"Hey Motoki...got a minute?" Mamoru asked solemnly as he collapsed onto his bed in their shared dorm room and faced the ceiling with a sigh. Motoki placed the book he had been reading on his desk before turning his chair and giving his friend his full attention.
"Sure Mamoru, what's up?"
"It's about Usagi..." He replied. A worried look immediately crossed Motoki's face as he looked on his friend with interest.
"There's nothing wrong is there?" Motoki asked him carefully. He couldn't fathom what could be happening in their relationship that would cause Mamoru to be so melancholy. Sure, four years ago, when Usagi was 14 and his friend was 19 he hadn't imagined that they would be together. But then here they were, four years later, still going strong, and he couldn't imagine them apart. He had seen them go through it all: two break-ups, stupid arguments, and the distance that was created when Mamoru had transferred to a college in America with him, leaving her behind. But when Usagi had graduated and came to a woman's college in the same city, he had seen his friend completely light up; he had never seen him so happy. But then lately he was getting worried; Mamoru was acting very withdrawn, not from everything in particular, but from Usagi. Not that he was spying on his friend; rather, he was looking on in concern. In the past weeks, he had seen passionate kisses turn into pecks on the cheek, heartfelt embraces turn into light touches, and long adoring looks turn into subtle glances. He wanted to ask his friend what was going on, but felt that perhaps that was slightly too far to pry, and only hoped he would tell him about it. All he could wish, was that what he was about to tell him, was nothing along the lines of a break-up, cause he knew that those two were absolutely miserable without each other.
"No...I mean...we're fine." Mamoru replied with another sigh.
"Then what's wrong?" He asked in an almost exasperated sigh. Usually he could read his friend very well; however, this was one of those times that were for not.
"Lately..." Mamoru sighed once more as he passed his fingers through his bangs in frustration as he looked towards Motoki, hoping that he would be able to read him. Motoki looked into those frustrated eyes and knew at once that it was an emotional problem, not one of Mamoru's forte. "In the past couple of weeks...I've been seeing Usagi in a new light...I mean...to tell you the truth, I've seen her that way for a long time." He sighed once more, obviously exasperated beyond belief. "Do you know what I mean?" He said as he looked at his friend for support.
"A new light?" Motoki asked in confusion with a perplexed look.
"You know...different." Mamoru said with a look that conveyed something very deep.
"Ohh...different." Motoki said understanding finally; now he was beginning to understand where this was going. "You mean...sexy different."
"Yeah..." Mamoru continued as he flopped hack on his back to look at the ceiling once more. "Lately...I've been finding it harder..."
"To keep your hands off her?" Motoki finished with a smirk and a raise of his brow only to get smacked in the face with a pillow.
"This is serious Motoki!" He replied as he sat up on his bed, hitting his back against the wall. "It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to touch her...I'm afraid that one small touch will lead to a point where I won't be able to turn back...and Usagi's so sensitive you know?" Mamoru paused and then suddenly got quiet. "I don't want to hurt her."
"I know how you feel." Motoki said seriously. "I remember when me and Reika started talking about it, and we basically had to make a decision ya know."
"And what did you decide?"
"Well, we decided that we both were ready for that point in our relationship." He began. "I know you may not think that a simple agreement is enough, but it means everything...I mean, it meant that if ever we had reached that point of no return, we knew that we both wanted it and it wasn't a momentary burst of energy."
"But how do you talk to your girlfriend about having sex when the word has never entered the conversation between you before?" Mamoru said in an exasperated manner.
She felt the cool wind brush by her, tickling her cheeks and lightly combing through her golden locks; without conscious thought she brought the varsity track jacket snuggly around her body for comfort. She looked down at the way it was draped around her body; it still smelled of his cologne and roses, even through he had given it to her but a year ago.
"Mamo-chan?" Usagi asked in frustration, breaking the silence that had elapsed between them as they walked through the park to their spot under the cherry tree, after Mamoru had showed up to her dorm room unannounced, saying that he had to speak with her. "Is something wrong?" She asked worriedly, her eyes watering. Lately she felt as if he was so distant; they barely even kissed. It was as if he had built a wall of ice around his heart and she had to try desperately to break through, and that scared her. And the way they were walking, she felt as if someone could place a yardstick between them.
"Nothing's...wrong." He replied with a small smile to somewhat calm the worry building within her.
