Heartbroken

Hey everyone! This is the first fic i've written in a while, school has been taking over my life. Please review, would love to know what you think :) xx

Dear Doctor,

I knew this day would come. The day that you don't know who I am. Who I am to you, I mean. I knew it was coming; I just didn't want to believe it. My hearts breaks when I see you swaggering off without a clue who I am. It shouldn't, but it does.

Remember the day we married? I mean in this universe. Of course you do. How could you forget? That suit of yours. Purple! What were you thinking? I shouldn't really be surprised with your fashion choices any more, should I? The dress I wore made me feel so beautiful. It was the best day of my life. It even beats the time we got stuck on that planet with nothing but a chess set and a blanket. Now that was a day worth remembering. The makeup sex was well worth the argument we had when I beat you. Ha! But you don't remember those days anymore. Well you do, but not the you I'm meeting now. And I'll never get to kiss you again.

xox

River stopped writing as tears fell down her face, staining the paper. She was hunched over the paper, clutching her hair. It seemed as though she'd lost hope. The usual hard as nails persona River emanated had disappeared; here sat a broken woman. Her eyes were sunk in like caves, not holding the glittering treasures they once had. Her skin lacked the dewy glow it has once held. River played with the wedding band around her finger. She'd never forget that she belonged to him. In every regeneration, even if she hadn't known it. Hands shaking, she began to write again…

xox

I love you. I know you know that, I just can't say it very often any more. Actually, I haven't said it for months now. And it's killing me slowly. Not being able to hold you like I did is like not having air. Writing this makes me feel like I've been transported back to Area 52, so young, and so, so in love with you. My hearts feel as if they could break at any minute. Help me. Please help me, my love. I know you probably can't, but I need to know you're still there.

I can't wear my wedding ring around you anymore. It's simple gold band no longer flickers in the light every time I move. I read the Gallifreyan you had inscribed on it every day. "My River, my love, my life, my wife." Tears fall down my face when I read it. It makes me feel as though somewhere out there, you're waiting for me, loving me. Don't you ever forget that I love you too. Even when you're meeting a me so young you don't know what to do with her. Remember me as your wife. Remember me as your lover. And remember me as your companion, running always. I will never forget you Doctor, you were the one constant through my whole life. I love you so much. Yours forever, River x

xox

River closed her letter with tears streaming down her face, her page soaked. Thinking about the Doctor made her well up a lot of the time nowadays. The macho façade she wears comes down when she's alone, showing her true self to no one but her. She felt weak, out of control, none of the things you'd associate with River Song. As she licked the envelope shut and wrote the address (the TARDIS always finds a way to get post to him), memories of her life flashed before her eyes, as if her whole diary was playing back to her. Before she knew it she had got up and put it in the box just outside her cell for the guards to pick up. In a daze, she laid on her bed and cried herself into a restless sleep filled with the Doctor.

The Doctor was alone in his TARDIS, tinkering with the thermo couplings again. Jacket off, goofy goggles on, he was laid down under the console. Even as he worked, his mind raced to the Ponds, in particular, one Pond. His wife. River Song. Luscious blonde curly hair, fiery personality, he couldn't find a fault in her. A perfect Time Lady for the last of the Time Lords. Suddenly, a loud zooming noise coming from the console room snapped him out of his River induced daze. Going to investigate, the Doctor found a single letter addressed to him. It could only be from one person.

As he read her letter tears spilled down onto it, mingling with the dry ones which River has placed there. On his hand was the ring she'd given him at their wedding. He was absentmindedly playing with it. Although it had no engraving like hers, swirls covered the golden band, almost forming words in his home language. The Doctor hadn't worn his wedding ring for a long time either. His face turned into a somewhat representation of his breaking hearts. His River. His wife. Before he knew what he was doing, the TARDIS was flying exactly where he needed to go.

The Doctor stepped out to a scene he would have rather not seen. Thankful the TARDIS had taken the breaks off and cloaked herself; he just stood where her was, going unnoticed by river. He watched her break down in front of him. She held her face in her hands, shoulders jolting up and down with the uncontrollable sobbing coming from her. His insides wretched at the sight, but he didn't know what to do, so he simply watched. River pulled her body into a foetal position, cradling herself, yearning for the comfort she so desperately needed. The gentle rocking seemed to calm her slightly. All of a sudden, she got up, placed an envelope into a small container outside her cell and slumped back onto her bed. Tears started running freely again. At this picture, tears slid down the Doctors face as well. His wife seemed hopeless; she looked like she'd given up. He couldn't take it anymore and went back into the TARDIS, fortunately not walking into her first.

