Seneca
Pairing: Dean/Jo
Rating: M
Category: Romance, Angst, AU
Spoilers: set after season five of SPN
Summary: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.-Seneca
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Prologue
Dean didn't go to Lisa like he promised his brother he would. He drove clear across Indiana and kept on driving with no real destination in mind. He didn't stop until he felt his body failing at fighting off the exhaustion he felt creeping up on him.
He ended up in Rocky Mount North Carolina.
He pulled into the first motel he saw and stared up at the flashing vacancy sign as he put the car in park. He leaned back in his seat and continued to stare into space, transfixed as the impact of what happened finally hit him. His eyes slid toward the empty passenger seat and his hand tightened on the steering wheel as he fought the overwhelming urge to cry.
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He tossed his bag onto the bed closest to the bathroom. Sam's bed, as he always referred to it whenever they shared a room. He paused in the middle of taking off his jacket, struck from the sudden pain that comes from the mere thought of his brother. Taking a deep shaky breath, he closed his eyes against the familiar sting of tears he felt coming on. He swallowed hard, swallowing down the grief before it swallowed him whole.
He tossed the jacket onto the bed and kicked his boots off. He collapsed face first onto his bed, the one closest to the door, and closed his eyes. He wrapped his arm around the pillow and buried his face deep into it. He doesn't bother putting his gun under it like he always does.
He slept for 12 straight hours and it's the first time he's done that in his entire life. He doesn't know if he dreams or not, but if he does, he doesn't remember it.
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His eyes slid open two in the afternoon the next day and he slowly blinked up at the ceiling, unable to move. His head ached. His body ached. He couldn't move, not that he wanted to. Another twenty minutes passed before he slowly sat up in bed. Right about now, Sammy would be walking through that door with lunch for the both of them.
But not this time. This time, there is no Sammy. There is only Dean. He could feel the bile start to rise in the back of his throat and it's only a few seconds later that he's hurrying to the bathroom to empty out the contents of his stomach. He leaned his head against the toilet seat, biting his lip against the pain he felt flaring in his chest.
"Stupid." He hissed to himself. "Fucking stupid." Everything was fucked. This life, which was chosen for him. This life which took everything from him. He was the only member of his family left. The only one.
The thought to return to Bobby briefly crossed his mind, but he quickly destroyed that idea. He couldn't go back to that life.
He didn't want to.
He slowly stood up, leaned over and switched on the faucet it's barely been a day without his brother and Dean could already feel the oppressive loneliness began to overtake him.
He does the only other thing he's good at.
He drinks.
He had headed out to the liquor store across the street from the motel he's staying in, thanking his lucky stars at it's location. He bought three bottles of cheap whiskey, planning on getting plastered as quickly as possible. He ignored the creepy cashier's suspicious looks.
"You like your whiskey huh?"
Dean merely grunted, threw money down onto the counter and made his way out of the store as quickly as possible.
Two days and two bottles of cheap whiskey down, he woke up to the sound of his cell phone beeping and twelve missed calls from Bobby. He sat, noticing for the first time that he face down on the floor. He turned onto his side and put the phone to his ear. He checked the first message Bobby had left him. Then the second. Each one more violent then the last. He gave up on the seventh and returned "Bobby's call."
"Dean, where the hell are you?"
"Hello to you too."
"I'm serious yah idjit! I've been calling you for days now. Where the hell are you?"
Dean touched a hand to his forehead. "North Carolina." He answered, clearing his throat. "Rocky Mount."
Bobby was quiet for a long moment then. "Dean, are you alright?"
Dean slowly stood up, stumbling forward into the dresser with a low curse. "I'm peachy." He answered.
"Hmm." Bobby said. "So you've been on a bender for the past week then?"
Dean didn't answer and Bobby cursed.
"Dean, you can't-" He trailed off before continuing. "I know what loss does to yah boy. You can't drown yourself this way. It solves nothing."
"I gotta go bobby." Dean muttered softly. He closed the phone on Bobby's loud protest. He switched the phone off and tossed it over his shoulder. He lay back with a shaky sigh. He stared up at the ceiling for a long moment. His vision slowly blurred and he closed his eyes to stop the sudden flow of tears.
TBC