"Are you sure?" She asked worriedly, a feeling of dread crawling into her heart; Mamoru hadn't been this quiet with her since the last time he broke up with her, saying that he needed space. "Is it me?" She said softly, suddenly stopping in her tracks, feeling as if her world was crumbling around her. As soon as he heard her words he turned around brashly, realizing how his withdrawn attitude was affecting her. He immediately pulled her wrists in his hands and forced her to look in his eyes.
"There's nothing wrong with you...there's nothing wrong with me...and we are still a couple very much in love." He replied softly before placing a quick kiss on her lips, not wanting to deal with her in that manner just yet. He turned around and led her by the wrists to the tree so that they could sit down. But Usagi took it in a different manner, feeling that the thought of touching her must be disgusting him in some way. She tried to hold it all in but found she couldn't, and the tears just came. One by one they dropped down her face; she immediately looked down, not wanting him to see her eyes, but sensing her anguish he turned around to see her forlorn look. "Usagi, I promise you...I'm not leaving you...I..."
"Then...then how come you don't want to kiss me anymore?" She asked in an exasperated manner. "Damnit Mamo-chan, it's like...I feel like nothing anymore...you barely even touch me...not even for a hug." She finished as she walked passed him to the tree and looked at the lake, the very spot where they had shared many a romantic nights looking at beautiful sunrises. The tears were falling freely now, but she no longer cared; she was afraid that she might be losing everything now.
She could feel him behind her, silently watching her; she could even see the speechless look he probably had on his face in her mind, seeing that everything was out in the open.
Oh, but if she only knew how wrong she was!
She could feel him lightly touch the palm of her hand and slip his fingers through her own; giving a light squeeze that let her know he was still there before finally responding to her outcry.
"We need to talk." He said to her softly. Without warning she turned around and flung herself into his arms, burying her face in his chest. He responded in full, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist.
"Promise me that everything's ok." She cried.
"I promise." He replied softly before bringing her down to sit with him beneath the tree, her body still enveloped in his arms. Slowly he released her, wiping her tears before continuing. "Before I begin, can you promise me that you'll listen to everything I say, keep an open mind, and answer me when I'm finished?" He continued once more before quickly adding on to reinsure her. "I promise you that everything's ok, I just...need you to promise me that."
"I promise." She replied softly, allowing him to wipe away that last of her tears with his thumbs.
"Usako this is so hard for me to say to you...I'm not very good with emotions..." He paused and looked away. "And frankly I'm scared out of my mind because I don't know how you'll answer me...and I don't know where we'll go from there if..." He paused once more to turn and look at her puzzled face. "This is a lot harder than I thought it would be." He continued with a sigh. "Usagi, you know that I love you don't you?" She nodded softly with a yes, unsure of where this was going.
"And I love you too." She replied softly.
"Well...lately." He sighed; realizing that the only way he was going to get through this was to just say what was on his mind. "Lately...I've felt different about you."
"Different?" She asked confused, and slightly worried.
"Yeah..." He paused. "I feel we've reached that point in our relationship where we should start considering this now." He paused once more.
Well, here goes nothing.
"Actually, I've been seeing you differently for a long time, but lately...lately." Realization suddenly dawned on Usagi she suddenly looked him in the eye with newfound wonder.
"You want to have sex?" She asked bluntly and then covered her mouth, a great hue appearing on her face as she quickly turned away from him.
And then it was out of the bag.
Mamoru turned to Usagi, who was busy trying to make it seem as if the grass was more interesting, with wonder and shock written all over his face.
"Gomen nasi...that is so embarrassing." She replied softly to him, but more to herself than anything. That was the last thing he was expecting, but now that it was out, it made life slightly easier for him. He lightly placed his finger beneath her chin before turning her to face him.
"Don't be embarrassed." He replied softly trying to get her to look at him, but she refused to look him eye to eye. "It's ok for you to think of me in that way." He paused once more. "You know...the last few weeks have been torture for me, lately I've found it so hard to keep my hands off you, trying to find someway to tell you how I feel...and you know what?" He asked her before leaning in to whisper in her ears. "I've been thinking of you in that way for years." He ended huskily.
"You have?" She asked in wonder, her eyes darting up to his quickly before looking away again.
"But I'm not ashamed Usa..." He continued. "Usa...how do you feel about me...do you...did you ever consider us...in that way?" He asked her softly. Her face got even redder, if that were possible, as he allowed her the time to voice her feelings.
