A/N: I know there are lots of these fics out there but I wanted to publish my own take on Ukitake dying. I know I'm mean to kill him off but the idea was too good to pass up. I really am a huge fangirl of him. Anyway, please read and review! n.n
Breathe Again
Juushiro Ukitake opened his eyes. The morning sun slanted through the windows at just the right angle to blind him. He shut his eyes again. That was when he noticed the pain. Not the fast-departing pain of in his eyes, but the deep-rooted pain in his chest that spiked with every breath. The constant throbbing was familiar by now, but that didn't help. Not much did. Knowing this, Juushiro thought that at least he could get something to drink. Tea would be nice. Opening his eyes cautiously, Juushiro pushed himself into a sitting position and stood up slowly. His muscles felt strange, as if he was moving underwater. A deep ache of exhaustion pervaded his whole being. Though he had slept through the night, this was fatigue of a different kind. Juushiro slowly walked into his kitchen and started heating water for tea. Outside the window, the sun was sun was hitting the lake and the water sparkled with golden light. The simple beauty made Juushiro smile. He had lived here for centuries, seen the same scene every morning and it never ceased to amaze him.
A tightening in his chest interrupted his thoughts. The sensation made it hard to breathe and he coughed to ease the unpleasant symptom. Today wasn't looking so good, judging by his state so far. He leaned against the counter and drank the hot tea. It soothed his throat a little but did nothing for the ache in his chest. Juushiro set the empty cup down and started towards the bedroom with the intention of getting dressed. Lying in bed like an invalid did not sound appealing.
The mounting pain in his chest stopped him mid-stride. Harsh coughs wracked his tall frame. They continued as he fell to his hands and knees. Pain shot through his chest, spreading to his shoulders and head. He coughed until blood forced itself out of his mouth and spattered across the floor. After a few minutes, the coughs abated. Juushiro breathed deeply, choking on the air as he struggled to breathe normally. His hands and mouth were soaked with blood. He wiped his hands absentmindedly on his sleeves. Carefully, so as not to trigger another attack, Juushiro got up from the floor and made his way to the futon. He sat with his back against the wall and the blankets pooled around his waist. He shut his eyes and leaned back. Despite the pain, it was quite peaceful.
The approaching spiritual pressures of his third seats broke his reverie. They would worry if they saw him in bed this late in the morning, but he didn't have the energy to get up and meet them at the door. Another fit of coughing caused him to double over again. There was no blood this time but the pain stayed constant. He squeezed his eyes shut for a minute in a futile attempt to will it away.
Alarmed by his coughing fit, Kiyone and Sentarou burst through the door, both talking at once. The noise made his head pound.
"Taichou, are you sick?" Kiyone cried.
"Of course he's sick, you little brat!" Sentarou yelled back at her.
"I'll get you some tea, Ukitake-taichou!" Kiyone shouted and ran into the kitchen.
"You said I could get the tea this time!" Sentarou bellowed.
"I offered first!"
Juushiro rubbed his aching head and began to cough again. It felt as though there was a knife between his ribs that was being slowly turned. Sentarou watched him anxiously.
"Should I get Unohana-taichou?" he asked tentatively. Juushiro nodded slowly. Sentarou looked surprised. The captain never simply agreed to see the fourth division captain. He always said "I don't want to be an inconvenience." or "If she's available." It must be serious this time. Not that previous attacks hadn't been serious, but this was on a different level somehow.
As soon as Sentarou left Kiyone rushed in, a cup of tea tipping precariously in her hand. She handed it to him with a cheerful: "Here you go taichou!" Juushiro murmured his thanks and sipped it. When he felt he could speak properly he said,
"I'm sorry.. about the mess in there.." Juushiro winced internally at how hoarse he sounded.
"It's okay, I cleaned it up! Is there anything else I can get you?" she asked.
"If you don't mind.. inform the soutaichou that.. I can't be on duty today.." Juushiro knew Sensei wouldn't mind. The old man was used to his old student's sick days.
"Right away, taichou!" Kiyone cried before flashing out of the house. Juushiro drank more tea in the hope that he wouldn't start coughing again. The quiet of the empty house enveloped him. There were no approaching spiritual pressures, no squad members training outside. Juushiro shut his eyes and allowed himself to wish. He wished he could stay here, in this peaceful moment, forever.
"Shiro! Long time no see!" Juushiro started. He'd been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed Shunsui's reishi until his friend spoke.
"I saw you yesterday, Sui," Juushiro reminded the other captain.
"Technicality," Shunsui scoffed. He walked over and sat on the floor next to the futon. "Are you staying in today?" he asked.
"Yes.. but don't worry..." Juushiro answered with a smile.
"I'm sure you'll be out and about again soon," Shunsui reassured him. Juushiro frowned slightly, a small crease of confusion appearing on his forehead.
"I don't know.. about that..." his voice conveyed the same confusion as his expression.
"What do you mean?" Shunsui asked, concern creeping into his voice. "You'll get better, you always do."
"I know.. but.. it feels different.. this time.." Juushiro stated softly. He didn't know why, but something told him that he wouldn't recover from this attack.
"You mean... you think this is the last time?" It wasn't really a question. Juushiro just nodded in response and the two of them lapsed into a thoughtful silence. Both had known this day would come. Juushiro had long ago given up the hope that he might be cured. He and Shunsui had even discussed the day when there would only be one of them left. Shunsui was prepared. Mostly.
