I own nothing. This is just me, putting my imagination to paper. I would say you can consider this sort of AUish. Hopefully the characterizations are decent…this is my first crack at this fandom. I think this is a perfect song though.
Hard to Love
"I am insensitive, I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things that I need. Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust, sometimes I dunno why you're staying with me."
"God, Wade! When are you ever going to grow up?!"
"Me? Me? You're the one who's chasing an engaged man all over town!"
"I am not! George and I are friends, that's all! It's you who can't keep it in your pants!"
Zoe cannot believe she is here—having this, a shouting match out back of the Rammer Jammer. She really has fallen far. In New York, this would never happen. In New York, it wouldn't matter. She'd just be another one of the masses. Instead she's in Bluebell where news flies faster than an Alabama drag race.
"Funny how you keep bring'n that up. You sure you want Golden Boy?" He drawls at her, giving her a biting smile.
Zoe sputters at him and teeters over into the side of his car. He'd been dragging her out of the bar, planning on taking her home. She shoves back off, angry that he might be right and that she's had enough to drink tonight. Not mad about his accusation that she might want—no, no that's ridiculous. If she wanted anyone, well he was clearly unavailable and really, isn't that always her luck?
"Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about. Why are you even here?!"
Wade sighs deep and presses his hands onto his hips, tilting his head back. She thinks she sees his lips moving soundlessly, as if he's counting, trying to keep his temper in check.
"Good question. Why am I here?" His blue eyes are boring into her now and it makes her feel uncomfortable. He looks at her like this sometimes, like he's trying to see past her skin, deep down into the heart of her.
And Zoe can admit it to herself. She's never been good with the deep stuff, the important stuff. The stuff she doesn't want anyone to see. See that place where she's flawed, where she's sure her father could see and that's why he decided he couldn't be around her anymore. She's tried so hard to bury it…and Wade's eyes are a shovel trying to unearth it all.
"Whatever. Just take me home, alright?" She turns away from his prying eyes and swings his car door open. It's unlocked. It's always unlocked. It would never be unlocked in New York. Zoe climbs over the driver's seat and center console to press her forehead against the glass of the passenger window.
Wade doesn't follow her right away. Instead she can hear him pacing and muttering under his breath. But after a moment he's swinging into the car himself and pulling the door closed.
"You are one messed up chick, you know that right?" He doesn't wait for her answer just starts up the car and pulls out onto the street. He doesn't try to talk to her again and Zoe appreciates it. She falls asleep somewhere on the way home.
She wakes, blinking the morning sun out of her eyes and partially tangled in her sheets. Pushing up on her elbows she finds that she's fully clothed. Her mouth is salty and dry and her blood is throbbing in her head. Her last thought before she drags herself into the shower was that he removed her shoes and earrings.
"I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood. I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love good."
"Do you like me?"
"I won the bet."
It's moments like this that make Zoe so sure she's been right to keep Wade at a distance. Making a bet about her relationship with Judson, making her the town joke. Not like with their prank war, where she had to admit, she had been having fun.
Fun until Judson had pointed out she'd only been focused on Wade all night. Until Rose told her Wade liked her and Zoe, like a silly adolescent asked him if he liked her, yes or no.
Fun until she realized what a complete idiot it made her.
"I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball crashing into your heart like I do. You're like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus I wish I could be more like you. I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood…"
"Damn it, Zoe!"
Huffing out an exasperated sigh of her own Zoe trots out to the fuse box.
"If you would just get this damn box fixed—" She breaks off at the sight of him. He's glowering at her, but this isn't unusual when she blows a fuse this time of day. He's barefoot in jeans and an open plaid shirt, but this too is not unusual. It's his face, pinched with exhaustion and dark circles under his eyes that stops her.
"You look like crap." It's out before she can stop it. Wade just rolls his eyes at her and tugs the door of the fuse box open.
"Good morning to you too Doc. This the way you greet all your patients? No wonder you're struggling to make your quarterly numbers." He's got some sort of tool in his hand she'd be loath to name and he starts twisting wires, working to bring the power back up in their homes.
Zoe bites her lip and glances down at the toes of her rubber boots. "Sorry. Morning Wade." She looks back up at him, still worrying her lip.
He snorts before peering around to look at her. "Don't worry about it Doc. I'll have this up in a minute; you can go back on in so you can finish your hair."
At his words she gasps and puts her hands on her head. Her hair. She'd been in the middle of styling her hair into something presentable. For the first time Zoe realizes she must not look much better. In her PJ's, rubber boots, no makeup and hair half done.
