A/N: I'm sick of all these annoying English-type ppl saying America must be taken over by Mary Sues. I'm not a Mary Sue! At all. So here's a story about what would happen if I was. The end.

On Harry Potter's first day as a fifth-year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it was rumored that there would be an exchange student from America. And, indeed, after Dumbledore had made the Opening Speech, he said there was a guest for the year.

Suddenly, standing in front of the Great Hall was a girl. Her hair stuck out about five feet on each side. She was wearing her favorite shirt, which happened to be her brother's, that said "Join the Game". And she had really old-looking sandals on her feet that were about three sizes too small.

"This is Madeline," said Dumbledore. "She is not quite old enough to be in fifth year under normal circumstances, but she is quite smart having attended American Muggle schools until 7th grade. Come, Madeline. Try on the Sorting Hat."

The girl walked up to the hat and promptly placed it on her head. It took 37 minutes, a record, but finally the hat screamed out, "RAVENCLAW!"

Madeline was very disappointed. She had tried to bribe the Sorting Hat with the collection of assorted candies she had brought, but apparently the Hat didn't eat Pixy Stix. Oh, well, Madeline thought. More for me to get hyper on. Plus the Sorting Hat was kind of right about her being smart; at her old school one kid had said about her, "She's either a genius or completely insane; no one can tell".

Surprising everyone who thought Madeline was going to be another wonderful Mary Sue, Harry Potter did not immediately fall in love with Madeline at first sight. This pleased Madeline. She thought Harry was a loser.

Also, Madeline really liked Draco Malfoy. He was the main reason she wanted to be in Slytherin. Her house had Transfiguration with Slytherin, she kept trying to be his partner. But he wouldn't even talk to her.

Until the day Madeline walked in on him murdering Harry Potter. She watched Draco until he was sure Harry was dead, and then she began applauding. "Awesome," was Madeline's opinion. "Most wizards never bother with the old-fashioned Muggle torture methods. I think more should."

To which Draco thought, Hey, she's really cool.

Draco decided to take Madeline to meet Voldemort. This made her overjoyed. Next to Draco, Voldie was the guy she wanted to meet most in the world. "I think you could be of a lot of to Master," said Draco. "He really doesn't know what to do know that Potter's dead. You've got a good eye for murder. He'll like you."

And Voldemort did like Madeline. The Dark Lord took her and Draco out for a night of Italian cuisine and murder on the streets of London. (All the other Death Eaters had suddenly died of acute chicken pox. Of course, Madeline had nothing to do with that.) That night, the girl from America with the funny hair realized what she truly wanted to do with her life.

A couple of weeks later, when Master was having a particularly bad day, Madeline knew exactly what he needed. "You know what you need, Boss?" she asked him. "You need a sidekick. A real one. And I have got just the guy for you."

A week later, Madeline introduced Voldemort to the Mighty Fern. "Me and the Mighty Fern are old friends," she said. "But that's history; never mind. You guys will totally be best of friends."

And they were. Voldemort and the Mighty Fern were such great friends, in fact, that they decided to get married. Then they went to Hawaii for their honeymoon. But Voldemort gave Madeline and Draco strict instructions to kill everyone in England while they were gone.

So that's what they did. They killed absolutely everyone in Britain in a single weekend. Except for Lupin, Snape, and Sirius Black. Cuz Madeline thought they were hot. And the Goo Goo Dolls, who were on tour in England. Madeline commanded them to play music for her and Draco, mostly "Acoustic #3" and "Iris" because they reminded her of Draco, "Dizzy" because it reminded her of Draco's parents, and "Stop the World" because she wrote a songfic for it back when she was a Muggle.

When Voldemort and the Mighty Fern came back from Hawaii looking quite content *wicked grin*, they were pleased with the evil little couple's work. Plus, Voldemort secretly thought John Rzenik was wicked hot.

But, of course, this wasn't enough for our darling little Madeline. So she and Draco, who were now engaged, decided to take over the world.

And they did.

The end.