A/N A Hermione and Draco story with a little more realism. Something I would like to read myself.
Summary: In which Malfoy catches Hermione reading a sex book in the Restricted Section and years of suppressed emotions start tumbling out, leaving two teenagers reeling in the throes of first love at the turn of an imploding war.
Warning: This is canon until the end of the 6th book. I deviate with the 7th. Everyone comes back to Hogwarts as the war against Voldemort is brewing.
Also will contain references to a slash pairing and scenes with rather graphic sex. Thus the M-rating.
Inspired by the song 'Rise up' by Andra Day.
Malfoy's POV - At the end of the day, I was still a Malfoy. She couldn't change that.
Seeing the vague shadow in the Restricted Section, I rolled my eyes. Of course. Only Granger would be wandering about in the library at one in the morning. As much as I refused to sneak behind her like some naughty schoolboy, my innate lack of maturity urged to me to inch closer and see what she was doing before docking points.
"Are you reading a sex manual?" I said, overtly scandalised, a smirk spreading across my face. Granger jumped and swivelled to face the shadows. Her eyes narrowed; she didn't need to see me to recognise me. I knew it was due to years of bullying and emotional torture; not because she was secretly obsessed with me. I wish I could say the same for myself.
"Malfoy." Even as she spoke with that fierce pride characteristic of her voice, she couldn't stop the blush from staining the tip of her cheekbones. I leave the shadows to lean against the bookcase.
"You and Weasley taking the next step? How quaint."
I hoped all she could hear was cruel disdain and not crippling jealously. Apparently they had started dating at the start of our 7th year. My stomach crimped at the thought of the lumbering Gryffindor jackass laying in bed with the only woman who had kept my attention for 4 years – since that stunning punch in the face. The Yule Ball did not help.
"None of your business," Granger hissed, raising the book to place it back where it belonged.
"Come on, maybe I can help," I leered.
Of course, ideally, I would let her walk away. Not dock points. Impress her with kindness or whatever it was that Gryffindors appreciated in men. Instead I wanted to let the conversation going for just that bit longer. It was what usually got me in trouble. This desire of mine tended to lead to her snarling in some way or other.
Instead I imagine what it would be like if I wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her, in this quiet corner of the library. The fantasy unravelled in my head. Tonight that fantasy would keep my hand busy and my dick more interested than anything Pansy could do stark naked.
Granger sighed. "It's really not some juicy story that you can spread to humiliate us so can you just walk away for tonight?"
I resisted the urge to step backward. A civil conversation was too unexpected for my poor heart to handle. I couldn't enjoy it; not when she sounded so defeated. It sounded so unexpected and terrible.
"Is something – wrong?" I asked, not even needing to layer my tone with concern; it already dripped with it. This is what she did. She made me care.
Granger glanced at me suspiciously and sighed. Her eyes screened the titles of the other books with practise swiftness. "Nothing really." She turned to me, and her eyes sparked with some emotion I couldn't understand and one that would haunt me for the years to come. "I just thought sex was supposed to be fun."
Before I could react she slipped past me and through the entrance of the library.
Granger's POV - Men enjoyed destroying the pieces of my heart I entrusted them with.
I settled at the breakfast table in front of Ron and Harry. It was almost 10 am on a Saturday so, even though most of the food was gone, there were still students bustling about. Ron refused to look at me. I tried not to feel angry or ashamed or frustrated with his treatment. My eyes prickled suspiciously.
"What is the matter with you two?" Harry demanded suddenly, making Ron glare at him. After all, Harry's policy tended to be exasperated but neutral. He tended to leave us to it when it came to our train-wreck relationship.
"Nothing," Ron mumbled into his pumpkin juice.
"Fine, don't tell. Ruin our friendship. I don't care anymore." He threw down his napkin and with one last glare at the both of us, he walked away.
I stared at his back in mild surprise. He wasn't really prone to dramatic displays like that. Unfortunately, Malfoy and his crew were walking in at the same time. I glanced away without a blush but not before the blond flashed a quick grin that had my head puzzled and my abdomen fluttering.
"It's not us. He had a fight with Ginny last night," Ron said, subdued. It was familiar and yet bizarre to see that quiet, sad smile on his usually grinning freckled face.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
Ron nodded and glanced at the large grandfather clock. "Come on. It's sunny out, let's go by the Lake." He swiped two muffins from the table, shoving them in his pockets. I followed after him and refused to sneak a peek at the Slytherin table.
He was an unnecessary complication.
"I'm sorry," Ron blurted out as soon as we had reached relative privacy. The leaves left fluttering shadows and a chillness pre-empting the coming winter. Ron took one look at me and threw his coat onto my shoulder. It was heavy and warm and smelled like him. The tears really were threatening to spill over now.