"I...I started wondering...when I was sixteen...but I-I thought I was too young, and naive to-to...but when I reached college, it was like I was in another world, and all of these woman around me, I felt like all of them were...you know." She paused, twittering her thumbs. "And I was even more curious...what it would be like if we...and then when you took me to see that movie...I-I...didn't know how to say anything...and at first I thought that I could just...and now, I'm afraid...afraid that you'll think I'm ugly...or skinny, and that you won't like me...and if you didn't like me and we didn't see each other after..."
"Shhhh." He interrupted, calming her fears as he rocked her back and forth, her words beginning to come out in blurbs; at least he knew they were on the same page. "How could you ever think that about yourself?" He said to her suddenly, forcing her to look at him. "Do you have any idea how undeniably sexy you are?" Her eyes immediately widened in response to his comments.
"Sexy?" She said in a questioningly manner. "You think I'm sexy?" She said with a hue, her face turning once more. "You're just saying that..."
"Do you have any idea how jealous I get when I see other guys looking at you...looking at your body?" He asked her huskily, lifting her chin to face him once more. "I want to claim you all my own, be with you in a way that would rise no question from anyone as to whether or not you were mine." He paused. "That's why I needed to talk to you." He said to her. "I wanted to know that if anything ever happened, and we ended up making love, that...that you wouldn't regret it in the morning...that you would never think of something so special and important to me as a mistake...we don't have to do anything Usako, I just want to know before anything happens...just how far you would..."
"Mamo-chan I could never...it could never be a mistake." She interrupted. "Cause I love you...and I know you love me." She ended softly, placing her palm on the side of his face to calm his own demons.
"Does this mean?" He asked hesitantly, afraid of her answer.
"Yes." She replied with a slight nod of her head, before leaning over to kiss him.
"So when...I mean, do you want to just..." His question was left open as she quickly placed another passionate kiss on his lips before releasing slowly.
"How bout now?"
Usagi looked around shyly, her arm clinging tightly to Mamoru's side as he in turn held her waist tightly. She looked down at the floor rather bashfully as they stepped into the pit, where everyone hung out usually in the late evening.
"Hey Motoki!" Mamoru cried out happily as they approached where he was sitting at one of the booths, a strawberry milkshake sitting in front of him. It wasn't until they got closer that they recognized a familiar brown-eyed brunette sitting next to him.
"Reika!" Usagi exclaimed as she released herself from Mamoru's tight hold to go greet the other woman at the booth.
"Hi Usagi, have a seat." She said with a smile as Usagi took the invitation, Mamoru not far behind, his arm snaking around her waist just as soon as he sat down next to her.
She felt kind of naked and slightly embarrassed; knowing that Mamoru had seen her with not a stitch on changed everything entirely. It made her feel nervous all over, as if he was constantly seeing her in the nude, as if wearing clothes didn't matter anymore. If that wasn't enough, as soon as they were sitting in their seats comfortably, Mamoru leaned over and whispered into her ear making her even more embarrassed.
"Don't worry Usa...I am picturing you naked." He said to her huskily, making her eyes grow slightly wide. Motoki, oblivious of what Mamoru could be whispering, looked at the term of endearment and smiled secretly, he'd have to ask Mamoru later.
"What are you doing here?" Usagi asked incredulously, almost out of breath it seemed, as she addressed the woman sitting next to Motoki.
"I just flew in to surprise Motoki!" She said with a huge grin. "So how's your first year so far?"
"It's ok, kinda dull at times, but I have Mamo-chan and Motoki to keep me company."
"Have you made any friends, I figured you of all people would have some kind of fan club following you around by now." She said with a smile, causing Usagi to turn deep red.
"Well no...for some reason, the people aren't as nice here as they are in Tokyo." She replied.
"Hey Usa, do you want anything?" Mamoru asked her softly. "Perhaps a strawberry shake?" She nodded her head in affirmative as he slowly released her, not before planting a kiss on the tip of her nose. She blushed a deep red before turning to the couple whom was staring at her with smiles on their faces.
"Actually." Motoki commented to his girlfriend. "Usagi does have a fan club...half the male population at our University is after her...unfortunately though, that also means that half of the female population at her school is also jealous of her." He finished with a smile.
