Written for Alex, congratulations on graduating!

Save Tonight

The dinner they share that night is special and he can feel it deep in his bones. It's not the first time they've shared a meal together, and it's definitely not the first time they're celebrating another close call with death, but there's something quite different about the night that has him buzzing with excitement. She's a vision tonight, her hair cascading down her back in loose, soft curls, her golden tresses glinting under the lights in the loft. She's smiling at something Alexis is saying, her fingers curled around the stem of her wine glass. His mother is nodding along to whatever conversation they're currently engrossed in. Usually he'll pout and whine about being left out, but tonight – tonight he's content to just sit back and watch the women he –

Loves.

He loves them all, and he's not afraid to admit it. He won't shy away from that word anymore. She's not ready and he's okay with that. He's willing to wait for as long as she needed him to. He's still allowed to love her though. He's allowed to be amazed at every aspect of her, from her sharp wit to her incredibly dorky collection of comic books she has stashed away at her apartment.

If the rest of them notice that he's being unusually silent, they don't make any indication of it. His daughter reaches out to take Beckett's fingers as she giggles at something the Beckett says. Something about French verbs, he thinks – that's why he lost interest in the subject matter in the first place. His mother polishes off another glass of wine, interjecting dramatically with a rendition of 'Master of the House' from Les Miserables and Castle knows it's time to start moving the party to his living room.

Castle clears his throat loudly and three pairs of eyes turn to him, Beckett's crinkling in delight even as she grins apologetically at him. "Sorry, we're leaving you out again, aren't we?"

"No, no, don't worry about me. I'm fine, really."

They stare at him disbelievingly, but he rolls his eyes and waves them off as he scrapes his chair backwards to stand up. "No, really. You guys should go on ahead to the living room. I'll clean up here."

"Oh, Richard, please – we've all had a long day, surely all this cleaning can wait until tomorrow?" his mother clucks good naturedly at him. She pours herself a generous amount of wine, takes a long sip of it and winks at him. "Come now, let's make some music!"

Castle watches as his mother flits away in a swirl of cloth and colour, calling out to Alexis. Moments later he hears the tinkle of piano keys and Alexis' sweet voice wafting to him and he can't help but grin to himself.

"She's a good kid."

He whirls around, startled and almost drops the plates he's collected. Beckett stands before him, her cheeks a little red-tinged from the wine, a soft smile playing on her lips. "She takes after her father."

He gasps in mock horror, letting his jaw fall open for effect. "Did you just compliment me, Detective? How much wine have you had?"

Beckett smirks at him and takes some of the plates off his hands. "A little too much, clearly."

He chuckles and follows her into the kitchen, crowding her against the sink, invading her personal space. He'll blame it on the alcohol later but he's feeling brave. He survived a bomb blast today. He stared into the face of a murderous psychopath and came out alive and he's still riding on that high.

He nudges her on purpose, his elbow colliding with hers as they both reach for the sink to dump the dishes in. She glares at him, but it contains none of her usual bite. She's actually smiling, the corners of her mouth curling up in mirth as she nudges him right back. He turns the tap on, his fingers poised under the running water and the only warning he gives her is the silly overly exaggerated wink before he flicks the stream of water in her direction.

The squeal she lets out is hilarious.

"Castle!"

He ducks as she shoves him backwards, laughing at her apparent distress. Beckett wrinkles her nose at him, shoves him once more and turns the tap off. "You are such a child!"

Oh, she's beautiful when she's angry – even if she's just faking it. He knows she's faking. He knows her tells and even though she's doing her best impression of angry-Beckett, the quirk in her eyebrow, the softness of her gaze – Castle can tell it's all for show.

Eventually, she sighs and wipes the droplets of water on her face away with her sleeve. "I'm going to let this one go, only because I nearly lost you today."

It's as though her own words had caught her unaware and the shift in the mood in the room is instantaneous. Castle sucks in a breath as she licks her lips awkwardly. She's said them and he's heard them as clear as day, the weight of her words hitting Castle like a ton of bricks. They don't do this – not usually. They've survived many life-threatening situations in their time together but they don't deal with words and confessions. They communicate in subtext; they trade coffees, late night snacks at Remy's, but never this. There's a hint of tragic melancholy in her eyes underneath her smile and Castle can see it. He wants to get rid of it. He wants to have all traces of her sadness banished from her smile.

"You didn't lose me," he insists. "I'm right here."

Beckett nods and steps back to lean against the refrigerator door. "I could have though. I – I don't say this enough, Castle, because we're always together. We're in gun fights together, we almost freeze to death together, we almost get blown up in the middle of New York City together. Today, we weren't. You were in there with a maniac and I ..."

She runs her fingers through her hair as she trails off, eyes trained at the ceiling as she carefully avoids looking at him. "I would have um … I'd miss you. If … if I lost you."

Castle closes in upon her, and before she has a chance to protest, he draws her into a tight hug. He knows she's not one for words so the significance of her admission is not lost on him. He thinks it might be the wine speaking, but he cannot deny the sincerity behind her words. She's warm and pliant within his embrace and he squeezes her just a little tighter.

"I'd miss you too, Beckett."

She pulls away from him eventually, lingering just a moment before clearing her throat, signalling the end of their moment. "I … uh, probably should go home."

Castle itches to ask her to stay, a million reasons racing through his mind but he knows they're not there yet. He may be, but she isn't and he'll respect that. He promised her time, and if that's all she's willing to accept from him, he'll give her as much as she needs. He can wait for her. He'll always wait for her.

Beckett composes herself, squares her shoulders and makes her way to the living room where the two other women are entertaining themselves with more show tunes. Castle hears her bid them goodbye, listens to Beckett thank them both for having her and suddenly she's returning to him, her scarf and bag in hand.

"I had a good night tonight," she tells him as he opens his front door for her. "Thank you, Castle."

She lifts up on her toes as she steps out and before he realises what's happening, he feels her lips on his cheek, tantalisingly close to the corners of his mouth. The contact is brief and so unexpected that by the time he realises Beckett actually kissed him (again) – she's already halfway down the corridor and disappearing around the corner.

They'll probably never bring this night up ever again because that's just the way they are. The brief moment of honesty in his kitchen will be filed away in the corner of his brain, together with the one other kiss he's managed to steal from her. He shuts the door behind him, smiling at the phantom memory of her lips on his skin. He hears his mother is belting out the last few lines of 'My Favourite Things', and with a sudden surge of Beckett-related happiness, buoyed by the fact that he'd once again escaped the jaws of death, Castle strides into his living room. He grins at both the redheads and claps his hands once to get their attention.

"Once again, ladies. From the top!"