"It's ok. I just don't know what happened," I said.
Us dating hadn't changed the frequency of our fights. I had expected us to be more like our usual self – him ruthless in his defensiveness, and me vicious in my sensitiveness. Instead we were both too exhausted and defeated.
"Me neither," he said although I could hear a false cheer in his voice. It was starting to grate on my nerves.
"Ron," I warned. "Just tell me. I – " I hesitated, then blurted the words neither of us had said in the few weeks since we had started dating at the start of our 7th year. "I love you."
He whipped around to face me and he looked pained. "I just don't think – I think I need – "
He was going to dump me. I could feel it. He stumbled over the words and I refused to help him. Dump me, fine. But don't be a coward about it.
"I need space," Ron choked out. "I can't do this anymore."
I've known it was coming since last night but crap. It still bloody hurt.
"Why?" I asked, throwing the coat back into his chest. It was cold but I didn't care. It only reminded me of what I was about to lose. "I thought we were good." Until last night. "Was it too soon? I thought sex was all guys thought about," I joked but it fell flat as Ron stared down at his shoes.
"You'll find someone better," he said in a whisper and I finally succumbed to the urge to hit him. The first landed on his arm, the next few on his chest as he twisted towards me.
"I want you," I snarled with such anger it didn't lend much credence to the statement. "But not if you don't have the guts to tell me the truth. What? Did you fall in love with someone else? Do you not find me attractive? Are you gay? I don't care. Whatever it is I'll accept it. I'll accept it more than this crap you're feeding me about deserving better. What a cop out."
When Ron just grabbed my wrists to shield himself but refused to offer an explanation. I just shook my head in disgust and climbed back up the hill, away from my best friend and the first person to chip away at my heart. Whoever said whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger was a liar. I survived my first heartbreak and I didn't feel stronger.
It took days before I could sit next to Ron again. Poor Harry was sitting in no-man's land and looking miserable as he did.
Ron still refused to talk to me. As though somehow I was responsible for the disaster that had befallen our friendship. The bell rang as Defense against the Dark Arts ended, and I grabbed my books without bothering to pack them in my bag to escape the stifling room.
The library was a welcome haven.
If only Malfoy hadn't decided to grace me with his presence. I pointedly turned away but he still settled in front of me. Only Miss Pince was in attendance and with the way my table was tucked away, no one could see us. I thought it would give me much needed privacy. I was wrong.
"Yes?" I asked when he refused to move.
"You're right," he said, looking down at the notes I had spread out. He didn't seem particularly interested in keeping track of the conversation.
"I usually am," I joked, the words slipping out. In the first few years at Hogwarts I had learnt not to tell your jokes. It tended to backfire or fall flat. Most people just thought I was arrogant or a moron. Neither were images I wanted to perpetuate.
He smiled. It was curious. Twice now, I had seen that little curl of his mouth that portrayed pure joy instead of the mixture of emotions his face usually depicted – most rather malicious.
He glanced up. "Sex is supposed to be fun."
I blinked. "Oh." I scratched my brain and remembered our night-time encounter that was fuzzy with everything else that had happened in those few days. "Oh, don't worry about that. I was just being dramatic and philosophical."
"There's nothing philosophical about it. You're supposed to enjoy sex. When done right, it's marvellous."
I really wished he would stop saying sex. It sounded horrifyingly wonderfully dirty coming out of his elitist mouth.
"Doesn't matter anymore anyway, he dumped me," I muttered and clamped my mouth shut with an instinctive hand.
"The whole school heard about your breakup. I think Slytherins are responsible for most of the rumours about the exact details of what happened."
"They probably know more than I do." My mouth really was getting away with me. Malfoy seemed like the last choice on earth for emotional diarrhoea but between him and Ginny or Harry, he was a Pope in a confession booth.
"Anyway," he said, still leaning forwards, much too closely. "Of course it matters. It's not like Ron's the only one you'll ever sleep with."
I dropped my head towards my books. Ugh. Those words coming out of someone beautiful who had enjoyed mocking me from the clothes I wore to the blood running through my veins, sounded so fake.
"Why, you offering?" I asked with exasperation. Hopefully he'll be horrified with tainting his perfect Pureblood penis and will stop bothering me. I couldn't have someone wanting to listen to my problems. It would implode in my face, I just knew it.
He reached out a pale finger to lightly touch my chin. I tipped my face up with surprise. Malfoy grinned. "Yes."
A/N What do you guys think? Just a little prologue to what'll be a multi-chapter but with short chapters most likely because I don't have the patience. Review if you have time. I'm mostly concerned with characterisation and of course whether it's interesting.
Thanks.