"Motoki!" Usagi squealed in embarrassment as Mamoru returned with her drink and sat down next to her.
"What did I miss?" He asked as he snuggled up to her once more.
"Motoki embarrassing Usagi." Reika said with a joking smile, as Usagi blushed even more.
"I was merely telling Reika here, about Usa's fame with the men at our school." Motoki replied causing Usagi to blush even more, if that were possible.
"What do you expect, when you have a girlfriend as sexy as this?" He replied jokingly as he reached out and nibbled her ear.
"Mamo-chan!" She giggled in a husky manner as he tickled her senses.
"She's cost me a lot of friends you know." Mamoru continued as he turned to Reika, an adoring look on her face at the way the two played openly with each other. She vaguely remembered times when her and Motoki were just like that, they still were on occasion, but never like the first time when they...At that last thought, Reika smiled.
"Hey Mamo-chan." Usagi smiled secretively. "Remember that thing you wanted to show me?" She asked with a smile on her face.
"What thing?" Mamoru asked in wonder, causing Usagi to nudge him under the table before continuing.
"You know...that thing." She pushed.
"Oh...oh yeah...and we have some things to discuss I believe." He said to her with a smile before turning to their friends. "Uh...we'll see you later...I have to show Usagi...that...that...um...my award that I got!" He said triumphantly. "You know, the one I got for being on the dean's list Motoki." Mamoru said to him as they both stood up.
"You got on the dean's list?" Reika asked with a smile.
"Yeah, isn't my Mamo-chan smart?" Usagi asked as she hugged him tightly, her face leaning adoringly against his chest.
"Well...we gotta go...discuss things...and look at that award." He said
to them.
"Go, go, discuss things...don't let us keep you." Motoki said with a smile, shooing them away. Inwardly Usagi wondered if Motoki would have wholeheartedly agreed to that if he knew what they were about to do in their room, or if him or Reika could tell that before they came to the pit, they had just been doing that very same thing.
Mamoru had taken her to his room earlier and put their beds together so that they would have more space. He had placed roses all around the room, having an endless supply, making the room as romantic as possible before laying Usagi on a bed of rose petals. When they were through, they slept a little, but then he suggested that they go out and get something to eat. He reminded her that staying there in his room wasn't good cause in all truth, according to the rules, he had C visitation; meaning that he was aloud to have girls in his room anytime of the night, but they weren't allowed to sleep there. So they had sleepily gotten up, and snuck into the showers with towels around their bodies and slippers on their feet. Of course only after Mamoru checked first to see if any other males were there or in the halls; they then took a shower together, where he surprisingly made love to her again, keeping his lips firmly planted to her own to cover any sound she might make. Usagi blushed when she thought about how dangerous that was, and all the trouble they could have gotten into if they had gotten caught. Afterwards they went back to the room and dressed, the roses automatically disappearing with a snap of his fingers. They had picked up the sheets and brought them downstairs to the washer machine to be washed, waited for them to be done before sticking them in the dryer and heading down to the pit. She smiled inwardly as she realized those same sheets would soon be tainted once more.
When Mamoru and Usagi were gone, both Reika and Motoki looked at each other with hidden smiles, knowing that those two would be doing anything but discussing things and looking at awards.
"So..." Reika said with a knowing smile as she looked to Motoki.
"Wanna go and discuss some things to?" He asked with a devious smile. "Look at my awards perhaps?" He asked as he leaned over as began nibbling her ear playfully, as Mamoru had done earlier to Usagi.
"I didn't come here to talk you know." Reika replied as she got up and dragged him with her. "Let's go get a room."
"Why get a room when we can go to the dorms?"
"Cause stupid." Reika said playfully. "That room's already occupied." She ended with a knowing smile. She dragged him away, leaving two forgotten shakes on the table.
Her lips quivered slightly as they repeatedly kissed; the sheets were wrapped around the both of their bodies as he held her tightly to his own body, never wanting to let go. She felt completely spent as she held her arm steadfast around his muscular back, the palm of her hand coming to scrunch tightly against his shoulder. When they finally released, both were exhausted and exasperated from the kiss.
"Aishiteru, Usa." He said to her softly as she began to drift into slumber.
"Aishiteru...Mamo-chan." She mumbled before falling into a deep sleep, her head absentmindedly snuggling closer into the crook of his neck, him staying awake to watch her as she slept.
The end