She hates appearing in town looking anything less than perfect. Lord knows she doesn't need the reputation of appearing sloppy to add to her list of sins. Or to have George or Lemon see her looking all frumpy either. Then she wonders why it doesn't matter with Wade.
"Doc?" Wade is looking at her curiously and she supposes she must look like an idiot right now, half dressed and hands on her head. So she deflects.
"Why do you look so tired?"
"Why do you care?"
"Why are you avoiding the question? Insomnia? Late night at the Rammer Jammer? Bigfoot?"
Wade laughs at her, smile suddenly bright and Zoe wants to see it again. He tugs a hand through his hair and shakes his head ruefully. "Nah, no Bigfoot. He don't migrate down until September. Too hot for him with all that fur."
"Wade," She starts warningly. He shuts the fuse box with an air of finality.
"All set. You'll make it to church yet if you hurry." He turns to leave and Zoe reaches forward and grabs his forearm. He stills under her touch.
"Wade, if you aren't sleeping that can be a symptom of something else you shouldn't ignore it."
"Don't worry about it Doc, I'll get plenty of sleep tonight."
Before she can say anything else he sees the protest in her brown eyes and turns back to fully face her.
"The first of the month is over, so Earl will quiet down. Means I'll get more sleep. There, happy now?"
Zoe feels foolish. She should've realized—Lavon had told her before that Wade's Dad—Crazy Earl, would cash his check and head to the liquor store…where eventually he'd have Wade come sing him down from the rooftops.
"Oh. Okay." He smiles at her blinking eyes. He reaches out a hand and tweaks the end of her nose. She bats his hand away, suddenly irritated again.
"Thanks for check'n on me Doc. I sure do appreciate it." Wade looks down at her hand, still on his arm. Smirks up into her face. "You let me know if I can return the favor." His eyes are oozing promises that she's only too sure he can deliver.
Zoe jerks her hand away and feels a flush rise in her cheeks. She had a moment there, mind you just a moment where she was reminded that he could be rather sweet. Funny how his mouth always managed to ruin that.
"Whatever. You want to thank me properly you can stop blowing out the electricity." She spins away from him and his soft laughter, thoroughly annoyed. It doesn't stop her from peering back over her shoulder to see if he's still watching her.
He is.
"I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good. Love me good. Girl you've given me a million second chances and I don't ever wanna take you for granted, I'm just a man, I'm just a man…"
"Don't go."
"Why not?"
"Because you don't have to leave, that's why!"
"Don't I?"
"No!"
"Why do I have to be here and watch you and Tucker, huh?"
"Wade, it's not like that…I never meant for this to happen like this."
"You mean sleeping with me one night then taking off with the runaway Groom the next?"
"Yes! I mean, no! It's complicated!" Zoe can feel her stomach climbing her throat. It's not supposed to feel like this. She shouldn't feel like she's losing something.
Wade's eyes are burning into hers and he steps forward, crowding her back into her porch rail. He cages her in between his arms and Zoe is abruptly flashing back to their night a few months ago. Suddenly all she can remember is how it felt to wrap her arms around his shoulders and how his hands felt lifting her against him. His lips, hot against her mouth, her throat, her—
"It ain't that complicated. You got Tucker, you chose Golden Boy. And I can't hold it against you Zoe, even though I wish I could. I should, but I can't. Cause at the end of the day—he makes you happy Zoe and someone 'ought to be."
"But why are you leaving? You don't have to go, Wade…I don't want to make you leave your home." Stupidly she can feel tears welling behind her eyes. God, she hasn't cried since she was twelve.
"Cause I might be able to let you go, but I sure as hell can't stand here and watch it happen! Not anymore. Not when you are getting serious with him." He pushes away from her and runs a hand through his hair, rumpling it.
"But-but why?" She pleads.
"You gotta be blind here Doc, not to know why."
And suddenly, suddenly it hits her. Of course- of course. Because this will make it the messiest, most impossible situation ever. Because nothing is ever easy in Zoe Hart's world. If he says what she thinks he will, it will mess everything up. Because she's finally got what she wanted…she has George. Finally.
"Wade—don't."
"Cause I love you Doc."
Zoe sucks a gasp in deep; his words are like a punch to the gut. She holds out a hand and presses the other to her stomach. It's worse than she thought. He loves her. She doesn't doubt it, not for a moment. It's been so obvious—
"And it's the stupidest thing ever, because you've said it before—we don't work. We have nothing in common, we fight all the time—"
"Wade, please…just stop." Zoe pleads turning her face towards his. He can't love her, it will ruin everything.
"You're selfish, stubborn and materialistic and God, you can be such a snob—"
She moves forward and pushes his chest then, shoving him back into the house. "Stop, Wade—just stop!"