The Doctor sat and cried. He didn't want to see his wife crying. He didn't like to see anyone crying, but he hated this. He couldn't even do anything about it. Their timelines were backwards; his firsts were her lasts. Even though he hated it, he could never change it, and never would. He would never rewrite a single moment he and River had spent together, for every moment was so precious for them. From the very first moment either met each other, their journey was predetermined. Finally, coming to his senses, the Doctor walked back outside, tear tracks on his face.

He was met with a sleeping River, her face red and swollen from crying. He sat and watched her. She looked so serene, the epitome of beauty. Even though there was blatant evidence she had been crying, the corners of River's mouth were gently pulled into a smile. The Doctor wondered what she was dreaming about. As this thought paraded around his head, River stirred. Slowly, she woke up to see the Doctor staring down at her.

"Hello Sweetie." River said sleepily. She sat up, her hair in beautiful disarray. Instead of replying, the Doctor embraced her. Although short, it conveyed all the emotion he was feeling at that very moment. Tears started to fall from Rivers eyes again. She couldn't believe he was here. Pulling back, the Doctor whispered in her ear. "I read your letter love." He gazed into her eyes. Love was bouncing between their looks. Nothing could have stopped it.

"I've missed you." River sniffled.

"And you I, my love." The Doctor slowly moved towards River, his lips slightly open. As their lips touched, tears started to fall from both of them. Their lips moved in tandem, slow, smooth, trying to draw out this kiss for as long as possible. Although neither wanted to, they pulled apart, desperate for air.

"Thank you." River said quietly, smiling though her tears. Again, he cradled her, not sure what to do, but somehow felt everything was going to be alright.

"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come tonight, darling." River whispered to him.

"After reading your letter, I couldn't do anything else but come." He replied, talking equally quietly. At this, River smiled and snuggled into her Doctor. For a long while, they both simply sat in that position, holding onto each other for comfort. Neither wanted to be alone tonight,

"You know, I'll always be here for you River, even when I'm not around anymore. Just read your diary. Remember the running. Remember us." The doctor finally broke the silence. Both of them had tear marks running down their faces again. Although both were certain they would see each other again, it wasn't likely they would ever meet this version of each other again.

Through tears of joy and deep sadness (mainly sadness) River leant up and kissed the Doctor. Not the soft, timid kind you'd expect from a crying woman, but the harsh, bruising kind which tore mens hearts apart. In particular, one mans hearts. The Doctor sat there, stunned. Despite his best efforts at gaining control of the kiss, he knew it was futile. His wife was too strong. Not that he minded of course. He could feel her smiling into his mouth, her tongue circling his own. Suddenly, she was straddling him, holding the Doctor back by his shoulders. Slowly he leant back until they were lying down, River on top of him. His hands wondered into that big, heavenly hair. Each finger twirled round a different curl, all of them springing back into place. With a rush of sudden confidence, the Doctor turned both of them over, him now on top. He couldn't wait to explore his wife.

River felt his hands wander over her curves, feeling every inch of her body. She squirmed, his hands tickling. A deep sensuous laugh rumbled from her. It stopped as the Doctors hands reached the apex of her thighs, gently skimming the skin there. All of a sudden, his hands were under her top, drawing circles on her stomach. Oh, he knew how to please her. She moaned into his mouth as he made his way up, almost cupping her left breast. He was teasing her.

"Just touch me." She said, words becoming mumbled by his tongue. At that point, he gave her exactly what she wanted. His hands roamed her upper body, touching exactly where he knew she loved it. Rivers moans were becoming insistent now. The Doctor had divested her of her top, leaving her in a black lacy bra.

"You. Are. Beautiful." He said between kisses to her stomach. Hands were now scratching at his back, leaving welts and pulling him so much closer than was thought possible.

Without warning, a guard rounded the corner, coming to collect the envelope outside Rivers cell. He looked up, completely caught unawares by the couple frantically trying to cover River's top half up.

"I'll just, uh, be going." He muttered to himself, and ran back the way he came. His face looked like he was trying to work out how a man had got into her cell.

"He must be new." The Doctor giggled into Rivers hair. Although the mood had well and truly been spoilt, both were clinging onto each other, not wanting to let go.

"You know I don't want to, but I have to go." The Doctor said sadly, squeezing Rivers arm.

"I know." River nodded in agreement. Standing up and straightening his bow tie, he turned around, a tear slipping down his face.

"I love you." River stated, trying to be strong.

"I love you too. So much. Don't forget it." after one last lingering kiss, the Doctor stepped outside the cell.

"Bye." He said through a watery smile.

"Bye." She replied, equally teary. With that the Doctor went back into the TARDIS, knowing he would only see his wife one more time. But she didn't have to know that.