"You're breaking your promise, you know," Shunsui stated. There was no teasing note in his voice. For once, the lazy man was completely serious.
"What promise...?" Juushiro asked with a slight cough.
"You promised me you'd die in battle," Shunsui reminded him, "So I could go down with you."
"Oh.. that promise.." When they were in the Academy they had discussed it and agreed that it was best for them to die together.
"I'm sorry.." Juushiro murmured, "I.. tried my best.." He coughed again, harder this time.
"I know you did... I just wish this had worked out as planned." Shunsui's eyes were shadowed by his hat. If Juushiro saw how much pain this was causing him, the kind man would feel guilty about something he couldn't help. His friend didn't need those emotions. He needed to be at peace.
"I wish that too," Juushiro sighed, "It would have been.. easier.." He began to cough again, violently. Blood came up almost immediately and he grimaced inwardly at the taste. He was used to it of course, but that didn't mean he liked it. The coughing continued and he doubled over, spraying the sheets with splotches of crimson. Shunsui grasped Juushiro's shoulders. Finally the coughs abated and Juushiro leaned back slowly. He shut his eyes and waited for the piercing pain to recede. It did. But very slowly. When he opened his eyes, Shunsui was watching him concernedly. But he didn't say anything, merely handed Juushiro his tea. The other took the cup and drank some gratefully. There was a moment of silence before Juushiro said,
"I'm sorry, Sui."
"Don't apologize for things you can't help, Shiro. We both knew this would happen. You have nothing to be sorry about."
Juushiro sighed and said, "I still feel.. that I owe you an apology.."
"You don't," Shunsui stated simply, "Don't worry about it." He smiled then, to put the other man at ease. Juushiro smiled back slowly. An understanding had been reached between the two.
The screen slid open again, allowing Sentarou, Kiyone and Unohana to enter.
"I brought Unohana-taichou as you said, taichou!" Sentarou yelled with triumph.
"I brought her too, Ukitake-taichou!" Kiyone cried.
"Thank you.. Kiyone, Sentarou.." Juushiro said with another smile, "Good morning, Unohana-sempai."
"Good morning, Ukitake-san," the female taichou replied, "Keep your voices down, you two," Unohana admonished. The ever-present smile graced her face but it made her no less stern. The two third seats meekly sat at the end of the futon. Unohana walked over and sat on the edge of the futon. Healing kidou immediately bloomed around her hands and she placed them over Juushiro's chest. A slight frown crossed her usually passive face. After a minute or two she pulled back and looked up at her charge.
"I'm afraid the damage has progressed too far for any of the usual treatments to be effective," Unohana's expression was a mixture of professional indifference and regret.
"How much time.. do I have.. left..?" Juushiro asked.
"I'd say you have ten hours, at the most. I'm very sorry," her voice never wavered but the regret in it was clear.
"It's alright.. sempai.." the dying taichou reassured her, "I'm.. very grateful.. for the you've already.. given me.." The sentiment was followed by a harsh coughing fit. Juushiro clutched at the sheets, his knuckles turning white. His other hand flew up to cover his mouth. Blood trickled between his fingers and the crimson droplets fell onto the thin yukata he wore. The pain lanced through his body anew. Presently the coughs stopped and he stayed still for a minute, hoping the pain would subside.
"I can lessen the discomfort, if you like," Unohana offered compassionately. Juushiro just nodded. Kidou bloomed at the medic's fingertips again and she applied it to his lungs. A cool sensation replaced the ache in his chest and Juushiro released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He smiled at Unohana in thanks. She just nodded kindly and left the room.
Kiyone and Sentarou departed to lead the officer's training, promising to return as soon as they could. Over the next few hours, people drifted in and out. Rukia, Sensei, Byakuya, even Hitsugaya stopped in to talk for a few minutes. No one actually said goodbye but they all knew what was coming. He smiled at all of them putting them somewhat at ease. However, no matter how hard he tried he could not ease the grief that had already settled around their shoulders like a smothering fog. It troubled Juushiro that he was causing their sadness and he mentioned it to Shunsui.
"You can't do anything about it, Shiro," his friend reassured him, "Don't worry about them so much."
"I can't help it.." Juushiro replied, "I want people.. to be happy.."
"They will be. This is just a little patch of sadness. It'll pass in time." The eight division captain smiled at his friend.
"You're right.. Thank you.. Sui.." Juushiro smiled back and then shivered. Though it was a fairly warm spring day, a penetrating cold had seeped into his entire being. And he was tired. A heavy, smothering weariness that he couldn't shake off. Juushiro lay down on his back and smiled at Shunsui.
"I'm going to rest.. before Kiyone and Sentarou.. come back.." Shunsui nodded and smiled. "I'll be here when you wake up."
Juushiro's eyes slowly closed as he drifted into unconsciousness. Minutes passed and Shunsui watched as his long time friend's breathing slowed and finally stopped. The breath had forever left his tortured lungs ad Seireitei had lost a captain. Shunsui sat there beside his friend for a long time after he had gone. The sun set and the room was bathed in red. The captain finally got up slowly and left his friend's empty shell. Juushiro Ukitake was at peace at last and perhaps Shunsui would join him soon.