Inspired by Rascal Flatts song I'm Moving On.
The apartment, she no longer thought of it as hers, was empty as she looked back on it for one final time. She had spent a great period of her life sleeping in this place but she had spent very little waking time in it, spending all of her time working to the point where she felt like she could work no longer.
She had spent the past few months dealing with all of her demons and problems, trying to reach the point where she was content with herself as she was. She had many regrets in her life and although she could never quite be happy with how she had led her life, she was content with her past despite the regrets.
She had spent her life, after all the hurt she had faced, closing off and hiding her emotions but in those moments of reflection, she had found that those moments where she let her emotions out were the ones from which she drew her strength to carry on. She was at peace with herself now.
She had blamed herself for so many things for so long. Maybe if she hadn't gone out that night her father wouldn't have died, maybe if she'd have tried harder Jack would have stayed, maybe if she'd have been quicker, smarter Dom would still be alive. She had been trapped in the regrets of her past, focusing on the past instead of her present.
That had ended now. She was moving on.
She wasn't even sure how long she had lived in Los Angeles for now, it all felt like one long action packed, adrenaline fuelled blur but she knew all the faces in the OSP. They were all different agents but they all blended into one, unified by their job but Kensi could always try to find distinctions. It helped her try and pretend that she hadn't become one of those agents herself, that she was still herself behind all the masks, that she still had her own quirks that people might notice. They all had their masks and their personas that they hid behind but they were all broken in one way or another so it wasn't surprising.
None of them ever attacked or hurt Kensi personally but, while she was stuck in the confines of her job, she would never be able to change her life and outlook. Her personas and masks would always be used and abused in the line of duty. Despite it being her home, Kensi just no longer belonged.
Finally after so many years, she could see that he life had been on pause the whole time, waiting right there for her and all she needed to do was reach out and grasp it with both hands. There was no guarantee that it would be easy but Kensi would never be alone along the way.
It was her time to move on, to break free of the chains that were pulling her down, drowning her in lies and pain. Days just became time passing by not an opportunity to live but Kensi wasn't going to let that happen anymore, she was going to live life to the fullest she possibly could, those days were gone.
Kensi didn't do goodbyes, they were always too painful and people always tried to stop you from leaving, said it would get better, referred her to yet another shrink. She cleared out the junk that once filled her apartment and sold what else she could. The rest was packed and fitted into her car like a jigsaw puzzle.
And then she drove, and kept on driving. She stopped to fill up her car on the way out of Los Angeles. It was in that moment that it all sank in. She was really doing this, she was really leaving. By this point her team would have noticed her absence and put out searches for her. They would go to her apartment and find it empty apart from the letters she had written sat on the counter. Brief and not sentimental at all, the explained she had gone and not to track her and little else. She had changed cars
Kensi had lived life like she shouldn't, pushing the wrong limits until she could push no longer. Life had pushed back with twice the force and it had pushed her right over until she couldn't get up and couldn't see an end. She lost everything, her confidence, her edge. It was then that she realised that she could do something else with her life.
She wasn't entirely sure where she was going as she drove away from the city but she knew that she was taking that life that had been waiting for her. She was moving on.
Just a quick little one shot inspired by listening to my iPod. Hope you like it. It's unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please review.