I always pondered who my last words would be to, who my last memories would be shared with, how my life long road would end up…
My life was to the most part unfulfilled. I loved someone who could never love me back and I never told her how much I cared for her, I never gathered the courage… I love you Lily Evans.
Her eyes, oh her beautiful green eyes, nothing can or will ever compare. The sweet nature in her ways, ever since I met her, those many years ago under the old oak, I knew, I just knew she was the one for me.
From that day on, whenever I saw her, I crumbled inside again and again. I never seemed to get the words out right; she probably thought I was a right weirdo. I guess I'll never know what she really thought of me. For me, she was like an angel, an angel come down to heaven just for me. She was different from the others in my year, instead of calling me 'Snivellus' or laughing at me when I walked past she would always stick up for me, which I liked but I could never let it show how much I cared for her, for fear they would tease me.
It was on one of those days that I made the biggest mistake of my life, they had cornered me, spouting their vicious words as usual, but then she came truly like an angel from heaven and she saved me, got them away. He was still teasing me, teasing me, using her to get to me! He knew I loved her and yet he still asked her out in front of me! I was so angry, I could have punched his smug, stupid little face off in that instant but what does stupid me go and do? I insult the person who was trying to help me out in the first place, good one Severus. She never really spoke to me from that day on; she wouldn't even let me say sorry…
I can remember that day, that terrible day that I found out what had become of her. It felt like a sledge hammer had collided with my chest, crushing my heart instantly. My whole world fell apart and I wanted to run and hide and crawl into a ball and never ever wake up. What sort of a life is worth living without Lily? It was then that I knew what I had to do, I had to make it right somehow, I just had to. So that is why I began to deceive the most evil wizard in history.
I am not going to say that it was an easy task because it wasn't at all, I divided opinions on both sides but I was successful in my aims in the end, I protected the boy at all costs.
For me there was only one side, Lily. Of all the things he lied to me about, I genuinely thought he meant that he wouldn't touch her and when he did, no words can explain my hatred for him from then onwards. He was horrid and cruel and vindictive. He never could understand love so didn't see the reasoning in keeping his promise to leave my love alone. From that day onwards revenge was the only thing that kept me going, I had to be subtle for if he got wind of anything at all then he would have killed me right then but as the years past it got easier because he trusted me and the character I played was almost part of me.
To say my death should have been avoided is an understatement but that is all Tom wanted, power at all costs even if it meant disposing of his most 'faithful' servant. I suppose in my mind what is the most upsetting was that the stupid elder wand wasn't even mine but yet I still had to die. If he had thought about it for even a second then I would be still around, though I suppose he did me one favour – I can be with Lily forever now.
And so my life has come to its end but it's not a bad ending, I looked into her eyes and as my last words left my lips 'I love you Lily…' I closed my eyes for the final time.