"But you're also the smartest, most beautiful, awkward and sexiest woman I've met and God help me, but I love you Zoe. I do." Zoe feels his hands on her face then, wiping at the tears slipping down her cheeks. She lets out a shuddering breath. Shakes her head back and forth when he tries to tilt her head up towards his.
"Zoe, Doc…come on. Look at me, please?" It's the tone of his voice that finally causes her to raise her gaze to meet his. He sounds…broken but resigned. As if he knew this was going to end ugly but couldn't stop himself.
When her eyes are on his, she sees that they are red-rimmed and bright with emotion. He brushes her dark hair back from her face and his palms surround her cheeks.
"But I also know that you love George Tucker."
His words are like another physical blow. It wasn't supposed to be like this, to feel like this.
"So, I gotta go Zoe. I have to get some space so you and Tucker can be happy and I… well…so I can try and move on too. Cause I don't wanna hate you, Doc. You can understand that, can't you?"
And it kills her to admit it—but it's only fair. How can she expect him to stay? Just because she wants him to? It's selfish, something he's always accused her of being and she's always protested she's not. So she finally nods. Wade smiles at her sadly and then releases her. He doesn't kiss her goodbye, just nods at her and steps around her. Zoe watches him walk away and doesn't call him back.
She can't help but wish that he'd kissed her goodbye.
"Hard to love, hard to love, oh I don't make it easy and I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood. I'm hard to love, hard to love and you say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good."
"Hey Lavon, are these from you?"
Lavon turns towards her, smile on his face. "Well, Zoe Hart. I didn't expect to see you here today."
Zoe smiles at him and thrusts the bouquet under his nose. "Thanks for the flowers. It was really sweet of you to remember the two year anniversary of my arrival in Bluebell." She frowns a little at the confusion that washed over her best friend's face.
"Well Zoe, Lavon Hayes would love to claim responsibility for those flowers because they have you smiling for what seems like the first time in a month—but it wasn't me who sent them."
"Oh."
"Could they be from George?" Lavon asked tentatively.
"God, no. We've been over for almost two months Lavon. Trust me, these are not from George."
"Well, it is a kind gesture, so I just assumed…"
"No, he's still firmly hung up on Lemon Breeland. We've been over ever since he realized she started dating Kinsella and he flipped out."
Lavon nods sagely. "It was one of our more interesting town events."
"When isn't there a town event?" Zoe smirks at him. "Speaking of, to what do we owe this lovely festival?"
"Aloha Summer. We like it mix it up with a couple of traditions. Lei's, hulu contest, catfish fry and a street dance. Can I count on a dance from you Mizz Hart?" Lavon bends at the waist and captures her hand in his.
Zoe can't help it she lets out a laugh. "Sure thing, Lavon." She turns and sets her bouquet on the edge of the admission ticket table, waving to get Annabeth's attention and indicating she'd be back soon for the flowers.
Lavon pulls her out into the crowd gathered around the gazebo. It's live music—what sounds like a country song with a dash of Hawaiian ukulele thrown in. The Belles are here, in their Southern finest but there are just as many dressed in grass skirts and flower lei's. It's all so very Bluebell that she can't help but let out another laugh as Lavon spins her.
When the song ends, Brick Breeland takes the stage—talking about the Hulu contest starting up; and that's when she sees him. Standing to the side of the stage, guitar in his hands, nervously plucking at the strings while he waits.
"What's Wade doing?"
Lavon blinks at her and scratches his head. Zoe pokes him hard in the arm when he looks away.
"Ow! What do you think he's doing? He's going to play some songs, soon as Brick's done announcing winners of the day time activities! Jeez."
"What? Why? When did he start doing that?"
"Why don't you go ask him yourself? Lavon is tired of you getting all your Wade news through me. Don't know why you can't just talk to him yourself."
"I just, can't…okay?" Zoe looks away from Lavon's disappointed eyes. It still hurts to look at Wade. She thought it would all get easier as time went on…but it hasn't.
They acted like everything was normal those first few months…but nothing is the same. So they avoid each other without acting like they are avoiding each other. She thought it might get better after she called it off with George but the tension remains.
She never thought she would miss Wade so much. She whirls back around when Lavon scoffs at her.
"He thinks I'm still in love with George. Besides, he was seeing that blonde tart last I heard and I—"
"Well, have you told him you're not in love with George? Have you even talked to him lately?"
"About what?"
"About how you're in love with him?"
"What!? I am not." Zoe sees several of the people starting to stare. She lowers her voice and steps closer. "Keep your voice down. Besides, he's seeing—"
"No, he's not."
