So this is my first Agents of SHIELD fanfic, that I started writing for Camp Nano in July. It's a redemption fic as well as a SkyeWard one.

I want to see the new season so bad, but it's not out in the UK yet.

Ward POV

"So Grant, you indicated in our last session that you wanted to make amends for your crimes." My therapist said as she pushed her glasses up her nose.

I nod slowly. "Yes, I did say that." I take a deep breath before I continue. "I've spent a lot of my time here thinking about everything I did. And I believe that I've put it into perspective."

"What did you discover?" She asked, writing in her notebook.

"That my entire live hasn't been my own. It's always been controlled by others. As a kid it was my father and older brother, then Garrett got my out of juvie and molded me into a soldier and a member of Hydra. I've never made a decision of my own." I scrub my face with my hands and lean my elbows on my knees. "In fact, the only thing in my life that wasn't planned out was falling in love with Skye."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Exhilarated, confused, scared. To suddenly be hit by something as unplanned as love sent me reeling for a while. At the time, the mission was far too important to let anything distract me. But despite all my training, I fell hard, and I ended up acting on it."

"You started a relationship with Skye?"

"Yes, shortly before my incarceration, I began seeing her."

"How did that work out for you?"

"At first it was incredible. She is an amazing woman, with a beautiful heart and a stubborn streak a mile wide." I smile at the memories that conjured up. "But then she discovered I was Hydra and it destroyed everything. She called me a serial killer and a Nazi. She said I made her feel sick and that she'd never like the real me."

"And who is the real you?"

"Truthfully, I don't know. I've never had the chance to be my own person. It's only in the last few months that I've been able to think for myself. Even though I still have to follow a schedule here, I can do whatever I want in my down time."

"So tell me Grant, what do you like to do in your free time?"

"Surprisingly, I've developed a fondness for drawing. I've always loved to read, but now I get to choose my own books. I'm fascinated by the supernatural, which is no surprise, given my previous profession, but escaping into a fantasy world for a few hours helps me to forget all the horrors and injustice I've seen and delivered to others."

She brought the session back to the main question. "So how do you think you can make amends?"

"I don't think I can. Not from here, and definitely not completely anyway." I close my eyes and sigh. "I destroyed all the trust that Shield had in me when it came to light where my loyalties lay."

"And where was that?"

"To Hydra."

"Are you sure?" She pressed, pushing me to really think about my answer.

"First and foremost I was loyal to Garrett. He took me under his wing, raised me and gave meaning to my life. I owed him everything. Without him I would have been a criminal, or a murderer, in and out of the system for life. At least with John, I had a direction to go in, an agenda to follow, a goal to reach."

"So in truth, your allegiance was solely to Garrett."

I hadn't thought about that, but now I do. "I guess you're right."

"You stated in an earlier session that you had no idea what Garrett was planning. How did you feel when you finally learned the truth?"

"Shocked, dismayed. I thought we were following a righteous path, when in truth, all he wanted was the miracle drug so he could live and take over the world. He wasn't who I thought he was."

"If you were given the chance to redeem yourself, what would you do?"

"Whatever it takes to, at the very least, start to reverse the damage I did. I hurt the very people who called me family, and I know there's nothing I can do to ever change that. But if I could, in some small way, help to rebuild what Shield stands for, I would gladly give my life for it."

She nodded silently as she continued to make notes. In the beginning it made me feel paranoid whenever she wrote anything down, but, as time passed, I've learnt to ignore it.

"Do you believe you deserve a chance?"

"No, I don't." I shake my head vehemently. "I deserve to die for what I did."

"How do you feel about Hydra now?"

"Repulsed, disgusted, ashamed. I was so blinded by my loyalty to Garrett, that I didn't see the truth that was right in front of me. But it's moot now. I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for things that I cannot atone for. I've made my peace with the fact that I will never be released from here, and I will never get the chance to even offer an apology to Coulson, May, Fitz, Simmons, Trip or Skye. I deserve to be here. There is no redemption for Grant Ward."

There was nothing left to say after that. She closed her notebook and we stood.

"Same time next week Grant." She said as we shook hands. I waited for my escorts to open the door before moving towards them. Even though I had never once tried to escape, I had three armed escorts at all times. Given my reputation, I understood why, but I never even wanted to attempt to leave. My life was over, it was just a matter of time before they sentenced me to death, or life in prison. And that is no less than I deserve for what I did.