anywhere else, and for a long time I connected her to that. But it's not that different than what I have now, and what we have Veronica, is so much more."
When he references them in the present tense, she stops holding back and kisses him gently on the lips. He responds immediately and passionately while he wraps one arm around her shoulders to pull her closer, using his other arm to brace himself on the blanket to keep from falling over. He pulls back far too soon and he closes his eyes to catch his breath before he looks at her to see her smirking.
Clearing his throat he says "I am more than happy to get back to that later, but you still have a present to open." He grabs the box from where he pushed it aside and sets the it in her lap. He moves to sit closer and puts one arm behind her to stroke her back. He tells her about the present as she opens it. "I made this when we were dating and it was for your birthday, and it even sat in my car forever. I just was so angry and hurt back then that I couldn't face you with this."
She opens the box to find a digital collage that he had printed and framed that featured her and Lilly. She recognized some of the pictures as some of hers, and even some stills of her homecoming video, but others must have been his. She starts to tear up. "Thank you, I love this."
"Your welcome." He cups her face gently as he leans back towards her but stops short of kissing her. "So is there a certain amount of time I have to wait before I can take you out?"
She asks him "How's tonight?" but before he can answer she kisses him again.
One year later
"Uncaaa!" Faith yells when she hears the garage open and runs past the legs of the women baking in the kitchen. Logan enters from the garage and the smell of baking cookies hits him. He picks up Faith and she gives him a hug before struggling to be let down and running back out of the room. "There is nothing hotter than a bunch of women baking."
Veronica rolls her eyes from her cooking spot and snarks back "The only thing missing are heels, pearls and a fancy dress to be a fifties housewife."
She feels him come up behind her and he brushes the hair off her neck to kiss her shoulder. He whispers where Meg, Mac and Parker can't hear "It would be hotter if you were only wearing heels and pearls, but we might want more privacy for that."
She blushes fiercely at the memory of a steamy encounter in this very kitchen just a few weeks after she moved in after transferring to Hearst this semester. His lips moved down her neck to kiss her gently and his fingers grazed under her shirt at her waist. She loses focus and lets her neck fall to the side and misses seeing the other girls roll their eyes.
She never thought that accepting Meg's invitation to bake cookies would change her life so drastically, but she'll take it.
A/N: Written for the AO3 Veronica Mars Holiday Fic Grab Bag Collection prompts as follows:
20. Veronica, Mac, and Meg baking cookies for Christmas.
34. Meg and baby Lilly both lived and they celebrate the baby's first Christmas with Duncan. Veronica and Logan are involved in some capacity.