"Huh?"
"Broke up with her a while ago. Besides, anyone can see he's still crazy about you."
Zoe self-consciously runs a hand down her skirt. "He was crazy about me. He's not anymore." Lavon rolls his eyes at her.
"Fine, whatever. You want to talk yourself out of it, you go right ahead. I'm done offering my opinion. Talk to him, or don't. It's up to you. I'm going to have to judge the next contest so I'll see you later."
"I'm hard to love, hard to love and you say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good."
"Hey." As an opening line…not her best. But hey, at least it's a start.
Wade turns toward her startled. He scratches the back of his head, a strangely nervous gesture from her normally over confident cowboy. Oh God, she just thought of him as her cowboy.
"Hey there." He offers in return and puts both hands back on his guitar. Like he's afraid of what he'll do with them if they aren't occupied.
"So, you're going to play?"
"Yeah."
"Um, that's great."
"Yeah."
"Yeah? That's all you got?"
"Well, what do you want me to say?"
"Oh, I don't know Wade…anything? Maybe something about how it came about or something or a how you doing, Zoe?"
Wade lets out a bitter laugh and Zoe feels it like a sharp pain in her heart. She never thought it would turn out like this, that she would feel more misery over the failed whatever they were with Wade than she felt over realizing she didn't have George after all.
"Fine. How ya doing Zoe?"
She wishes he would call her Doc. Zoe's always been a take charge, go for what you want type. Whether it's always been a part of her or if it came from all those years in New York, she isn't sure of. What she is sure of is that she's done missing Wade Kinsella.
"I'm not in love with George Tucker."
Wade is startled by her rather frank and seemingly random admission—his eyes are wide and his mouth open a little. Zoe smiles a little and bites her lip…he's going to be even more surprised in a minute.
"I'm in love with you, Wade." It's his turn to look like he's been sucker punched.
"No, you're not." He manages to strangle out.
"What do you mean, I'm not?" Zoe plants her fists on her hips and glares at him.
"I mean that now that you aren't with George and you're looking for a little companionship-"
"Oh please!"
"Look, I know you're lonely but—"
"Excuse me? Who said I was lonely? I'm not. I just wanted to clear the air and tell you how I felt!"
"Oh, now that Golden Boy won't have you? Is that it?" He bitterly spits at her.
She wonders then…if anyone has chosen Wade first. When you stack him up next to George, his brother Jesse, Lavon—it's easy to overlook him. She knows she sure did. But when it was just them, she could see him. Flawed, kind, misguided Wade. And now all she sees is him.
"I ended it with George, Wade—not the other way around."
"Don't say it's because of me…I know it's because Lemon started dating my brother."
Zoe huffs out a sigh and looks up, takes a deep breath to calm herself. "That was part of it, true but-"
"But nothing. If it hadn't happened, you'd still be with him." Wade pulls away from the beam he'd been leaning on to press into her personal space. Zoe can feel the whole air heating up. "So you don't have to lie to me, Zoe."
"I'm not lying. Yeah, Lemon and your brother were a catalyst…but don't think I haven't been thinking of you for months. That George didn't have some choice words for me about my focus when it came to you, why you moved out and why I was so upset when you did." Zoe can hear Wade's breath catch and she presses forward, jabbing her finger into his chest.
"So don't tell me that what I feel for you isn't true, that it's a lie. I was confused and stupid about it, but you don't get to tell me how I feel about you." Her eyes are narrowed, focused on his. The rest of the world has dropped away.
"Wade? Wade Kinsella? You out there boy?" Brick calls over the microphone a nervous chuckle in his voice.
Wade whips his head toward the stage—they'd both forgotten about his performance.
"I gotta go."
"Wade, wait—I—"
"Later, Zoe. I gotta go." He turns away from her and mounts the stage.
Zoe sags back into the wall. That didn't go how she'd hoped. She rubs her hand over her forehead in frustration and when he starts on his first song, she starts down the stairs to leave. Maybe she should go hide under a rock.
She's humiliated and she's seriously considering crying when it hits her. She looks back at Wade, on stage—singing into the microphone, strumming his old beat up guitar, slight blush on his face. The crowd is swaying, clapping, enjoying his music.
It's the sight of Wade blushing that cements it for her. She's in love with this man, stubborn as he can be. So, if she's gotta fight for him…she will. He's worth it. They're worth it.
Zoe turns back around and charges back up the steps that lead her to the stage. She marches up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. He turns toward her, voice caught in a long, sloping note surprise on his face. She can hear the murmurs of the crowd but all she can see is Wade.
