Disclaimer—Harry Potter/Legend of Zelda belong to their respective creators, who are not me.
Update 10/09/10: Cleaned up a bit of grammar/flow, made the ending not as goofy.
"Harry, you'll never believe what I found in the library just now!"
"A book?" Ron snarked, carefully maneuvering a knight to capture Harry's remaining rook, "Check."
"Yes, Ronald, a book. A very important book that can help us find the you-know-whats before Voldemort begins his reign of terror on the muggles, and the muggleborns, and the so-called blood traitors, which I believe would be prudent to pay attention to, seeing as the Weasley family is notorious for siding with the light! Furthermore…"
Knowing she wouldn't let the subject go until they personally viewed this remarkable book, Harry and Ron shared a grimace as Harry tipped over his king. Not that anyone ever beat the resident chess master, but Harry was often roped into these sorts of situations by his slightly crazy friends (and sometimes by Voldemort and his lackeys, but those hijinks are best not mentioned in polite company).
Hermione marched briskly though the halls, an excited bounce ill-contained in her stride, and lead the trio to an out of the way table in the darkest, dustiest corner of the library. Harry settled regretfully into a creaking wooden chair, and Ron prodded a wadded up scroll of decade-old OWL revision notes with his wand, grinning cheerfully when the banished paper smacked into the bent head of a studious Ravenclaw three tables over.
"Here it is," Hermione squealed, pointing at a complicated looking array of Runes drawn next to a list of long arithmancy equations.
"Why are we summoning demons? They'll just off and join You-Know-Who soon as we—"
"Not just demons Ronald, these equations can be altered to summon any alternate dimensional being. I just need a few days to recalculate the array angles, and we can summon help."
"You mean, like an army?" Harry spoke slowly, thinking it out. "Or are we talking specialists, like some kind of dark lord hunter?"
"The way I understand it, we can summon a hero to help us round up Voldemort's followers, train us into proficiency in another world's combat, and get the jump on Voldemort himself. This kind of advantage could rewrite the entire conflict as we know it into something much more manageable. Think about it—all of the learning experiences from someone who's done it all, seen it all..."
"Hermione, you're nutters. It won't work." Ron watched the pocket containing her wand, just in case, as she swelled and purpled and held her tongue waiting for Harry to think about the possibilities. Harry hesitated, but only slightly as he remembered the near deaths of several of his closest friends in the Department of Mysteries fiasco.
"OK, I'm in."
The strange watery beast continued to attack, and he continued to dodge, unwilling to be picked up and launched across the room into the spiked wall again. A small voice shouted a warning—"HEY!"—just in time for him to land a final strike with no further damage to his person. Liberating the metal framed heart from the beast's lair, he exited the temple housing the greatest challenge he had faced to date. Removing a shining blue ocarina, he began the magic to transport back to his home base in the Temple of Light…
Link was highly displeased.
First, Navi hadn't shut up for more than five minutes the entire week (plus seven years) he had known her. He knew he was a mite tetchy, running on adrenaline and healing potions for the past few days (plus seven years), but really, a guy could use some peace and quiet to contemplate his destined quest. Also, it was kind of weird to have a bubble of light living in his hat.
Second, being the destined chosen one was an awful job. Being chosen as the savior of Hyrule was only exciting until he saw his paycheck—the jury was still out on whether it is "invisible" or "too small to count." Nice paychecks have, sadly, yet to grow on trees, in the grass, or in ceramic pots, and not for lack of looking either.
Third, mid-warp from Lake Hylia, strange magic had taken hold of him and yanked him into existence, in an unfamiliar stone room in front of three beings similar to, but not quite Hylian.
Scowling, he pulled his sword from his sheath and loosed his shield, taking on a ready stance and hoping to intimidate these creatures into releasing him or getting on with their attack. Instead of looking properly cowed, the creatures bared their teeth in delight. In the confusion, Navi slid out from under his hat and began bouncing around, trying for a lock on location or at the very least a weakness on the new monsters. Apparently finding nothing helpful, Navi tried the verbal insistence method of information gathering.
"HEY! We're on an important quest right now! Stop wandering around and send us back so we can save the Princess!" The girl-creature blinked, startled.
"I'm sorry, it seems your princess is another castle. We pulled you to this dimension because we need your help. There is a dark lord gathering power, and Harry is the chosen one destined to bring balance back to the wizarding world, but is slightly outclassed in terms of sheer experience, my thought—" Harry cut her off mid-sentence, looking guilty but resolved and staring distractedly at the golden triangle appearing on his hand.
"Look, the poor man just wants to finish his own quest and get back to a normal life without the fate of an entire world resting on his success or failure. Just send him home, OK? We shouldn't be dragging other people into our fight anyways, Voldemort is our business."
Sheepishly, Ron stopped staring in jealous awe at the Master Sword, and as though it had been his intent the entire time began charming the oddly angular bottles he saw attached to the warrior's belt to be unbreakable. Hermione, muttering apologies and flushed red, decided to enchant the equipment bag to be much larger on the inside as well as feather light.
Harry and Link eyed each other with respectful and curious gazes, nodding as their eyes met. "Call us if you need some help with your dark lord, or if you want to get away for a bit after," Harry offered, shaking Link's hand and understanding the burden as only another Chosen could. Link dug into his newly charmed pack and handed Harry the Fairy Ocarina, nodding and stepping back to the center of the array Hermione had magically carved into the floor.
A blinding flash filled the room, and the summoning circle contained only scorch marks.
"I hope you're happy Mione."
"Ron—"
"I told you this wouldn't work!"
Harry just smiled as his friends bickered, plotting the best way to obtain the Sword of Gryffindor and begin his new training as the Earth's bearer of the Triforce of Courage.
'Fourth,' his thoughts continued mulishly, as he swam to the shore of the lake the summoning portal had dropped him in, 'Fourth, I was pulled to that strange other world, which somehow turned out to be ok but really nothing can be okay because fifth, fuck you Water Temple. I am going on a nice vacation to Kakariko Village and I will accept no less than three days of temple-free, well, one day of temple-free relaxation!'