Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own GAINAX's FLCL
Chapter One: 星を見上げれば (While Looking up at the Stars)
It is pretty easy to play baseball, I always thought it was something that you had to be good at. Like you were just born with this amazing talent to always hit the ball every single time and have it just sore far away, further then you could have ever even dreamed of going before, or at least that is how my brother seemed to make it like. He was amazing, he made everyone look like they had just started playing even if they had years of playing over him, he still made look like they didn't know what they were doing... he was always our star player, our secret weapon. But since then I have learned better, I learned how to actually swing the bat. You just have to keep an eye on that pitcher and the ball they are about to throw at you. Just standing there, you have to predict how it will come at you, and then when you see the pitcher make their move, you simply close your eyes and imagine that far off place, and then when you open your eyes, you can see for yourself if your dream had came true. That is how Haruko taught me to play, like it didn't matter if you hit the ball or not.. just that you had enuff courage to actually swing the bat, and as I look back on it now, I wonder if that is how my brother played too; if he wasn't really this amazing player, that really he just wanted to get away from everything... from Mabase... from us. Maybe that is why he left, maybe he wanted to find out where all those homeruns he hit were... and if it was better then living here.
I can still see it, the Medical Mechanica building. I was a little annoyed when they announced that there were plans to fully rebuild it but I can understand why they would want to, I mean it was good for the whole town and since they don't have Atomks anymore, it isn't like they are any real problem. All they do is ship out medical supplies now. In fact, when we were rebuilding Mabase it was the Medical Mechanica company that helped mostly by providing resources and immediate medical attention to those that had been hurt. They even have a door now. So I guess everything's back to the way it was before. Nothing amazing happens here anymore, only the everyday mundane stuff. It's like a big, wide, boring world. And still, at the same hour everyday, that white smoke billows out from the top of the Medical Mechanica building. However this time, I don't see it as so ominous anymore. But that thin layer of smoke so wide... it still covers the entire town. Like a blanket that itches way too much;and you just want it to go away from it but you don't want to be cold either, so you keep it anyway because you don't want to go find something else.
Makes me wonder about how adults think. Like a storm of butterflies, you only watch were it is safe as nothing happens at all down below.
I guess that a lot has changed though. Haruko isn't here anymore, grandfather went missing, Mamimi actually went home, Ninamori came back to school and has been hanging out with us again, and the school makes us wear uniforms now. It seems different here yet still the same. I wonder if it has to do with Haruko leaving, I have weird dreams about her every-now-and-again. They started as just things that I remembered, things that I enjoyed while I was with her, but after a while it started to be things that I didn't remember, like everything was happening over again in my dreams. I see it happen and I believe it while it is, but then I wake up and I'm not sure if it was really real or if I am just still dreaming. I can still see her... as she drove away into the sky. I wonder if she cared if I was still just standing there, on the ground, just watching as she drifted away not knowing if she would ever come back. I had a dream where the same thing kinda happened though, I was high up in the sky and I felt so wonderful, like I understood everything that I wasn't supposed to yet, and that feeling was wonderful, but Haruko was there too, and with this feeling I had, I wasn't sure I really liked her, like I didn't know if what I was feeling was really coming from me anymore, but I did want her, so I gave up that feeling so I could know if it was really my intuition or not... but when I reached out for her, she just stood there and watched as a fell back to earth. Ever since she left, I feel like something isn't right in the world, like something is missing. I don't think that I care about Mamimi anymore, and even though Ninamori seems to want to be around me more that Haruko and Mamimi left, I don't think I can be with her either. Like I'm empty inside ever since she left... and all I can do is just sit here alone.. just sit here and look at the stars and wonder what she is doing.
That isn't fair either though, not to Ninamori, or to myself. I don't really know what I want anymore... lately I just sit here by my window and watch the city. The lights, like fireflies caught in a jar, they desperately try to escape but can't see that they are all trapped, or stale bread that gets put up for sale so someone will buy it just because it is cheaper, and how everyday you wake up to the same alarm sounding off at the same time. So boring, it should only be natural to want something to happen, something to change. Gunpowder will get used even if it isn't to shot someone, it just seems like it begs to be used even if you know not to. You still want the change, even though if you fire the shot all the butterflies and fireflies will fly away, you still want to. But no, I just sit here at my window, waiting for dinner like I always do... I might take a nap this time though.