"I know you don't believe me, but you should." Wade stops singing and the microphone is picking up her voice, carrying it out over Bluebell.
"Zoe,"
"Shut up. I'm talking. I know I screwed it up last time, but you shouldn't have let me. So I'm not going to let you screw it up this time." She reaches forward and grabs the edges of his old leather jacket and pulls him forward.
"You're right. What you said months ago. We shouldn't work. But you know what? When has that gone according to plan? We are both selfish and stubborn. It doesn't matter though, I still love you."
Wade gasps and tries to pull away but she just holds tighter.
"You know why I love you Wade?" She waits for him to shake his head, eyes stormy…but hopeful.
"Because you are a good man. Good in all the best ways. The way you look after your Dad, how if I ever needed anything you'd be there, even if you're mad at me. And because you're wily, charming and smart in so many ways I'm not." Zoe curls the corner of her mouth in a smile. "But mostly I love you because you're you. So can we stop being stupid and prideful already? Because I miss you."
Wade blinks at her for a moment and Zoe nervously glances down to her fingers playing with the edge of his jacket.
"Well, hell Doc. If you wanted me to kiss you…all ya had to do was ask."
Zoe looks up and laughs relief and joy surging through her. Then she's up on the toes of her high heels and Wade is dipping down and pressing his lips to hers.
The passion they've always shared simmers but now that they've cleared the air, Zoe can feel the love rushing through too. Wade's arms wrap around her waist, picking her up and twirling. She pulls back for breath, chuckling.
That's when they both notice the cheering of the crowd. All of Bluebell is gathered close, clapping and hooting in their shared joy. Zoe feels a blush heat her cheeks. She ducks her head into the crook of Wade's neck, embarrassed.
Wade sets her down, swooping in for another long kiss before pulling back with a grin as wide as the Gulf. He leans into the microphone and grips her hand tight in his.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to say I have to cut my performance short due to a sudden illness. I do hope ya'll will understand. I got to go see the Doc about this right away." His eyes slide over to her, gleaming with wickedness. "She's gonna have to put me straight to bed."
"Hold on right there Cowboy!" Zoe yells at him as he pulls her off the stage in his wake, cat calls following them. "Who said anything about a bed?"
"Oooh, Doc…you kinky girl. Never woulda figured you for the type, but sure hey…if you're up for a little public display…" He wiggles his eyebrows at her. Zoe tugs on his hand and digs her heels into the dirt to slow him down.
"God, no you pervert!" She rolls her eyes when he leans back and swoops her up in his arms. "I think I deserve a proper date is all. Surely sex isn't all you think about."
Wade clicks his tongue at her. "Shows what you know."
"Wade!"
"I love you too. I never stopped. There, happy now?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now can we go have sex?"
"Wade!"
"Then I'll let you take me out on a nice date. But I don't think I can keep my hands off you for much longer Doc."
"Well, okay." She drags her fingernail slowly across his exposed collarbone enjoying his shiver. "I guess that can be kind of distracting. Sex first it is. Then you can take me on that date. Wait! My flowers!" She hangs her head back looking longingly towards the booth where she left them.
"Me? You're the fancy Doctor, making all that money. You can take me out. 'Sides, I'll get you more flowers."
"Aren't you a Southern Gentleman?" She sniffed at him. "Means you have to pay."
"First date maybe, but I'm a supporter of women's lib. I have no problem being a kept man…just thought I should let you know."
"I'll bet." Zoe snorts, amused. "Wait, what do you mean you'll get me more flowers?"
It's Wade's turn to roll his eyes at her and hitch her a little higher in his arms. "You know, for a supposed brilliant lady you sure can be dense. Who do you think got you the flowers in the first place?"
"You?"
"Me."
"But why?"
"Cause it's supposed to be romantic. And aren't anniversaries important to girls? What in the hell kind of romancin' did you have in New York that you don't know what flowers are for?" Disbelief clouds his face.
"What anniversary?" Zoe's brow furrows in confusion.
"Of the night I discovered boxed wine makes you a little slutty."
"Ha! You mean the night we first made out? Who knew you were so sentimental!"
Wade stops for a moment to sniff down at her. "Fine, next time you can get the flowers for me. I could use a little romancing myself. Just don't forget the chocolate."
Zoe can't help it; she throws her hand back and laughs until Wade silences her with another searing kiss.
"You love me good." My first Hart of Dixie fic. Hope you enjoyed it. "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice. Great song, you should check it out if you've never heard it before. I felt like it was a great fit for Zoe and Wade. They are both just so stubborn and idiotic that I think they are perfect for each other.